Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Anna
Most relationships were gradual things. You met, you went on a first date, then more dates, getting to know each other little by little.
It was like wading into a zero-depth entry pool where you dipped your toes in, walked farther when you were ready to get your ankles and knees wet, proceeded step by step until, if you were lucky and still interested, you finally went all in and put your head under.
Kemp and me? We’d dived straight into the deep end once we’d finally confessed our true feelings.
Our zero-depth entry time had started long before our school days, progressed to living together a month ago, and then we’d plunged in literally overnight.
Pretty much backward, but I wasn’t complaining.
It just meant we’d gone from friendship straight into sharing the rigors of day-to-day life, with both of us busy with our careers and social obligations on top of caring for our adorable boy.
We tag-teamed childcare regularly, and time together was harder to come by than I would’ve liked, but this was life.
I was still pinching myself from time to time that my reality had gone from being single, lonely, and pining for my best friend, to living with him, making love whenever we found a chance, and basically raising a child with him.
Days like this Sunday, when we’d had several hours of no outside commitments, were rare and all the more precious because of it. Kemp had been called out last night to a small brush fire they’d contained quickly, so I’d let him sleep in and happily gotten up with Oliver.
We’d spent a blissfully low-key afternoon relaxing and catching up socially.
We’d done a video call with Natalie, who couldn’t get enough of watching Oliver play, then heard from Reese, the best friend of Oliver’s mom, who promised to visit soon.
Kemp had put on a friendly face and video called Oliver’s grandparents as well, letting them see how well the baby was doing.
He’d told them they were welcome to visit anytime, and they promised they would.
It wasn’t the warmest call, but Kemp didn’t want his son to lose touch with his only living grandparents.
We knew they were grieving, so I tried not to judge them.
After the parade of calls, we’d watched a hockey game and a movie, working around the baby’s schedule as necessary. The dogs had alternately napped and gone outside to run off their energy. Kemp had put his chipotle chili recipe in the crockpot, and the aroma had teased us for the past few hours.
With Oliver napping in his crib and the dogs outside, Kemp and I had ended up naked on the couch, where he’d just made me shatter yet again.
“We missed the end of the movie,” he said, grinning as he kissed me lazily, both of us catching our breath and gradually tuning back into reality.
“What we did was a hundred times better,” I said.
He nuzzled into my neck affectionately, making me feel thoroughly loved and adored. It was going on five o’clock, and the house had darkened while we were otherwise engaged. We didn’t care, both of us content to snuggle and breathe and enjoy the time together in the waning light.
The sounds of a waking seven-month-old came across the baby monitor.
“I guess it’s time for you to cover this gorgeous body back up,” he said as he crawled over me and stood. He gathered his clothes and pulled them on, helped me find mine, then headed off to the nursery.
By the time he emerged with Oliver, I was dressed and curled up under the throw blanket, a football playoff game on the TV, and my yarn and hook in hand. I’d prepared a bottle for Oliver and set it on the end table.
Kemp joined me on the couch with his son propped up in the crook of his arm, the baby going after his bottle, eyes bright and alert and focused on the movement of my crochet hook.
“You started a new project,” Kemp said.
I held up the few rows I’d completed in my treasured fuchsia variegated yarn. “I’m making a cardigan. For me.”
He reared his head back, grinning. “You’re making something for yourself? That’s new.”
I shrugged. “The girls pointed out that I never do, and I decided it was time. Plus this yarn…”
“It’s your colors,” he said.
“Exactly.”
“It’ll look good on you.”
I laughed. “That’s a little premature. We’ll see if I can figure out the pattern. I haven’t done this one before. It’s called Dragonfly Lace.”
“Strangely appropriate,” Kemp said.
“I got it at Fat Cat. Loretta said she had to order it when she saw the name.”
A few minutes later, Oliver had finished his bottle and was on his play mat on the floor, his baby gym over him and a few toys nearby, including the plush fire truck Kemp had bought for him last week.
Kemp was stretched out next to him, making Oliver laugh by flicking some of the dangling toys so several were in motion at once.
The doorbell rang, and Kemp and I looked at each other curiously.
“You know of anyone coming over?” he asked as he stood.
I shook my head and double-checked that my clothing was all in the right place, then went back to crocheting.
