Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
EMBER
“Iheard she’s dating the DILF,” one of the moms says in the playground outside the classroom window where parents line up to collect their kids.
I smile as I put the paintbrushes in the window to dry.
“How the hell did she bag that fine specimen? I tried talking to him at the bar a few weeks ago, and he didn’t seem like he was interested in dating.”
“I heard he rescued her from a fire one night, and that’s how they met.”
“Figures. She’s a walking disaster, that one.”
“So he has a hero complex.”
“Isn’t she a little old for him?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Afternoon, ladies.” Drake’s voice cuts through the chatter, and my heart skips a beat.
I look through the window that’s cracked open to let in the fresh air, and our eyes lock.
The women who were gossiping stay silent, but I relish in how they notice the way he looks at me. I know everyone in this town thinks I’m just the crazy cat lady, but I kinda like being the crazy cat lady who got the cream.
His doe-eyed smile heats my cheeks, and I can already feel the tingles spreading throughout my limbs from one heated gaze. It’s been this way all week. Ever since we took our relationship to the next level.
Drake’s been dropping Sienna off at my classroom door instead of the playground every morning just so he can sneak a kiss, and we’ve spent most evenings together when he hasn’t been working an evening shift. I even babysat Sienna on Saturday while he worked.
The home-time bell rings, breaking our trance, and the class buzzes with kids getting their lunch boxes, bags and coats.
I hobble over to the door on my crutch, excited for next week when I can get this cast off.
I call the kids’ names as their grown-ups collect them.
Drake always hangs back until the end, so he gets a few private minutes.
Sometimes he even waits until I’m done so he can drive me home.
With only Sienna left inside, Drake cups my face in his calloused hands and presses his lips to mine, ignoring the town gossips still in the corridor.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” he whispers. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Is that dangerous?” I raise an eyebrow.
He chuckles. “We should just move in together.”
“One day at a time, Drake.” I press my lips to his again, knowing it won’t be long before I give in to him and move in to his home, or move the two of them into my chaotic mess.
“Daddy, gross.” Sienna giggles, but she’s used to us by now.
Drake’s thumbs stroke my cheek as the last of the parents leave the corridor. “Want me to hang around and take you home?”
“I have a meeting in half an hour, but I’ll see you tonight?”
Harold and May are back from holiday and are taking Sienna for the evening, as much as I love his daughter, I’m excited for a night with Drake all to myself.
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Don’t get too excited. You haven’t sampled my cooking yet.”
“Daddy, want to see my painting?” Sienna tugs his hand and guides him over to the work surface near the window where the kids’ paintings are laid out to dry.
“Wow, is this one yours?” Drake lifts the one with her name in the bottom corner. “Who are all these people?”
I hobble over to them with a permanent smile etched on my face, curious who the stick figures are and who the baby is in a woman’s arms.
She points to the girl next to the cat. “That’s me and Fidget the kitten, but she’s grown, see.”
Drake nods with a smile and points to two people on her left. “Who are they?”
“That’s Nannan and Grandad.” She points to a stick figure with a fireman’s hat on. “That’s you, Daddy.”
“But if that’s you,” he points to Sienna on the picture, “who’s this little girl holding my hand?”
She giggles. “That’s my little sister, silly.” Drake looks up at me with a raised brow, but I’m even more confused.
“You don’t have a sister, bug.”
“Not yet, Daddy, but now you have a girlfriend, maybe I could get one for Christmas. I always wanted a brother and sister.” She traces her finger along the painting to the woman holding a baby. “That’s Miss Sparks with my baby brother, see.”
My heart drops to my stomach like a block of ice. It’s as if all the air has been sucked out of the classroom.
Drake looks up at me with an even dopier grin on his face. “A baby sister and a baby brother, huh?” His grin widens. “Looks like I have my work cut out.”
My throat closes up. I scratch my neck, struggling to breathe.
I should’ve known this was all too good to be true.
He’s still young. Of course, he wants to grow his family.
And Sienna, this beautiful little girl, deserves to have a sister and brother.
Things I’m unable to give. Words clog at the back of my throat like grit.
Drake bends and kisses the top of Sienna’s head before taking the two steps towards me with a huge grin on his face, but it falters as he takes in my features. “Em, what’s wrong?” His calloused fingers sweep my cheek. “You’ve gone pale. Are you unwell?”
“Just a little dizzy.” I gaze into his eyes with unshed tears swelling behind mine.
“Hey bug, can you get Miss Sparks a glass of water?” Drake wraps his arms around me and holds me against him.
“Pumpkin.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “What’s wrong?” His brow pinches as he studies my face.
I can’t speak. If I do, he’ll be able to tell the heartache in my voice as my heart cracks into a million pieces. It’s not that I don’t want everything in that picture. I do. But I made peace with my fate years ago when I had a hysterectomy.
Sienna passes me a glass of water, and I take a sip. “Are you all right, Miss Sparks?”
