26. Bryan
26
brYAN
I started awake with a gasp. I lifted my head and glared blearily into the dark. In my sleep deprived mind, Amelia stood in front of me in her coat. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back down to the pillow.
“Daddy,” she said as she pushed on my shoulder. She had been standing in front of me.
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Are you wearing your coat?” I hadn’t bothered to open my eyes again.
“We need to go, now,” she said with determination.
“Go where? Didn’t Santa leave your presents downstairs?”
“I don’t know, but we have to go get Nova,” Amelia said with sharp clarity.
Flailing my arm about, I located my watch on the bedside table. I held it up and cracked open my eyes. I looked at it until my mind could make sense of the glowing numbers.
“Amelia, sweetheart, I agree with you. We should go get Nova as soon as it’s a reasonable hour. She is probably asleep right now, just like you should be.” I rolled over on my back and confirmed there was no light coming in through my window. “It’s still dark out. We can’t bother Nova until the sun is up at the very least.”
“But I want to go find her now,” my daughter whined with increasing volume. I couldn’t chastise her because I felt exactly the same. I wanted Nova here with us as well.
I had spent a good portion of the night playing through the different ways I could approach Nova and convince her to stay with us. I wasn’t some hero in shining armor to ride in on a white stallion. I was a single father who had been making questionable decisions lately when it came to how to treat the temporary cook I had hired. I was far too aware that I was sending some seriously mixed signals.
“It’s the middle of the night, Amelia.”
I sat up and tugged at her outfit. I unzipped her coat.
“Are you still wearing your pajamas under your coat?”
“But Daddy,” she whined.
I got out of bed, scooping her up into my arms. “Let’s go back to bed. I promise when we wake up in the morning—not the middle of the night, but the morning—and after we get properly dressed, and have breakfast, that we can go try to find Nova. Not before that.”
It was difficult to set such strict parameters with Amelia. I had to parent by example as well as by word. If I wanted Amelia to show restraint, then I had to lead by example. I was ready to run out and find Nova. I didn’t care if I had shoes or a coat on. But I had to do better for Amelia. Even though it was ripping me apart.
In her bedroom, I helped her off with her coat and tossed it across the foot of her bed. I tucked her back in and kissed her forehead.
“Go to sleep.” I sat with her, rubbing her back until her breathing evened out and became shallow.
As soon as I was certain she was asleep, I plodded my way back to my bedroom and climbed into bed. I didn’t fall asleep right away. I stared up at the ceiling, waiting as the hours ticked by for that first glimpse of sunrise through my bedroom window.
Amelia had the right idea.
It was Christmas morning, and the one thing we wanted the most was out there somewhere, and not under the tree.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because Amelia was waking me up again. This time, she was pulling on my arm and pushing on the bed, bouncing me around.
“Daddy, get up, it’s Christmas morning.”
“Oh, what, did Santa come?” I asked as I sat up.
“Santa came. There’s lots of presents.”
“Okay, give me a minute to get up and get dressed, and then we can unwrap presents.”
“No!” Amelia protested. “You said we could go find Nova.”
“Okay, give me a minute. Actually, give me several.” I was having a hard time making the transition to consciousness. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at my daughter.
“What are you wearing?”
She had her nightgown tucked into a pair of snow pants, ballet slippers, and her outdoor coat. She looked like a six-year-old who had gotten dressed on her own, in the dark.
“Come on, let’s get you dressed.”
“But I am dressed, Daddy.”
“Let’s get you properly dressed.” I herded her back into her bedroom and pulled out an appropriate outfit. It wasn’t fancy. It wasn’t specific for Christmas. There were no reindeer or snowflakes on it anywhere. But if we were going to go in search of somebody, we needed good, sturdy shoes, a comfortable pair of jeans, and layers. I put her in a short sleeve T-shirt under a long sleeve sweatshirt and made her hold her coat.
“My turn to get dressed. Come on.”
I carried her in a football hold under my arm as I stomped down the hallway back to my bedroom. She squirmed and giggled the whole time, which helped to wake me up. I literally tossed her onto my bed, which she thought was fabulously fun and giggled the entire time.
I went through drawers in the built-in dresser in my closet, pulling out a similar outfit to hers, jeans and shirts that I could layer.
“I’ll be right back,” I said as I stepped into my ensuite bathroom to change.
I ran my hand over my face as I looked at myself in the mirror. I probably should shave, but I didn’t have time for it. We were on a mission.
However, I had to force myself to refocus. I was going to insist that we make a stop in the kitchen for some coffee before we left. As a responsible father, I needed to feed Amelia.
There was a fancy breakfast waiting to be heated up in the refrigerator, but it only took a minute to boil water in the microwave for instant oatmeal.
“Are you ready?” Amelia asked as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom.
“Let me get my shoes on, and then we’ll go to the kitchen.”
“But Daddy…”
“I need coffee. You need breakfast.” I wasn’t going to let her talk me out of my morning coffee.
“Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go,” I said as soon as I got my shoes on. Amelia scrambled off the bed and ran out the door. As soon as I took a few steps out, following her, I remembered what I decided during the long hours I lay awake staring into the dark.
We were doing this to make Nova part of the family, and that meant this had to be official.
I returned to my closet and pushed my suits aside. On the back wall was the door to a small safe. I twisted the dial, hitting the combination numbers before it clicked and I pulled it open.
I had folders of important documents, boxes with gold coins and fine jewelry. It took a moment before I found the box I wanted. I opened the velvet box. The hinge was stiff from lack of use. The contents I expected to see were there. I smiled and snapped the box closed.
I shoved the box into my front pocket and headed out after Amelia. I ran down the back steps into the kitchen. The coffee pot was all set to go. I just needed to hit the button to start it. Nova had thought of everything to make this morning easy. Everything except for how much her presence was wanted, needed. Because if she had thought of that, she would already be here.
While the coffee was brewing, I used my extensive culinary skills and prepared two bowls of instant oatmeal. Amelia didn’t want to eat. She wanted to go and she wanted to go now.
“We aren’t going anywhere until you finish your breakfast,” I said. As soon as the coffee was done, I poured it in a travel mug so that we could leave sooner than later. I ate my oatmeal like a starving dog, shoveling spoonsful into my mouth.
There was still snow on the ground from the storm, but the air felt noticeably warmer. Hopefully, the snow would last through the day.
“Let’s go!” Amelia called out as I slid behind the steering wheel.
I pulled out my phone and began looking for her address in my contacts list. I had a phone number for Nova and that was all. I bit down the urge to curse.
“We have to go back inside,” I said.
“How come?”
“I don’t know where Nova lives. I have her address in my office.” I knew I had her address. I had to so that I could pay her.
“Hurry up!” Amelia yelled.
“You aren’t staying out here while I look.” I unbuckled her and lifted her out of the car.
Back in my office, Amelia was like a perpetual motion device in a small space. The computer took what felt like an infinite amount of time to start up. I did a search for Nova’s information. Nothing. I began rifling through the papers on my desk.
I had her information. I remember getting it from her. Now where the hell had I put it?
“Datebook!” I yelled out when I remembered I had written her information into a small datebook where I sometimes took notes.
I grabbed the leather-bound volume and flipped through the pages until I found the date when I had hired Nova. Name, Social Security number, phone, address, everything I needed to keep legal records for paying her. I knew many people who would have paid her under the table for her few weeks of work. It only took one audit for a man to lose a fortune. I didn’t like to take risks like that.
And that caution now paid off. I had Nova’s address.
“Got it! Let’s go!”