Chapter Ten #2
After dinner we head back to Seth’s house and take a walk on the beach.
It’s quiet, save for the sounds of the waves and the whisper of palm fronds as we walk barefoot along the cool sand, our sandals dangling from our hands.
Moonlight shimmers on the water, lights flicker on boats in the distance, and Seth’s thumb traces an entrancing path along the back of my hand.
I have the strange thought that this is what peace feels like.
It hits as unexpectedly as the man beside me.
I keep trying to figure out if Seth is different from what I thought he’d be like, and I realize I never let myself wonder that deeply.
I’m glad I didn’t, because nothing could have prepared me for him.
This feels like a dream, too good to be true.
In a way it is. Guilt creeps up on me for the umpteenth time, edging the peacefulness with discomfort.
Seth brushes his shoulder against mine. “Penny for your thoughts.”
“I was just thinking about how far away this is from my real life. Is it selfish of me to want to soak in every second of this time away?”
“No.” He holds my hand a little tighter. “But even if it were, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.”
I wonder if he’d say that if he knew the truth about my identity. “What are the parameters for that? I mean, we can’t be selfish all the time, obviously, but when is it okay? What makes it okay?”
He flashes an easy smile. “I think it’s probably different for everyone, but you do for others all day in your job, and caring for someone who doesn’t want to be cared for is a thankless, even if vital, act of love, which I can only imagine is exhausting.
So in my opinion, taking a few days to rejuvenate will make you better at both when you get back.
” He slides his arm around my waist, pulling me against his side, and says, “And selfishly, I want you to put yourself first for the next two days.”
I cling to that like a lifeline.
“You realize,” he says quietly, “we’ve done a full day’s work at having fun.”
I smile. “I didn’t know that was possible.”
“Maybe we’ve set a new standard.” He leans in for a kiss.
When we fall into step again, I let my worries go and allow myself to revel in our time together. The tide creeps up the beach, cool against our ankles, then slips away. Every few minutes, the waves catch tiny blue glitters of light.
“Did you see those lights? What is that?” I ask.
“It’s called bioluminescence. It happens when the water’s stirred up. Microscopic organisms emit a glowing blue light. It’s their natural defense, to scare off predators.”
“If I were a predator, it wouldn’t scare me away. It’s beautiful.”
“So are you,” he says, and kisses my cheek.
I should be used to his compliments by now. He’s given me more in twenty-four hours than I’ve ever gotten from anyone. But I’m not used to them, and I’m glad, because each one feels like a gift. I tuck this one away with all the others to hold me over after we go back to our real lives.
We walk so far down the beach, I can see the lights of the town before heading back toward the house.
In the silence between conversations, the guilt piles up.
Seth deserves honesty, but he also deserves a little peace.
I know how hard he works, and I don’t want to ruin this weekend for him, either.
I decide to tell him the truth after the weekend, and whatever he decides, I know I’ll deserve it.
When we reach the lounger at the foot of the hill below his house, we drop our sandals beside it and climb on. I have never felt this in sync with anyone. We stretch out side by side, our shoulders touching, and Seth pulls out his phone.
“Are you sure I’m not keeping you from work?” I ask.
“You’re definitely keeping me from work,” he says with a sly grin as he taps his phone screen. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way.” The cover of the pergola rolls back, giving us a glorious view of the clear sky and bright stars.
“Wow, that’s fancy,” I say.
“Just useful,” he says humbly, and pockets his phone.
As he settles beside me, he slides his arm around me, gathering me closer. I’ve never been with a man who was so affectionate. It’s kind of addicting with him, like everything else is. I rest my head on his shoulder and say, “What is it about the sky that makes anything seem possible?”
“When we were little, we’d all lie in the grass staring up at the stars, and Victory and my mom would always wish on them.”
“You didn’t?”
“I can’t really remember, but if I did, it wasn’t often.”
I turn on my side, resting my hand on his chest. “I’d imagine you were too busy thinking about how to reach them.”
He smiles. “Probably. My grandfather used to say that stars don’t make wishes possible. They remind us that we’re part of something bigger, and that makes us try harder to achieve whatever it is that feels impossible at that moment.”
