Chapter 35
Gabriella
“You ready for this?” asked Juliet when I opened the door of my apartment. She held a cup of iced coffee in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, taking the cup of tea she handed to me. I took a sip, the soothing peppermint easing the nausea rolling in my stomach. “Thank you for this,” I said gratefully.
“Of course,” she said, striding into my apartment with her usual cool girl style.
Today, her blonde hair was stick straight and she wore a pair of baggy jeans that cinched in at the waist with a black tank top sucked in.
Meanwhile, I wore what looked like a muumuu because it was the only thing I was comfortable in.
I wasn’t quite showing, but was still uncomfortable to wear anything form-fitting.
I was in that awkward in between phase of “is she or isn’t she? ”
“Thanks for offering to come with me today,” I said, following in after her and closing the door behind me. “I just need to finish my breakfast and I’ll be ready to go.”
Juliet nodded, taking a seat at the kitchen counter, next to the plate of eggs and toast I had made myself.
I didn’t know why I bothered with the eggs.
The only thing I could really stomach was the buttered toast, but I was trying to eat more than carbs for the baby’s sake.
I sat down and took a bite of the golden toasted bread smothered in butter before pushing around the eggs with my fork, my stomach lurching at the yellow mush.
“Food aversion?” asked Juliet, eyeing my plate.
“I guess so,” I said. “Baby seems to only want carbs. Carbs with butter.”
“My kind of person,” said Juliet with a smile.
“You hungry?” I asked, going to get up from my chair. “I can whip something up real fast.”
“I’m okay, but thanks.”
I nodded, settling back in my chair. I felt on edge, knowing I had my second doctor appointment this morning.
I was a bundle of nerves because this was the appointment that would make it all feel so real.
Up until now, I just felt sick and groggy, like a bad hangover that lasted for weeks.
It was strange to think I was pregnant when I hadn’t seen an ultrasound or heard a heartbeat, but that would all change today.
“Sooo, how are you feeling?” asked Juliet, gently prying.
“Nervous. Sick. Excited. Shocked that this is really happening.”
“I’m glad excited is in there,” she said with a warm smile. “It is exciting. You get to see your baby today.”
I took a deep breath, letting those words sink in. I suddenly just wanted to be there, for the reality to sink in. I took another bite of toast before shoving the plate of eggs across the counter toward the sink.
“Let’s go,” I said. “We’ll be early, but I can’t sit and wait anymore.”
“Me either,” she agreed.
Thirty minutes later, our cab driver pulled up to the curb of the familiar brick building. I quickly paid him and shuffled out of the car after Juliet. She linked her arm with mine and smiled at me.
“Let’s go meet baby,” she said, tugging me toward the building. I let out a small giggle, her excitement rubbing off on me. I was thankful the dread I had been feeling the past few weeks had diminished to anticipation.
I let the receptionist know I was there and settled into a seat next to Juliet.
We looked through baby magazines, pointing out different nurseries we liked and “oohing” and “aahing” over the tiny baby clothes.
It was actually fun, until I saw a couple settle into the chairs across from us.
They were hand in hand, excited and nervous expressions on their faces. I felt a tug in my heart.
They looked so happy and in love. They had probably planned this, wanting to bring a baby into their lives to raise together.
I watched as the man laid his hand gently on the woman’s stomach, stroking it with his thumb and leaning in to whisper something.
I fought back the unexpected tears that burned at the backs of my eyes.
I realized that would never be me, and that I was going to be a single mother.
I knew I had the support of my friends, and as grateful as I was for Juliet by my side, she would never fill the role of the baby’s father.
No one would fill the role of Chandler. A small part of me wished he was here. Wished he wanted to be here.
I wondered what he was doing in that moment, as I waited for a life-changing doctor appointment.
I hadn’t talked to him in days, not since he had texted me to pick up his dry cleaning.
I wondered what his absence meant, worried that he had some sort of showdown with my father if he wasn’t contacting me about work.
There wasn’t much time to wonder because an ultrasound tech in teal scrubs called me back.
I sucked in a deep breath and grabbed Juliet’s hand nervously as we followed her down the hallway.
She led me to a dimly lit room with an exam table and am ultrasound machine.
My heart suddenly picked up the pace as she instructed me to put on a thin, blue hospital gown and to lay down on the exam table.
She left for a few minutes to let me get settled, as Juliet continued flipping through a baby magazine.
I lay back on the table and my voice squeaked as I asked Juliet to come sit by me. She scooched her chair over and grabbed my hand just as the ultrasound tech walked back in.
