Chapter 23
twenty-three
Charlie
A s the hospital room door closed behind Emily, Dad leaned his cheek against Mom’s hair. “Peace restored.” Within seconds, his feet twitched.
Mom and I snickered. Dad could sleep anywhere, in any position.
I gazed down at my new sister, still snuggled in Theo’s arms, and rolled her name around in my brain. Catherine Charlie. Maybe I’d call her Catie Chuck. I giggled to myself. I probably should’ve protested harder. It didn’t flow well at all. Now Catherine Louise, after great grandma Dupree, who I’d never met, rolled off the tongue nicely. Or Catherine Grace. Or Claire, Jo, Lynette. Pretty much any name flowed better than Charlie.
But I was honored and I vowed right then that I’d be worthy of it. Of her. I’d be the big sister she deserved.
I glanced up and caught Mom and Theo locked in some kind of intense eyebrow duel, raising and lowering them like secret agents passing classified intel.
I narrowed my gaze. “What?”
Mom nudged Dad awake. “Honey, it’s time. Charlie and Theo have to leave in a few minutes.”
Dad stretched. “Okay, I’m ready.”
Now my eyebrows were lifting. “What’s going on?”
Theo chuckled. “We’re having an intervention.”
“ Shocker .” I huffed. “What is it this time? My reckless overuse of dry shampoo? My dangerous tendency to mind my own business? Oh, I’ve got it.” I snapped my fingers. “I coughed wrong and you mistook it as a cry for help?”
“Yeah, we’re all really concerned about the dry shampoo thing,” Theo said so seriously, it was impressive.
“What, then? I have no vices.”
“Oh, I think you do,” Mom sang.
Tension coiled in my stomach as they each looked at me like I should know what on earth they were talking about. “Are you going to tell me?”
“The vice of self-deprecation,” Dad said simply.
“How is that a vice?” I asked. “And I like to call it humility.”
“No ma’am,” Mom said, her tone devoid of humor. “This is going well beyond basic humility.”
“I’m going to need you to elaborate,” I said, jaw clamped tight.
Theo let out a long-suffering sigh, like he really didn’t want to be part of this but he would for the greater good. “It’s a problem—because it causes you to accept less than you deserve. Exhibit A: Lorne .” He said my ex’s name like it was something he’d scraped off the bottom of his shoe.
“Look.” I sat up. “I know he was a mistake.”
“That’s not what this is,” Dad said. “Nobody’s here to throw your past in your face. Every one of us has done things we regret.” He rubbed his beard. “What I want to know is: why did you marry him?” It wasn’t an accusation. More like a soul-searching question.
Before I had time to ponder it, Theo answered for me. “Because you thought he was the best you were going to get.”
You know those dreams where you’re walking around naked, no idea what happened to your clothes? Yeah. That was me right then.
My face heated, all the blood rushing to my head.
Mom pulled the thin blanket up higher on her legs. “You’ve got some Mother Teresa complex going on, sweetie—and it’s not good.”
I huffed. “Mother Teresa was one of the most selfless people who ever lived.”
“Nice try at deflecting,” Theo said. “But we’re talking about you.”
I shot him a glare.
He shrugged. “The truth hurts.”
Mom glanced at the clock on the wall. “We’re running out of time, so we’re going to get to the heart of the matter. You have to stop putting everyone ahead of yourself to the point that you don’t prioritize your own happiness. It’s unhealthy.”
“And,” Dad added. “You have to stop pushing people away.”
I forced myself to inhale and exhale slowly. “I know I’ve done that and I’m sorry. I’m going to try to do better.”
“You still don’t get it,” Theo said with a frustrated laugh, his thumb tracing over Cate’s arm. “We’re not here because we want an apology. You didn’t do anything wrong. We want you to realize that you deserve to be happy.”
“I know that,” my voice quavered unconvincingly.
Mom’s eyes turned down. “Do you?”
I cleared my throat. “Okay. I’m working on it.”
“What happened between you and Lorne?” Dad asked. “The girl we saw in Hawaii was our Charlie. Full of fire and determination and ready to fight the world for what she thought was right.”
“And why, until today, wouldn’t you look me in the eye?” Mom asked.
The nurse poked her head in. “Visiting hours are over.”
“We’re not quite done here,” Mom said brusquely, eyes alight. Mom never got hot unless she felt strongly about something. “We will send them out as soon as we’re finished.” Then, softer, she said, “Thank you.”
The nurse nodded and shut the door behind her.