“Hey, Kemp.” My brother’s voice surprised me and had me craning my neck to look behind me, even though I didn’t have the right angle to see outside.
“What’s up, Ryder?” Kemp’s tone was guarded, obviously because of what had happened the last time I’d visited Ryder.
“Is Anna here?” Ryder asked.
I set my project and the throw blanket aside and stood, somewhat alarmed because he’d basically told me he was done with our relationship.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I joined Kemp at the door.
“Can we talk?” my brother asked from out on the step.
Kemp put his arm at my waist as if to protect me.
“Okay,” I answered.
Ryder’s gaze went to Kemp’s hand, then up to his face, then mine. “In private?” he added.
“Sure,” I said.
“I was just going to check the chili,” Kemp said. He pressed a kiss to my cheek before leaving me with my brother.
Ryder’s brows rose in question as he stepped inside. I noticed he held a gift bag, which shot my curiosity even higher.
“What’s going on?” I asked him, leading him into the living room so I could keep an eye on Oliver. “What do you want to talk about?”
I sat back in my spot on the couch, while Ryder lowered himself to the chair. He glanced at Oliver, then eyed the blanket nest on the couch as if he was figuring out exactly what’d gone on between Kemp and me earlier. As long as my parts were covered, I didn’t have anything to hide.
“Are you two together now?” he asked quietly.
“We are.”
He didn’t comment on that, just distractedly set the bag on the floor next to his chair. “Anna, I’m sorry. I was a prick when you came out to the ranch.”
“Yeah, you were.” I was still upset enough that I couldn’t just accept his apology and move forward. Not when he’d made me believe he was cutting ties. “You said some really hurtful things.”
“I know,” he said quickly, then blew out a breath. “I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking a lot, and part of the problem was I took my anger at Mom out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No,” I agreed.
“I still don’t want that woman in my life, but I shouldn’t have lumped you in with her.
I don’t want to hear how she’s our mom and she’s messed up and we need to cut her some slack.
She’s a fucking grown-up who acts like a six-year-old.
She’s greedy, self-centered, and mean. So I don’t want to cut you out of my life, but I need you to understand.
I’m done with her.” His gaze went back to the baby, as if he was keeping his eye on a poisonous snake that might attack.
“I’ve been thinking a lot too,” I said. “I’ve given her so many chances.”
“She’s not going to change, Anna. The mom from when we were little isn’t in there anymore. I hate to see you giving her so much of your energy, because all she does is take.”
“I know. I’m finally starting to see that, and honestly? It’s exhausting.”
“It’s frustrating to watch.”
“Her birthday’s next weekend.”
He sat up straighter and eyed me with skepticism. “I’m not celebrating.”
“I know. Message received. But I need to give her one last chance. I’m going to visit her and try one more time to convince her to go to counseling.”
“And when she refuses?”
“Maybe she won’t.”
He shook his head. “You got every last drop of optimism in this screwed-up family.”
“If she refuses…I think it’s time for me to take a step back too.”
“I hope you stick to that,” Ryder said, “because she’s never going to change.”
I didn’t have much fight in me to disagree, because I’d be shocked if she did.
“I don’t want you out of my life, Anna. Just her. Is that possible? Can you separate the two?”
I’d already figured out I didn’t have it in me anymore to play peacemaker between my mother and Ryder. My brother was important to me, even if he was too grumpy for his own good. My answer came easily. “Yes.”
He nodded once in gratitude. “Are we okay?” He extended his hand, palm up.
I put my hand on his. “Yes. I’m glad you came by.”
“Me too. Otherwise I would’ve missed the big news.” He gestured to the kitchen, where Kemp was clanking dishes and lids.
I studied Ryder, trying to discern his opinion about Kemp and me, but he gave nothing away.
“You guys about done out there?” Kemp called from the kitchen.
“We’re done,” I said.
“Chili’s ready,” Kemp hollered. “You want to stay for dinner, Ryder?”
My brother looked at me as if checking that I was okay with that.
“Can you smell it? You should stay,” I told him.
“Sure,” Ryder said. “I’ll have a bowl.”
“What’s the bag for?” I asked him, noticing it again, my curiosity piqued.
“Oh.” He picked it up, looking uncertain.