“You ready to see baby?” asked the tech with an encouraging smile.
“Mhmm,” I murmured, trying to keep my nerves at bay.
“Now, since you’re around eight weeks, this will be an internal scan. You’ll feel a cool gel that will make this a little more comfortable for you. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but just let me know how you’re doing.”
I nodded, wincing slightly at the cold sensation as she moved the wand between my legs. I let out a shaky breath, adjusting to the feeling.
She carefully moved the wand around for a few moments before settling in one spot. I watched the screen eagerly, trying to understand the black and white images.
“There we go,” said the technician, pointing to the screen. “You see that little white blob right there? That’s your baby,” she said.
“Oh, my gosh,” whispered Juliet in awe.
I couldn’t even speak as I stared at the little kidney bean-shaped embryo, in awe that it was inside me.
This tiny little human that was mine. A little life that I now couldn’t imagine living without.
The pros and cons list seemed entirely pointless now because my heart was all in on this.
It didn’t matter how small the baby was, it had my entire heart now.
I let out the quiet sob I didn’t know I had been holding, my hand covering my mouth as I stared at the screen. Juliet reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” asked the technician.
I nodded excitedly.
Moments later the dull sound of a thump-thump filled the room.
It was music to my ears. It was life. It was love.
It was everything. I couldn’t hold back the tears then, and was glad I wasn’t alone as I watched Juliet wipe tears from her own cheeks.
It was the most surreal moment of my life, and I knew there was no place else I was supposed to be.
There was no other role I was supposed to play, except the mother to my baby.
“I’m going to snap a few photos for you to take home, and then we will be all done,” said the technician, reaching over to the keyboard of the computer. She punched a few keys and soon she had me cleaned up and ready to go.
“I’ll let you get changed and I’ll meet you outside with the photos,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said gratefully.
Juliet followed out behind her, giving me an excited smile before closing the door.
I quickly dressed, the sound of the heartbeat still in my ears.
I eagerly met Juliet and the technician outside the door, where she handed me a set of glossy photos.
I smiled down at them as I looked through them.
They would be going up on the fridge first thing.
Juliet and I returned to the waiting room to wait for the doctor, gushing over the entire experience of seeing the baby and hearing the heartbeat.
“That was so surreal,” said Juliet with a shake of her head.
“I can’t believe it,” I said with equal awe.
“That heartbeat…”
“Magic. Pure magic,” I said.
“You feeling better?” she asked, tilting her head.
“I feel like this was meant to be. I can’t imagine life without this baby, and I haven’t even met him or her yet. It’s the strangest thing…”
“You were meant to be this baby’s mother,” said Juliet assuredly.
I felt that deeply. I was determined to be a good mother, filling this baby’s life with love and laughter and warmth. Never would I take for granted this opportunity of being a mother.
I had the sudden urge to call my own mother and father.
This was such a big moment in my life, it felt strange to not include them.
I hated that we were in such an awkward place right now, when I needed them the most. It felt like I was being robbed of something, and I couldn’t handle that when I was already missing Chandler too.
Since he’d come over, I hadn’t spoken to my father.
I had tried calling him and my mother, but my calls went unreturned.
My texts went unanswered. It seemed the tables had turned, since I had done the same to him after I had found out I was pregnant.
This was the longest we had gone without talking.
I had seen my father angry before, but never like this.
But I had never done anything like this before.
I had no regrets now that I had heard that heartbeat, though.
Still, the distance between my family and me was eating away at me.
Being pregnant and single and unemployed I could handle, but being on the outs with them I was not faring well with.
I couldn’t accept my parents shutting me out, not when they were going to be grandparents to this little miracle growing inside me.
I wanted them to know their grandchild. I wanted them to be there through the various stages of pregnancy.
Already, they had missed out on so much and it was just the beginning.
My father was stubborn though, and my mother often stayed by his side on most everything, but I still had hope that we could make up before the baby came. I needed that.
The stress of everything was eating away at me, and I didn’t want it affecting the baby.
I wanted everything to be peaceful and healthy for him or her.
My life was in shambles though, with a father who probably wanted to disown me and Chandler who wanted nothing to do with me or his baby.
I wasn’t sure if my hopes for a stress-free pregnancy were all that realistic.
“Whatcha thinking?” asked Juliet as she gently nudged me.
“About how much I love this baby,” I said, putting a hand over my stomach. “And how much I want everything to be perfect for him or her.”
“It will be,” said Juliet with a reassuring nod.