Chapter 24
Lacey
“ H oney, are you awake? I made lunch.” Daniel’s voice and the sound of his knocking on my bedroom door startle me awake.
Reality comes crashing into me, and I sit up in bed, blinking my senses back to life. My first reflex is to reach for my phone, which is still plugged in on my nightstand, and tap the screen.
Only it doesn’t light up.
“Honey? You alive?” my stepdad calls again.
An empty battery symbol pops up on my phone, and I curse at the realization that my charging cable died on me— again . I bought a bunch of these chargers online for a suspiciously cheap price a while back, and they’ve been breaking nonstop. I’ve gone through all five of them in three months, and this was my last one, aside from the one in my car.
“Sorry, my alarm didn’t go off. I’ll be right out,” I shout and throw my legs over the side of my bed.
My cheeks hurt.
My eyes, too.
I skim my face with the tip of my fingers, reminded of the way I got into bed and broke into silent sobs. I’m talking hold your stomach while you struggle to breathe sobs .
I got home at around 3:00 a.m.—after I spent two hours crying into Dia’s arms—and everyone was fast asleep. I was careful not to make a sound as I passed Daniel sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room.
Then, I spent most of the night tossing and turning. I didn’t fall asleep until the sun was peeking through my bedroom curtains, and when I did pass out, the pain manifested itself in my dreams.
I just kept seeing that moment.
The look on TJ’s face when Aaron removed the wool from my eyes and told the whole world about TJ’s fucked-up little scheme. Maybe I’m an idiot for not seeing it sooner.
No, not maybe. I am .
Of course TJ paid Aaron to flirt with me. Of course it was all a plan to ridicule me. Of course, of course, of course. I let myself fall, and the universe made it a point to teach me a lesson.
I hear you, Universe. Lesson fucking learned.
Worst part is, I knew something was off. I knew TJ was hiding something from me. Sure, I thought his secrets were about his mom, but I’m guessing the reason he couldn’t be bothered to open up about his life was because he never intended to let me get close to him. He probably didn’t see the point in letting himself be vulnerable with me, knowing he was just going to use me anyway.
And I don’t even know why.
What did I ever do to him? Why does he hate me? It’s as though a fist is closing around my throat, coating the inside with glass and all sorts of sharp objects.
All those moments we spent together were based on lies.
All of them.
He pretended to care, and I fell for it. Because I so desperately wanted to believe that love was a possibility for me. I feel a sting as tears begin to gather in my eyes, but I fight them to the best of my ability.
I promised Dia I would text her to tell her I got home okay last night, but I forgot, and she must be worried sick. And now, my battery’s dead. I’ll have to go get the charger in my car.
Still in my pj’s, I walk to the full-length mirror on the wall. I didn’t remove my makeup last night. Streaks of smudged mascara snake down my face, and my hair is a mess. I could scare the hair off a cat right now.
I can’t let my family see me like this, so I grab a makeup wipe from my vanity and rub away to try and make myself presentable again. As for my hair, making it look good would require a shower and a few hours with a curling iron, so I throw it into a ponytail.
I get a whiff of my dad’s chicken enchiladas the moment I walk out of my room, and all I can think about is how grateful I am that he’s here. I can barely function right now. At least someone’s keeping my siblings fed.
I make a beeline for the front door, grab my keys off the hook on the wall, and slip my feet into my shoes without socks.
“Lacey? Everything all right?” Daniel asks when he hears me open the door.
“Yeah, Dad, just going to get my phone charger in the car,” I answer.
I’m halfway to my car by the time I notice something weird through the windows of Daniel’s Mercedes.
The windows are tinted, but not enough to hide all the boxes and trash bags piled up in the back seat of his car.
What the …
Why does he have so much stuff?
I move closer to the glass and rest my hand a few inches above my eyes to try and see better. Two of his fancy suits are hung on the coat hooks in the back seat.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say everything he owns is packed up in that car. I make a mental note to ask him about it and continue toward my car to grab my charger.
I plug my phone in as soon as I get in the house and leave it on the console table by the front door to charge.
I realize it’s way later than I thought when I pad into the kitchen and see the time on the stove.
12:40.
No wonder Daniel was worried I’d died in my sleep.
Daniel is sitting at the table, having coffee and wearing his reading glasses as he stares at something on his tablet—probably the news. Some things never change.
“Morning,” I say mid-yawn.
He looks up at me, and his face immediately changes.
