Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kemp
Anna had been gone for just over twenty-four hours, but it felt more like twenty-four days. I missed her so much my chest ached with it, my body felt heavy with it, but still…I couldn’t blame her. I was overextended, grumpy as hell, and not pulling my weight.
I hadn’t figured out what to do about us.
I had no intention of losing her, but the first thing I needed to do was clear up my current life logjam.
Nothing was more important than Anna and Oliver.
Nothing. My class was time sensitive though.
As soon as I finished this next test, I’d put all my energy into fixing us.
I’d gotten word that I’d passed the fire department written exam, so the next hurdles were the physical exam, then the interviews. If I could just get through all these fire department hoops and finish my leadership class, my schedule would loosen up.
The leadership instructor had granted me two extra days to prepare for the next unit exam.
I’d done another thing I absolutely hated to do— I’d called out of work at the brewery today so I could devote it to catching up.
I’d taken Oliver to Quincy’s like I did every weekday, which gave me hours of uninterrupted study time.
I’d also been able to steal a couple of power naps to recharge, a luxury that wasn’t possible when my son was home.
I’d picked him up at the usual time, fed us and the dogs dinner, and gone on a run with all of them.
Now Mac and Baxter were lazing after all the exercise.
Oliver and I were stretched out on our backs on the living room floor, and I was reading some of his favorite board books to him before I gave him his bath and bedtime bottle.
While he was at daycare, I’d made it through all the reading for the unit test, so now I mainly had to review. Unlike yesterday, I felt like I could be ready for it. Almost felt like I could breathe, if only Anna were here.
We were halfway through the caterpillar book when a knock sounded on the front door. My heart jolted with hope that it was Anna coming back in spite of my truckload of flaws.
Baxter came to the door with me, maybe with the same hope.
My optimism sank to find the wrong Delfico glaring through the peephole back at me. With my guard going up in case he started with a left hook, I opened the door.
“What’s up, Ryder?”
“Maybe you can tell me,” he said. “Can I come in?”
“My son’s still up. You can come in if you can keep it civil.” I opened the door wider.
“Sounds like an admission that you know you need your ass kicked,” he said as he stepped inside. He bent down and ruffled Baxter’s fur. As if sensing he was missing out, Mac showed up for the same treatment.
“I’m maxed out on drama,” I told Ryder. “I assume you’re here on Anna’s behalf.”
“She doesn’t know I’m here,” Ryder said as I led him into the living room.
Oliver had rolled to his back and picked up his favorite horse. He held it up, studying it, then stuck the nose in his mouth.
“Why are you here?” I asked Ryder as we sat down, him on the chair, me on the sofa, Baxter at Ryder’s feet, and Mac hopping up on the couch next to me.
“What the hell are you doing, man?” His voice was hushed but emphatic.
I leaned forward, my forearms propped on my knees. “Look, I know I’m a miserable bastard right now. Anna was justified in leaving. I’m trying to get my act together and catch up on my online class. Once that’s done and the fire department hiring process is behind me, things will calm down.”
“You really believe that?”
I scowled and bit down on the urge to ask him what business it was of his. Making an enemy of Ryder wouldn’t win me any points with Anna though, and I needed all the points I could scrounge up.
“It’s not always going to be this bad,” I said. “My tests stacked up, and I got overwhelmed. I know Anna’s been pulling way more than her share around here. I know that’s not fair to her.”
“But you really think you’re going to work a full-time fire department job where you pull twenty-four hour shifts several times a week on top of a full-time job at the brewery? Do the math, man. We all got the same twenty-four hours in a day. You’re not superhuman.”
“What do you think I should do? Give up the brewery?” Not that I was going to follow his advice, or anyone’s, but if he was so smart, he could tell me how I could supposedly solve all my problems.
“Do you want to give up the brewery?” he asked.
“Of course not. Holden and I dreamed of it for years. We created it from nothing. In less than three years, our beers have become regional and won various awards. That’s my creation, man. And my commitment to Holden and Chloe. Can’t you see why I can’t walk away from that?”
“Hell yes, I can see that. What I can’t see is why you can’t choose a career. You’re telling me why you can’t give up Rusty Anchor. So give up the fire department.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
Ryder laughed sardonically. “I know your stubborn ass thinks you can’t, but here’s the thing.
My sister deserves someone who’s fully in the relationship.
Who’s not trying to do some heroic double career bullshit and doling out the leftover time to her.
Would you accept that for Natalie? You want her to settle down with some guy who works eighty hours a week? ”
Baxter lifted his head as if he recognized Natalie’s name.
