15. Jaelyn
CHAPTER 15
JAELYN
I roll over onto my side, a smile playing at my lips as Eli strokes my bare shoulder.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks, a look of concern in his eyes.
“No,” I whisper. It’s a total lie, but there’s no sense in making him feel bad about it. After that disastrous face-off at home with my parents, I couldn’t wait to get away and to lose myself in something other than the anger coursing through me.
Sex was the act of choice.
And regrettably, my first time wasn’t one that will go down in the books as one of the most romantic experiences of my life.
But I needed a different memory, a new one that could be powerful enough to replace the one I’d just suffered. I forced things with Eli, practically assaulting him once we got to his apartment instead of letting him take the time to prep me for what was to come, but that was just because I needed to eradicate the toxic scene from my brain. I wanted a distraction, something that would help me focus on anything other than the altercation now forever branded into my memory.
I told my father that I hated him.
A shiver runs through me as those heated words creep around my heart, making it clench. I’d forced them to the back burner, putting Eli at the center of my attention after we sped away from my house earlier tonight.
I can’t ever take those words back.
And I won’t ever forget the look of shock and horror on Dad’s face once my screams pierced the tense air.
His little girl. His baby.
Hates him.
Although I keep the smile plastered on my face, tears sting my eyes as I avert my gaze from Eli’s pensive one.
“We didn’t have to do this tonight, Jae,” he murmurs, rubbing my back.
“Yes, we did,” I sniffle. “Because I love you and you love me.”
I wait, but he doesn’t affirm.
I narrow my eyes and look back at him.
“But it was bad timing, you know, with your parents and that whole mess at the house.” His forehead pinches and he rubs the back of his neck. “You think your dad will tell Nate what happened?”
Warning bells sound in the recesses of my mind.
“Is that what you’re really worried about right now? What my brother will think?” I sit straight up, gripping his bedsheet in my fists. I just basically told my parents to go fuck themselves, that I choose Eli over all, and he’s worried about Nate’s reaction?
That’s his big concern? The fucking club?
Not me?
I just gave him my virginity! My whole self! I would have walked to the ends of the Earth to be with him if he asked!
Now I get why he didn’t.
Eli shrugs. “Well, the club comes first, right? I don’t want him to think my loyalty is in question just because we’re together.”
My eyes widen and all at once, the tears are forgotten. “So, you told me you loved me and got me into bed. Now, you’re afraid my parents are going to blow the whistle on us and compromise your future with the club?”
“Wait,” he says, also sitting up. “You’re twisting this all around. I’m just saying that I don’t want Nate to ? —”
“Oh, no, I hear exactly what you’re saying. And not saying, by the way.” I jump out of the bed and start pulling on my hastily discarded clothes. “I told you I loved you. I chose you! Over my family!”
“I never asked you to choose,” he says in a small voice.
“So is that supposed to mean you’d have chosen differently if push came to shove?” My pulse rockets with each passing second and my throat is so tight, I can barely breathe right now. He doesn’t respond, but the look on his face speaks volumes.
I throw my head back and let out a dry laugh. “I can’t believe what an idiot I was! What I gave up for you!”
“Jae, you’re making this into more than it is. All I was saying is that I don’t want there to be static between me and Nate!”
“Well, don’t worry about that. I can assure you that static between you and me will be much more damaging!” I twist around the room, searching for something, anything to hurl at his head. I grab the television remote and fling it at him. It narrowly misses his head and crashes against the wall behind him. “Thank you for an amazing night. It’s one I will never forget,” I say, sarcasm dripping from my words.
“Jaelyn!” he says again, rolling out of the bed and rushing after me. He reaches out to grab my wrist as I pull on my boots and I stare at his fingers for a split second before I use my other fist to launch a punch straight at his nose.
He groans, doubling over as he tries to catch the blood with his hand. “You’re a fucking crazy bitch, do you know that?”
I smirk at him, flinging my handbag over my shoulder and flipping him off as I pull open the door to his apartment. “Yes, so I’ve heard.”
“Jae,” Eli rasps, chasing me as I stomp over the threshold. “Please don’t tell Na ? —”
But I don’t let him finish his pathetic plea before I slam the door in his dumbass face.