I wave a hand as if batting away her question with a fake smile, not wanting her to worry. “Long day, that’s all.”
I’m far from all right. I’ll never be all right. I’m not whole. I’ll never be whole, and I’ll never be able to fulfil the family dream he and his daughter have.
Drake lifts a lock of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. “Maybe I should cook dinner tonight?” His brow pinches, his face pained, matching my own. He senses my anguish. “Bug, get your things together.” He turns back to me. “I’m taking you home. You’re not well.”
My bottom lip quivers as I curl my hand around the fabric of his t-shirt to steady me. “Do you want more kids?” I almost choke on the words, but I force them out, needing to hear his answer, even if it shatters me.
His brow furrows, startled. “Why do you ask?”
I gaze into his eyes, hoping his daughter’s picture isn’t his dream too. “I need to know, Drake. Please tell me.” My voice is low, my heart still hoping he says what I long to hear.
He swallows, the corners of his mouth softening as if he’s picturing it. “I guess… yeah. I’d love to have a kid with you.”
It’s like that final nail in my coffin, my knees buckle beneath me, and I sag against him, unable to hold my own weight.
He steadies me instantly, his sturdy frame catching me whenever I fall.
He gazes down at me, concern etched across his rugged features.
I know he’d stay if I told him the truth.
I can see it already—the same pity I saw in my ex’s eyes, the same promises, the same resentment waiting at the end of the road.
He’d stay until he couldn’t anymore. And I can’t live through that again.
He holds me tighter. “Do I need to wrap you in cotton wool?”
A tear leaks from my eye and runs down my face. “Maybe.” I feel so fragile right now, like I’m made of glass, ready to shatter. But I need to end this now before it goes any further. Before he finds out the truth and stays with me out of pity, only to resent me down the line.
He steadies me, big hands gentle on my hips, and presses a kiss to my forehead. Sienna stands by his side with her little backpack, folding in on herself like she knows something’s wrong even if she doesn’t.
“We can talk about this tonight,” he says, his voice soft, as if he’s trying to stitch me back together.
“I can’t make it tonight, Drake.” My voice trembles, and I hate how small it sounds as another tear slips free.
“Okay. We can reschedule.”
“I can’t make it tomorrow either.” The words tumble out before I can stop them. They’re sharper than I meant them to be, and they hit him in the face like a slammed door.
His features contort, confusion turning into concern. “Em—what’s going on?”
I press my hand to his chest, keeping him at arm’s length even though every cell in me screams to hold on. “I can’t do this, Drake.”
His expression crumples. “What do you mean? Em, talk to me—”
I shake my head, forcing steel into my spine while my heart splinters. “It’s for the best. Trust me.”
He turns to his daughter. “Bug, can you wait in the corridor for a sec?”
Sienna walks to the door and into the corridor, but leaves the door open so we can see her.
“What’s got into you? What can’t you do? I don’t understand what you’re saying, Em.”
“It’s better if we stop this now.” My voice is flat, the opposite of what I feel. “I’m sorry.” Every part of me wants to fold into him and tell him everything, but I know what will happen if I do. Pity. Sorrow. Resentment.
He cups my face, desperation in his eyes. “Ember, please—” His voice cracks. “Stop what? Stop us? Stop… caring about each other? You’re not making sense.”
“It makes sense to me,” I whisper. “You’ll thank me one day.” The words hurt my own ears, but the thought of him compromising his life because of me is more frightening than any loneliness.
He steps forward. “I’ll thank you?” His voice is louder than before. “For what? Throwing away a chance at happiness? Em, what happened to one day at a time?”
“I tried, Drake.” My throat is raw, words hoarse. “You deserve someone who can give you everything you want. I’m not that woman. I never will be.”
Silence roars in my ears.
His mouth opens, then closes. “Em—” He reaches for me, his term of endearment hitting me like a plea.
I find the strength to step back, clinging to the crutch under my arm. “No.” The single word is like a dagger, sharper and crueller than anything else I could say. “You deserve more than a broken mess.”
Sienna’s small voice carries through the doorway. “Daddy?”
He looks at her, then back at me. The hurt in his eyes is like splinters piercing my skin. “You’re not giving me reasons. You’re not letting me help you.”
I laugh, a short, bitter sound. “No one can help me, Drake, not even a hero like you.”
He closes his eyes as if frustrated, breathing heavily through his nostrils, as if he’s a dragon ready to breathe fire and set the whole world alight.
My voice breaks. “Goodbye, Drake.” I turn, my crutch the only thing keeping me upright. I give Sienna my best smile, my lips quivering as I say, “I have a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Miss Sparks,” Sienna says, then runs into the classroom. “Daddy, are you crying?”
I hear him answer, “No bug, just got something in my eye.” The corridor swallows the rest of his words.
My legs carry me farther away, towards the staffroom, every step thunderous in my chest. I don’t look back. If I do, I’ll never leave.