Chapter 17 Dove
seventeen
Dove
Startling awake, I find a burning heat coming from both my front and back. A prickling feeling lingers along my scar, a pressure around my neck where Fury had his phantom hands on me.
It felt so real.
It always feels so real.
Now that I’m in the warm comfort of my bonded’s arms, I find it hard to bring the rage back up to the surface. I also forgot to ask about Saff. Dammit. I hope she’s okay. I’m sure Fury would tell me if something was wrong.
With my eyes now fully open and turmoil over Fury under control, I can take stock of my body and the furnace it has been placed in.
Behind me, I sense the thrum of my second heart—the one that lives inside Rivern’s chest—beating in rhythm with my own, one of his arms wrapped over my stomach, the other cushioning my head.
What I don’t expect is the beast who slumbers next to us. The light of the primary sun starts to alight his features fully to me—Gideon in wolf form. Black, luscious fur with white streaks interlaced over taut, straining muscles.
He lies curled up beside us.
I would almost call him cute if he weren’t so huge with his wide snout and incisors that stretch over his lower jaw. His breath moves silently through his wide nostrils that shift ever so slightly, in and out.
Watching my beast slumber is almost as soothing as being in Rivern’s arms. Knowing he feels comfortable enough to take his rest is all the permission I need.
A twinge radiates through my chest. Two amber eyes pop open to find my green eyes staring straight at him. His long, red tongue comes out to lick his lips, making me push further back into Rivern’s hold.
He is brute strength made physical. Seeing him this close, close enough to reach a hand out and touch, is a testament to that.
Taking a deep breath, I hold tighter to the golden-lined arm wrapped around my waist. I wish I knew what Gideon was thinking, especially after what happened back in the Silver Sands.
I wanted him at that moment. Maybe I still want him.
It can’t be. I’m already struggling to come to grips with Rivern, my bonded, and Fury, my forced bonded.
It was selfish of me to want more with Gideon.
I wasn’t sure I was worth Rivern’s love and affection.
Or worth the Goddess’s bond. But regardless, it was thrust upon us, and we had no choice.
However, I have the option to let Gideon choose more than me, rather than this craziness I am now twisted in.
Gideon’s expression turns pensive. We continue to gaze at each other, my own face a mix of confusion and worry. An audible huff moves through the wolf, waking Rivern behind me.
His hands tighten further around my waist, trying to suck my body to his.
“I guess that was my wake-up call,” he groans, nuzzling his nose into my hair, taking a deep inhale. “I could get used to waking up like this.”
A sudden shyness overtakes me at his words, my heart beating rapidly, my body going still. The only other person in this world I’ve ever shared a bed with is gone, swallowed up by the monsters of my past. Will that happen to everyone I love? By being bound to me, is Rivern doomed?
The threads of our connection zap at my anxious thoughts.
“You’re mine, and I’m yours. Through this rhythm and the next, my love.” His words find the fizzing anxiousness lingering in my veins, blanketing them in sunshine—a grounding only Rivern can grant me, an understanding that no matter the daemons I battle, they are not my truth.
It doesn’t stop my thoughts of Wren. She left me on that cliff, a sorrow along the breeze. I long to hear her voice again. She would no doubt think my lusting over two males hilarious, even though it is torture.
She’d probably say something crude about Gideon’s muscles and how they would reflect the package below. A puff of air comes out of my nose at the thought.
“What’s so funny, love?” Rivern’s words travel through my head, wrapping it in a hug.
“I was just thinking about my sister.” I don’t elaborate more than that. Talking about Wren isn’t on the cards for me. That door shut long ago. Even this moment of reprieve, where her smooth skin and bright green eyes flash before me, is a rarity. Usually, her features are drip—
No, don’t think about that.
Stop it.
Stop.
I try to push the image back into the cave. I knew I shouldn’t have thought about her. Little bits and pieces slip past Argus as he drifts into slumber more and more, letting me take the reins for the first time, my strength slowly becoming my own since leaving Haven.
My face must be contorting into one of pain and anguish, a silent scream tearing through my limbs. My body is manoeuvred so I’m sitting on Rivern, his hand cupping my cheeks, soft, velvet words finding my ears, not just my thoughts.
My hands shake down by my sides, my eyes caught on a horrifying sight. One I haven’t seen in several rotations—not since I locked it in the cavern of my heart, far away from my own prying eyes. The eyes of a small child who witnessed her…
This is all wrong. I’m not meant to see this. To see her this way.