Worry flashes in his gaze, but he doesn’t comment on my messy hair or the dark circles underneath my eyes.
“Morning, sweetie. You hungry? I made enchiladas.”
“Starving. Have the kids eaten yet?”
He laughs. “Yup. And let me tell you, it was no easy task getting them to leave you some.”
I force a small laugh. “Let me guess, they came, inhaled their food, and then disappeared back into their rooms?”
He smiles. “Pretty much. Oh, but Oli did say thank you after he burped the roof off the house.”
I crack a laugh and walk over to the kitchen cabinet to grab a plate. The enchiladas are still steaming hot, placed in an aluminum tray on the stove.
“Dad?” I ask as I’m serving myself.
“Yes, honey?” he replies, his focus drifting back to his tablet.
“Why do you have all this stuff in your car?”
Call me blunt, but I’m too tired for pleasantries.
He doesn’t answer right away, stunned by my question. I spin and drop onto the chair across from his at the table. I dig into my food, still looking at him as he thinks hard and long, seemingly uncomfortable.
“I…” He closes his mouth. “Your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
It’s a miracle I don’t choke on my enchilada or spit it out.
I haven’t even had a chance to swallow before he adds, “We’ve been separated for a month now.”
Oh. My. God.
My thoughts are racing, but the thought at the forefront of my mind is, “Whose decision was it?”
He stops to think about it, a sign that it’s not that simple. “Mostly mine.”
I slouch back into my seat. “But… what brought this on?”
He hesitates.
“She found out I’d been sending you money and gave me an ultimatum. Stop helping you out, or get a divorce.”
Wow .
I knew my mom was petty, but I never thought she hated my siblings so much she’d divorce her husband over it.
In a way, this is my fault. Daniel went behind her back to send me money because I decided to take care of Oli and Sierra.
“Why didn’t you just stop sending me money?” I ask.
He didn’t have to choose us. I never even asked him for that money. He always offered it out of the kindness of his heart.
“What kind of father leaves their kid high and dry?”
My heart aches at his words.
“Most importantly, what kind of a mother would ask him to?” he adds.
Tears begin to well in my eyes, and I open my mouth to tell him how much that means to me, only to get interrupted by my phone going nuts in the distance.
Daniel and I exchange glances.
It’s clear my phone just turned back on after I plugged it, and the notifications I didn’t get are coming through all at once.
It just won’t stop.
Ping, ping, ping .
What the hell is going on?
“Let me just mute my phone real quick,” I tell Daniel and make a beeline for my phone in the entryway.
My stomach sinks when I see the name all over my screen.
Ten missed calls from TJ.
And he’s sent me God knows how many texts.
TJ
I need to see you.
TJ
I know you must hate me, but please let me explain.
TJ
I meant every word of what I said that night. The way I feel for you isn’t a lie.
TJ
I don’t expect you to forgive me, but at least give me a chance to tell you everything.
TJ
Lacey, please.
TJ
Lacey, I love you…
Just like that, the tears are flowing down my face and robbing me of my sight. He can’t seriously be trying to pretend like he loves me after all of this. This has to be just another one of his tricks to hurt me. He doesn’t mean it.
I’m about to block his number when there’s a loud knock on the door. The sound of insistent knocking travels through the house again.
“Are you going to get that?” Daniel asks from the kitchen.
More knocking.
“I got it!” I shout.
I open the door, my heart inflating with joy when I see my two best friends on the other side. They each have a mountain of snacks and ice cream tubs huddled up in their arms—not to mention that pity-ridden look stamped across their faces.
I can’t blame them, though.
Hell, I’d pity me, too.
Dia was there when it happened, and then she stayed with me while I cried my heart out until late last night, but Aveena didn’t come to the party, so I’m guessing Dia filled her in.
Aveena confirms it by saying, “Dia told me everything.”
“We thought you could use a pick-me-up,” Dia says.
Tears start to brim in my eyes, gratitude overwhelming me as I step aside and open the door wider.
The snacks they were holding hit the ground as soon as they cross the threshold, and the girls open their arms for a group hug. I don’t hesitate, breaking out into sobs before walking straight into their embrace.
“We love you,” Aveena says mid-hug, and I inhale a shaky breath, hoping to calm myself down.
I might be cursed when it comes to love, but you can’t say I don’t have some damn good friends.
“This shit keeps falling off,” Aveena says before giving up and removing the cucumbers from the face mask she’s wearing. She takes a big bite out of one and turns to Dia, who’s painting the nails on my right hand black.
