25. Brooke
Chapter 25
Brooke
I sat in Marie’s apartment, watching the couple as they hugged and snuggled up against each other, giggling together instead of watching the movie we all promise to watch, yet I was the only one watching the movie.
“ Stop it, Matt !” Marie giggled. She pushed Matthew’s hands away from her waist and he pressed a kiss on her cheek, telling her that he can’t resist touching her soft skin. I rolled my eyes as I scooped up another full spoonful of ice cream and sighed as the flavor melted in my mouth.
I looked away from the couple that was gracious enough to have me stay over at their place, and even though they didn’t admit it, I knew that I was being a cock-block between them. As hard as they tried to hide the fact that they were screwing, their soft breaths and disheveled selves when they emerged from Marie’s bedroom always gave them away.
I wasn’t mad about them screwing; they were a couple, after all, and I was the one who was invading their space as I struggled to find a place that I could afford on my peanut salary, but dammit, if we promised to watch a movie together, I very well expected us to do so!
“ So , Brooke , how’s the apartment hunt going?” Matthew asked me, and I pretended I hadn’t been paying any attention to them this entire time.
“ It’s going good; I’m sure I’ll find something soon.” I smiled as I got up from the couch and pointed to the kitchen. “ Would you guys like some tea?”
“ I’m good,” Marie smiled.
“ When will you be coming back to work?” Wasn’t he a curious bird? I understood his concern; this year was the first time I had ever taken so much time off from work, and it was so unlike me.
It had been a shit-show of a year!
“ I’m coming in tomorrow,” I told him as I switched the kettle on, and the blue LED light in the kettle lit up. For some odd reason, that always excited me.
“ Cool . And you don’t have to worry about Asher showing up at work, he only came that one time.” Oh .
“ I’m not worried. I forced a smile on my face as I turned to face the couple. “ But I have been thinking.”
“ Oh -oh,” Marie whispered, and she shook her head; my best friend had already figured out that I was thinking of something that could possibly ruin my life. “ Whatever you’re thinking, stop!”
“ I want to quit my job and move away from Chicago ,” I whispered as I played with my nails, and the room fell silent as they both looked at me, shocked. “ I got an interview in Michigan at Hope for Veterans .”
They kept quiet, and I felt the need to validate my decision to them because I needed my friends to support me.
“ It’s essentially the same job as I’m doing at K9s for Veterans ,” I explained, and Marie scoffed as she shook her head. “ It’s even got a higher pay, and let’s face it, it’s Michigan ,” I shimmied as I tried to sell the place to my best friend. “ Grand Rapids !”
Marie bobbed her head as she chewed on her bottom lip, staring at the television, and Matthew just sat there, processing my news.
“ It’s Grand Rapids ,” I repeated as I raised my arms, looking like an idiot. “ The land of splendor? Come on, guys, I need more than just silence.”
“ You’re a coward,” Marie spoke up, shocking the both of us, and I laughed at her choice of words.
“ How am I coward for wanting to move and better my life?” I pressed my hand on my chest, and she got up, ignoring Matthew’s soft pleas to let it go.
“ No , you’re not moving to try and better your life,” she mimicked as she raised her arms like I had before. “ You’re running away! You always run the moment things become unbearable instead of facing it head on.”
“ I’m not running away!”
“ Yes , you are! Michigan ? Why do you suddenly want to move to a place that is four hours aways from home!”
“ I don’t have a home,” I whispered, and she took a step back as she looked at me, hurt.
“ What are we, then? Just placeholders until you find somewhere else to call home? And then when it doesn’t work out, what is the next city you’ll move to in search of this home?”
“ Marie , I didn’t mean it like that,” I whispered, instantly regretting my words.
“ You said it because you’ve been thinking it. You get into a disagreement with the man you say you love, and your big solution is to move away because I’m not your home? Don’t you see how fucked up your logic is?”
Her eyes were glossy as she stared at me. I reached out toward her, and she raised her hands as she shook her head.
“ I don’t think that’s fair, though,” I whispered, and she tilted her head as she looked me up and down. Matthew moved uncomfortably on the couch as he tried to gesture with his hands for us to calm us down.
The room was thick with tension, and Marie began laughing as she walked around the room. “ What isn’t fair, Brooke ? That you’re being called out on your nonsense, and you’re not willing to take accountability for it?”
“ No , I’m able to take accountability. What I don’t get is why you’re angry at me for wanting to make my life better somewhere else than in Chicago ? I never had anything good come out of this place!”
“ Don’t do that,” she warned as she raised her finger and pointed at me.
