Chapter 22 #3
‘Yes, you are! It feels like I’m going to die in the next moment because I can’t take it anymore. Do you want to know why? Because whatever twisted sense of happiness you think you’re giving me by doing all this is only breaking my heart.’
‘All I want is for you to be happy and safe, and I know I can’t give that to you,’ she mumbled in a raspy voice as a tear slipped free.
Swayam wiped it away with his thumb. ‘I don’t want anything more from you than what you’re willing to give. I would never do that to you. But I can promise you that I’m happy with the way things are. I can only be happy with you. Isn’t that enough?’
It was more than she’d ever believed she deserved.
Her chest rose sharply, urging her to close the distance, to grab his hand and never let go, to finally say the words she’d been suppressing for far too long.
And how was she supposed to tell him that the reason she couldn’t say any of it was his own cousin?
‘You need to listen to me. We’re never going to work, and that’s because of who I am.’
When Swayam looked ready to argue, she stopped him. ‘Just trust me on this. Go to the ceremony, meet this girl, and give her a real chance. That’s best for everyone.’
A thick, suffocating beat passed before he asked, ‘And when she asks me if I’m single, what do I say?’
‘You say yes,’ she choked out.
His brows pulled together in disbelief. ‘You want me to lie to her?’
Kashvi shook her head, feeling like she was drowning. ‘It won’t stay a lie for long. If you like her, I’ll arrange the divorce papers immediately. You won’t have to worry about anything.’
Swayam went completely rigid, as though she’d struck him. ‘Do you even hear yourself right now, Kash?’
Her throat burned with the scream she was swallowing. ‘I do. It’s the only way,’ she whispered, her gaze dropping to the platinum wedding band still on his finger.
When she tried to slip it off him, Swayam jerked his hand away from her as if she’d burned him. ‘What the hell are you doing?’
Kashvi blinked at his outburst, her hand still hovering between them. ‘If you go wearing this, you’ll look married.’
‘I am married!’ Swayam snapped, nearly dragging a hand through his hair.
‘You know that’s not what I meant,’ she said quietly.
He let out a humourless laugh. ‘I don’t care what you meant. You’ve lost it if you think I would ever take this off.’
She held onto his hands, trying to reason with him. ‘You can’t start a new life while you’re still tied to your old one.’
His expression darkened further, anger bleeding through as Swayam brought a hand to the back of her neck. He ran his thumb along her nape until he pressed against a small lump beneath the fabric. ‘Is that why you’re still wearing your mangalsutra, Kash?’
She instinctively lifted her hand to where the mangalsutra rested beneath her high neck. Kashvi stayed quiet, because anything she said would either be a lie or far too close to the truth.
‘You thought I wouldn’t notice? I saw it the second you drove up to me,’ he said, toying with the metal clasp at her back. ‘So tell me, why are you still wearing something that ties you to me? The one thing that says you’re mine in every lifetime? Why?’
Because she hadn’t been able to sever ties with him in a way that felt too permanent.
‘Fine, don’t take it off. Just keep your hand in your pocket,’ she said, because there was no answer she could give him that wouldn’t put him at risk. ‘Go now. It’s late.’
‘But it’s not too late for you to stop this,’ he urged, a light sheen of tears blooming in his eyes. ‘Whatever game this is supposed to be, you win.’
‘Do you think I’m playing a game with you?’ Kashvi demanded, wiping her tears with the back of her fist.
‘No, but the universe is. Just yesterday, I was married to the girl I...’ He trailed off, looking away to compose himself. ‘And today she’s telling me she’ll divorce me so I can marry someone else.’
‘How is that fair, Kash? Tell me, how is any of this fair?’ he asked, unguarded, his emotions laid bare.
‘No, it’s not,’ she confessed, because it was true. He had only been dragged into this because of her, and now he was paying for something he’d played no part in.
Swayam held her by the shoulders, the plea unmistakable in his voice. ‘Then just stop this. Tell me not to go. Tell me to stay with you. Tell me I’m yours, and that’s it.’
The world narrowed to that single moment.
He was asking her to claim him, and God, she wanted to. The words clawed at her throat, urgent and desperate, begging to be let out, but she couldn’t.
Her hand trembled as she lifted it to the corner of her eye where her kohl had smudged. She dragged her fingertip along it, gathering the dark stain.
Then Kashvi reached up and pressed the smudge behind his ear, whispering a silent prayer that it would shield him from the evil eye.
He started shaking his head, his lips trembling as a tear slipped from his eye.
Unable to bear the sight, Kashvi turned and walked away before she could lose the last scraps of control she had left.
And this time, to her relief and agony, Swayam let her go.