Chapter 38
ELENA
“Elena,” Buck starts.
“No.” I shake my head. “No, you don’t get to say my name in that tone right now, like I’m overreacting and you’re about to calm me down.”
I look around at all three of them, letting them see every bit of the anger, hurt, and fear tangled inside me.
Buck, trying to hold the whole world on his shoulders until it crushes him.
Weston, full of good humor while he tries to stop everyone’s pain.
Calder, dark and restless in ways he hides from almost everyone but me.
All of them currently discussing me like I’m a box of important documents they need to route to the correct location.
I laugh once without a trace of humor. “Federal protection? Deciding who goes with me? Do you have new names picked out for me and T.J. yet?”
“We’re trying to keep you safe,” Weston says.
I take another step closer to them. My feet are chilled, but anger is keeping me warm. “I know, and I appreciate it, but it seems like my role here is to be moved around like cargo while you three make all the decisions.”
“That’s not what we think,” Buck says.
“Then why am I finding out about these conversations by accident?”
None of them answers.
“You don’t get to make contingency plans for me without me,” I say. “You don’t get to decide where I go, who I go with, or what kind of life I’m supposed to build out of the wreckage if something happens.”
Buck’s jaw ticks. “If something happens, I need to know you and T.J. are protected.”
“And I need to know the three men I’ve apparently lost my mind and fallen in love with actually see me as a partner instead of a liability.”
Buck goes still, Weston’s breath catches, and Calder’s gaze lifts to mine, sharp and searching.
“That’s what you’re all dancing around, isn’t it?
” I continue. “I’ve spent weeks in the middle of all your restraint and circling.
First, it was noble intentions and everyone acting like desire was the problem.
Then it was timing, then guilt, then danger, and now this.
” I spread my hands. “You’re making private plans that treat me like I’ll just be reassigned if one of you dies. ”
Weston flinches, but I still don’t stop. “I’m not choosing one of you as my primary future and the others as heartbreak I’ll have to survive. I’m not keeping little emotional escape hatches open in case this gets complicated. It’s already complicated.”
They all seem stunned, but my words keep flowing with surprising ease.
“I love you,” I say, looking straight at Buck first, because his face is the hardest to read, and he needs the direct hit. “I love how you take care of everyone around you, even when you’re running on fumes. I love how you make people feel safer just by walking into a room.”
Then Weston. Sweet, dangerous Weston, who looks at me like he wants to memorize every word. “I love you. I love your patience and your kindness, and the way you see what people need before they can say it. I love that you can hold pain in your hands without looking away.”
Then Calder. He’s looking at me with a kind of naked intensity that makes my heart pound harder. “I love you,” I whisper. “I love the parts you think are too damaged and difficult, and I love the way you keep showing up for people anyway.”
I look around at all three of them. “I choose all of you. Not temporarily, and not because we’re all scared and clinging to each other because there’s a threat hanging over us. I choose all of you, and I choose this family we’re somehow building, no matter the risk or the messiness.”
My throat tightens, but I force the rest through.
“If there are contingency plans to make, I need to be part of them. I’m in this, and if we survive what’s coming, I’m still in it.
If we don’t …” I draw a shaky breath. “Then I hope none of us spend one more day acting like this is anything less than it is.”
I flatten my palm over my chest. “I’m in this. All the way.”
There’s silence after that, but it doesn’t feel empty. And it’s only a moment before Buck steps toward me with his expression stripped bare.
“You should have been a part of the conversation,” he says. “That’s on me.”
Weston follows it with a quiet, “Me too.”
Calder huffs out a laugh that breaks in the middle. “I don’t have a defense that doesn’t sound stupid.”
Despite everything, I almost smile.
“You’re not a liability.” Buck’s voice is filled with conviction.
“Then stop treating me like one.”
He keeps looking into my eyes. “All right.”
“I wasn’t trying to leave you out.” Weston’s voice is low and rough. “I was trying to imagine every way to keep you alive.”
“I know you meant well,” I say. “You just forgot I’m a person in the middle of all this, not a prize at the end.”
