Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Emerson
I f I was going to make huge life decisions, I needed food first.
I drove back into town and parked as close to Humble’s as I could get. Their pizza was something besides orgasms that Ben had gotten me addicted to.
Since I hadn’t called in advance, I went to the counter and placed my order, then stepped back to wait.
“Emerson!”
I turned to find Chloe and Hayden huddled along an inner wall.
“Hey, ladies. Did you order to-go too?” I asked.
“We did,” Hayden said. “Just got done with last-minute shopping and dropped in on a whim when we caught a whiff.”
“The smell is killing me,” I said, realizing how hungry I was. “Big family bash tonight?”
“ Au contraire ,” Chloe said cheerfully. “Our guys took the kids shopping in the city. They’re staying at Faye and Simon’s tonight.”
“Which means Chloe and I have no kids to feed, clean, or put to bed,” Hayden chimed in. “What about you?”
“My kids are at Ben’s for the night.”
“Oh, so you’re taking dinner back to the hordes?” Hayden said.
“Nope. I’m…” I pressed my lips together, considering. I was as close to Chloe as anyone. I trusted her. And Hayden… I didn’t know her quite as well, but I liked her and knew she was smart and trustworthy. While I didn’t always rush to confide in others, I needed to tonight like never before. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” With a nervous laugh, I said, “I’m freaking out, to be honest.”
“What’s going on?” Chloe asked.
“It’s a long story. Is there any chance you’d want to hole up in my hotel suite with me, eat pizza, and help me straighten out my head?” I directed the invitation to both of them. “Impromptu girls’ night?”
Hayden and Chloe looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded.
“Absolutely,” Hayden said. “Girl time is the best. We’ll help you figure shit out.”
“But what are you doing in a hotel?” Chloe asked. “I thought you were living at Ben’s?”
“Yeah. That’s part of the long story.” I attempted to grin sheepishly.
“It sounds like we might need wine with our pizza,” Hayden said.
“Yes,” I said. “Please. We could get some from the hotel bar.”
“I’m not sure by-the-glass is going to do it for this,” Chloe said as Hayden’s name was called out to pick up their order. “We’ll stop by the Country Market and grab a couple of bottles and meet you. You’re at the Marks?”
I nodded and told her my suite number. “I’ll see you there. Thank you.”
She brushed off my thanks. “This is perfect. Girls’ night in the fancy hotel that brought me back to Dragonfly Lake in the first place. I can’t wait to see your suite.”
They headed out with their pizza, and I exhaled deeper than I had in the past fifteen minutes.
“Enough of the small talk,” Hayden said forty-five minutes later as we drank rosé and devoured our pizza. They’d also brought a pound package of M&M’s and a monster-sized bag of Twizzlers Chloe claimed would give us clarity. “What’s going on between you and the handsome veterinarian?”
“At Max’s, you were together but secret,” Chloe said.
“And temporary,” I reminded her.
I put my slice down and filled my half-empty wineglass to the brim.
The three of us were in the suite’s living room, around the coffee table, with one lamp emanating warm, homey light. Leaning back into the surprisingly comfortable armchair, I caught Hayden up.
“It was good?” Hayden asked. “Between you two?”
My eyes fluttered shut, and I sighed. “The sex was incredible.”
“Just the sex?” Chloe asked.
I swallowed a gulp of wine as I considered that. “Not just the sex. Everything. The partnership, the conversation, the coparenting…” Saying that out loud made me realize just how much I’d had my head in the sand the whole time to not see what was happening between us. “Even when Blake was alive, I didn’t have that. I mean, we could discuss really big things on the phone sometimes, but the three thousand parenting things that come up in a day? It was all me because he was always gone.”
“So it was like you were a single mom even when you were happily married,” Hayden said.
“Right. I had mom friends on the base, and we traded babysitting and talked about potty training and nightmares and all the things, but they were just friends in the same position.”
“So moving in with Kizzy must’ve been a godsend,” Chloe said.
“Yep.” I ate a bite of pizza, then said, “Until she defected.”
“So you lost Blake, and then you lost Kizzy, just in a different way,” Chloe said intuitively.
“And your mom, right?” Hayden asked.
I nodded. “My grandma too.”
