21. ANTONIO
ANTONIO
I listened from the carport, watching Renee and Ma. I wasn’t sure what Renee was capable of—I didn’t know her like that. But I could tell she was pissed. And I had vowed to myself, a long time ago, that nobody else would hurt Ma ever again. If Renee so much as looked like she was going to cross a line, I’d step in.
Giovanni must have gotten his ways from someone , and looking at Renee now, I had a pretty good guess. It was the same kind of controlled fury I’d seen in Giovanni many times before.
But then she said, “You know who Joey really is, Adriana. He’s not some saint, and you know it.”
My heart dropped into my stomach.
Did Ma know? Did she not care? Or was she just finding this out?
Was Renee talking about what I’d seen in the papers—about the mafia, about Staten Island crawling with criminals and Joey leading the pack?
An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. I had pushed those thoughts away. I had told myself that wasn’t who Joey was. Joey had helped us, no questions asked. He was like a father to me. But was any of it real? Or was I just seeing what I wanted to see?
Then Renee asked if Ma and Joey were sleeping together, and I wanted to burn my own ears off. My stomach twisted, bile creeping up my throat. I had to swallow it back down before I lost it right there.
That couldn’t be true. They hardly spent any time alone together. But what if there was more? What if things were happening right in front of me that I hadn’t noticed?
I felt ambushed. Who was lying?
I didn’t know. But I needed to find out.
For Ma’s sake. To protect her.
Ma came marching toward me, her lips pressed so tightly together they were white. She didn’t slow as she passed; she just threw a sharp, “Come inside and wash up for dinner.”
I knew better than to protest.
So I followed her in, keeping a few steps behind, watching the way her shoulders were stiff, her hands curled into fists at her sides. She was mad— really mad . This was supposed to be a fresh start for us. She stopped in the kitchen, hovering over the counter, her eyes squeezed shut as she took a few deep breaths.
“Are you okay?” I hesitated to ask.
Her eyes flicked open and landed on me. She forced a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m fine.” She nodded.
It was a lie. I knew it was a lie. She hadn’t been fine in a long time.
I stood there, unsure of what to do next. The words were right there, pressing against my throat. Do you know who Joey really is? Do you care? Are you lying to protect me, or are you lying to yourself? There were too many pieces that didn’t fit, too many questions with no answers.
But looking at Ma now—her jaw clenched, her fingers gripping the counter like it was the only thing keeping her upright—I knew now wasn’t the time.
So I swallowed my questions.
For now.