He winces as Buck’s gaze drops to my bare feet, then back to my face. Even now, part of him is cataloging details like cold, exposure, and risk.
“You should go inside,” he says.
When I stare back at Buck, Calder chuckles under his breath.
Buck closes his eyes for a second. “That came out wrong.”
“It really did.”
“Come inside with me,” he says, and I let him guide me back into the house. Weston and Calder come, too.
Things go silent again, but the room feels full of banked heat now, like one good breath could make everything flare. I can still feel the echo of what I said hanging in the room between us, and my pulse hasn’t slowed. Judging by the way all three of them are looking at me, neither has theirs.
All at once, I realize I don’t need permission to choose them all.
I cross the room and stop in front of Buck first. His eyes darken as I slide my hand up the front of his shirt and feel the hard line of his chest beneath it. “Do you understand me now?”
“Yes,” he says, his voice ragged.
“Good.”
I rise onto my toes and kiss him like I’m sealing a deal, and he responds immediately, cupping the back of my neck with a big, warm hand, and holding me close as he takes as much as he gives. A sound rumbles up from deep in his throat as his restraint breaks open under my mouth.
It’s not easy, but I pull back before either of us can get completely lost in it.
When I turn to Weston, his gaze goes to my mouth, then back to my eyes. I touch his jaw, feeling the roughness of it and the slight tension in the muscle beneath my fingers. “Do you?” I ask.
He covers my wrist with his hand, his thumb pressing into my pulse point. “I’ve understood it for a while, but I was scared to trust it.”
My chest squeezes. “Trust it.”
Weston presses his lips to mine with a reverence that only lasts a few seconds before it changes into something hungrier. As his mouth moves on mine, his hands slide to my waist and hold me tight until I pull back.
Calder’s been standing near the wall like he isn’t sure whether to stay or bolt. Or like he’s braced for impact.
When I walk over to him, his throat works. “Elena.” The way he says my name almost sounds like a warning.
“For someone good at reading danger,” I murmur, “you can be unbelievably bad at reading me.”
That pulls the hint of a smile out of him, even though it’s brief and crooked and strained. “I know what you’re going to say,” he tells me.
“What’s that?”
His eyes search mine. “That this is real.”
I shake my head as I step in so close, the heat of his body wraps around me. “I was going to say I’m done letting you stay at the edge of things.”
The hard lines of his face soften as his focus sharpens, and the room narrows to just the two of us. He clamps his hands to my waist in a way that makes me gasp—not because it hurts, but because the movement is so certain. So possessive.
He’s been holding back, but he’s done with that now.
Then he kisses me like the world’s ending, and this is what he intends to be doing when it all goes up in flames. Heat flashes through me so fast, it leaves me dizzy.
Calder bends over me, so broad and solid, his mouth fierce as he shows me how much he wants me. Behind me, Weston exhales, and Buck says something low and rough I don’t catch.
I only break the kiss when I need to catch my breath, and then I turn so I can look at all three of them. I draw in a deeper gulp of air and say the thing that’s been burning in me since we all stepped inside. “Bedroom.”
Buck’s eyebrows lift, and Weston’s eyes flare. Calder’s grip on my waist tightens.
“I want all of you,” I tell them.
Buck reaches for me, one hand sliding around my hip as he studies my face like he’s checking for uncertainty.
He won’t find any.
“You’re sure?” he asks.
I take his hand and set it flat against my heart. “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
Weston moves in behind me, his chest warm against my back, his lips brushing the side of my neck with impossible gentleness.
“We can go slow,” he murmurs.
I tilt my head to give him better access. “I don’t want to go slow because you’re afraid.”
The sound he makes against my skin is like a growl. “That isn’t what I meant.”
I turn enough to catch his hand and pull it around my waist with Buck’s, then reach for Calder, too, even though he already has a hold of me. “I want all of you. No more half-steps.”
Calder’s laugh is quiet and disbelieving. “You have no idea what you’re unleashing.”
I lift on my toes and taste his lips again. “Try me.”
After those two little words, whatever restraint they had left goes up like dry tinder.