9. Blair
NINE
blair
17 YEARS OLD
SEAN (18 YEARS OLD)
Today was his birthday and I wasn’t allowed to leave the house.
I wanted to throw a fit but kept cool while checking the hidden feed in my father’s office. Everyone was there, including Caden and Blake.
Something big happened. And of course I was out of the loop.
I almost regretted putting the camera with audio in his study at the church because it meant having no sound to get up to speed at home.
But Sean had been teaching me how to read a room on body language alone. He said it was to keep myself safe when he wasn’t around but I had a feeling he’d done it for other reasons.
From this angle it seemed all the attention was on Caden. And for a lot of reasons, my stomach dropped.
He’d done it again, hadn’t he? My gut said yes.
I didn’t understand why my father wouldn’t send him away. He was a problem—a problem that could make the business suffer.
Make the church suffer.
A man who couldn’t take no for an answer didn’t deserve grace from anyone, in my opinion, but especially not the pastor of the church his atrocities kept occurring in.
But then again, my dad didn’t have any morals of his own.
With a sigh, I went into my closet, got down on the floor and tugged one of my floor boards up. Beneath were a couple notebooks, photos, and cassette tapes. I grabbed the newest notebook and flipped it open, my gaze taking in the last time I made note of Caden’s crimes.
Only eight months ago.
There had to be more in between, right?
I made note of today with a date and time.
Later, I would figure out who the victim was.
After securing the floor board in place, I went into the bedroom, hid the encrypted screen, and shut my laptop down.
If I snuck out now they wouldn’t realize it for at least a couple of hours. And by then, I’d be exactly where I needed to be.
Two taps against my window startled me into a standing position. But the next two coming in just a tad faster sent me flying to get it open.
And when I pulled the blinds up, Sean was on the other side as expected.
Two slow knocks followed by two fast always meant he’d come for me.
I lifted the window and screen and he climbed inside. Being the only bedroom on ground level in this house used to terrify me, until it offered these opportunities of privacy with him.
“I would’ve come to you eventually,” I whispered, locking my arms tightly around his waist.
“Couldn’t wait that long…” he walked us to the bed and fell backward with me hanging onto him. “It’s my birthday and I wanted you now.”
He didn’t mean in a sexual way even though we had gone all the way recently. He simply meant me.
“Happy birthday, little deer,” I whispered, pressing my ear over his heart.
It thumped wildly, like every time he held me in his arms.
Sean rolled us over and immediately my legs spread to fit him. He put his forehead, nose and mouth to mine and said so softly, “I love you.”
My response came as naturally as breathing.
“I love you too.”
“Let me take you somewhere quiet.”
I agreed without hesitation, willing to go anywhere with him as long as we were together. The punishment I might endure for sneaking off didn’t matter when it came to Sean—the consequences never mattered when it came to us .
We climbed from my window together and walked half a block to where he’d parked his car. Then, he drove us a little over an hour from the city through Scarsdale and into Stamford, Connecticut.
“Are you kidnapping me, Oisin?”
He chuckled.
“Can’t do that. We have plans remember?”
Plans to attend NYU.
Plans for me to live in Philly with him afterward.
Plans for us to get married once he took his father’s place.
But… suddenly those things weren’t enough for me anymore.
I didn’t want to follow Sean around while he took care of me and everyone else.
He needed more than just a wife, he needed a partner.
“I remember,” I said as we pulled to a stop at what looked to be a pier or park on the water.
“There’s something on your mind,” he mused before opening his door and getting out to open mine. “Let’s walk and talk.”
I took his hand and we slow walked what I learned was a park with a pier. Not too far from home but far enough that we could do this in peace.
“Can we amend some of our plans?” I asked softly. “The ones where I go to NYU and move to Philly with you.”
He came to a stop and looked at me, his brown eyes full of questions.
“I got accepted into Florida State on a full ride athletic scholarship.”
Running track and being good at it had given me the chance of a lifetime.
“Yeah?”
I nodded and he smiled and it was so genuine.
He was so… supportive, even if it meant we split up for a while.
“Congrats, Amoy. I know they were high up on your list…” he nodded and took my hand again, resuming our little trot down the pier. “I also know you applied to NYU for my sake, but this conversation would be counterproductive if I didn’t ask why the change of heart on Philly?”