“I want Natalie to find someone who loves her with all their heart,” I said.
“And what if that someone who loves her leaves her with the kids all the time? Puts his job before her, before their relationship, before the kids, before everything else?”
“Anna and Oliver come first,” I said, my frustration growing. He was putting words in my mouth.
“It doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting,” Ryder said.
“And you think I should quit the department.”
He looked at me, his eyebrows crawling up his forehead as if waiting for the dumbest kid in the class to catch on.
“You of all people should understand,” I said. “You knew my dad. You knew how much the fire department meant to him. He lived and breathed it just like his dad before him. I did one thing in my life to make him proud, and that was becoming a firefighter.”
Ryder shook his head disdainfully.
“You weren’t there when it finally happened,” I said defensively. “You’d already moved out to the ranch, so you didn’t see the look on my old man’s face when he pinned my badge on me.” I broke off, the memory of that very look still burned in my mind’s eye to this day.
“I’m sure he was proud,” Ryder conceded. “I suspect you made Ron Essex proud every day as a firefighter. He’d be proud of you for Rusty Anchor too. If I recall right, your dad liked to drink a good beer, sometimes with my dad.”
“He did like beer,” I said, the ghost of a smile forming on my lips. I would’ve loved for him to see what Holden and I had accomplished so far. “But it wasn’t on the same level as firefighting. That was where his heart and soul were.”
“His heart and soul. That’s my point. Kemp. You’re living the life your dad wanted. When are you going to live the life you want?”
I shook my head and blew out a frustrated breath. “You don’t understand. Your family doesn’t have a tradition like this, where every generation follows in the footsteps of the one before it. That’s the expectation in our family.”
“Last I knew, Natalie’s not studying to become a firefighter.”
“Natalie has no interest in being a firefighter. She’s studying cybersecurity.”
“Just like you studied brewing. If you had half as much passion for firefighting as you do for beer making, I wouldn’t be here arguing with you.”
“Nobody understands what it’s like. I can’t just walk away from firefighting because my dad died.”
“No, but you could walk away from it because you’ve found your true calling somewhere else. Because as much as I don’t like you right this minute, I can still admit you can create a hell of a beer.”
The thought of ending my dad’s and my grandfather’s legacy made my chest go tight.
But I had to admit that the stuff he’d said about what I hoped for Natalie, as far as a life partner was concerned, hit a raw spot.
Was I giving Anna the leftovers? The dregs of my time?
She’d always said she respected my work ethic. But would she someday resent it?
“You really think if your dad were alive today and you told him you wanted to pursue your interest in brewing that he wouldn’t understand? He wouldn’t give you his blessing?”
“No way to know,” I said curtly.
Ryder moved forward in the chair, becoming even more animated.
“You’ve got a kid now. What if Oliver grows up and is interested in something other than the fire service?
” He gestured to my boy, whose legs were up in the air as he chewed on the horse’s muzzle.
With a twisted grin, Ryder continued, “What if he decides horses are cooler than fire trucks?”
My brows shot up, because the plush fire truck I’d bought Oliver weeks ago sat to the side, disregarded in favor of that soggy horse.
“You want him to go into firefighting anyway because that’s what your family does?” He emphasized that last bit as if pointing out it was a dumb idea.
“Oliver can do whatever he chooses,” I said without hesitation. “Whatever he’s interested in. I just want him to be happy.”
Ryder shot me a pointed look, eyebrows up again, as if to say, Listen to yourself, dumbass.
“Why would your dad feel differently toward you?” Ryder asked, with so much logic I wanted to punch him.
Shit.
I sat back in my chair, feeling as if he’d done a double-leg takedown on me and I’d just landed on my ass.
“Maybe you like firefighting. I don’t doubt for a second you could be a good lieutenant,” he continued.
“But Anna’s right. Nothing sparks you the way beer and brewing and the Rusty Anchor do.
You come alive just talking about it. That’s passion, not following in somebody’s footsteps because you feel obligated to make them happy.
” He shot up off the chair, causing Baxter to raise his head.
“Make yourself happy, and in the process, make my sister happy and give her the life she deserves. She’s giving you everything, man.
Her time, her effort, her love, her understanding.
You’re breaking her damn heart.” He started toward the door, then stopped halfway and turned back toward me.
“If you’re too dumb to see that, then maybe you don’t deserve her. ”
He strode the rest of the way to the door, let himself out, and closed it quietly behind him.
I sat there with everything he’d said spinning through my mind, trying to sort through it and figure out whether he was right and I was being the dumbest man alive.