“Now.” Mom swung that fire on me. “Quit hedging. We are going to have a come-to-Jesus right here, right now, Charlotte Elise. Even if that means we’re here till two a.m.” The nurse would lose her mind. Maybe call security. But the gleam in Mom’s eyes said she did not care. “Answer the question, please. Why wouldn’t you look at me?” Maybe if she hadn’t sounded like I’d mortally wounded her, I would’ve lied. But I couldn’t hurt her anymore.
I squeezed my eyes shut, on the verge of hyperventilating. Theo shifted on the couch and wound his arm around me, letting me know I had an ally. At least for the moment. It gave me the strength I needed.
I opened my eyes, looked right at Mom so she’d see I wasn’t going to avoid her anymore, and barreled in. “Because I know Trevor hurt you, a lot, and ever since I found out, I can’t shake it. And even if it’s not rational, I don’t know how you can stand to look at me because I’m part of that hurt. I’m a result of that hurt and therefore, looking at me is perpetuating even more pain for you.”
Mom’s resolve crumpled, a look of horror taking its place.
“Why?” Theo asked. “That’s not what I think about myself and I’m a product of rape too. We are not Trevor’s choices.”
“I know. In theory, I know. But in here…” I stabbed at my chest. “I…I’m still struggling.”
Mom still hadn’t gotten hold of her face. “Oh, baby, no. It is nothing like that.” Her hands pressed against her heart. “Maybe it would be for some people. But you know what it was like for me? You and Theo gave me a reason to get out of bed every day. A reason to keep going.” A tear slipped out and she quickly wiped it away. “Did I want to have kids that way? Or that young? No. I would have liked to make that choice. But you gave me a purpose and…” She smiled. “Being your mom made me so happy.”
“You know what your Mom told me when she confessed that you and Theo were her kids?” Dad asked. “She said that the minute the doctor put you in her arms, as unconventional as your conception was, she knew that you were meant to be a part of her family. She felt that to her core.”
Mom nodded. “During my darkest hours, you and Theo were little rays of sunshine. How could I be unhappy with you two right there reminding me that even in the worst situation, God had given me two amazing miracles.”
“Mom.” My fingers balled into fists. “I’m not a miracle.”
“Yeah, you are.” Ashton chuckled bitterly. “When your mom finally let me love her, my life went from sad, depressing, and lonely, to boom!” He pounded a fist against his thigh. “Insta-family.” His expression shifted from bright to melancholy. His thumb brushed over Mom’s wedding band. “When you all disappeared right after the wedding, I didn’t just mourn her. I mourned you and Theo too. I missed you so much.” His deep voice cracked with emotion. “I’d gotten my heart set on all of you.”
It still wrecked me, remembering the night witness protection swooped in and made us leave our big, brand new Dupree family. Mom, Theo, and I had been devastated. But Ashton’s devastation was equal if not greater than ours. He had no idea where we were or if he’d ever see us again.
My gaze drifted to his shoulder where the faint scar of a gunshot wound stood as a monument to my mom’s tenacity. She’d slipped away in the night and gone back for him, against everything WITSEC had ingrained in her. She couldn’t live without him. And they both almost died because of it. But we were together from that day on.
I nodded at Dad. “But you said it. I’m not the same person that I was. I’m nobody’s ray of sunshine. No miracle.”
“You are,” Mom said.
“You are,” Dad echoed.
“You are,” Theo finished.
There I went, crying again.
Mom smiled through her tears. “And we’re going to keep telling you that until you believe it.”
“And.” Dad’s jaw pulsed. “You deserve to be loved.”
“By us,” Theo said. “And also Cash.”
“If that’s what you want,” Mom said.
Theo snorted. “Oh, she wants.”
If I thought my face was hot before, it was nothing compared to now. “How would you know what I want?”
Theo laughed lightly. “We’ve seen you kiss him twice now.”
“I was filming a music video,” I growled. “It’s called acting.”
“Nuh uh.” Theo’s mouth curved up in amusement. “You’re not that good of an actress. You can’t even keep a straight face when you lie.”
I threw my hand out. “There isn’t a woman on earth who wouldn’t kiss Cash like that. He’s one of those once-in-a-generation, eye candy phenomenon who’s every woman’s type.” I glared at Theo. “And if you tell anyone I said that, I will post that shirtless gym picture you took, along with your phone number.” Plenty of guys would’ve been cool with that, but not Theo. He didn’t even have social media.
He looked at me like I’d been possessed. “Who are you?”
“She’s the girl who loves Cash Dupree,” Dad teased.
“No,” I growled.
“Come on, Charlie,” Mom said, frustrated. “We all see it. Why can’t you?”