Firm fingers are pressing into the sides of my face, urging me to open my eyes. I can’t.
I should’ve stayed in the temple.
I should’ve never tried to learn the song.
I should’ve stayed in my safe place with Wren and Argus. Then she would still be here, and Argus would be taking his duties more seriously.
Sure, it wasn’t perfect. It was safe. Safe from the mangled, dripping object in my mind’s eye. Green orbs, wide and filled to the brim with tears, call to me. Melting fingers reach for me.
A deafening sob escapes my lips, my body limp, eyes closed in Rivern’s lap.
This time, the darkness doesn’t overtake me.
Instead, two black eyes blink into existence before me.
“Breathe, Pet.” His voice is controlled and filled with strength—something I siphon like a baby bird taking its first breath.
I need his strength to bolster me. With my breaths evening out, my fingers fly up to grasp a hard chest and wrap around Rivern’s neck, pulling my body roughly into his.
Fury says nothing else as my eyes blink rapidly back into focus.
Running my hands into silken hair, I breathe Rivern in. Summer nights under pine trees watching the starry night sky come to mind. My body slowly moves into a calm state.
From outside of our bubble, I hear a rough growl.
Gently pushing back from Rivern, I find a hard line crinkled between his eyes—worry. I feel it along the bond. Reaching up, I run a finger along the furrowed line.
“Love.” It’s almost a gasp as he says it, making me wonder if he can see what I can.
“No, but I felt what it made you feel.” His hands are gripping my hips with a bruising strength. I don’t mind. I want to feel his hands on me long after they are gone.
“I’ve scouted the path. We are not far off the void,” Moyrie’s voice comes from behind me. I turn around to find the Silver Sands princess standing next to Gideon, who is practically seething within his beast form, pacing.
What’s his deal?
Moyrie appears unfazed by the turmoil surrounding her. I wonder if she just missed my mini breakdown. Gideon didn’t. I don’t know how to take his reaction. His eyes are black as night, and his teeth glisten with ferocity, directed towards me.
A loud squawk comes from overhead.
Time to go.
After Rivern makes sure I eat and drink, we are moving back towards the void, following a flying shadow on the sand before us, my earlier psychotic blip cast aside. He understands that it isn’t something I am willing or able to talk about.
Wren is a raw ache in my heart. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about that day and what happened to us. She meant everything to me, and then she was ripped away by him.
I think it’s part of the reason I despise the king. He’s a reflection of the atrocities I grew up with in my household, being ruled and constantly hurt by a figure who was meant to care for us. In truth, all he gave us was heartache and pain.
I often wondered if I was broken, unable to love or be loved after everything that happened. I never wanted to go through losing love again. Having your heart obliterated is not for the faint of heart. I don’t recommend it.
It felt like I wasn’t strong enough, especially as I spent my turns toiling away in the temple.
My heart never found the strength to work its pieces back together again.
Castor was a girl’s folly, an attachment I formed because I knew it could never be—crushes are not laced in forever. He was a safe bet. I realise that now.
However, this fae prince beside me, who hasn’t let my hand go since we left our sleeping site, is determined to wedge his way into the cracks of my shattered pieces and mould them back together. And I think I’m okay with him doing it.
Piece by piece.
I trust him.
Goddess, I trust him.
I’ve never felt that would happen for me. Wanting that has always felt like a dream far beyond my capabilities.
Rivern’s tight grip squeezes and lets go ever so slightly, like he knows exactly what I’m thinking as we trek through the Sands.
Everything else in my life is so confusing.
Gideon, Fury, this task and my kingdom. Rivern feels like the only one with whom I can say with absolute certainty I know where I stand.
The bond beats a steady thrum at my happy thoughts just as my hand is tugged back abruptly.
“What the—” I exclaim, looking down at a circular puddle of water in the sand a short distance from what I assume is our final destination—the void.
“Careful where you stand,” Moyrie remarks too late, her eyelids shifting back into her head, quickly taking stock of the many small puddles around us, all heading to the steep drop-off.
“Where did these come from?” I question. The shiny waterholes shimmer in the light. Crouching down, I run my free hand through the sparkling water, heated from the suns’ rays.
The surface reflects a kaleidoscope of colours as I move my hand back and forth.
“Odd,” I remark quietly towards the rippling water.
That is the last word that comes through my chapped lips, a hand shooting out of the water to grab mine, pulling me under.
It happens so suddenly, I don’t have time to react. I definitely don’t have time to brace myself for the impact of being hauled into the puddle big enough to fit a body through—my body.