Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
The harsh light makes me squint my eyes.
My throat is dry, and every single part of my body hurts.
I can feel a deep, bruising ache in my bones, and even opening my eyes feels like a difficult task.
Fuck, I hate feeling like this. I’m only forty-eight, I shouldn’t be feeling like I’m one foot in the grave already.
Slowly, as I adjust to my surroundings, glancing around, the memories slowly start to return.
The last thing I vividly remember is getting shot, then being in Hudson’s arms. I should be dead.
I take a deep intake of breath, and try to stretch my arms. However, I can’t seem to move my left hand at all.
My eyes fall to the left side, and a small smile tugs on the corners of my lips.
Aria’s clutching my hand tightly, sitting in the chair, her head right next to my body on the hospital bed.
Her soft snores fill the room, and I can’t help but chuckle a little.
I take another sharp intake of breath, just allowing myself to soak everything in.
I glance out the window, and for a moment, I think maybe this is another dream.
Why are the cherry trees outside of the hospital almost ready to bloom?
That would mean that I’ve spent months asleep in this bed, and the thought of it makes my stomach sink.
There’s no way I actually slept for that long, right?
My hand trembles as Aria’s holds it, and I swallow thickly.
My eyes close, my entire body burning when I force myself into a sitting position, being as careful as possible not to wake up Aria.
My back is hurting, as though someone used a whip on me, numerous times.
Every single bone in my body is screaming in agony, and fuck, I can barely hold in the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes.
There’s a glass of water next to the bed, and with a shaky hand, I reach for it, needing something to quench the thirst that I’m feeling.
It’s room temperature, yet it’s the most refreshing thing I’ve ever had down my throat.
When I put the glass back on the small bedside table, I breathe out in relief.
Once again, my eyes find Aria. She looks very tired, and she’s lost a lot of weight.
My heart hurts at the thought of her going through this, and a part of me knows it’s because of me.
“Sweetheart,” I whisper softly, giving her hand a small squeeze. “Wake up.”
Aria stirs in her sleep, lifting her head.
For a moment, she reminds me of my little baby, when she was still a toddler.
She used to fall asleep anywhere, and at any time.
That sleepy face didn’t change just because she grew older.
Her hair is just as messy, sticking out every which way, her eyes hazy.
“Huh?”
I laugh softly, rubbing my thumb all over the back of her palm. “Did you sleep well?”
It takes her a few moments for everything to sink in for her, but the moment it does, oh God, it’s beautiful.
Her eyes widen, she jumps up and her arms wrap around me.
It all happens in less than two seconds, from the sleepy state to the realization that I am awake.
She hugs me so hard, she almost squishes me to death.
“Mom,” she sobs, gripping the back of my hospital gown. “Please tell me this isn’t a dream. I won’t survive if it is.”
I return the hug, kissing the top of her head. “It’s not a dream, Baby. I’m here.”
Aria breaks down, her body trembling as she cries into my shoulder.
My hand rubs her back up and down softly, almost absentmindedly, trying to soothe the shaking of her body.
She’s not letting go of me, holding me in a vice-tight grip.
I let her get her fill, and cry her soul out.
After a couple of minutes, she pulls back, her cheeks stained with tears.
She wipes them with the back of her palms, staring at me as if I’ll disappear at any moment.
“God, I’ve missed you so much, Mom.”
I smile, kissing her forehead. “Yeah, I know. I’ve missed you more.”
Her eyes close when I pull back, and she’s struggling to keep her emotions in check. My little girl has always prided herself in the ability to hide her emotions, but not from me. I’m her mother, she’ll never be able to hide anything from me.
“Are you going to tell me what I’ve missed or do I have to wait for Arlo?”
Aria’s eyes open, and a solemn look overtakes her features. Instantly, the gut-feeling of something terrible overwhelms me, and she doesn’t need to say it outright. I must’ve missed a lot.
“Well,” Aria clears her throat. “Blair’s gone.”
“Gone as in she left, or gone as in dead? Please be more specific here.”
“She left.”
A sigh of relief slips me. “Why?”
“See,” Aria chuckles, yet the sound is devoid of any humor. It’s dark, and it sends chills down my body to even think of what must’ve brought Blair to the point of upping and leaving. “That… is a long story.”
“We’ve got time, don’t we?”
Aria looks at me, dead in the eyes, and rips the bandaid right off, with no warning.
“Dad is dead.”
A small laugh slips me.
Then another one.
And a third one when I see that Aria isn’t laughing with me.
She’s looking at me through her dull, almost dead eyes, and it’s all the proof I need.
My heart absolutely shatters as soon as the realization dawns on me, my eyes swelling with tears.
I manage to swallow them back, ignoring the ringing sensation in my ears.
“No, he isn’t.”
“Mom,” Aria whispers, taking my hand in hers. The tears fall down my face freely, and I’m in a state of shock. I can’t move, I can’t think — I can’t breathe. Hudson can’t be dead. He can’t be. The love of my life couldn’t have died while I was in a fucking coma, right?
Right?
“No,” I defend, gasping for straws. “I would’ve felt it, Aria. Hudson isn’t dead.”
“Mom… please.”
“No,” I yell out, vision getting blurry. The heart monitor I’m connected to starts beeping, and I’m struggling to breathe. My lungs are collapsing, and my throat is closing up. All I can do is gasp for air, unable to get it inside of my body.
“Fuck,” Aria hisses, jumping to her feet. “Hold on, I’m going to grab the doctor.”
I barely register the words that leave her mouth, because my entire body is shutting down. Within minutes, there are nurses and doctors all around me, trying to reach me with their voices. Yet, I shut it all out.
This hurts.
My heart physically hurts.
It’s like someone has ripped it out of my chest, squeezed it, and tossed it into the trash can. My entire body aches for him, missing him, refusing to come to terms with the fact that my husband is gone.
That I was just here asleep while he was dying. Alone.
Hudson is fucking dead, and isn’t coming back.
Yet, I don’t quite believe it.
Hudson would never leave our children just like that.
He would never leave me. The man I fell in love with and married would’ve fought back, and found his way back to me.
That’s why I’m struggling to believe all of this.
When I’m finally knocked out from all the medicine they’ve given me, all I do is dream of him.
The first time I told him I loved him, the first time we managed to come up with a plan without trying to bite each other’s heads off, and more importantly, when we started our own little family.
I’m not sure how long the medicine keeps me under.
When I wake up, it’s pitch black outside, and I’m still in a state of haze.
My eyes slowly peel open, and I glance around.
There’s no nurses, no doctors, and no Aria.
But something catches my attention.
On the small bedside table is a plate filled with strawberries.