Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
“ D aisy!” Roman bellowed.
Jerking upright, I squinted at the blazing sun streaming in through the open curtain and turned to him.
He was sitting up in bed beside me, his hands fisted in his hair. His eyes were wide. Horrified. “Daisy! What the hell?”
I shoved off the bed, clutching my shirt over my boobs and stumbling to my feet.
When he spied my bra on the floor, his jaw dropped. “Oh, God, we didn’t?—”
He didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t need to. Roman was sickened by the thought of us having sex. His bulging eyes and clamped jaw confirmed how disgusted he was.
I wanted to die.
My heart, which had swelled to perfection hours ago, shattered into a million pieces.
I snatched my bra from the floor. “No, Roman. We didn’t have fucking sex.” I grabbed my shoes and socks and stormed from his room .
I could barely breathe. I could barely think.
Forcing my feet to move, I chose the stairs over the elevator. I scrambled down them. My vision blurred. My brain a fucking mess.
In my room, I dove onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow as I howled in utter agony.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
I repeated the mantra over and over, sucking in huge, shaky breaths and trying to force the scream down my throat.
A bang on the door made me jump.
“Daisy.”
“Go away.”
“Open the door, Daisy.”
“No! Fuck off, Roman.”
“I’m sorry. Daisy. Please let me in.” He thumped on the door. “Please. I’m sorry.”
I had no intention of letting him in. I never wanted to see that asshole again.
He kept banging, and I sat up in bed. Furious at my tears, I flicked them away and clenched my jaw.
“Please, Daisy, open up.”
“Go away.”
“I’m sorry. Let me in so I can explain.”
“I don’t ever want to speak to you again.”
“Come on. You don’t mean that.”
Twisting my fingers into knots, my stupid brain replayed what he’d said last night over and over. He’d said I love you . Twice. Yet he hadn’t meant it. Who did that?
I knew who did it.
A sick fucking bastard who could have whoever he wanted. He’d been toying with me, playing me along, and I’d fallen for him. Fallen fucking hard. Like a stupid fucking teenager .
Well, that’s it for me. I AM DONE.
“Please.” His voice was whiney. “Please, Daisy, let me in.”
“No. Go away or I’ll call security.”
“I’m sorry, Daisy. It was a fright. That’s all.” His pleading voice was muffled and I imagine his forehead was against the door.
I didn’t want to hear it. Couldn’t. I strode to the bathroom and slammed the door, hoping he’d hear that . I turned the shower taps to full, and with my back against the door, I slid to the floor. Hugging my knees, I burst into tears again.
It was an eternity before I could breathe. It was even longer before I forced myself off the cold tiles. I stared at my reflection. It was horrifying. My eyes were so red it was a wonder I could see, and my cheeks were blotchy like I had a hideous disease.
I did have a hideous disease. It was called Roman.
Snapping my eyes away, I stripped off and hopped into the shower. The hot cascade did little to settle my rage. I was angry at myself. How could I have let this happen? I knew he was wrong for me . . . that we were wrong for each other.
I’d known it would never work. And yet I’d still done it.
I’d even said I love you for fuck’s sake. Only good news was that he was probably so fucking drunk he wouldn’t remember it.
Stupid. Stupid.
Banging my fist on the wall, I clenched my teeth so hard my jaw hurt.
By the time I crawled from the shower, I was exhausted. But more than anything, I was angry. Angry at Roman, but more so angry at myself.
As much as I would’ve preferred to hide in my room for the rest of the year, I had a job to do. People needed me.
Forcing myself to keep moving, I dressed and shoved everything into my suitcase. Grabbing my bag and fearing Roman would still be outside, I clamped my teeth and yanked open my door.
He wasn’t there and I just about crumbled with relief. But every step after that was just as stressful as I prepared to give him a death stare around every corner. I made it out of the hotel, but as I forced my feet to take me to the bus, acid burned in my stomach like a volcano.
I was ten feet from the bus when he stepped from the luggage hold. He turned to me and froze. His eyes widened and a wash of darkness crossed his irises. Roman strode toward me with his arms out as if ready to give me a hug.
I let go of my suitcase and held up my hand. “Don’t.”
He tilted his head; his jaw fell ajar. “Dais. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t talk to me. And don’t touch me.” I managed to keep my voice at a simmer. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scratch his eyes out. Somehow, I did neither.
His chest rose and fell as he silently stared at me, his eyes pleading. I shoved my case toward him, and with his eyes burning into my back, I climbed the stairs. One glance was enough to know some passengers were missing.
Fucking useless bloody backpackers.
I did a body count, confirmed we were short by nine, and climbed back down the stairs. My phone rang, and thinking it was someone ringing to say they were late, I jabbed the green button. “Hello, this is Daisy.”
“Hello, Daisy.” It was a man’s voice. “I’m Doctor Alberts. Your mother’s doctor.”
A hole the size of a suitcase opened up in my chest. Was I too late? Was she gone? “Oh, God. Is Mom still alive?”
“She is still alive. But I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
Gripping the phone to my ear, I charged to behind the bus so no one could see me, and especially not Roman. “Okay. What is it?”
“I’m afraid her cancer has spread into her lymph nodes. ”
“And what exactly does that mean?” I didn’t mean to have so much fire in my response. But I didn’t need this now. Not today. Not ever.
