Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Kemp
Chief Thomas said he’d be at the station until noon on this cold Saturday morning. My first thought had been, No problem. I’ll get there by nine, get my ass chewed, hope for the best, and be home by ten.
Turned out that was a preparenthood pipe dream.
I liked to think I was a fairly organized guy normally. I had to be to split my time between the fire department and the brewery and still have a social life. But this little seventeen-pound boy had the effect of a two-ton boulder landing on my house.
Our first night home had been… Well, if I was completely honest, it’d been one part heaven and about six parts hell. Who knew an immobile, tiny creature could wreak so much havoc on one fairly big dude?
After dinner, Oliver had slept for close to four hours straight.
At the time, I’d thought nothing of it, just hustled around the house, trying to organize, taking inventory of the kitchen, assembling the ExerSaucer, unpacking Oliver’s pint-sized wardrobe that Reese and Valerie’s parents had sent with him.
Anna had stayed for close to an hour, helping me.
Then, before I could even consider getting some rest myself, the little guy was awake, ready for another round of chow. I’d given him a bottle and some cereal, thinking that would sustain him for another four hours so I could sleep. How wrong I’d been.
We’d been up every two hours. I’d offered a bottle every time, though by five this morning, I’d started to question whether that was the right solution.
Was he in fact hungry or just messed up from being in a new place with his schedule out of whack?
Or did this little baby understand on some level that his mama was gone forever?
Damn, I hated that thought.
Could a baby grieve? Did he understand the woman who’d brought him into this world was no longer available for him? Did he somehow comprehend how monumental of a loss he’d suffered?
I’d lost my own mother and understood to my core the vastness of his loss.
As many mixed feelings as I had toward Valerie, I couldn’t deny that a guy needed his mom.
I’d had to navigate without mine from the age of twenty-eight, but my son?
He was facing his whole life without his mother.
I’d do whatever was in my power to try to be both parents for him—of course I would—but I could fully admit I was in way over my head with no search and rescue coming my way.
Oliver had been wide awake after his seven-a.m. bottle, at which point I’d decided my chances of more rest were gone.
It made zero sense that it was now more than three hours later, and we were just leaving the house to meet with Chief, but there’d been some kind of time warp that sucked the hours with a baby into nothing. I’d swear to that.
Anna had offered to stay with Oliver during my meeting, but I’d turned her down. She’d done so much already, and I needed to learn to function without her. Until I could find an overnight nanny, I was going to need her help on my on-call shifts as it was.
I could get away with taking Oliver to the station with me this time, so my boss could meet him. Maybe my little dude’s cuteness factor would soften Chief Thomas’s reprimands too.
By the time I pulled into the station’s lot and smelled my son’s toxic diaper, I was second-guessing my decision. How the hell did people go anywhere with a baby?
“They take them to the restroom, change the diaper, and go on with their life,” I answered myself.
I wasn’t new to diaper changing. Being sixteen years older than my sister, I’d gotten stuck with changing her pants plenty of times when I was a teenager.
I killed the engine, hopped out, kept my son in his carrier and detached it from the base, then grabbed the diaper bag Reese had sent with him.
I was eternally grateful for Reese. Without her, I was sure I still wouldn’t know I had a child. Valerie’s parents would’ve taken custody without batting an eye.
“You did your pants up real good, didn’t you, tiger?” I said to Oliver as I carried him toward the entrance.
Inside, the admin hall was deserted, not surprising for a Saturday morning, so we headed straight for the restroom—the men’s restroom in the decades-old building that had no changing table, it turned out.
I found space on the floor to pull out our changing pad and take care of him there, but I could see why every public restroom needed a changing table.
That concrete floor was hard on the knees.
Once I had him cleaned up, I tucked him back in his carrier and went to find Chief, ready to get this over with.
He was in his office and smiled when he saw me walk in with my son. Points for the baby.
“Hey, Chief,” I said, scraping together a grin and some jolliness.
“Hi, Kemp,” Chief Thomas said as he stood and came around his desk, his eyes on the carrier. “Hello there, little guy.”
“This is Oliver,” I said, bursting with pride I didn’t wholly understand. Yes, he was my child, but so far, I’d had nothing to do with nurturing him or helping him develop. My only accomplishment was getting him through one night relatively unscathed.