“Hell’s bells, that’s a lot. My mom died a few years back too,” Hayden said somberly. “It sucks so bad.”
Chloe, who sat next to Hayden on the sofa, pulled her in for a side hug.
“I’m sorry, Hayden,” I said. “I didn’t know her well, but I remember her always being so nice.”
She nodded. “It’s been a while, but you never get over it.”
I shook my head, feeling that in my heart. “I have issues with letting people too close,” I admitted. “Like, a deep fear in my bones.”
“Heck yes,” Hayden said. “Who could blame you? Zane lost a good friend in the Navy, and it messed him up so much we almost didn’t make it.”
“Really?” I asked, a little shocked because they seemed so happy every time I saw them together.
She nodded as her eyes teared up. “Dammit.” She gulped her wine, wiped her eyes, and laughed. “Sorry. It was a hard time, but we’re good now.”
“Thank goodness. And I’m going to take a wild guess that you and Ben are not good,” Chloe said to me.
I blew out a shaky breath. “No. Kizzy called to cancel her visit. She and her wife were supposed to arrive last Friday.”
“Nooo. If your kids are like Sutton, they couldn’t wait to see their grandma.”
I nodded. “I was looking forward to it too. And I’ve used her impending visit to soothe Skyler when she’s been inconsolable about all the changes in our life. My mother-in-law’s bailing on us totally triggered me,” I said. “It brought back all the heartache of being left alone. Again.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” Chloe said.
“After Blake died, I promised myself I’d never have a serious relationship again.” I swirled my glass, watching the wine circle inside. “You can’t stop people from dying, but I could keep my heart safe.”
Both girls watched me, waiting, as if they knew what I was going to say.
“I’m supposed to be deciding whether to put an offer in on a house tonight,” I said instead, one hundred percent diverting.
“What?” Chloe said.
“You forgot to mention that little detail,” Hayden scolded.
Chloe narrowed her eyes, looking pensive. “It’s all connected somehow, isn’t it?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, finding it even harder than I’d expected to talk about my feelings for Ben.
“You can tell us anything,” Hayden said. “It doesn’t go anywhere.”
I swallowed, nodded, opened my eyes. Took in a deep, fortifying breath. “The house is perfect on paper, but something kept me from jumping on it. I went to Ben’s afterward to get my kids, and as I drove up—” I sucked in air, tearing up again.
Hayden popped up off the sofa, came to my side, and put her arm around me. “You can let it out.”
I covered my face and gave myself a pep talk. Put your big-girl panties on and just say it. All of it.
I sat up straighter. Hayden held my hand. Chloe refilled my glass. This was what girlfriends did, and I loved them for it.
“This strong, overwhelming feeling hit me, like…home. And then I saw Ben through the kitchen window, and I realized that…that…I fell in love with him.” Tears gushed down my cheeks.
They were quiet for a few seconds. Then Hayden said, “Does he know?”
I shook my head.
“Has he given any signs that he feels the same way?” Chloe asked.
I lowered my lids and nodded. “He says he loves me.”
Hayden hugged me tightly to her side. “So it would be perfect if you weren’t scared.”
I nodded again, and a sob escaped. “I feel sort of dumb because some people would be so happy but…”
“Fear sucks,” Chloe said matter-of-factly. “So, so much.”
Hayden hugged me while I cried. After a couple of minutes, my tears slowed. I wiped my eyes and sat up straighter. “I know I seem crazy.”
“We all have our own special crazy,” Hayden said.
“The question is, what are you going to do?” Chloe asked. “Are you going to let your fear prevent you from having a wonderful life with Ben and his kids?”
My mind flashed to Ben’s home, with the fat Christmas tree and the cozy fireplace and the crazy rooster and the four-legged chaos…and the love.
I swallowed hard and squeezed my eyes shut. “I want Ben and all his crazy.” Slowly I inhaled a deep breath and looked between my friends. “But I’m afraid I hurt him. I don’t know if he wants my crazy.”
“He wants your crazy and your sexy and your funny and your everything,” Hayden said. “I’d bet a whole lot of money.”
“But if you’ve hurt him, you might have to grovel a little,” Chloe pointed out.
I thought about him yelling curses into the dark the other night. “Yeah. I’m going to need a plan. And it has to be really good, because I have to call Darius now.”