“I’m sorry, Daisy, but your mother is very ill. She is incurable.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Your mother is going to die.”
“I already know that. When?”
“It’s impossible to know when, but . . .”
“Please just give me your educated guess.”
“Maybe a month. Two at the most.”
A boulder dropped in my stomach. Tears spilled down my cheeks. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Squeezing my eyes shut, I sniffed back my emotion. “Okay, Doctor?—”
“Alberts.”
“Doctor Alberts. Thank you for telling me.”
“Do you want to talk to your mom?”
I opened my eyes and Roman was right there. The distress on his face tore my already broken heart to shreds. I turned my back to him and clenched my teeth.
“Daisy, are you there?” The doctor’s escalated voice confirmed he’d feared I’d gone.
“Yes.”
“I asked if you wanted to talk?—”
“No. No, thank you. Not right now. Tell her . . . tell her I will phone as soon as I can. I appreciate your call.” I hung up the phone and flicked away my tears. It took all my might to spin around to Roman.
“Hey, is your mother okay?”
“No, Roman. She’s not. She’s dying.”
He cocked his head and reached out with his hand.
“Don’t.”
He snapped his hand back. “Dais. If your mother passes before you have a chance to say goodbye, will you be able to live with yourself? ”
“What do you care?”
“I care, Dais. I care so much it hurts.”
“Bullshit.” I shoved my palms into my eyeballs until tiny colorful dots danced behind my eyelids.
“I’m sorry about this morning. I truly am. Please believe me. I don’t even know what happened last night.”
“Oh, believe me. Nothing happened.”
His brows drilled together. “But I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I.”
“So, tell me. I want to work this out.”
“There’s nothing to work out, Roman. Soon I’ll be out of your life, and you’ll never see me again.”
“Jesus Christ. Where is this coming from?” A cloud crossed his eyes and he swallowed so loud I heard it. “Whatever I said, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
A coil of anger rose inside me like a demon. “Oh, I know you didn’t mean it.”
“Fuck!” The fire in his eyes made me step back. “What did I say?”
I glared at him, his words burning on the tip of my tongue.
He reached forward ever so slowly as if fearful I’d kick him in the nuts.
It took all my resolve not to. He placed his hand on my upper arm, and I wanted to slap it away. Roman was a tease—a cruel, heartbreaking tease.
How can he not know how I feel?
How can he not see how much he hurt me?
I jerked back and blinked at him. He did see the signs, but he didn’t feel the same. He just couldn’t tell me. That’s why he wanted me to go.
“What?” His eyes were wide, confused.
I squeezed my eyes shut, flicking away the tears trickling down my cheek as a cold wave of reality crawled through me. But I had to know for sure. I had to hear it from his mouth.
It was an eternity before I formulated what I needed to say. I sucked in a shaky breath. “Last night, you said you loved me. Did you mean it?” My dimpling chin made it nearly impossible to talk.
His pupils grew wide, and I knew the answer before he spoke.
I was hollow. Numb.
Never again would I let that stupid word control me. I cleared my throat and stared at the pulse thumping at his temple. I fought the tears burning in my eyes. “You’re right. I should go see Mother.”
His frown grew deeper—his eyes grew dark. Fearful. “I do . . . I meant what I said.”
I held up my hand. “Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I’ll see out the end of this tour. Then I’ll leave.”
But even as I said the words, I realized I couldn’t spend another day with Roman. I couldn’t live every minute debating what he’d said last night. Words meant nothing. It was actions that proved everything.
No. I could not wait till the end of the tour. I had to leave now.
Sever ties. Walk away. Never think of Roman again.
“Actually. I’ve changed my mind.” I flicked his hand off my arm. “I’m going now.”
“But what about this tour? We need you. I need you.”
A smile wobbled across my lips. “You’ll survive without me. I’ll call Bruce and let him know, and make sure he sends someone to take my place.” I’d never done it, but I knew of other tour guides who’d had replacements flown in because they were sick or had quit. Bruce would be pissed, but I didn’t give a fuck about him. Or my job anymore .
Roman’s jaw dropped. His eyes were wide. He looked crippled with fear.
I wanted to say I’d never see him again. Never hold him again. Never have another kiss that blew my mind. But I couldn’t. He didn’t deserve to hear any of that. He needed me out of his life. And I needed him out of mine. That was exactly what was going to happen. I huffed out a breath and urged my mind to formulate a goodbye without choking up with emotion. “It’s been wonderful getting to know you, Roman.”
He jerked back. “What? This isn’t goodbye.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Of course it is. I’ve told you; my visa is about to expire. Who knows how long it will take before Mother—” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“But you can come back.”
“No, Roman.” I shook my head. “I can’t.”
He blinked at me. How did he not understand the finality of my expiring visa? How could he have missed that?
I forced myself to squeeze his hand to make it real. “I’ve had the most incredible time with you.” I was surprised at how calm my words were. But it was the total opposite to the raging torrent barging through my brain. Leaning up on my tippy-toes, I kissed his cheek. “I will never forget you.”
As I strode away, a huge lump formed in my throat.
I could barely breathe.
At the luggage hold, I grabbed my suitcase.
A sob burst from my throat as I walked toward the taxi rank I spied in the distance.
“Daisy. Stop. Don’t go. I’m sorry.” Roman’s voice was shrill. Desperate.
But I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
Breaking away was the hard part. Now all I had to do was keep moving.