I figured it was fitting. Seeing as my heart feels like it’s been burned to a crisp.
“How are we doing over there?” Aveena asks.
“Just a few more minutes,” Dia says.
“Good. ’Cause I’m starving. And we’re out of ice cream,” Aveena reminds us.
I chuckle. “Or so you’ve said.”
This girl has a bottomless pit for a stomach when pregnant, I’m telling you.
“All done,” Dia declares a heartbeat later, releasing my hand and setting the black nail polish down on the living room’s coffee table.
I thought the girls showing up with half a store in snacks was adorable. What I didn’t anticipate is that they’d bring over every beauty and self-care item they own.
Face masks, under-eye patches, nail polishes, lip scrubs. You name it, we have it.
“Now are you ready to talk about TJ, or are you just going to keep pretending like you’re fine?” Dia calls me out.
She’s right. I’ve been in denial since they got here. I spent the first fifteen minutes after I burst into tears trying to get myself together, and by the time I managed to dry my eyes, I had no energy left to rehash the situation with TJ. I asked them if we could talk about anything else to get my mind off it.
I cringe. “Talking about it only makes it hurt more.”
“At first, maybe, but it’ll feel much better in the long run,” Dia points out.
Maybe she’s onto something.
“Have you been answering his million text messages?” Aveena questions.
Wait.
I never told them he’d been spamming my phone.
“How do you know he texted me?”
Aveena and Dia exchange knowing glances.
“TJ’s been blowing up our phones, begging us to convince you to talk to him. He mentioned he’d been trying to reach you,” Dia fesses up.
He’s been doing what?
Wow, he’s going to my best friends for help. Someone’s desperate.
“We haven’t been responding, but we do think it couldn’t hurt for you to hear him out.”
I scoff. “Why? So he can feed me more lies? I’m good.”
“But what if you’re missing a key element of the story? Maybe he had a reason for wanting to hurt you. I’m not saying it would make it okay, but it might help you understand,” Aveena says.
Dia grabs a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the table. “Remember how Finn and I started? He hated my guts at first. He spent most of the summer I spent working for his dad trying to get me fired. He stooped pretty damn low to get rid of me, but we put it behind us, and now we’re happier than ever.”
I don’t think she realizes that she and Finn are the exception, not the rule. And she says it like him trying to get her fired was the only obstacle standing in the way of their relationship, which is a gross oversimplification. These two went through hell trying to make it work.
“I’m just saying, maybe he felt justified in his head. It’s fucked up, but it’s true,” Dia explains.
“And he wouldn’t be calling everyone and their mother trying to get you to talk to him if he didn’t at least feel something for you,” Aveena states.
“He doesn’t. He was faking it. Now, can we talk about something else? Please?”
I can’t do this right now. I just stopped crying. Call me avoidant, but this is the first time I’ve felt semi-okay since I found out this was all a game to TJ, and I’d rather not dwell on Mr. Compulsive Liar for a while.
I can tell the girls want to dig deeper, but they agree out of respect.
“All right, what do we feel like doing tonight? We need to get you out of the house,” Aveena says.
I’m not sold on the idea. “Can’t we just stay in and watch a movie?”
“No, I agree with Vee. You could use the fresh air.” Dia pauses to think. “Why don’t we go to the drive-in downtown? I thought I’d go with Finn, but he has plans with the guys tonight.”
Aveena’s face lights up. “I think that’s a great idea! We can take Xavier’s truck, bring a ton of blankets, and watch the movie in the bed.”
They whisk their heads in my direction.
I cringe. “I don’t know… It depends on the movie. No romantic crap, or I’m out.”
“It’s a comedy. An Adam Sandler movie. I know you like those. And the movie’s at eight, so it’s not too late,” Dia tries to coax me into agreeing.
She’s right. I adore Adam Sandler. I used to watch his movies all the time with my dad, Sierra, and Oli.
“What about my siblings?” I drum up an excuse.
“Isn’t Daniel staying with you for a while? I’m sure he can watch them this one time,” Aveena says.
Damn it. Why are my friends so smart?
“But he left to run some errands. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”
“I remember him saying he shouldn’t be longer than an hour earlier,” Dia reminds me.
I’m running low on excuses. “But… what if it gets cold?”
Dia’s lips curve into a smirk. She knows what I’m doing. “Then you’ll bring a sweater. And we’ll have lots of blankets.”