“ Everything I’ve ever loved, I’ve lost. Do you know how shitty that is? To always lose out and feel like it’s your fault? Of course not! You grew up shielded, and whatever you wanted, you’d always get. Your parents are still alive, you’re stable in your life, and you’re in a happy relationship. I’m happy for you!”
I took a deep breath in as the tears rolled down my cheeks, and she was crying, as well. I screamed at the top of my lungs. “ But for fuck’s sake, Marie , I’m traumatized by my own fucking life!”
“ Guys ,” Matthew spoke softly as he got up, and I roughly wiped my tears away. “ Maybe we should all sit down?”
He reached for the both of us, and I shook my head.
“ I’m going out. I’ll be out of your apartment by tomorrow,” I whispered as I grabbed my phone from the coffee table and passed by Marie , who silently cried.
“ Brooke ,” Matthew called for me, but I was already out of her apartment.
What the fuck was that?
I sat in the warm, lit, almost-empty bar and stared at my whiskey. I don’t drink whiskey. I watched the ice blocks closely as they diluted the bitter drink and wondered whether I should just order something else or swallow the brown drink.
My phone was upside down on the counter, and I heard the murmurs around me, and even though it felt like they were talking about me, I knew that was just my own guilt and anxiety tricking me.
“ What are you doing here on a Sunday evening, pretty girl?” His expensive Arabian wood scent filled my lungs, and I smiled as I looked up at him. He sat down beside me on the bar stool and smiled, flashing his pearly white teeth.
If there was anyone who screamed old money, it was definitely him.
“ And what are you doing here, player boy?” I leaned my head against my hand as I turned slightly to face him. Jax was dressed in a suit. The first few buttons of his white dress shirt were unbuttoned, his slacks fit him perfectly, and I was pretty sure his shoes had a red bottom.
Definitely an old-money kid.
“ Just finished up on a date and thought I’d come get a drink.” He flagged down the bartender, and I squinted my eyes.
“ Was it with Diamond ?”
“ Nah , Diamond and I are over,” he said, and my eyes widened.
“ Wasn’t she the girl you begged us to have a double date with?” I asked him, and he clicked his tongue, ordering his drink, and the bartender walked away. Jax drummed his fingers against the mahogany wood and shook his head.
“ Nope , that was Jada ,” he grinned, and I laughed lightly as I sat up straight.
“ So , who did you go on a date with? Do you even remember her name?” I teased, and he chuckled as he rolled his eyes.
“ Of course, Brooke . I’m a gentleman.” He gestured to his body with his hands as if his appearance was what made him a gentleman. “ And her name was Christelle .”
“ Does she know it was only a one-time date?”
“ Remind me to text her before I leave.”
“ You’re an asshole,” I laughed as I shook my head and touched my glass. The ice was almost fully through with melting, but the drink still looked bitter.
“ Why are you nursing your drink?”
“ I don’t drink whiskey,” I whispered. “ I wanted to look cool when I ordered it,” I admitted, and he hummed.
“ Or you were distracted by something. What’s the matter, Brooke ?” he asked as he welcomed his drink, and I sighed as I shook my head, pushing the drink away from me.
“ It’s nothing.”
“ That sigh says otherwise; come on, you can tell your friend.” He motioned with his fingers, and I hesitated before I told him about my fight with Marie , and for the first since I had met Jax , I couldn’t read what he was thinking just from his expression.
Jax always wore his thoughts on his face. If he was annoyed, you would be able to see it; if he was confused or disgusted, he would lift his lips up into a snarl, and if he was happy or just in a good mood, he would always have a flirtatious smirk on his face, but right now, his face was neutral.
And it scared me.
“ So , yeah, that’s how I ended up at the bar, nursing a drink I don’t even enjoy,” I told him, and he crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his seat.
“ Hmm .” Something about his tone was cold, but I didn’t question him. “ Can I ask you something? Promise you won’t be offended by it.”
That normally meant that he was about to say something offensive.
“ Yeah ?”
“ Did you and Asher ever screw raw?” My eyes widened, and I pulled my head back. “ Because I fear some of his ideocracy has been transferred to you. What the fuck is wrong with you, Brooke ?”
His gentle tone was much more terrifying than what he was saying, and I was genuinely confused.
“ Why would you pick a fight with Marie ?”
“ I didn’t; she started it,” I grumbled as I crossed my arms over my chest, and he scoffed.
“ No , she raised her concern, and you—” He pointed his finger at me, eager to prove his point. “—you took her concern and turned it around into a fight so that it could be easier for you to leave for Michigan . If you and Marie aren’t on good terms, then there’s nothing holding you back in the great city of Chicago , and you get to leave convinced in your mind that all everybody ever did was wrong you. You are afraid of confrontation because you are scared that people might admit what they really feel about you. You’re afraid that they might not see you as the person that you portray yourself as in front of us all, and that they might see you for who you truly are. So , what do you do when things get just a tad bit tough for you?”
