Chapter 32
32
GRANT
When Colin had approached me about coming back to Pine Valley I hadn’t even entertained the possibility. I’d been honest with Tessa when I’d told her I missed surgery at times, but I didn’t miss the lifestyle at all. It’d been easy to forget those parts until I was back here, but once I was in the middle of it, there was no forgetting how all-encompassing the job was.
And that was without considering Tessa, which I couldn’t help but do now. The months of being with Tessa were the happiest of my adult life. I couldn’t discount that.
But apparently she could, if I was understanding her correctly. She’d fallen asleep, and I was listening to nineties music and staring at the road whipping by us. I knew Tessa wasn’t minimizing our relationship. She was being supportive and trying to give me what she thought I needed. How could she know what I needed most was her?
How could she know how much her words had derailed me? They’d lanced at my chest in a way that was unexpected. Loving someone hurt. This week had taught me that in spades, because the thought of losing Tess had hurt worse than just about anything I’d ever experienced.
I glanced over at where she sat, sleeping. Pillows were propped around her to keep her comfortable, but her face was tight even in sleep, and I knew we needed to get her to a better spot to rest. The map said we were still forty minutes away from her house, though, so I didn’t bother her.
I was so deep in thought the trip went by in a blur, and I found myself pulling up in front of Tessa’s small rental before I even realized where we were. She stirred as I made the turn onto her street. “Did I sleep the whole way?” she asked groggily.
“It’s good for you,” I replied, squeezing her knee lightly. Although she hadn’t sustained any broken bones from the car accident, bruises stretched over her entire body. It’s likely she would’ve felt very sore if not for the much more significant pain caused by her surgical wounds.
“You never explained whatall you did to my place,” she said, sitting straighter and wincing in pain.
I glanced at my watch. “Medicine in a half hour,” I said, then, “I was going to explain on the drive, but I’m glad you got some rest, and now I can just show you.”
Looping around the car, I opened her door and helped her out of the car cautiously. She grimaced and let out a soft hiss of pain as I helped her to stand, but she was able to walk on her own once she was up. At the front door, she paused while I pulled her keys from my coat pocket. “Thank you for doing this,” she said.
The words made me chuckle. “You don’t have to thank me, Tess.” I ran my fingers down her cheek. It’d been too long since I’d had her standing in front of me like this, even if I knew she needed to get in and sit down. “You’re beautiful.”
“Liar,” she said with a grin. “I’ve been showering in a hospital for days. I look a mess.”
I curled my lips between my teeth, but couldn’t suppress the smile. “You do,” I agreed.
“Fuck off,” she said with a laugh, then instantly grimaced in pain. I frowned down at her, wishing there was something I could do, but the laughing was going to hurt for a while longer.
I tipped my face closer to hers, looking at her seriously. “You are a living, breathing, walking hot mess, and I’m so fucking glad you’re okay, Tess.”
Tessa’s hand snaked behind my neck, pulling me closer until our lips met. Her grip suggested she wanted a crushing, needy kiss, but I was far stronger than she was and not willing to put her at risk, and I kept our kiss slow and gentle. God, I’d missed the feel of her lips. “Let’s get you in,” I suggested when, finally, we parted. I swung the door open and followed Tess in. “I asked Nora and Ethan to make you a space to sleep comfortably on the main floor.”
I watched Tessa carefully, not sure if she’d be happy or upset. I hoped happy, but the change to her home was not small, and I braced myself for her to be upset. “It was very thoughtful,” she said, but I heard the little catch in her voice.
“Hey,” I said softly, sliding in closer to her to wrap a cautious arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay to hate it. It’s okay to want it back to normal.”
Tessa sagged into me. “No, it’s very nice,” she replied, swiping tears off her face. “I love it.”
I leaned close enough to kiss the top of her head. “Is the crying a new thing you’re going to do when you love something? Because, in a few months when I tear off your clothes and bend you over that couch, it’s gonna be a little weird if you’re crying.” I shrugged a single shoulder. “I’d like to tell you it would be a dealbreaker, but God, the way you looked over the arm of that sofa…” I had only been trying to make her laugh, but an image of Tessa as she’d been on Thanksgiving, ass up and begging for me, had me shifting my jeans to hide a growing erection. In my arms, Tess let out a choking sob.
“Tessa.” I helped her sit down on her favorite overstuffed chair and knelt before her. “Tess, I didn’t mean to suggest I’d be turned on by you crying.”
Her laugh came out like a small, choking hiccup, and she clutched her stomach in discomfort. “I’m not worried you’re some fucked-up sadist,” she said, smiling wanly, the tears running freely down her face.
I cupped her chin in my palms, sliding my thumbs over her cheeks when they got too wet. “You sure? Because I was just trying to make you laugh. The couch was amazing, but the crying…not so much.” I smiled at her again.
She sniffed once and pulled in a shuddering breath. “I’m just sad.” Her face scrunched like more tears might come, but then she took another deep breath and added, “and mad. I know Miles Cosset is a kid, and I know it could be so much worse. I could be—” I set my thumbs on her lips, not willing to hear the word. Miles Cosset was a stupid eighteen-year-old who’d lost control of his car on an icy night, but I’d still sat next to Tessa’s hospital bed and imagined beating the everloving shit out of him. The fact that she could very easily be dead right now—I couldn’t stand to think about it.
“I just keep thinking about how happy I was. I had the best Christmas Eve of my life, and then God had to serve up Christmas Day as a reminder—Tessa doesn’t get some cute fairy-tale ending. Tessa gets a twin bed in her living room.”
I meant to correct her, to tell her how lucky we were, but the words stuck in my throat. Instead I leaned closer and kissed her softly. “No one gets a fairy tale, Tessa.” I kissed her some more—cheeks, one closed eye—and she sighed into my touch. “You get a ruptured spleen and a twin bed in your living room.” I peppered kisses along her jaw. “You get me fussing over you because the hours I thought I might lose you—before I ever got the chance to have you—were the worst of my life.” She pulled my lips back to hers for the crushing kiss she’d wanted—a frantic, needy pressing of lips and swiping of tongues, Tessa’s fingers clutching the back of my head and neck. I tipped her head back, deepening our kiss until we were both breathless and had to part. I tipped my forehead into hers as we caught our breath. “But you get me, if you want me. And we don’t even have to hide this time.”