13. Alice
13
ALICE
D inner is cold, but I don’t complain. If that’s the worst thing that happens to me today, I’m in good shape. I’ve been sick to my stomach all week, and sick of hiding. This quiet refuge has become a prison. Mario says he’s working on amassing his “army of ready soldiers” with which he will take his brother down. I say by now, we could’ve been in Venezuela or somewhere exotic, hiding in paradise instead of a church’s rectory.
I push my spoon around the dish, watching the hunks of meat mix with the noodles. Nothing is appetizing anymore. I’ve lost my desire to even exist, and with nowhere else to go but wherever Mario tells me, I fear I’ll be a nun before this is all said and done. A nun who may be pregnant with a priest’s baby, if you can even imagine something so absurd. But it’s true. I haven’t told Mario, though. I don’t want him to freak out. Something about this whole situation makes me want to slip away in the middle of the night and put as much distance between me and my past as possible.
“You’re not hungry?” he asks. He’s asked that a lot over the past week or so. When he’s not out amassing his army—whatever that means—he’s here doting on me. In a way, I think it’s sweet that before I went to confession, he’d never met me before, but now we’re bonded in a way that makes him feel obligated to care for me. In a way, I wonder if this trauma bond is really healthy or if I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. But I love him. I know that much. And it’s not just the sex or some twisted version of Stockholm syndrome.
“Nah,” I mumble, offering the same response I’ve offered the past ten times he asked me. If I eat this, I’m just going to throw it up, and I don’t feel like explaining to him why I’m throwing up. Or why I fear I’m throwing up. I haven’t taken a pregnancy test, but I missed my period. Besides, it’s pretty obvious there is a very high risk of conception when all sex is unprotected sex with this man. “Guess I just want something different. A burger sounds good.”
“I can’t really let you go out, Alice. You know that.” He looks at me with compassion, and I know he’s right. If I even so much as show my face anywhere in this city, they’ll find me again. I’m safe enough here. Mario himself doesn’t even leave the rectory unless it’s in his robes. He changes into other clothes elsewhere, but he says it’s his way of blending in and not drawing attention to the church.
“I know.” I sigh and stir the soup a little more, still noodling the idea of just running away. I know I’m not a prisoner here, and if I am, it’s only because Tom made me this way. It isn’t Mario’s fault. He’s trying to help me. But I can’t help feeling a bit of animosity at times.
“If we cut your hair, dye it… we could maybe go out now and then, but…”
“Or I could just leave.” I look up at him and plead with my eyes for him to just agree with me. “I could be in Ohio in under three days, and they’d never find me.” My lip quivers as I say the words, knowing if I do that, I’ll never see Mario again, and this budding love I have for him will fizzle and die. He’ll be the one who got away instead of the one I have for life.
“Alice, you can’t be serious.” His soft scowl is more like that of a parent chastising their child, not anger. “They’ll find you, baby. That half-million your dead husband stole isn’t the fortune. My brother has billions. He won’t even miss that money. The reason he’s hunting you is a matter of principle—no one steals from him and lives to tell about it.” His serious face is stern and uncompromising.
“But I don’t have it. I don’t know where Tom put it.” It doesn’t seem fair that the sins of my former husband are being visited on me. If I had the money, I’d give it back.
“He doesn’t care.” Mario pushes his chair back from the table and stands, then collects both of our bowls and carries them to the sink. “I’m going to make this right for you. I promise. I have a plan.”
“What plan?” I ask, standing and walking to stand next to him at the sink. As much as I trust him—and I do fully trust him—I know no matter what plan he has, it’s going to end in violence and more death.
“The details aren’t important, okay?” He dries his hands and turns to me, gripping my shoulders. Then he kisses my forehead and breathes in the scent of my hair before saying, “The only thing you need to worry about is trusting me and doing exactly as I say. I care about you, Alice. I won’t let you get hurt.”
I search his eyes as he pulls away, and I know he means it, but this time, I have to protect him. I can’t let him risk life and limb for me, not even if I’m carrying his baby. I’m sick of seeing people around me die, and I don’t want to lose someone else I care about. If the money and retribution are what Mario’s brother wants, then he’ll be unable to even chase them if I’m gone. If I vanish.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, but I can't tell him.
“I’m thinking how amazing you are.” My eyes well up with tears. “How much I honestly love you.” It’s the first time I say it to him, and it may be the only time I say it to him. When he leaves again, I’m going to leave too. I’ll get a cab or an Uber and I’ll go to the bus station. Greyhound has buses that go all around the country. I can be on the East Coast and away from here where I’m safe, and there will be no reason for an army, or a war, or taking down Paolo Gatti.
“You are the sweetest thing in the world.” He kisses my forehead again and smiles. “I might just be falling for you too, Ms. Darling. And when this is all over and done, we’ll have some serious talks about what that means for our future because I’m not going back to the priesthood. That’s for sure.”
Mario sighs and walks away, and I watch him leave the kitchen. Tonight is the night. When he’s off preparing his plan for action, I’ll be finding a bus station with the ability to purchase a ticket out of here. Then his brother won’t have to hunt me or him at all.
It’s the only way I can repay him.