He pointed his beer bottle toward me as if it was a mic, and I blinked, my breathing becoming shallow as I listened to him.
“ You fight them and then run,” he said, and I swallowed hard. “ In your beautiful head, somewhere in there, you have convinced yourself that the reason why your brother passed away was because he wanted to get away from you. The reason why Matthew never wanted you, was because you’re not good enough for him—or according to your brain—you are not Marie ; therefore, you don’t deserve to be happy.”
I reached for the glass of whisky, and he held my hand, stopping me. “ You’re punishing yourself because you think you deserve it. Tell me, Brooke . Why do you believe wholeheartedly that you don’t deserve to be loved? Why can’t you let yourself be happy?”
His grey eyes stared into mine, the sentiment clear in his eyes as he let go of my hand, and I felt my lump grow larger in my throat.
“ Who the fuck are you?” I laughed as I cried, and he smiled and sipped his drink.
“ Well , I’m a firefighter, daddy’s favorite son, millionaire playboy, and now, officially, badass psychologist,” he shrugged, and I laughed as I continued wiping my tears.
Shit , nobody had ever been that honest with me and outwardly told me that I had been treating myself badly and that I was basically a dysfunctional jerk who loved to ruin her relationships because I was afraid they would see me be vulnerable.
“ Fuck you,” I laughed after I calmed down, and he grimaced, pulling his head back.
“ I know I call you ‘pretty baby,’ but I like mine blond and curvy.” He pressed his hand against his chest, and I giggled as I rolled my eyes.
“ Oh , shut up! I can be blond,” I joked, and he laughed humorlessly as he shook his head.
“ Yeah , but what about the curvy?”
“ Pay for my surgery?”
“ Asher would kill me.” He immediately declined, and my laugh died down when I heard his name again. “ Also , you need to apologize to Marie .”
“ Yeah , Dad , I got it,” I mumbled, and he nodded, seeming proud that I had heard and took in his wise, painful advice. “ So , tell me the truth, why are you here?”
“ Ugh , you want to know the details about my date?”
“ No , I want to know what happened at the family dinner that made you come here. You’re not the only one capable of reading people.” I snapped my fingers, and he laughed as he rolled his eyes.
“ Fine , I’ll tell you only if you take a picture with me so we can make Asher jealous. Texting you isn’t going to get you back.” He rolled his eyes as he picked his phone up, and I raised my eyebrows, shocked. “ We need to knock some sense into his head.”
Jax quickly snapped a picture of us, and I smiled genuinely because I enjoyed his presence. “ Make sure you send me the picture.” I told him. “ So , he’s been texting me?” I asked, surprised, and my heart leaped out of my chest.
“ Yeah , but you blocked him, remember?”
“ I lost my phone and bought a new one. I told you on Instagram ,” I told him as I showed him my new phone and opened up the messages. “ I don’t have any messages from him.”
I lost my phone during the scuffle I had with Drew and because I didn’t want to step back into that building again, I just decided to buy a new phone.
“ I did block a number that kept sending me weird messages about fighting for me, and it spooked me out,” I shivered as I shook my head. “ I thought it was Drew ,” I told him, and Jax raised up both the phones.
“ It’s not Drew ; believe me.” His laughter told me he was sure of his statement, and I wanted to question him about it, but he pointed to the phones, demanding my attention.
On his screen, it showed Asher’s name and his number underneath, and I raised my eyebrows as I read the name. “ Asher - Baby Daddy 1?”
“ Don’t dwell on the name.” He rolled his eyes and pointed to the blocked list of numbers, and I realized that the numbers were the same.
“ Oh ,” I whispered, and he sighed as he unblocked Asher’s number. “ In my defense, Asher would never say that!” Jax burst out laughing, and I joined him as I recalled all the texts Asher had sent.
He wants to fight for me?
“ Yeah , but this does seem like something he would say.” He opened his chat with Asher , and Jax had already sent pictures of us laughing and blowing kisses to the camera, and my eyes widened. “ Isn’t he a romantic?”
Asher - Baby Daddy 1: If you don’t move three seats away from her, I will smash your head in the wall at work tomorrow.
“ In his own way,” I whispered, and Jax laughed as his phone vibrated, and Asher sent a second text.
Asher - Baby Daddy 1: Make sure my girl gets home safely, or you won’t.
My girl. He said I was his girl.