The most book-smart guy I know is also the most fucking stupid one.
I don’t bother to wait for the elevator. I fly down the stairs, trying to put as much distance between us as possible before angry tears spring to my eyes.
My first love.
Ha!
What a fucking joke!
My skin crawls, like tiny spiders are creeping up and down my legs and arms. Bile rises in my throat as I rub my hands up and down my sleeves, trying to squash the sense of impending dread that immersed me right when Eli’s priorities became painfully clear.
But I loved him!
I run down the last flight of stairs and explode out of the building, collapsing against the brick wall next to the entryway before I allow the sobs to quake my body. And dammit, I hate every tear that falls from my eyes. This isn’t me. I’m not this girl!
Or am I?
I clench my fists, gritting my teeth as I swipe a hand under my eyes.
I was going to give up everything for that jerkoff!
So this rejection is more than just a little sting. It’s a full-on incineration of my heart.
I dig through my bag for my phone so I can call an Uber, scrolling through the screens for the app. I jab at the screen, typing in my destination. I’m about to select an Uber X when Nate’s name flashes across my screen.
Shit.
He knows, doesn’t he?
Mom or Dad must have called him to drop the bomb.
I close my eyes for a brief second before I accept the call.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Jae, where are you?”
I bite the inside of my mouth. “Ah, well, I’m…by Marlins Park,” I say slowly, my eyes darting left and right. Well, at least I will be by the baseball stadium in about fifteen minutes if I get walking now. A shudder runs through me. It’s dark, and strutting through this neighborhood isn’t my most brilliant plan, especially in the outfit I’m wearing.
“Okay, get there and I’ll pick you up in a few minutes,” he says in a choked voice.
“Nate, what’s wrong?” I ask, hugging my arms around myself. I don’t know why. It’s seasonably scorching hot.
“Just…get there,” he rasps, struggling to keep his voice even. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“I’m not at Marlins Park,” I blurt out, my teeth chattering uncontrollably for some reason. “I lied. I’m sorry. I’m outside Eli’s building.”
I just hear deep breaths through the phone lines. “Stay there,” he says in what sounds to be a defeated voice. His tone is sad, broken, and completely uncharacteristic. “I’m close.”
“Nate,” I whisper, my heart thumping as blood rushes between my ears. “You’re scaring me. What happened?” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Did something happen to Mom or Dad?”
“Stay put,” he says, not answering my question. “I’ll be there soon.”
Click.
That’s when the impending dread morphs into my soon-to-be reality.
I stare at the phone for a few seconds, the screen again black.
Nate is on his way here, to pick me up for some reason that he couldn’t croak out over the phone.
He didn’t respond when I’d asked about our parents.
I press a hand to my forehead, swaying against the building. My breaths slice into my lungs like tiny shards of glass, sharp and shuddering. I sink to the ground, hugging my knees as shadows move past me along the sidewalk.
Something bad is coming.
I felt it before but pushed it aside, chalking it up to the blowout with Eli and the shattering of my heart.
But there’s more to come that will shatter the rest of me, I just know it.
I sense it.
It hangs in the air around me like a thick, dark ominous cloud.
My head falls into my hands as I cry silently into them.
I sit there, the pavement rough and cool against my skin, for what feels like hours, even days. Prayer has never been my thing since I’m not an overly religious person, but it’s the one thing that springs to my mind as I tremble in the balmy air.
Please, God. Please let my parents be safe. Please don’t let them be hurt.
And please let them know how much I love them and how sorry I am!
Bright headlights finally light up the patch of concrete I’m huddled against as Nate’s car pulls up to the curb.
I jump to my feet and run over to him, yanking open the car door and crawling into the front seat, afraid to speak the words. He turns to look at me without a response to my silent question, his eyes red, tears streaming from the corners.
No words are spoken.
They don’t need to be.
His face tells me everything…none of which I want to hear or accept.
I fall into his arms, sobs quaking my body as he holds me tight against him, his sorrow mixed with mine.
My prayers were futile.
And now the guilt and heartache are all that’s left to swallow me whole.