Kemp walked in, carrying two bowls of steaming-hot chili with potholders underneath each one.
“I’m sorry for the way I acted to your son, Kemp,” Ryder said, nodding toward Oliver.
“Hey, your mom was pushing your buttons big-time,” Kemp said. “I knew that.”
“Yeah, she was.” Ryder’s jaw went tight as he shook his head. “Pissed me off, but I didn’t need to be a jerk toward him. I brought him a present.”
“Hey, Ollie-O, did you hear that?” Kemp said. “Ryder brought you a gift.”
He set down the chili bowls on the end table between Ryder and me and took the gift bag from my brother. Going down to the floor by his son, he pulled lightly at the tissue paper, trying to get Oliver to pull it out. “Yank that stuff out of there,” he coached.
Oliver looked between his dad and the bright blue tissue paper as if he was having none of it, so Kemp broke down and pulled it out, unwrapping the gift.
“Look at this, Oliver,” Kemp said. “What do we have? Oh, some horses and a stable. This is cool, man.” He pulled out the plush stable and four plush horses and set them up in front of the baby, who was lying on his tummy.
Oliver’s eyes went wide, and he reached for a dark brown horse.
“What a perfect gift from a horse guy,” I said. It even looked age appropriate, with no little parts or googly eyes.
“The gal at the store said it was good for six-to-twelve-month-olds,” Ryder said. “I hope it’s okay.”
“It’s great. Thanks, man.” Kemp picked up an Appaloosa and made it “walk” toward Oliver, then gently booped him on the nose. Oliver laughed. “It’s a hit already.”
Still holding on to the horse, Oliver rolled to his back and stuck the muzzle in his mouth, a sure sign of acceptance, making us laugh.
“That ought to keep him busy while we throw down some dinner.” Kemp stood and went to the kitchen for his own bowl, then sat close to me on the couch.
I sat back, letting the chili cool a little so I wouldn’t burn my tongue. Between the home-cooked food, hours with the man I loved—who’d taken the day off from studying—a happy baby playing on the floor, and a truce with my brother, today was turning out to be one of the best.
Kemp
I wouldn’t say Ryder made any attempt to interact with Oliver, but the baby gift was a start as far as I was concerned. I knew his issues ran deep.
The fact was, Anna was relieved. I could tell without her saying anything.
Her falling-out with her brother had cut her deeply, which had made me want to punch him and ask what he’d been thinking.
I’d tried not to listen to their conversation from the kitchen, but I could tell from his tone he’d apologized.
If Anna was happy, that was enough for me.
We’d finished our dinner, and Ryder and Anna had cleaned up the kitchen while I’d fed Oliver some baby food and cereal. When he was done, Anna whisked him away for bath time, which was one of her favorite rituals with him.
Ryder was preparing to leave, and I saw him to the door.
“Walk me to my truck,” he said.
I shrugged and followed him out into the driveway. He opened his door, but instead of climbing into the driver’s seat, he turned to me and said, “So you and Anna, huh?”
I couldn’t help grinning as I said, “Me and Anna.”
“It’s about damn time.”
“Tell me about it.” I shook my head, refusing to let regret seep in for all the years we’d lost due to not being honest about our feelings.
With his hand on the open door, he said, “I’m happy for you two, but I swear, if you ever hurt her…” He left that hanging as he looked me directly in the eyes.
“I could say the same to you. Out of the two people in this driveway, only one of us has devastated her in the past month.”
“Shit.” He shook his head, his jaw clenched tight as he gazed toward the neighbors. “She’s my sister. We’re gonna have disagreements. I apologized.”
“You needed to,” I said, all the good feelings from five minutes ago gone. “You should know I have no intention of hurting her. She’s everything to me. I’m in this for real.”
We had a mini stare down. Then he nodded once. “Thanks for dinner. I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”
I stepped back so he could close his door and watched him back out. It took a whole lot of nerve for him to warn me about hurting her. I breathed in the frosty air, shoving down the irritation he’d stirred up.
Anna and I still had a few hours left of our day together. Ryder’d already ruined enough for her lately. My only goal was to go inside and make sure today ended on the best damn note possible, preferably naked again. And you’d better believe I’d enjoy every last second of it.