19. Chapter Ninteen
Chapter Ninteen
A sharp sting seized Gigi’s throat. Had she been a complete fool? Was Harris pushing her away? He was distant and wrapped up in his own thoughts—completely different from the engaging, affectionate man he’d been with her just the other night. What had changed in a few short days?
“Maybe I should go,” she determined, feeling her own defenses rise. Was she wrong to think there was something special between them? Maybe Harris didn’t want the same things she did. Maybe he didn’t want her. Gigi’s chest clenched at the thought of his rejection. She’d finally opened her heart, and it was about to be swatted to the ground.
Dropping her hand, she stepped back, feeling like she couldn’t reach him, wherever his mind was.
“Please stay,” Harris said, and she stilled when he took her hand.
Harris curled his fingers around hers, and they stood there, locked together with a simple grasp, surrounded by a slurry of emotions. In that moment, the raw vulnerability in his stare struck her. It gave her pause, even though she had a strong urge to back away. She had to know what he was thinking before more walls flew up.
Taking a deep breath, Gigi steadied her own fears in an attempt to understand him. “Harris, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
His jaw clenched, and he swallowed. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, and Gigi braced herself for what he was about to say.
“I haven’t been honest with you.” He tightened his grip on her hand, like he knew she was about to pull away.
Her stomach bottomed out, heavy with uncertainty. “You haven’t been honest? You’ve been lying to me?”
“No. I didn’t lie.” He shook his head. “I just didn’t expect to fall for you, and that brings a whole different perspective to why I’m here. There’s a lot I didn’t tell you.”
Her heart fluttered at the first part of his confession, but the sting of his distance was still fresh in her head, so she tried her best to ignore it.
“What do you mean?” she asked, staring at him, looking for the truth somewhere amidst what he was telling her. She steeled herself, her grandma’s words loud in her head. Don’t waste your precious time with anyone that doesn’t show you love. Gigi needed to know what was going through his head, and how he truly felt about her. She didn’t want to guess anymore. “Harris, I need you to be very clear with me right now, because I’m really confused.”
Harris took both of her hands, clasped them together, and encircled them with his. He stared straight into her soul. “I didn’t come back to the family business by choice, and I never intended to stay.”
Gigi’s heart pounded. And not in a good way. “What do you mean?”
“My father didn’t give me a choice. Either I came back to Ryan & Ryan, or he’d sell the company, specifically to our largest competitor.”
She exhaled, surprise slipping past her lips. “He did? I had no idea. Dean was okay with that?” The picture Harris painted frightened her. Would she even have a job if the company was acquired?
“No, Dean wasn’t okay with it. That’s why I came back, to help him change our dad’s mind. I was going to stay through the holidays and work, appeasing my dad while I figured out how to convince him to sell the company to my brother. I came back for Dean. He’s always wanted to take over. He’s the one with the passion for the business. Not me.”
“But, I—” Gigi scrunched her brow, her feelings for Harris sidetracked by this revelation. Not to mention, she didn’t understand what Harris was saying. She’d witnessed his passion for the business firsthand. Her mind flew back to their conversation in the carriage and how he’d skittered around the subject of moving to New York. “Why’d you leave the company the first time?”
His grip softened. He worried his bottom lip, but she needed answers. Gigi had heard all the gossip and now she wanted it straight from Harris’s mouth.
“Back then, I just wanted to go off on my own. I wanted to live my life how I wanted to live it—not under my father’s thumb. I was done letting him dictate every part of my life, which he enjoys doing. I needed to make my own money and my own way. Leaving the company felt like my only option. But it also put me in a horrible place with my family, and I wish I hadn’t made that decision so hastily.”
“Your dad wasn’t happy that you left,” she concluded, the dark of the kitchen casting shadows across his face.
“My father never supported my choice to start my own business,” Harris began, his voice low, his head tipped down toward her. “When I told him about starting the dating app with Adam, he was furious. Said I was an idiot—amongst many other choice words. To him, it was a slap in the face, to leave the business he’d built.” He pressed his lips together, forming a flat line. “Dad and I didn’t talk for a very long time. Even now, our relationship is rocky. Dean didn’t understand either. It even took us a few years to see eye to eye again. That hurt the most, because Dean and I had always been close.”