“Cash is way too good for me, okay?” When all three of them opened their mouths to argue, I cut them off. “He’s freaking beautiful . Sings like God handed over his own vocal cords. He’s going to be rich and famous and he could have any woman he wants. He doesn’t want me.” I jabbed at my chest again. “Not really. If I let myself fall for him, it will break my heart when he realizes I’m not half as good as the dreams he’s made up about me. Then, he’ll leave me for Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez or somebody that is way higher caliber than me. Is that what you all want?”
“Taylor’s too old,” Theo said matter-of-factly.
“Selena then,” I hissed.
“She’s only a couple of years younger, I think.” He scoffed. “What a stupid conversation. Cash would never want women like that. He wants someone down to earth. Someone real.”
“He wants you,” Mom said.
They all gave me a pity stare.
“No. He doesn’t. You’ll see. He’ll be like every other celebrity and go for looks and money.”
Even Ford was like that. Kind of. Maybe Aunt Peyton hadn’t been famous when he met her but she was undeniably gorgeous. Former Miss Seddledowne.
Out of my periphery, I saw a muscle in Theo’s jaw tick. “If that’s what you think of Cash, then you don’t know him as well as I thought you did.” A quick puff of air escaped his nostrils. “He’d be so mad if he knew that’s what you thought of him.”
Ouch.
“He dated a lot of girls while you were gone,” Dad said. “He’s tired of playing a game he never wanted to play in the first place. You’re all he’s ever wanted.”
“Cash loves you,” Mom said. “The throw-myself-in-front-of-a-moving-train-to-save- you kind of love. It’s not a passing fancy. It’s deep and real and lasting and we can all see it. Why can’t you?”
“Because it’s too good to be true.” My voice shook. “Cash is way out of my league.”
Theo shook his head, clearly annoyed. He shifted so he could look at me better. “I’m your brother, so please take this the way I mean it, but you’re really, really pretty. Don’t you know that?” I stared at him, pressing my hands against my cheeks, feeling more vulnerable by the second. “Remember that time I brought my freshman roommate home to visit?”
“Brandon?” I muttered, half laughing. “The walking ego who told me he’d kissed sixty-seven girls like I should be impressed?”
Theo chuckled. “Yes. And he really had kissed that many. Trust me, I was a first-hand witness to at least twenty of them.” He shifted Cate in his lap. “Well, he had like some kind of love-at-first-sight moment when he saw you.”
My brow lifted. “Brandon?” I asked in disbelief. He’d been pretty hot. I might’ve given him a second look if his douchebag personality hadn’t gotten in the way. Nowhere near as cute as Cash though. Even back then. No one was as cute as Cash.
“Yup,” Theo said. “And then he tried to make you number sixty-eight and you shut him down with a hand to the face.”
“No regrets.” I shrugged. “I am nobody’s sixty-eight, okay?” I had some standards.
“There’s that fire,” Mom said proudly.
Theo laughed. “Right after you rejected him, he walked into my room, fell on the bed and cried. Like actual tears. When we got back to school, he couldn’t go out with anyone for a month, he was so shook by the experience.”
“Oh no.” I waved my hands. “A whole month.” My lips pursed. “Just doing my part to keep the Brandons of the world humble.”
“The point is,” Dad said. “You don’t see yourself clearly. So we’re going to help you out.” His chin dropped, his eyes holding mine in place. “You’re beautiful. Undeniably. And you’re funny and smart and sassy.”
“You don’t put up with people’s crap,” Mom said. “Like Brandon trying to make you number sixty-eight. And you fight for those you love. Also...” She sighed wistfully. “I wish I had your butt.”
I gaped. “You’re envious of my butt?”
“So envious.”
“Words every girl wants to hear her mom say,” Theo said.
“You’ve still got a great butt,” Dad said to Mom.
“This isn’t about me.” Mom kissed his cheek. “But thank you, baby. And it’s not so great right now, but I’ll get back to it when my body recovers.”
“No rush,” Dad said. “I’ll keep slapping it anyway.”
I snorted. Theo groaned.
Mom turned her attention back to me. “You’re generous. You always root for the underdog. And you’re wicked smart.”
“I’m a college dropout,” I said in case she’d forgotten.
“You’ve been figuring yourself out,” Dad said. “But you can go back to school. Cash would support that.”
The room fell quiet, all three of them watching me expectantly.
“Maybe.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I don’t know.”
Mom wiggled her toes under the blanket. “Well, we’ll stand by you, whatever you choose. But please believe that you are equal to Cash.”
“In every way,” Dad added.
I nodded like their words had finally gotten through. But they didn’t have all the facts. No one did. If they had, it might change their minds.
And if Cash knew…
He wouldn’t keep looking at me like he was starving for me.
He wouldn’t want to look at me at all.