18. Mia
18
MIA
K eeping my face lowered, I avoided looking at Henry. I couldn’t. I refused to. Seeing the anger and judgment written on his face would be too painful of a hit to take.
My heart was already cracked. Shame burned through me. It stung, so deep and hard, that he’d be that kind of a person. To talk so harshly about me , someone who’d always be in his corner and there for him however he needed or wanted me.
He’d never known about my past. I preferred to keep it that way, at least until I could afford to expunge my record.
Too late.
It seemed that Ann had gotten so jealous, so desperate to remove me from the scene, that she went digging and looked me up.
“What?” Henry demanded.
I glanced up, furious and wounded. He never used that tone with me. We argued and bickered constantly, but he had no right to snap at me like that. Like I was the villain.
A fleeting thought hit me that he wasn’t trying to project his anger at me, but at Ann. I knew he was fed up with her. He’d told me the other night when I stayed over that he wanted her gone and out of his life. He had no patience for her drama, and it almost made sense that he’d be mad in general in this context.
But there was no mistaking how he directed his anger at me . No error in witnessing his scowl of disbelief at me . Not her.
Ann was merely the messenger, I supposed, but the message remained true.
“I’ll quit, then.” Holding my head up high, I relied on the remaining embers of my spirit to keep me strong. “I’ve got integrity. If you’re going to judge me because of one mistake in my past, then you can look for someone else.”
I didn’t wait. I couldn’t. Tears threatened too close to the surface. Turning sharply, I headed for my cozily small office. So many little colorful trinkets and décor would have to stay. I’d have to leave it all behind, these details that marked this place as my space, that identified me as this person in the office family.
Hearing Henry’s footsteps hot on my heels, I knew he’d demand answers. He’d give me that judgmental bullshit as I packed up my things, and I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t stomach shoving my things in a bag or box while he glowered at me.
Still, I yanked my spare tote bag from the hook and stashed some things. Pens, my notebooks, the ceramic things Jason had made for my birthdays and holidays. I hurried to grab all the artwork he’d made for me too, all those images he’d proudly hung in here.
“Mia. What the hell is going on? What is she talking about?”
I ignored him, blinking quickly to fight the battle with these tears. I wouldn’t answer. I owed him not a single damn thing after the way he spoke.
I paused in reaching for the framed photo of us. The funny moment from the pie smash booth. I frowned at it, wondering how I could’ve been so stupid and gullible to long for a man who’d only judge me so harshly, without any shadow of doubt.
I set it back on the desk, placing it face down, and left. Passing him as quickly as I could, I prided myself in not looking up once.
It wasn’t until I was out on the street, hurrying on the sidewalk, that I gave in to the sting of tears. I sniffled, pulling my phone out of my pocket.
Screw these tears. Screw him . I’d lost too much of my heart and my mind to him, and I’d be damned if I did any longer.
It was time to focus on me, and that included making enough money to live on. Without the secretarial income, I’d need to dance more. So it was only logical to call Gina.
With every step I walked from the Dunn building, I felt the gnawing agony of leaving a home. A family. I’d belonged there, but not really. Not according to Henry, at least.
“Hey, babe. I was just about to call you.”
I frowned, wiping at the tears that spilled over. “Why?”
“The offer to dance at his club has been doubled. Again.”
The amount of money Henry and Owen were throwing at Gina to buy me out was staggering. But it’d never work. I’d never be his employee ever again.
“No. I’ll pass.”
She giggled. “But damn, babe. Think about all that money!”
“I am thinking about money. That’s why I called you. I just quit.”
“What?” She screeched it. “You quit your job for Henry?”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. “Yeah. Got any extra shifts I can dance?”
“For you, hell yeah. Come to the club. We’ll talk. Cuz I got a feeling there’s a story behind this one.”
“Not really.” It was nothing but a short snippet of drama and heartache. After telling her I’d be there soon, I disconnected and slowed my walk.
Rushing out the way I had was fueled by adrenaline. Now that I was out here, breathing in the open air, I let it really sink in.
Gina had told me that I needed to do something about my feelings and friendship with Henry. So I did. I caved and slept with him. Now, I was painfully aware that making love hadn’t done anything to endear me to him. Not really. Because he couldn’t stand criminals like me. He couldn’t trust someone like me, not in the office or in his home with his son.
He wasn’t even a friend with that kind of prejudice. I’d always been aware that we came from completely different worlds and backgrounds. He was rich and well off while I was poorer and with a bad rep.
But in the rare moments when I almost shared my deep secret with him, that I had a little record, I convinced myself that he wouldn’t judge. That he could be understanding and forgiving. After all, Eddie was. He’d looked past my record and he gave me a job. He was cool about it. I had started to assume that Henry would be like his father in that regard, but clearly, I was wrong. Eddie hadn’t been born rich and successful. He was an ordinary man before he became an influential billionaire businessman. I supposed that made a world of a difference. Perhaps Henry’s upbringing in wealth made him more judgmental deep down, lurking.
It hardly mattered how or why Henry was so judgmental and harsh when his dad wasn’t. He’d shown his true colors.
There was no taking back how he’d spoken.
The truth was out there.
He didn’t know me if he could reject me under the stereotype of a criminal.
I hated that my past would always follow me. Until I could have my record expunged, I’d forever be a criminal. Even then, once I saved up to expunge it, I couldn’t erase the years of judgment—from others like Henry and Ann or how I viewed myself.
As a woman unworthy of love no matter where I went or worked.
No matter how hard I tried to be loved.