Chapter 1 #2
‘But then Di told me just how wrong we were. Dad took his anger out on him a lot, and if anything, Dhruv had it worse in ways we didn’t realise. Out of the three of us, it seems he was the only one who actually hoped Karthik Kashyap could be a good father, and got burned for it.’
A thoughtful frown settled on Maithili’s face. ‘Kids who grow up with emotionally absent, or worse, abusive parents often carry a sea of pain inside them.’
Kashvi let out a sigh. ‘I don’t know how Dhruv lived through that and still functions like a normal human being. I understand his rage a little more now, so yeah, I suppose I don’t hate him anymore.’
‘I’m really glad to hear that. Considering how complicated your history is, this is great progress,’ Maithili said, offering an encouraging smile.
She shook her head firmly. ‘Progress or not, Dhruv still has a long way to go before he can be my brother. I respect very few men, and like even fewer, so we’ll see.’
A teasing smile spread across Maithili’s face. ‘So, what about your roommate, Swayam? Do you like him?’
Kashvi stammered, ‘I… I don’t know what you mean.’
Maithili scoffed lightly, dragging out the word. ‘Sure. How’s living with him going?’
The silly crush she had secretly harboured on him had only worsened since he moved in with her. She blamed the smoky look in his eyes, the deep baritone of his voice, and that devastating smile of his for it.
Instead of saying that, she admitted, ‘Actually, just for now, I’ve been staying at the old apartment I used to share with Di.’
Maithili’s eyes widened, caught off guard. ‘When did this happen?’
‘Two weeks ago.’
‘So you’ve been living alone for two weeks?’ Maithili asked. ‘How come Siya didn’t discourage you from that? She knows how risky this can be with your medical history.’
Kashvi shook her head. ‘Di doesn’t know I’m back at our old place. I told everyone I was staying with a friend.’
‘But why?’
Because Swayam watched her with a quiet intensity that made her feel seen, and far too vulnerable for comfort.
‘Swayam began to notice the nightmares and panic attacks. When it got worse, I didn’t want him to see me like that anymore… so I left,’ Kashvi confessed softly.
Maithili hummed. ‘You’ve been living together for, what, several months now? And even though he’s your sister’s friend, you’re close to him too, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then I’m curious why you didn’t talk to him, instead of leaving. As your roommate, I think he should get a heads-up if you just decide to move out on a whim,’ Maithili observed, her gaze intent on her. ‘Because what it looks like is you ran away specifically to hide from him.’
Her accuracy was uncanny, but Kashvi felt it safe not to acknowledge it. ‘I haven’t told Swayam because this is only temporary. I’ll go back soon.’
Maithili’s brows knit together in quiet understanding. ‘I see. But I must admit, from what you’ve told me about him, I find it odd that he hasn’t reached out to you.’
Kashvi bit her lip. ‘Swayam has. He called every day and sent countless messages, but I only replied a few times.’
‘Is avoiding him and staying away from your home making it easier for you to manage this?’
She looked away. ‘I hoped it would, but not really.’
Kashvi thought she had a foolproof plan, but she hadn’t accounted for how sorely, constantly, miserably she would miss Swayam.
‘In that case, don’t you think it’s time for you to go back home?’ Maithili nudged gently.
Kashvi shook her head insistently. ‘Not just yet. I need a little more time.’
‘You can’t stay away from your own home indefinitely. At some point, you’ll have to face him,’ Maithili pointed out.
She lifted her chin stubbornly. ‘I’ll deal with it when it happens.’
A soft chime rang through the room, and Kashvi glanced at the clock on the wall.
Maithili leaned forward, resting her elbows on the wooden desk. ‘We’re out of time for today. Is there anything else you feel is important to discuss before we end this session?’
With a startled jerk, Kashvi remembered the messages she had been receiving at odd hours of the night from an unknown number. Their flirty undertone made her skin crawl.
But it could be a wrong number, or maybe just a prank.
Kashvi waved off the question, clinging to that logic.
Maithili measured her response for a moment. ‘Alright. We can pick this up next week. In the meantime, happy birthday in advance.’
Kashvi chuckled and acknowledged it with a nod. ‘Thank you.’
‘Your twenty-fifth year is a milestone one, so why don’t you consider taking medication for a week to manage the anxiety before it spirals into seizures again?’
It already has.
Kashvi yearned for relief, but it felt like the easy way out, and she didn’t deserve it. ‘No. I’m good.’
Maithili shot her a familiar, exasperated look. ‘I thought you might say that. For now, I’ll just prescribe a mild SOS dose. Take it if you feel an episode coming on. Okay?’
She was grateful for that anchor in the midst of the storm. ‘That works. Thanks.’
Just then, Kashvi felt her phone buzz in her jeans pocket. She pulled it out and glanced at the screen.
Luv calling.
She pressed the phone to her ear and quickly said, ‘Hey, yeah, yeah. I’ll be down in a minute.’
‘I thought you weren’t in touch with anyone from your group right now,’ Maithili said after the call ended.
‘I’m not, but my car is in the repair shop, and I needed someone to pick me up. So I asked Luv for a favour.’
As the printer whirred, Maithili studied her closely. ‘Are you experiencing that driving block again, like before?’
Kashvi stood up immediately, trying to sidestep the question. ‘Not at all. Just too tired to drive.’
‘Does he know you’re here for a session?’
‘No. Everyone knows I’m incapable of taking a day off. Kashyap Foundation Trust has a tie-up with your clinic, so I told him I had a date with paperwork.’
A faint crease appeared on Maithili’s forehead. ‘Work on a Sunday? He bought that?’
Kashvi chuckled. ‘Honestly, out of everyone in our group, Luv is the easiest to convince. He has no work-life balance either, so he gets me.’
‘I must say, I find your sister’s friend group quite fascinating. I look forward to hearing their stories,’ Maithili said.
‘They’ve come to be like family to me too. It amazes me sometimes how at ease I feel around them. Swayam and Meera, especially. Luv too.’
Maithili suggested gently. ‘Maybe you should hang out with them more often then.’
Kashvi caught sight of her reflection in the mirror on the wall behind Maithili, and she nearly gasped.
The sleepless night showed in the shadows beneath her deep brown eyes and the puffiness around her cheekbones.
Her long dark hair fell over her shoulders in an unruly, tangled mess, and her slender frame only made her look more fragile than she wanted.
Even the bright yellow dress she wore could not hide the dullness in her skin.
‘Yeah, maybe,’ Kashvi murmured. ‘Meet me for coffee someday. I’ll tell you their top ten stories.’
‘Can’t wait,’ Maithili laughed. She handed her the printed prescription and said, ‘Make sure to keep the tablet with you at all times. If you need to talk, call me. It doesn’t have to wait until the next session.’
‘I will,’ Kashvi said sincerely.
‘Take care of yourself.’
Kashvi inclined her head. ‘I’ll see you next week.’
She picked up her purse and walked to the door. Just as she twisted the handle, Maithili called out her name.
Kashvi turned around to see the unwavering belief in her eyes. ‘You don’t have to do this alone. Isolating yourself won’t heal your old wounds, so don’t do that. You deserve a far better life than this.’
Maybe in my next life.
‘I got it,’ she said instead.
With a nod, Kashvi closed the door behind her, but she still couldn’t stop the words from following after her.