I set the carrier on one of the two visitor chairs so Chief could get a better look if he wanted, then put the diaper bag on the floor.
He bent over my wide-awake son, held a finger near his small hand, and lit up when Oliver grabbed him and flashed a toothless smile.
“You’re a handsome fella, aren’t you? How was your first night? ” he asked me.
I chuckled. “Is that a trick question?”
“Rough?”
I nodded. “Tell me it gets easier.”
Chief straightened, his smile fading. “You don’t want me to lie to you, do you?”
I hoped like hell he was kidding, but I knew in my gut he wasn’t. He’d raised two children to adulthood. “Maybe I do,” I said with a forced grin. “Tell me how easy this is going to be. Sunshine, roses, unicorns.”
“Just wait till he’s a teenager and a young adult.” Chief shook his head and shuddered. “You got your hands full as a single father.”
“That’s a statement I can’t argue with,” I said, trying to ignore the seed of anxiety taking root.
As Chief went back around his desk, I moved Oliver and his carrier to the floor beside me. “I apologize for calling out of my shifts all week, sir. My head has been all over the place. I wasn’t in the right mindset to do the job.”
He took a heavy seat and met my gaze with his intense brown eyes. “That’s understandable, Kemp. I would’ve questioned you if you’d insisted on working while you were going through that.”
My brows shot up, giving away my surprise. “Thanks,” was all I said as I tried to figure out why I was here if it wasn’t to be reprimanded.
His expression softened. “Did you really think I’d have a problem with you needing time off during a personal event of that magnitude?” he asked, nodding toward my son.
“It was just unexpected and…” I shrugged. “I guess I felt bad for not being able to work when I didn’t even have custody yet.”
He shook his head as if I was ridiculous, making me realize Anna’s assessment of the man was spot-on.
Deep down, I’d known that. Milton Thomas was a good guy, an empathetic man who, yes, could and would kick some ass when it was necessary.
But he’d always been big on family first. I probably hadn’t been thinking straight for the past nine days.
“Why don’t we get down to business,” he said.
“Your ticking time bomb there is content for the moment, but you never know when that’ll end.
” He nodded at Oliver, to whom I handed a penguin toy with a rattle and a teether and multiple textures.
“The reason I wanted you to come in today is to let you know Lieutenant Schwartz is leaving us.”
My attention jumped from my son to my boss as I processed that info. “Leaving us? Like quitting?”
He nodded once. “She and her husband are moving to the East Coast to care for his parents, who aren’t well. It’s not public knowledge yet, so keep it to yourself. I wanted you to know ASAP so you could prepare.”
“To apply for her job,” I said as the realization sank in.
“Of course. I realize the timing is challenging”—he nodded at Oliver—“but paid positions are few and far between, as you know. And you might remember, this process isn’t quick.
We have to check all the legal boxes, get the posting approved, post it for the right amount of time, interview candidates, the whole rigamarole.
You know you’ve got seniority. You’re a leading candidate.
I’m not going to say a shoo-in, because we’ll hire the best person for the job, but I know your goal is to one day sit at this desk like your father.
” He tapped the surface. “Lieutenant is the next step.”
I nodded, my head an avalanche of thoughts and fragments and oh, fucks.
Was this a joke from the cosmos? Right now? The lieutenant position opened up literally the day after I got my son home for the very first time?
“I’d advise you to enroll in the leadership class online and get that taken care of as quickly as you can manage,” Chief continued. “It’s not officially required, but it’ll look good, check an important box.”
“Right.” I knew of the class offered by one of the national firefighting foundations. I’d looked into enrolling before but had never gotten around to it. It hadn’t ever been the highest priority. Looked like it had just moved up. “I’m on it,” I told him.
“I’m betting two or three others from the department will apply, and there’s always the chance of outside applicants,” Chief said.
“Yes, sir.” I sat up straighter. As he’d mentioned, I wasn’t a shoo-in.
It’d been several years since any of the officer positions had come open.
It would be highly competitive, but this was my chance.
Did the timing suck? Hell yes, it did, but that didn’t matter.
“I’ll enroll in the class, get my résumé spruced up. ”