“He sounds very wise.”
“He is. When we were kids, he and my dad taught us how to navigate by the stars. Flynn was obsessed with it, and it’s served him well. He spent years living off the grid. He can find his way anywhere just by looking up.”
“That’s so far out of the realm of what I know, I can’t imagine having those skills.”
“You could learn how if you wanted to. It’s about learning to trust what’s constant. The stars don’t lie.”
Though spoken softly, his words rustle my guilt. The stars might not lie, but I did, and being here, wrapped up in him, feels like a sin even the night can see.
He shifts onto his side, sliding his arm beneath my cheek, and looks at me for a long, quiet moment. Just long enough to tuck that sin away. “What about you, sweets? Did you wish on stars when you were a little girl camping in the woods?”
A pang of longing washes through me, and for some reason, I admit one of the things I miss most. “My mother and I used to. I guess it’s a mother-daughter thing,” I say, trying to make light of it.
His gaze turns thoughtful, and he puts his other arm around me, pulling me closer. “Did you continue wishing on stars after she left?”
I shake my head. “It seemed pointless.”
“You never wished for her to come back?”
“No. I’m sure that makes me a horrible daughter, but she broke me.
She made everything I thought I knew about family and love into a lie.
I was too brokenhearted.” Emotions stack up inside me, but I want him to know the real me, even if not by name.
“I could barely figure out how to breathe without her. Nothing made sense, and the only way to get past that was to accept that she made her choice knowing exactly what it would do to us. If her leaving taught me one thing, it’s that wishes aren’t always meant to come true. ”
“I hate that you feel that way.” He rubs his nose along mine and kisses me softly.
His tone is pure understanding, which should comfort me, and it does, but coming from a family that brushes things under the carpet and soldiers on, I’m not used to it.
So I turn the tables, hoping to do just that.
“Don’t be. You don’t even remember wishing on stars.
They’re not that important. I mean, what are wishes, anyway?
They’re whimsical, fleeting hopes you send out to the universe.
You have no control over them, unlike dreams, which are goals and aspirations, and in my eyes, far more important.
Even if, as a kid, some dreams seem wildly impossible and unattainable, they’re still goals. ”
His brows knit. “I never thought about it that way.”
“Look at me teaching the man who built an empire something new.” That earns a sexy smile. “Did you have any wild, impossible dreams when you were a kid?”
“I never wanted to be an astronaut, if that’s what you mean.
But I did have epic dreams. I wanted to learn skills that would make me totally self-sufficient in life and business.
I’m not the type to live in the woods and kill for my dinner, although I learned those skills because my parents were teaching them, and as you know, I’m a freak for learning new things. ”
“Life, I get, but what does that mean for business? You wanted to wield a calculator like a pro? Use spreadsheets to take over the world?”
“You never know when life skills will help in business.” He grins.
“I wanted to be able to do everything. I learned to tie knots and build shelters before I could spell them, and I could navigate by compass and constellations before I had a driver’s license.
Maybe not as well as Flynn, but that’s okay.
I picked up bits of languages everywhere we lived—at least enough to trade, negotiate, or get myself out of trouble.
That’s a great life and business skill, by the way.
If something broke, I didn’t want to wait on anyone to fix it.
It didn’t matter if it was a fishing spear or an engine, and that’s another thing.
If it moved, I wanted to learn to drive it.
Not only cars and trucks, but boats, planes, and helicopters. ”
The passion in his voice tells me exactly how important this is to him. “And did you? Can you do all those things?”
“Hell yes. If I set a goal, I’m going to achieve it.”
I’ve known that about him for years. “We’re alike in that way, even if my achievements are smaller and more family bound. But if you can do all that, was the story Missick told me about you almost spearing your foot not true?”
“No. It was true, but it wasn’t because I couldn’t do it. As I said, I didn’t want to kill the fish, and I did slip on a rock trying to avoid them.”
Sighing inwardly, I want to crawl inside this man and never leave. “You really do have the skills of a shark and the heart of a dolphin. Does this mean you’re an adventurer at heart, too?”
“Maybe a little, but it was never about adventure. It was about control. Knowing I could fix, drive, or survive almost anything.”