Chapter Eight
Ryker
“What are we doing here?” I ask my father. I look over at the office building and know exactly where we are. “I went to the country club with you yesterday. Why are we at a therapist’s office?” I add.
“You clearly need this,” he nods toward the building. I want to fight him, but there is no use in starting an argument. What my father wants, he gets. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to the guys. I’ve been MIA for the past two days and even though I told Damon yesterday, I can’t tell them I'll be late today because I have therapy.
“Let’s go, your appointment is in five minutes,” he tenses his jaw.
“ You already set up my appointment?” I ask.
“Ryker, just go inside. You have an hour today and next week they up it to two hours.”
“I have to go weekly?” I grumble.
“I’m done with this conversation. If you’re still having trouble with Riley, then you need to sort that out before my reelection. Get your ass out of this car and go inside. I’ll send a car to pick you up in an hour.”
“Don’t worry about it. I have plans after,” I say as I open the door. My father's glare is enough to melt any man except I’m not afraid of his wrath .
“Ryker I’m doing this to benefit you,” he adds in a softer tone.
“I know,” I answer before walking inside. I know he only says things like that to keep me on the hook. It would look bad for his election if his family was falling apart. Riley’s death was used to help him win his initial election. He used my brother as an example and got so many things passed by using his heartache . He would tell everyone that he didn’t want anyone else to lose a loved one to drinking and spewed a bunch of bullshit. Of course, everything he passed had a little fine print at the end to push his agenda.
“Hello, do you have an appointment with us today?” the front desk attendant asks.
“ Yes, Ryker Sinclair,” I answer.
“ Perfect, I have you down with Dr. Brynne Thornton.
She will be out in a moment. Please take a seat and make yourself comfortable.”
“ Thank you,” I say. I take a seat and look around this
pale-painted room. If they want you to feel calm then they have no idea what they’re doing. Monotoned colors just make me think of my thoughts and they can be a bitch sometimes. The door opens and out walks a shorter woman in fancy black pants and a blouse that brings out her dark blue eyes. Her blonde hair is pinned up in a ponytail and she has a small amount of makeup on that makes it look like her natural look.
“Ryker?” She says in a sweet voice. I almost float over to her. It's like she’s a siren beckoning me to go into those deep blue eyes.
“ Y-yeah that’s me,” I manage to say.
“ You can come with me.” I follow her down the
hallway. We pass multiple doors with other names on them. She opens the door and I step inside. I look around at the walls and to my surprise it isn’t sterile in here like the rest of the office is. The walls are a deep red that reminds me of blood. I wait for my stomach to become uneasy but it never comes.
“ You can take a seat wherever you feel comfortable,”
she offers. I sit on the couch and wait for her to sit across from me. She has a file and opens it to peek inside. “Alright, so why are you here?”
I don’t know how to answer her question. Usually, they aren’t so straightforward when I go. They beat around the bush to not hurt my feelings. “Uhm, because my father scheduled me to,” I shrug.
She tilts her head and narrows her eyes. “But why did you come,” She emphasizes on the ‘you’ .
“I just told you.”
S he shakes her head. “No, your father made the
appointment, but you’re the one who chose to walk through those doors. To follow me into my office and onto my couch. So, I’ll ask again, why are you here?”
I’m taken aback by her brashness. I think I’m going to quite like Dr. Thornton. “Because I didn’t feel like dealing with my father,” I answer.
“There’s an answer. We only have an hour today, so I suggest you don’t waste your time Ryker. I’m fine with just sitting here if that’s truly what you want, but I don’t think we will get anywhere doing that. Plus, do you want to come here for two hours a week to just sit in silence?” she asks. I contemplate it and to be honest, two hours of nothing sounds like heaven. I would feel bad that I'd be wasting her time though. “Either way I still get paid,” she adds.
“Did anyone tell you that you are extremely straightforward?” I ask.
She smirks. “You seemed like the kind of guy who doesn’t like to beat around the bush. I took a gamble and it seems to be paying off,” she shrugs.
I smile. “So, this is all a show to get me to talk?”
“I mean I got you to answer my question. Would you rather me give you my typical therapist introduction first?”
“Absolutely not. Thank you for not giving me bullshit like all the rest of the therapists I’ve seen,” I let slip.
“You’ve seen other doctors?” she asks. I want to kick myself for letting another bit of information about myself out. This woman has a way of making you let your guard down around her. She could be dangerous to anyone who has secrets. The thought of me letting out our secret crosses my mind. As much as I don’t want to, I need to bring up Riley so my mind stays focused on that.
“ My brother died ten years ago,” I say softly.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Are you struggling with that still?” I contemplate her question before answering.
“ I don’t think about him as much as I used to.
Sometimes I think I miss him now that I’m the only child, but then there are times I forget he even existed,” I shrug. I’ve never opened up about Riley to anyone before. I don’t want to forget my brother and maybe the other therapists were right when they said he would want me to live a good life.
“That’s a normal behavior when losing someone you
love.” I wait for her to say the famous line I get fed every time, but it never comes. “Do you want to forget about Riley?” she asks.
“ No,” I say without thinking.
“Then there's your answer,” she crosses her legs and places her hands on top of my file.
“ Answer?”
“You said sometimes you think you miss him. There is no think,” she pauses. “You do miss him and that’s normal. He was in your life for sixteen years and your brother. You are allowed to still think about him. The way you feel when you think about him is entirely up to you.”
I sit there and look at this gorgeous woman. I have no idea what to say to her. There is no way she just gave me the reassurance I’ve been searching for for years, in the first fifteen minutes of being in her office. She is in the perfect profession. There's something about her presence that gives off forbidden fruit vibes. She could lure you in, but you better be careful because the consequences of getting caught in her web seem like they could be detrimental.
“ Thank you,” I finally say.
“I’m just doing my job,” she smiles.
“What do we do now?” I ask.
“Whatever you want. I’m here to help you. We can talk about anything that’s on your mind.”
That’s the problem though. I have so much on my mind and I can’t talk about any of it with this woman. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to keep my guard up when I’m here every week. How am I going to keep this from the guys too? We are supposed to be honest with one another so there aren’t any chances of one of us getting caught. I’m so fucked.