28. Anya
CHAPTER 28
ANYA
A groan slips through my lips when my eyes crack open. I’m surrounded by a sea of white — walls, furniture, bedding.
Shit, is this heaven?
Or a really sick twist on hell, since let’s face it, I’m no angel.
Then I tune into the bleeping machines around me, and my eyes drop to the wires connecting me to them.
Okay, so I’m not dead.
I try to shift on the mattress and a sharp pain zips down my right arm. “Ahh,” I mumble softly because I can’t seem to grab any more spare energy to really make my discomfort known.
The room is so bright, I have to squint so I don’t get a massive eye headache. I fling my left arm over my face, fuzzy memories becoming more and more sharp by the second.
Meeting Conor and my uncle.
The car ride back to the Excelsior.
Conor’s threats.
The hug from Dottie…
I liked that a lot.
It’s probably the first time I felt human in a damn long time, the first time in a while that I felt like maybe I could be better…good…maybe even loved.
And then the floodgates open and the rest of the events pummel me like a crushing wave.
Dante’s hand around my neck.
His terse voice telling me in no uncertain terms that we’re through.
I sweep my tongue over my dry lips.
But I still ran onto that roof.
I still tried to knock Conor’s gun out of his hand because I couldn’t let anyone else get hurt or see anyone else suffer.
Too much blood has been shed.
Too much rage has destroyed lives.
I couldn’t stand by and let something bad happen to innocent people.
Makes me feel like there’s hope for me.
A sliver of good I can cultivate.
I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life. Extinguished a lot of lives.
Some of them deserved it.
But did they all?
I never got a chance to make that determination. I only got the orders, no questions asked.
No ability to decline the instruction.
Someone like Conor? It’d have been a pleasure to put a bullet between his eyes.
But I can’t be this person anymore.
I want more.
The good things I’ve missed out on.
I probably screwed up my chance for that, but I know I did the right thing and that’s a start.
I swallow but my throat is drier than the Mojave. “Water,” I mumble weakly. “But…I…can’t…reach,” I whine to myself since I’m alone in this vast space.
The door to my room creaks open and I slide my arm slightly away from my eyes to see who it is. Maybe a nurse? Someone who can grab me a straw?
But it’s not a nurse.
It’s Dante.
And as I look up into his concerned gaze, I remember something else…
At least I think I do. I was in shock, bordering on unconscious.
Maybe it was just a manifestation of my need to be loved…by him.
He smooths my hair away from my face. “How are you feeling?”
I make a pained face. “Not great,” I croak.
“Do you remember what happened?”
“Honestly, it was so fast, I only have little splotches of memories.” I point to the water on the nightstand. “Can you please get that for me?” I rasp.
He pours some into a cup, sticks a straw in it, and holds it up to my lips. I drink it down and as it slips down my parched throat, I truly believe that nothing has ever tasted so good.
When I finally finish and settle back against the pillow, I look up at him. “There is one thing that comes to mind,” I say in what is almost a whisper. If I didn’t really hear it the first time, I don’t know if I want to hear it now.
Not if it isn’t true.
Dante kneels down next to me, leaning his elbows on the mattress. “Tell me.”
“Well,” I start, clearing my throat. “It was just a few words and I was barely awake but I could swear I heard your voice in my ear saying them.”
“What were the words?” he asks.
“That you were, um, that you were…” My already low voice trails off and I avert my eyes. I can feel a rush of heat splash into my cheeks. “Um…” I peek at him and let out a snort as the grin stretches across his face. “You’re a real jerk, you know that? Here I am, lying in a hospital bed, shot, and you know exactly what I’m trying to say but you want me to sweat through it. Not cool.”
“Sorry. I guess it was me getting you back for invading my family and pretending you weren’t a Russian mafia assassin who was trying to steal my niece.” He snickers. “You deserved to sweat.”
I roll my eyes and wince as I twist toward him. “Was it true?”
He holds my gaze for a few seconds, then nods. “Yes. One-hundred percent.”
I let out a shaky breath. “You told me it was over and I understood why. I rushed Conor because it was the only way I could make up for what I’d done to you all.”
“I know.”
“I want to be a good person, Dante,” I say, tears stinging my eyes. “I don’t want to live inside of this empty shell anymore. I don’t want to carry any more hate and I don’t want to cause any more torment for others. I don’t want to live by someone else’s rules. I want to make my own choices, create my own happiness because I finally believe I can have it. And for the past week, I’ve seen what that can be. I had such a strong connection with you and Heaven and Aisling from the first time we met.” I giggle. “Not so much with Matteo, but maybe that’ll change now.”
