Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
I walked to the hostel with the crisp night air prickling my skin. The wetness between my legs added to my already rotten feelings. Am I a slut? By some miracle, I made it to my room without bursting into a blubbering mess. In the bathroom, I stared at my reflection, and a different woman looked back at me. It wasn’t just my appearance that had changed.
It was all of me. My morals. My soul.
My eyes were red, burgeoning with tears. Unable to hold them back a moment more, I flicked them away as I unraveled my hair from the complex braid.
Scrubbing off my immaculate makeup, the angel and devil in my brain belted out a furious debate.
What were you thinking, going to his room?
Nothing bad happened.
He was a complete stranger.
Yes, but it wasn’t like he was a nameless loser you picked up at a crappy bar.
Does that make it any more acceptable ?
After a long hot shower, I put on my PJs, grabbed my phone, and crawled into bed.
Zali was seven hours behind me; that made it five a.m. in Illinois. Guessing she’d be awake, I sent her a text.
Hey babe, how was your night?
You’re alive. YAY. I’ve been thinking about you and Oscar all night. So . . . how was it?
It was good
Good? Hmmm. Are you okay?
Zali had the intuition of a lioness on the prowl.
Yes I’m fine. He was a gentleman
Fine. Good. Ok, cough up. What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing. I can feel your negative vibes from here
I don’t know. That’s the problem
Did you have sex?
Yes
Ok did he look after you? Or was he all slam, bam, thank you, ma’am
Both. He did amazing things to me, then suddenly, it was all over
Sounds like every guy I’ve fucked, except the amazing things bit. I’m jealous
I paused. Was that what all men were like?
Seriously babe. If you enjoyed it, you should be happy
Yeah, I know. It’s just, afterward, he offered to call me a cab
Riiiggght, he still sounds like a gentleman
Hmmm, I hadn’t thought of it like that.
But it was right after. I didn’t even finish my champagne
He bought you champagne! WOW you hit the jackpot. Did you get his number?
It was just like Zali to put a positive spin on everything.
You’re right. I’m being silly
As long as silly doesn’t have you comparing yourself to your fucked-up mother
Oh, God.
Hell no
I lied.
Thank Christ! You’re nothing like that bitch
Thank Christ
An image of Mother flashed into my mind. She was sitting on the knee of a man she’d met that night. Her shirt was open, and the creep was ogling down her top. Mother was watching him do it. The expression on her face confirmed that they’d be in bed together before the night was over.
When Mother finally dragged her eyes away from him and met my gaze, she’d shrugged and mouthed, “What?” at me. As if I needed to explain how shocking it was to see a complete stranger drooling over my mother’s tits. Especially as my father was also sitting in the room.
No, I was nothing like my mother.
My phone buzzed with another text.
Sorry, babe, gotta go. Mom just escaped out the front door in her bathrobe
OMG, I’m so sorry
Don’t be. I’m just pleased you finally have a new sex memory to obliterate those boring William ones
She was right about that.
So true. Love you
Luv ya too. MWAHHH
My next text was to Roman.
Hey, I’m back at the hotel. Good night
Unlike Zali, his reply wasn’t instant. I stared at the phone for a couple of minutes before I put it onto the bedside table, turned off the lamp, and curled to my side.
My phone dinged, and the glow from the screen lit the room. I rolled over and clutching it, read Roman’s reply.
Did you have fun ?
Did I have fun? Hmmm.
Yes, it was great. Tired now though. Going to sleep
I bet you are. He was hot
Roman was weird. Why would he point out how hot another guy was? Even William had never done that. Though I was sure he’d been checking guys out. I cursed myself for even thinking about him.
Goodnight
We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Sleep well
No we won’t. Turning off phone now
Before he responded, I switched my cell off and rolled onto my side again.
I stared at a sliver of light that crept in through my bedroom window, cutting a white stripe into the darkness. My night with Oscar had been like that. A slice of excitement in a lifetime of monotony.
My mind was on high-speed recall, cruising through memories of what I’d done with him. He’d had all the right moves and my insides still purred with the wonderful sensations he’d incited in me.
William had never done that. So why the hell do I still think about him?
Zali was right.
Sex with Oscar should have obliterated my sex memories with William.
So why do I feel so bad?