They have an answer for everything, don’t they?
Aveena laughs. “Now, do you have another excuse, or are you going to go shower, get out of those pj’s, and come stuff your face with popcorn with us?”
Shit.
I’m not one to admit defeat easily, but I’m smart enough to know when I’m fighting a losing battle.
I cave, rising off the couch with a sigh.
“Let me go shower.”
“Oh my God, they have cotton candy!” Dia gushes as we’re settling onto a pile of blankets and pillows in the bed of Xavier’s truck a half hour before the start of the movie.
We have a clear view of the drive-in’s food stand from where we are, and the girls have been discussing getting snacks and drinks since we got here.
Like we haven’t already eaten twice our body weight in unhealthy crap tonight. Not that I’m complaining. I can’t think of a better time to indulge than when you’ve just had your heart shattered into a million pieces.
“I’d go get it for us, but my bladder’s being a bitch again. I need to find the bathroom,” Aveena says, topping it off with an eye roll that draws a laugh out of me.
“I got it,” I declare as I’m pushing to my feet.
I hop down from the bed of the truck, squeezing between the parked cars on my way to the foot stand. There are only a few people waiting in line. This shouldn’t take too long.
I’m next in line before I know it, and I fish my phone out of my jeans pocket, scrolling through my notifications. TJ’s sent me three new messages in the past hour alone. I should block his number at this point.
TJ
Talk to me, Lace.
TJ
Please.
TJ
If you think I’m going to cut my losses and give up, you’re wrong.
I’m about to click out of our conversation when three moving dots pop up on my screen. He’s texting me again. His message comes through at the same time I feel a presence behind me.
TJ
Please don’t kill me for this.
I know TJ’s standing behind me before I even get a chance to check.
My heart leaps up my throat when someone taps me on the shoulder, and I spin, coming face-to-face with the one person I’ve been going above and beyond to avoid.
Are you fucking kidding me? How did he know where to find me? And why does he look so drained of life? He looks like he hasn’t smiled, let alone slept, in years, his brown eyes hollow and rimmed with dark circles.
He looks like he’s a shell of himself. Like he’s lost that spark that makes TJ, well, TJ … and it’s tearing me apart.
“How’d you know I’d be here?” I say dryly.
I’m so exhausted from crying all night I don’t even have the energy to make a scene or go off on him for tracking me down.
“Intuition?” he tries a joke.
I don’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me laugh, my silence letting him know that I’m not amused.
“Okay, fine. I heard Finn was at the guys’ house while you were with the girls, so I made Theo ask Finn where you were.”
And now he’s using our mutual friends to find me.
Good to know nothing’s off-limits.
I release a bitter scoff. “So, what? You’re stalking me now?”
“Not stalking. Leading a private investigation about your whereabouts.”
His attempt at lightening the mood fails yet again.
“What do you want, TJ?”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “You.”
I can feel my pulse wilding out in my neck.
No, I don’t care.
He doesn’t affect me anymore. Not after what he did.
Problem is, my heart obviously didn’t get the memo.
“Why? So you can humiliate me in front of all my friends when I find out you were faking it this whole time? Oh, wait, been there, done that.”
The food stand employee informs me that I’m next with a quick gesture, and I walk over to the checkout area, putting in my order without sparing TJ another glance.
He doesn’t go away, though, just waiting until I’m done. The employee hands me the terminal, and I complete payment, pretending like my chest isn’t pulsating with excruciating pain.
The employee tells me to go to the other side of the stand to retrieve my order once it’s ready and starts making our cotton candy. TJ shadows my every move as I turn the corner.
“I wasn’t faking it,” he says once we’re alone.
I scoff. “Sure you weren’t.”
He caves. “Okay, maybe I was faking it, but only in the beginning. It was just the first few dates. Then I realized I didn’t want to do it anymore. I told Aaron our arrangement was done, but he wouldn’t stop seeing you. He started holding it over my head and threatening me all the time, and I… Look, I know you’re not going to believe me, but I meant every word I said to you the night I asked you to be my girlfriend. The moments we had… the way we felt… It was all real. Fuck, Lacey, I’m in love with you. I am. You have to know that deep down.”
I refuse to make eye contact with him. I’m afraid if I look into those eyes for too long, I’ll lose it. “No, actually, I don’t know that. Because I don’t know anything about you.”
“That’s not true,” he breathes.