“Just to be clear…” he says, lacing his fingers with mine. “You’re saying you want a new career?”
“I’m saying I want a new life.” I smile, bringing his hand to my heart. “Here, with you, if that’s still an option.”
“I think it can be arranged.” He brushes his lips against my forehead.
“And just for the record,” I say. “I’m in love with you, too.”
“Glad to hear it because you were really leaving me hanging there.” He winks at me.
“You could have waited and told me when I was conscious.”
“You’re right. But I’m not exactly conventional.”
I nod. “Understatement of the year.”
“So what the hell are we gonna do now?” he murmurs, tracing a finger down the side of my cheek. “Two retired assassins? Are we gonna open a flower shop or something? Or maybe a day care?” he says with a chuckle.
“I love Aisling but I’m not ready for other kids. They’re too sticky and whiny.”
Dante nods. “I’m with ya there.”
“How’s Maura?” I ask.
“Good, she’s being checked out but everything seems fine. Guess Conor was storing up a few crumbs of humanity in the center of that black and toxic heart of his.”
I let out a breath. “I’m glad she’s okay.” Then I let out a gasp. “Oh my God! Uncle Boris! Dante, is he?—?”
Dante nods. “Also fine. We found Conor’s car and sure enough, he was stuffed in the trunk. They gave him a pretty good beating, but it’s just bumps and bruises. Nothing serious. Although, things would have turned out a lot differently if Conor hadn’t followed you in to the hotel. See, he knew you were a good person. That’s why he changed his plan.” He smiles at me. “If an evil bastard like that can see the good in you, then you know it’s really there.”
A soft knock on the door startles me and it creaks open. I crane my neck to see who it is, maybe this time a nurse who can get me some pain meds. That’s my hope, anyway.
But it’s not a nurse.
It’s Matteo. And he’s wearing a sheepish expression as he walks toward us.
A smile lifts his lips, the first real one I’ve seen from him since we met. Well, the first one directed at me.
He’s actually pretty gorgeous when he’s not scowling.
“Anya,” he says. “How are you feeling?”
“A lot better now,” I say, squeezing Dante’s hand in mine. “Listen, I’m sorry for?—”
Matteo holds up a hand. “No. You don’t need to apologize to me again. You did it once and I rejected it. Yet you still put your life on the line to save me and my family. I’m the one who owes you . You saved everything I love, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough.”
“I’m sure you can come up with some things to show your gratitude,” Dante scoffs playfully. “Like maybe a couple of cars, a house, some jewelry…”
“Stop,” I say, giving his hand a gentle slap. I look up at Matteo. “I don’t need anything. I just want to make sure we’re cool. I understand if it’s going to take you some time to trust me and I can wait.” I smile.
“Trust definitely isn’t something I give up easily. I didn’t trust you when you came into our lives.” He smirks. “My instincts weren’t wrong, just saying.”
Dante snorts. “You had to get the last word, didn’t you?”
“Hey, it is what it is. Deal with it.” His eyes darken. “But after what you did on the roof…I mean, you took that bullet for me. Nobody except my brothers and my wife would have done that,” he says, shaking his head.
“Some of your brothers,” Dante mutters with a mischievous smirk on his face.
Matteo flips him off. “Look, what I’m trying to say is I knew in that second who you really were.”
Heaven pops her head into the room. “Can I come in now? Did you finish groveling?” she asks Matteo.
“He didn’t really grovel,” Dante says. “The undertone was pretty much ‘I was right, guys. Just remember that.’”
Heaven rolls her eyes. “Jeez, Matty. The girl saved us all. Would it kill you to show a little humility?”
“He’s fine,” I say with a chuckle. “And we’re good.”
“Okay,” Heaven says, giving Matteo a look as if to say ‘I don’t believe her at all but I’ll let it go until we get home.’ “Well, you rest up and when you get home, we’ll get you all set up?—"
“Ah, yeah, about that,” Dante interjects. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
Heaven furrows her brow. “Meaning?”
“Meaning I’m gonna take care of it and get her all set up at my place.”
Heaven’s face lights up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. “Oh. Well, then, it sounds like that’s settled.” She can’t even help the huge smile plastered across her face as she rubs a hand down my arm. “Do you need anything at all, sweetie?”
I gaze at Dante, tiny flutters in my belly alerting me to the fact that the butterflies are back in force. “Nope, I finally have everything I need right here.”