I bit my lip, a bit of frustration taking over my spirit because I didn’t want him to reject me being more than just his woman.
Sure, his family was more progressive than mine but that didn’t mean he wanted me immersed in this life in a larger capacity than I already was.
“It’s okay…” he pulled me in front of him and wrapped me tight in his hold as we faced the water. “No one is here. Let it out and then tell me.”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and screamed so hard my throat burned afterward.
There’d been so many days I held in my pain before officially meeting him in that storage room four years ago. Crying had never really been my thing but Sean taught me there were other ways to release what I kept buried deep.
He taught me my feelings mattered, that my desires mattered.
“I still want the same things as you,” I told him. “I still want us to be each other’s endgame but there’s also this desire to stand on my own two feet. To be the partner you truly need in this life.”
He dropped his chin atop my head and squeezed me tighter to his chest.
“I get the feeling you don’t want to tell me everything, and I’ll respect your right to have a secret or two but you have to promise me something in return.”
He spun me and when our eyes met, I might’ve melted a little. This version of me would promise him my soul if he asked.
“Anything…”
“Don’t hide the big shit from me, Amoy. The life changing shit. If we’re agreeing to be apart for a while…” he pressed his forehead to mine. “then promise to trust me with everything you are and everything you want to be. I’ll support it as long as you do that for us.”
For us.
“I promise,” I said softly, cupping his face. “I promise, Oisin.”
We’d made a lot of promises but this one felt most important to him, that and never doing anything to hurt his family.
Sean was everything to me, so I made a silent vow to always fight for him. If we ever found ourselves at odds, I would fight for us.
We still had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of life to live, but I was his and he was mine. Together or apart.
Almost as if he’d read my mind, Sean gently pressed his lips to mine and I kissed him back with my whole heart.
Part of me wished to stay like this with him forever, but eventually he drove us back into New York and me home.
I stayed with him, in the same spot he’d parked in to get me, for a little while. Sulking but grateful we got the time we did.
“Before, I go I have something for you…” I reached into my bag, pulled out a jewelry box and handed it to him. “Happy birthday again, little deer.”
He flipped it open and let out the softest chuckle. Inside was a deer pendant he could hook to one of his many chains or carrying on him.
“Thank you, beautiful goddess,” he muttered, reaching over to pull my face to his. “I’ll always keep it on me.”
I touched the Celtic knot pendant he’d gotten me and smiled.
“And I’ll always have this.”
We shared another gentle kiss and then I went about my way, head so far in the clouds I didn’t realize someone was in my room until it was too late.
“I hate you, you know?” Caden said, startling me so bad I thought my heart might pop out of my chest. “Had you complied—”
“Get out of my room.”
I had my fingers wrapped around the blade inside my bag as I took in his rumpled state.
Clearly my father had roughed him up a bit, the swollen eye and busted lip said so. I could almost bet he had bruises in other places too.
“They all left for bible study…” he stood and I took a tiny step back, while watching him wince in pain. “I covered for you, Amoy. Isn’t that what he calls you.”
I flicked the blade open and gripped the handle tighter.
“Just leave me alone, okay?”
He knew I wasn’t afraid anymore. That I wasn’t the thirteen year old he’d tried to rape in the baptism room.
Caden hadn’t tried anything in four years after our encounter with Sean and his brothers, but I never stopped watching my own back at home and church. I was some kind of obsession for him, didn’t matter if he ever tried again or not.
“I really can’t do that, Blair.”
He smiled and revealed blood stained teeth.
“But I am in a lot of pain…” he winced on cue and clutched his side. “And the thought of you letting that mutt touch you is making the pain worse!”
My heart raced, that flight instinct my mother had embedded in my mind clocking in when his deep voice echoed off the walls.
But then I thought of Sean and the kind of woman I wanted to be for him and something else replaced my urge to run.
Something dangerous and hard to ignore, so I revealed the serrated blade and took a step toward him.
“You can leave or I can poke holes in every part of your body and watch as you bleed out.”
His reaction made it worthwhile. The realization that running wasn’t an option anymore. That I would kill him before he ever got to touch me in any way, shape or form.
“And that’s a promise,” I added, sitting on my bed. “Get the fuck out and don’t try me again.”
The only way to survive in this family was to be exactly what they didn’t want.
A problem.