2. Alex
Alex
Two Months Later
I’d taken to lying on the floor of my apartment.
I can’t say I really understood why, only that it felt more solid and reassuring than the lumpy coil bed that came with the place.
The day after Amanda asked for a divorce, I packed a duffel bag with clothes and left.
As far as I knew, all my stuff was still back at the house, which was the last fucking place I ever wanted to return to.
In the two months since that day the paperwork had been filed, though things were far from over yet.
In the meantime, the pool boy had moved into my old house, and Amanda’s lawyer was trying to take me for everything I had.
Which, now that I no longer had a job, didn’t feel like much.
However, when she said she didn’t want me to fight her, she meant she was going to take me for every penny of alimony she could get.
And considering my previous income at the firm, it was a king’s ransom.
Whatever. I didn’t care about the money anymore anyway.
In fact, I didn’t care about much of anything now.
I didn’t even care that all my life’s savings were slowly being drained away thanks to the furnished apartment I’d rented on the nice side of town and all my takeout meals.
I probably should’ve looked for a job, but again, I couldn’t be bothered, especially not after my boss let me go because the “optics of a divorce” looked bad for the company.
Oh, and Amanda somehow managed to convince my mom and stepdad that the divorce was all my fault, even though Amanda was the one who had been cheating. In fact, the only person in my entire family who seemed to care was my stepbrother, Leo. Everyone else had just disappeared from my life in a flash.
So… yeah. Fuck it, I guess. Why even bother anymore?
And that’s how I found myself on the floor, my face pressed against the low-pile carpet as I counted dust bunnies under the credenza.
My phone buzzed against the coffee table above me, vibrating with the persistence of someone who wouldn’t take silence for an answer. I’d been ignoring it for the better part of an hour, but whoever was calling clearly wasn’t getting the hint.
With a groan, I rolled over and reached up blindly until my fingers found the device. Leo’s name flashed across the screen, along with about fifteen missed calls and a string of increasingly concerned text messages.
Leo: Hey, lunch today? I’m in town for a meeting with a client
Leo: Alex? You there? Leo: Seriously, pick up your phone
Leo: I’m coming over if you don’t answer
Shit. I’d completely forgotten we’d made plans. Well, not so much made plans as he’d suggested lunch and I’d grunted something that could’ve been interpreted as agreement.
I hauled myself up off the floor, my back protesting from another night spent sleeping on carpet instead of the perfectly lumpy bed ten feet away.
My reflection in the black TV screen showed three days of stubble and hair that looked like I’d been electrocuted.
Twice. And the same wrinkled t-shirt I’d been wearing for...
fuck, how long had it been? Time had become this weird thing that didn’t seem to matter anymore.
Another buzz.
Leo: Outside your building. Buzz me up or I’m finding another way in
That was Leo for you. Determined, persistent, positive… in a word, gross. He’d probably charm his way past the front desk and get a personal escort to my room. The man knew how to use his personality to get anything he wanted. It was annoying.
I shuffled to the intercom and hit the button. “Come up, Leo.”
“Finally,” his voice crackled through the speaker, but I could hear the relief even through the static. “Jesus, Alex, I was about to call the cops.”
I unlocked the door and left it cracked open before retreating to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Not that it would help much, but maybe I could look slightly less like a vagrant who’d wandered in off the street.
The sound of Leo’s footsteps echoed in the hallway, two at a time, like always. Even his walking sounded optimistic. How could he be happy at a time like this? Didn’t he know my life was in the shitter?
I heard him pause at my door, probably taking in the state of the apartment through the gap. “Alex?” His voice was softer now, careful. “I’m coming in, okay?”
I didn’t respond, just leaned against the bathroom doorframe and watched him take in the disaster that had become my living space.
His amber eyes swept over the pizza boxes stacked on the counter, the empty beer bottles lined up like soldiers along the windowsill, and the general air of someone who’d given up on basic human maintenance.
“Fuck, Alex.” He closed the door behind him and turned to face me fully. “When’s the last time you showered?”
“Good to see you too, sunshine,” I muttered, running a hand through my greasy hair. “Really feeling the love.”
Leo’s expression softened immediately, which somehow made it worse. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want anyone’s pity.