A pang of sympathy hit her chest, and she appreciated hearing Harris’s side of the story. Still, she didn’t grasp the complete picture. And she didn’t understand how she could fit into it. “So, you came back here to play peacemaker? To help Dean?”
“I’m trying to fix what I messed up.”
His words hit Gigi hard. He was here temporarily. Harris wanted to leave.
She swallowed, fighting the reality that they were likely temporary too.
“Honestly, I shouldn’t be telling you any of this,” Harris said, regret coloring his tone.
Gigi’s stomach dropped, instantly reminded of the reality of their relationship. Harris was her boss. It was his family she worked for. A knot tightened in her chest, closing around the fact that she shouldn’t have gotten her heart involved. Even if Harris didn’t continue with the business, could they date if she worked for his father? Was there a scenario where she kept her job and they stayed together? Could she rip up her life and follow him to New York? Did he even want that?
She exhaled, countless scenarios crashing over her, making her wish she could detach her heart from her body. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” she whispered, almost without thinking. She was deflecting, wanting to smother the pain that was about to come.
“I want to,” he replied immediately, and she searched his eyes. Harris leaned in, his shoulders squared, his lips parted. “I came back for one purpose. I thought I could get through the holidays, change my father’s mind, and go back to New York.” His grip on her hands tightened, as if seeking reassurance. “But then I met you.”
Hope cut her in the ribs. She wasn’t sure what to expect next, but she had to hear it. “And? What does that mean? What do you want from me?” She teetered on the edge of crashing or soaring and braced herself for either.
Harris took a deep breath, his eyes searching hers. “Gigi, you’ve reignited something in me I thought I’d lost. Passion. Joy. You’re like some kind of drug I didn’t know I needed. I’m addicted to you.”
“What?” Her brow furrowed, not expecting his answer.
“I need more Gigi. I think about you all the time. I’m an addict.” He shrugged, as if that were a normal thing to say.
Taken off guard, her lips slowly tilted into a lopsided smile. “I’m your drug?”
“I probably didn’t say that right.” Harris grinned before he gently tugged her near. She gave in, letting him press her hands over his heart. “What I’m trying to say is that I want to be around you and with you. I care about you, but I also need to be honest and tell you I’m struggling with leaving my life behind in New York.”
She paused for a few breaths before nodding. Her heart fluttered like a hummingbird, reacting to the longing in his eyes, but her mind told her she needed more. “What don’t you want to leave behind?” She prayed he wouldn’t surprise her with “wife” or “girlfriend.” This close to him, she’d have a hard time dropkicking him in the head.
Harris ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “GambleOnLove is in New York, but it isn’t just a business or income for me. It was my best friend Adam’s dream, and he passed two years ago . . .” Harris’s voice wavered, and Gigi stilled. She stopped breathing, immediately tightened her grip on his hand.
“Adam died?”
Harris nodded, and Gigi caught the shine in his eyes. It made her heart hurt.
“In a car accident,” he added. “I was supposed to meet him for dinner but got wrapped up in a meeting. He grabbed an Uber to cross town and meet me at my house, and it got hit head-on by a drunk driver.”
Her hand flew to her mouth, covering a gasp. The silence in the kitchen was deafening. “That’s horrible,” she muttered past her hand.
Harris blinked, obviously trying to push aside the memory of Adam’s passing away. “I promised myself I’d carry on his legacy. It’s why I’ve been so committed to the app. It’s not just a company to me. It’s a way to keep a part of him alive.”
Gigi’s eyes welled with tears. “Harris, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t mean to dump all of that on you.” His voice was thick with emotion. “But I need you to know where my head is at.” He tipped her chin up with a finger. “That was a very long way of me explaining what I’m struggling with . . . and telling you, I really like you.”
She pressed her lips together, wanting to believe Harris and struggling with her own fear of abandonment. “I really like you too,” she replied, strangely following her gut.
“I want to make this work.”
Gigi nodded, watching the Christmas lights reflect and sparkle in his eyes, wanting his last statement to be true. They held each other’s gazes, and she churned through thoughts, emotions, and worry until Harris closed the gap, gently pressing his lips to hers. He kissed her, slow and tender, then wrapped his arms around her and held her until her doubts eased. They hugged and stayed pressed together long enough that Rudy mewed at them.
Gigi rubbed her fingers in a slow circle on Harris’s back. “I think he wants us to join him on the couch.”
“I couldn’t think of anything better,” he replied.