Chapter 13 #3
He gathered her closer, driven by the need to make sure she was really okay. ‘And right now, I feel the same. Watching you go through something I don’t understand, not knowing what to say or how to help… it feels absolutely wrong.’
Kashvi looked away as she mumbled, ‘I’m sorry.’
He slid his finger beneath her chin, gently guiding her back to look at him. ‘Don’t apologise, baby. It’s just… I worry about you. Have some mercy on me. I don’t think my heart can take it if you keep hiding things from me.’
‘I thought this seizure thing was over. I hadn’t had them for years,’ she whispered.
‘But now it’s back?’ Swayam asked, trailing his finger gently along her jaw.
‘It started again… a few weeks ago,’ Kashvi confessed in a low voice.
A few weeks. He swallowed hard.
‘Do you have any idea what could have triggered it again?’ he asked softly.
‘I don’t know,’ she said, her gaze fixed on the balcony over his shoulder. ‘Maithili thinks it could be because of stress.’
‘Who’s that?’ he asked, confused.
‘My therapist. I’ve been seeing her again. She thinks the nightmares, the stress, the long nights… have regressed into psychogenic seizures, just like when I was younger.’
Swayam sighed. ‘You’ve been dealing with this, and I had no idea,’ he said, trying to keep the strain out of his voice, though some of it slipped through.
‘I didn’t want you to worry,’ Kashvi murmured.
‘So you thought the best way to deal with this was to run away to your old apartment and hide from me?’
‘I wasn’t hiding. I was protecting you,’ she said quietly.
‘From what?’
Kashvi gave him the sharpest glare she could manage.
‘Swayam, two weeks ago, I found you asleep in the middle of your breakfast. You’d stayed up the entire night before talking to me because I was too much of a coward to sleep after a nightmare.
You even handed in two manuscripts late because you were too exhausted to work.
I couldn’t stay and watch your life become chaotic because of me. ’
‘Don’t decide that for me. If this is what’s going on in your life, then I choose to be a part of it, even if it means staying up all night with you.’
‘I just… didn’t want to feel like a burden,’ she admitted, the words slipping out in quiet resignation.
A sharp, protective ache tightened in his chest, and his voice dropped. ‘You’re not. You could never be that.’
She was about to argue, but he stopped her with a finger pressed against her lips. ‘Trust me. Even if it’s just enough to let me take care of you. You’re the one I choose to be with all my life, and I need you to stop shutting me out.’
She sighed. ‘I’ll try.’
‘That’s all I’m asking for,’ he said, placing a soft kiss to her forehead.
Kashvi yawned, barely able to keep her eyes open. She still looked pale and drained, yet even now, in the aftermath of everything, he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever known.
‘You can talk to me about your nightmares too, you know. I think it might help,’ he urged softly.
Kashvi let out a small, breathy chuckle. ‘Maithili says the same thing, but I don’t see the point in talking more about bad memories my mind already refuses to let go of.’
‘The point is that you shouldn’t have to carry it all alone.’
‘I don’t know. I just… never could. Not even with Siya.’
‘I understand. I just want you to know I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk about it,’ he said. ‘What else has your therapist suggested?’
‘She thinks I should go on medication to deal with the chaotic cocktail of my issues.’
‘What about the med I gave you?’
‘That’s SOS medication. I only take it when it gets… too much. I told her no for daily ones,’ she said, the words fading into another yawn.
She rested heavily against him, her eyes fluttering shut. Swayam adjusted the blanket around her, tucking it in gently.
‘Why would you say no to the meds?’ he voiced the question niggling at his mind.
‘Because I deserve to pay for it,’ Kashvi mumbled, yawning loudly enough to tell him the medication was pulling her under.
‘Pay for what?’ he asked softly.
‘The accident.’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked, but she had already gone slack in his arms, her only response the quiet rhythm of her breathing.
That left him more unsettled. Swayam had seen the toll those nightmares took on her, how she grew restless after sunset and couldn’t sleep without the lights on.
Yet she refused help because she believed she had to pay.
Everyone made mistakes, and Kashvi was not someone who ran from hers. He had seen her face consequences without flinching, but this… this was different.
What could she possibly be punishing herself for?
Kashvi snored lightly, telling him he would get no answers tonight.
He exhaled slowly, trying to ease the tension from his body as he pressed another kiss to her forehead. ‘We’ll figure it out, baby. I promise,’ he whispered, lingering there for a moment.
He would not rush her, but neither would he let her carry this alone. Not anymore.
After all, she was his wife, and the only woman who had ever ruled his heart.