22. Aspen
Ican’t breathe. My heart rate is all over the place, and I feel like I’m experiencing a cardiac episode.
The mirror tells me I look presentable for the occasion, in a black pantsuit with a simple ivory blouse and a string of pearls that Caden purchased on our outing. My hair twists up, leaving several loose tendrils hanging, and I have a dash of red lipstick on, bold but not brash. All of Flint’s tips play in my mind. Have I followed all his instructions to a tee? Will they look at me and realize I don’t belong here, doubting my reliability due to my background?
But I am reliable. And I have three men—and an amazing little girl—who care about me.
It’s a hard pill to swallow when I’ve never known the true sense of family in my life.
The knock on my bedroom door doesn’t offer an answer.
“Aspen?” It’s Flint. “Aspen, they’re going to be here any minute. Are you almost ready?”
Dizziness floods me, and I have to sit down, panting escaping my lips.
“Aspen?” The door opens, and Flint rushes to my side. “Oh, my God! What’s wrong? What happened?”
I stare at him, pale and shaking, and he immediately recognizes the problem.
“Look at me and breathe. Deep breath in, hold for four seconds, and out for four seconds. Again. In for four, out for four.”
We do this a few more times, and I finally have a grip on my erratic breathing.
“What happened, darling?” he asks, worry creasing his brow. “You’re white as a sheet!”
“Nerves?” I offer weakly. “I’m terrified I’m going to screw this up today.”
“You won’t,” Flint replies with far more confidence than I’ve ever experienced in my life. He cups my cheek gently to not muss my makeup and smiles. “You look ravishing. If we didn’t have an interview in five minutes, I’d rip off all your clothes right here and now.”
That makes me feel better.
“Five minutes isn’t enough time?” I tease, and he snorts.
“You know it’s not.” He helps me to my feet, and even in my three-inch heels, he still stands tall over me. Arm-in-arm, we walk out of the bedroom and into the hallway.
“Where did you learn that breathing technique?” I ask. “Caden?”
“Hm? Oh, no. I’ve had to use it on my brother. He’s something of a basket case.” I eye him, and he snickers. “No, really. That kid is rife with anxiety twenty-four-seven.”
“Why does he run the company if it causes him so much stress?”
“Familial guilt.” He stops and looks at me. “But enough about that right now. Let’s get you in the right mindset for what’s coming up.”
The doorbell chimes downstairs, and my pulse ricochets in my ears. The nervousness resurfaces tenfold, but Flint holds onto me steadily.
“You’ve got this, Aspen. I’m trusting you. Caden and Pike are trusting you. But most of all, Lily is trusting you.”
My heart immediately settles at the reminder. “I’ve got this,” I agree.
“Flint?” Zoe calls up the stairs.
“We’re coming, Zoe,” he answers, taking my arm again and leading me into the state interview for Lily’s adoption.
* * *
The pleasant-faced interviewer and I sit in the front room. Zoe sets out an offering of coffee and cookies, which no one touches. I have no idea where Lily or Flint have gone, but I remind myself that I need to focus on the task in front of me, not the whereabouts of everyone else.
The questions are easy enough at first. What activities do I do with Lily? How much time do I spend with her each day? The child-focused queries are a breeze because I know Lily’s favorite foods and which book she wants to read at bedtime. Her favorite color is purple, and she only watches shows with unicorns or fairies.
But when the interview turns more personal, I falter, my uneasiness returning.
“How are you finding working for Mr. Sterling?”
“Oh… it’s good!” I respond lamely. Good? That’s the best I can come up with?
“And do you spend a lot of time with him beyond the time you spend with Lily?”
Sweat breaks out over my hairline, and I struggle to keep looking her in the eye. What would they do if I confessed to fucking him almost every night? And his housemates, too?
“Mr. Sterling is an important man. He doesn’t have a lot of time for social visits. But we are both dedicated to doing what’s best for Lily.”
By the time I’m finished with the hour-long process, my palms are drenched.
We step into the foyer, and to my dismay, no one is there to give me any direction.
“Please have Mr. Sterling know I’ll be in touch about the home inspection and the interviews with the rest of the household,” she informs me.
“The rest of the household?” I blurt out, alarmed. What do Zoe and Ryan know about our unconventional relationship?
“Yes, Mr. Hartley, Dr. Taylor, the staff, and of course, Lily herself.”
“Oh…” I sigh.
“Is someone else living here?”
My mind races again, and I wave my head. “No, no. That’s it. Is there anything else you need from me today?”
She eyes me suspiciously and shakes her head. “No. Just be sure to pass along the message to Mr. Sterling.”
“I will. I will,” I agree. “Thank you.”
I all but shove her out the door and lock it behind me, hurrying to the kitchen, where I find Lily and Zoe. Suddenly, my heart freezes again as I look at the housekeeper.
Why haven’t I thought about them before?
“Hi, Aspen!” Lily sings. “Did you have fun on your playdate?”
“Yes, honey, I did,” I mumble.
Zoe glances at me, her familiar, playful smirk quirking at the edges of her mouth. “That bad?” she asks in a low voice.
I shrug and sink onto the stool at the island.
“Need a coffee?”
“A tea,” I reply. “Something without caffeine. Where is Flint?”
“Still in with his interviewer, I believe,” Zoe answers, getting to work and making me a tea. I eye her gratefully but delicately turn to her.
“You know, they’ll be coming back to speak to you, too.”
This revelation nonpluses Zoe. “That makes sense. They will want to talk to everyone in the house.”
I gnaw on the insides of my cheeks, folding my hands over the marble countertops. I don’t want to offend her, but I need to know what she’ll say.
“You must see a lot of crazy things in this house,” I offer.
Zoe stops what she’s doing and faces me, her dark blonde eyebrows at her hairline. “Yes, I do, and I have in the past,” she answers deliberately.
I’m unsure of what to make of her response.
“Some people might not understand them,” I add lightly. “Especially if taken out of context.”
Her grin broadens, and she steps closer to me. “There’s a reason that Ryan and I have been here as long as we have, Aspen. And it’s not because of my cooking.”
I smile weakly.
“Discretion is the cornerstone of our employment, regardless of the NDAs we’ve signed. We believe in living and letting people live, too. However you want to enjoy your lives is up to you, as long as you’re not hurting other people.”
The sincerity in her words sags my shoulders, and I could have kissed her, but of course I don’t.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“You don’t need to thank me. I’m just doing my job.”
“Aspen?” Lily calls out. “Can we go to the park now? You said if I was patient and quiet, we could go to the park and play on the turtle slides.”
“Yes, honey. You have been super patient and super quiet. Let me change out of this outfit, and we’ll go anywhere you want to go.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I reply. “Let’s go enjoy this day, finally!”