“Yes, it is. For starters, I have no idea what I ever did to you. Why you hated me so much you had to come up with your sick little scheme to break my heart. Just like I don’t know anything about your mom. Why she’s always been such a secret. Or why I get the feeling that I struck a chord every time I bring her up. Let’s face it, I don’t know you, TJ. I don’t think I ever did.”
He’s stunned at first, but he snaps out of it when the employee hands me the three cotton candies I ordered, and I take off in the direction of the girls.
He catches up to me. “Look, I… It’s hard for me to open up to people. And it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you about my mom. It’s just… It’s complicated.”
He can’t seriously think that he can earn my forgiveness back without telling me why he even lost it in the first place. If that’s the best he’s got, then he’s in for a big disappointment.
“Yeah, okay. I’ve got to go back to the girls. Let me know if you ever learn how to have grown-up conversations.”
Then I leave him there.
I’m proud of myself. Proud that I didn’t crumble when all I wanted to do was cry until I had no energy left in me.
“Lacey,” I hear him call behind me, but I don’t stop, forging ahead and pretending like I’m okay, even though my heart is bruised and bloody.
He doesn’t want to tell me? Fine. Then he can go and put his secrets right next to the love we almost had.
Six feet underground.
TJ
I’ve done some stupid things in my life.
Stupid things like entering Lacey’s life with ulterior motives. That and letting Aaron humiliate her in front of everyone when he gave me plenty of chances to tell her the truth.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to my relationship with Lacey, but the relationship in itself was everything but.
That’s why I’m here, sitting in my car, parked in the street across from her house at ten in the fucking morning. I couldn’t sleep for shit after I showed up at the drive-in to talk to her.
She was right about everything. I can’t expect her to forgive and trust me when I’ve given her no reason to. Getting her back starts here. It starts with telling her everything from start to finish. Letting the chips fall where they may.
I know things will never be the same once I’ve told her about my mom. Once she knows why I did what I did, she might never want to see me again, but I have to try.
If the only way I might get her back is by telling her about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll take that risk every damn time.
For her.
I tried texting her after we had that conversation at the drive-in to tell her that she was right and I was ready to come clean. But my messages never even delivered, which means she blocked me. I don’t blame her. I’ve been blowing up her phone like a whipped little bitch, trying to stop her from slipping through my fingers once and for all.
I’m slowly going insane. It’s only been a few days since I lost her, and I haven’t been able to function like a normal human being.
I miss her so much it’s fucking me up. I can’t remember the last time I had a real meal. All I want to do is skip forward in time until I’m able to hold her in my arms again.
Wow. When did I become such a wimp ?
I inhale a sharp breath, bracing myself for the conversation ahead, and climb out of my car. I keep my eyes glued to her front door as I walk, praying to God that I won’t wuss out before I reach her house. I can barely hear my own thoughts over the pounding of my heart.
The next thing I know, I’m jogging up the stairs to her porch. Then I’m at her door, holding my hand up to knock.
Do it.
Fucking do it.
It’s the only way you’ll get your girl back.
I knock three times.
Nothing happens for the first few seconds, until I make out what sounds like footsteps on the other side. I hope she’ll be the one opening the door and not one of her siblings.
It’s clear my prayers have been answered when the door swings open and I lay eyes on her beautiful face.
She looks like she just woke up, with her hair up in a messy bun and wearing a big T-shirt and pj shorts. Her face twists with shock at the sight of me, and I feel compelled to say something before she slams the door in my face.
“Now you’re showing up at my house? Seriously?” she snaps.
“Yes, because you were right. You deserve to know the truth. All of it. I want to tell you. I need to tell you. If you’ll let me,” I word-vomit.
Her jaw drops.
Not the answer you expected, huh?
She opens her mouth to speak but then closes it as if the thought of putting a sentence together is unfeasible right now.
“Lacey, everything okay?” a deep voice calls in the distance.
I look up, immediately recognizing the man standing at the end of the hall.
“I’m fine, Dad. I’ll just be a minute,” Lacey says.
Memories slam into me so hard I practically lose my footing.
Daniel and I lock eyes across the room, and it feels like the air’s been knocked out of my body when the color drains from his face.
“M-Mathias?” Daniel whispers.
“Wait, you two know each other?” Lacey questions.
And I do know him.
Or at least, I used to.
How could I ever forget…
…the man who abandoned us?
The words escape my mouth before my brain can interject.
“ Hey, Dad .”