“I didn’t mean—” He stepped closer, and I caught a whiff of his cologne. Something clean and expensive that reminded me of the person I used to be. “I’m just worried about you, man. We all are.”
“We?” I laughed bitterly. “Who’s we? Because last I checked, Mom and Michael made it pretty clear whose side they’re on in all this.”
“That’s not—”
“Amanda told them I was emotionally unavailable,” I continued, the words spilling out like poison. “That I prioritized work over our marriage. That I’d abandoned her. And they fucking believed her. Didn’t even ask for my side of the story. She probably told them I was beating her or some shit too.”
Leo was quiet for a moment, just watching me with those stupidly earnest eyes. “Maybe because there’s some truth to it?”
The words hit me like a slap. “Excuse me? I never laid a fucking finger on her.”
“I’m not saying you did. And I’m not saying what she said or did was right,” he said quickly, holding up his hands. “Cheating and lying is fucked up, and I’m not defending that. But Alex, when’s the last time you talked to me or the family? Really talked? Before today, I mean.”
I opened my mouth to answer and realized I couldn’t remember. Had it been Christmas? My birthday? Longer?
“See?” Leo’s voice was gentle, which made it cut deeper. “You disappeared into that job, into that life. We barely saw you anymore.”
“I was building something,” I snapped. “I was working my ass off to—”
“To what? Prove something to people who never asked you to prove anything?” He stared at me for a long moment, letting his words sink in. “Life is happening now, Alex. Not in ten years when your portfolio is bigger.”
“Look, if you’re just going to lecture me, you can fuck off,” I growled back, angry heat filling my belly.
“Alright,” he said, putting his hands up in mock defeat. “I won’t mention it again. But you should put on some decent clothes because I am taking you to lunch.”
I stared at him, taking in his determined expression and that stubborn set to his jaw that I remembered from when we were kids. When Leo decided something was happening, it usually happened, whether you wanted it to or not.
“I’m not hungry,” I said flatly.
“I don’t care.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and I couldn’t help but notice how the movement pulled his shirt tight across his shoulders. When had Leo gotten so... built? “You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”
“The hell I am.” I turned away from him, but he caught my arm.
“Alex.” His voice was firm now, losing some of that gentle concern. “Look at yourself. When’s the last time you left this apartment? When’s the last time you ate something that didn’t come from a delivery bag?”
I jerked my arm away from his grip, but the warmth of his touch lingered on my skin. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You’re rotting away in here like some kind of hermit.” He gestured around the disaster zone that was my living space. “This isn’t grieving, this is giving up.”
“Maybe I want to give up,” I shot back. “Maybe this is exactly where I belong.”
Leo was quiet for a moment, just studying my face with those amber eyes that seemed to see right through all my bullshit. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair.
“Okay,” he said finally. “But I’m still taking you to lunch. You can be miserable and self-destructive after you eat something decent.”
“Leo—”
“Nope.” He held up a hand to cut me off. “Go shower and put on clean clothes, or I’m dragging you out of here exactly as you are. And trust me, I will absolutely make a scene in whatever restaurant we end up at.”
I believed him. Leo had always been fearless when it came to embarrassing situations. Maybe it was because he’d come out as gay at fifteen and had to deal with the backlash. Or maybe it was because he just truly didn’t give a fuck and embarrassing me was just a bonus.
“Fine,” I muttered, stalking toward the bedroom. “But I’m ordering the most expensive thing on the menu out of spite.”
“Good,” Leo called after me. “And you’ll finish the entire goddamn thing instead of picking at it like a bird.”
I slammed the bathroom door harder than necessary and caught sight of myself in the mirror.
Christ, I really did look like hell. My blue eyes were bloodshot and hollow, stubble covering my jaw in uneven patches.
When had I gotten so thin? The t-shirt hung loose on my frame, and I could see the sharp edges of my collarbones poking through the worn fabric.
I’d been eating almost exclusively pizza, but how often that happened, I couldn’t really say.
Clearly, I’d missed more than a handful of meals in my wallowing.
The hot water felt like needles against my skin when I finally stepped under the spray. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken a proper shower instead of just splashing water on my face. The soap stung my eyes as I scrubbed shampoo through my hair, washing away days of neglect.