Chapter 18
Aoi
“Can I kiss you?”
I stare forward through the windshield and smile to myself. “Aren’t you too eager?”
He smirks, refusing to stop watching my every move like a falcon lurking around its prey. “Can you blame me? You’re exquisite, Aoi. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I couldn’t without making you uncomfortable.”
We met yesterday. How can he harbor such feelings for a man he barely knows? And I don’t want to hear anything about love at first sight because that’s plain bullshit.
“What do you want, Mr. Lacroix?”
“Andrew.”
I roll my eyes and sigh. “Fine, Andrew. Tell me what you want.”
“You,” he says, inching closer to me. “I want you. I missed you so much, Aoi. You can’t imagine how badly I’ve been wanting to see you, to talk to you, and touch you.”
I’ve heard those words before.
Seriously, why does he seem so familiar? I’m a hundred percent certain that I’ve heard these words before when I-
Oh for fuck’s sake, Aoi.
You fucking dumbass. Don’t tell me he’s the one night stand I couldn’t remember the face of?
No, there’s no way. If it’s him then he’s been hiding his true intentions since the beginning. Did I get deceived so easily by someone with such a sweet smile?
He had in fact been rather enthusiastic when he introduced himself in the hotel lobby. Didn’t he act as though we were close? I don’t remember well enough what the man I fucked looked like, but the longer I stare into Andrews’ eyes, the more I believe it could be him.
But what if I’m wrong? What if it’s another person and he ends up thinking I’m a sick pervert for assuming it was him?
He stares back at me awaiting an answer and so I clear my throat. “You’ve lost your mind.”
He shakes his head, and reaches for my cheek, brushing his thumb over the tender flesh.
I don’t move, don’t push him away, and definitely don’t look away. He’s mesmerizing, and I can’t force my body to listen to reason.
I want to kiss him.
I know I shouldn’t, but I really couldn’t care less about what I should or shouldn’t do. Reason has no control over my actions and honestly never had.
His thumb caresses my cheek when he realizes I won’t reject his touch. “Maybe I have.”
“I don’t understand you at all.” I lean into his palm, letting his gentleness comfort my bruised heart. “But I don’t get myself either so…”
His rough hand slowly and carefully drifts over my jaw and grazes my neck. I hold my breath, too scared of ruining the moment. His gaze roams my frame, and I watch him caress my nape.
As if pulled out of a daze, he removes his hand and sighs. “I’m sorry that was...weird of me. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?” I grab his hand. “Did I give you the impression I didn’t like it?”
His eyes widen and a chuckle escapes his mouth. “No, you didn’t but now I’m even more lost.”
I lean in closer and place his hand back on my nape, sliding my fingers over his wrist. “Keep going.”
His breathing hitches, and his lips hover over mine in an excruciating sensuality that leaves space to thoughts of our naked bodies tangled in silk sheets.
I’m a liar. A damn good one, too.
I lie to myself every time I claim not to think before I act or not knowing why I behave the way I do. Truthfully, I’m well aware that a part of me wants whatever I’m putting myself through.
I’m constantly punishing myself, and it’s exhausting.
Just one taste of his lips. Just a feel of his waves tangled between my fingers and his large palm on my nape, tugging me closer until I completely unravel.
If I could just let myself feel for once and forget to think.
This doesn’t have to mean anything. It could be like every other hook up–an escape from my rotten mind.
He pulls me closer and I close my eyes, relishing the excitement fluttering in my stomach.
But then something completely unexpected happens.
He kisses my forehead.
My eyes open and I nearly scoff at the obvious lust and desire as he smiles innocently. “Now I’m the confused one.”
“I just don’t want us to skip steps,” he says and takes my hand in his before placing a charming kiss on my knuckles. “I want you to fall in love with me the way I fell for you.”
I pull away from him and smile. “You’re definitely insane. God, what am I doing here? I think you should drive me back to my hotel now.”
Andrew bites his lip and sighs. “You don’t believe me. I get it but I’ll make you see my feelings for you one way or another.”
“I like you, Andrew,” I say, slipping my hand out of his and regretting the loss of his warmth instantly. “You’re handsome and sweet but…I don’t know you.”
“Can’t we change that?” he asks softly. “Get to know me and see what kind of man I am before rejecting my advances.”
I want to laugh at how absurd his request is.
There’s no reason for him to desire getting to know me. He’s barely spoken to me twice, yet he’s that interested in me?
It can’t be.
“You don’t know me.” I scoff and comb a hand through my hair.
“You definitely don’t want me. I can assure you that.
Don’t get involved with me. You’ll only get hurt.
” I chuckle at how much he looks like a sad puppy whose treats have been taken from him.
“Take me back to my hotel, Andrew. It’s the best for both of us. ”
He tilts his head, gazing into my soul and for an instant I want to say fuck it and kiss him.
“If that’s really what you want.”
I bite my lip, holding myself back from messing with his head. He deserves better than what I can offer. He’s young and happy. That’s how he should stay.
Away from me and the crimson ink tainting my hands.
He groans softly, and I notice my palm on his thigh. What the hell am I doing? I literally just told myself to get away from him but then I make a fucking move?
Jesus, Aoi, you’re unbelievable.
His eyes darken when I stroke his thigh. His attention is set on my face, attempting to ignore my fondling, and I can’t stop myself from grinning like a fool.
I need to stop, I really have to.
But I don’t want to.
I crave the way he looks at me like I’m more than a broken vase, like I’m precious. He gazes at me with the devotion of a worshiper at a god’s altar, on his knees and ready to fight fate just to please me.
Why does he look at me like that?
“I’m sorry.” I remove my hand and look away. “I know I’m a confusing jerk. A walking contradiction.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t care. Be confusing. Hurt me if you must. I want you.”
My heart shudders behind my ribcage, beating harder for each of these three words.
I want to believe him, but words aren’t enough.
No one wants me. Not the real me.
His fingers grasp my chin, tipping it up to meet his gaze. “I want you, Aoi.”
“No, you don’t. You just want to fuck me.”
He frowns, seeming genuinely afflicted by my words. “Why would you think that?”
“We just met. You don’t know anything about me. You can’t say that you want me and expect me to believe you.” I pull out my phone, disappointed but not surprised to see the lack of notifications. “If you’re trying to annoy me, you’re on the right track.”
“I’ll be patient.”
“Just move on from your silly crush. It’s not worth it.”
I’m not worth it.
Andrew stares at me with a conflicted expression but doesn’t argue. Instead, he pulls me closer, pressing his forehead against mine, and somehow, it makes me want to give him a chance.
God, how touch-starved am I?
“For you, I’d wait an eternity.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.” I relish the feel of his skin against mine before I sigh and politely push him away. “I want to head back now, Andrew.”
He sets both hands on the steering wheel and turns on the ignition. “Then have dinner with me tomorrow.”
“Stubborn as a mut, hmm?”
“And this is nothing. I’m being quite tame right now.” Andrew stares longingly at me for a minute. “You have no idea how you make me feel, Aoi. ”
I do have an idea after glancing at the erection tenting the crotch of his pants.
I’m not being very honest with myself, but at least I know that if I get to know Andrew better, I’ll be able to figure out if he’s last night’s mysterious fuck.
I’m only allowing this to get answers.
Nothing else.