Chapter 23
Visha
I want to ask about it–dig into his deepest thoughts and get answers to my questions.
Aoi has never spoken about his family or his past even while we lived together. It’s not like I never asked but he simply changed the subject every time. So, I can’t believe that the first time I’m hearing about him having had a sister, is while I’m basically a stranger in his eyes.
Why did he not want to talk about her when we lived together? Did he not find me trustworthy? We spent three years together, but he never relied on me emotionally and never opened up about his past.
“Is everything alright?” he asks, laying his palm against my forehead. “You don’t seem to have a fever, but you’re a bit warm. Oh, and getting warmer.”
Fuck, he’s absolutely adorable.
I burst out laughing, wondering how Aoi can have changed so much yet so little. He’s still the same when it comes to worrying about other people. That gentle soul of his hasn’t faded and that makes me grin brighter than ever.
I take his hand in mine and kiss his palm. “Do you want to play some piano?”
Aoi stares at me like a deer caught in headlights before chortling. “I don’t know how.”
“I’ll teach you.”
He reluctantly watches me get to my feet and pull him against me as I lead him to the piano in the corner of the room.
Sitting down on the stool next to me, he bites his bottom lip. “This is ridiculous, Andrew. I’ll only embarrass us.”
“Nonsense. Anything you do is perfect, even if it’s not.”
Aoi shakes his head and gives in, allowing me to place his fingers on the keyboard as I lay my hands over his, guiding his movements.
“Just follow my lead.”
He nods and scrutinizes my expression, seeming lost in thought. I tilt my head and wet my lips, sensing my cheeks heat up when his eyes glance at my mouth, magnetized by the casual gesture.
Is he trying to make me lose my composure in front of everyone? Goodness, he can’t keep acting all cute and innocent when he’s looking at me like a lioness ready to pounce on a gazelle.
“I recommend watching the keys,” I say, nudging his shoulder. “I know I’m a treat for the eyes, but it’ll be hard to focus if you keep looking at me like that.”
He flushes bright red and rolls his eyes as though I haven’t caught him ogling me. “Arrogant much? I wasn’t looking at you in any type of way.”
“Oh, you weren’t?” I lean closer until our foreheads almost touch. “Are you saying I got the wrong impression?”
Aoi’s Adam’s apple bobs, and all I can think about is sinking my teeth into it and sucking hard until he’s red and purple. He smiles, batting his lashes bashfully before nodding at the piano.
“How about you show me how to play first?”
“Anything you want, Aoi.”
He elbows me in the rib and frowns, but there’s no animosity in his expression when he says, “Don’t say my name like that.”
“And how am I saying it?” I ask, drowning in the fire of his jewels, getting lost in the pale skin peeking from his shirt.
“Like you want me to swallow you whole.”
This man will be the death of me.
Grinning like a fool, I bite down on my lip and try excruciatingly hard to think about the grossest thing on earth before he notices the hard-on tenting my suit pants.
“If we keep that up I’ll get arrested for public indecency,” I joke and when he laughs, blushing adorably, I’m tempted to just throw him over my shoulder and steal him away.
“Then I advise you to focus on my lesson, professor.”
I teach him a few notes, and though he struggles at first, he picks it up surprisingly fast. Before long, the piano is carrying a gentle melody instead of a jumble of clashing sounds. Letting him play on his own, I lift my hands from his and watch as his focus settles completely on the keys.
How did I survive so long without him? These smiles and delicate hands have haunted my living days, as I spent my nights wishing he’d hold me through my nightmares.
My lips curve into a smile when he lets out a quiet giggle. My chest tightens, and butterflies swirl in my stomach, reminding me that I’m alive–truly alive–and it’s all thanks to him.
Gently, he lifts his fingers off the keyboard and looks up at me with a smile so beautiful, I nearly melt. “I never thought I’d be able to play the piano. I’m mediocre at it, but it’s fun.”
“Are you kidding? You’re the next Beethoven,” I tease, and it takes a godly strength not to kiss his flushed cheeks.
The silver shimmer in his eyes slowly dulls, his smile faltering and I want to lounge into the depth of his mind to strangle whatever demon just stole my cheerful Aoi right before my eyes.
“It’s getting late. I should get going.”
“Do you have to?” I ask, sounding as disappointed as I am.
“I’m on a deadline and I have to finish my work so I can dream of finally relaxing.”
Nodding, I get up from the stool and extend my hand, but he swats it away with a smirk. “I don’t need help. I’m capable of standing up on my own, thank you very much.”
“I know but let me do it anyway.”
He chuckles and grasps my hand as I lift him up. “Do you do that often?”
“Do what?” I walk up to the counter, thank Charles for his hospitality, and pay him the sum due for our drinks. Glancing back at Aoi, I notice him smiling politely at us before he follows me to grab our coats and we head out.
“Act all sweet and generous.”
“I wouldn’t call myself either of those things.”
“Then you’re either humble or blind,” he says and strolls away.
A sudden fresh breeze blows our way making Aoi shiver as he pulls his coat tighter around himself. Against my better judgement, I jog to his side and wrap an arm around his shoulder, pressing him against me.
He gawks up at me with a knowing smile. “I’m fine. It’s not that cold.”
“But I’m cold,” I muse. “You can lend me some body warmth. You’re a walking heater, you know?”
“Am I?” he smirks and shakes his head but doesn’t move away from me. “Then I’ll allow your cuddly nonsense only until we get to the car.”
Damn, he’s got me grinning like an idiot.
“Do you want to go for a walk before I drop you off?” I watch him with puppy eyes, hoping he’ll take pity on my poor heart and grant me a few more minutes with him.
“You really don’t want to let me go, hmm?” He peers up at me, slowly detaching himself from my embrace and instead locking our arms. “If it weren’t for your handsome face and unnecessarily charming attitude, I would have told you to respectfully fuck off.”
“So you think I’m handsome and charming?” I gape at him and beam like a child on Christmas Eve.
“Is that all you gathered from what I said?” He shakes his head in disbelief and pulls me into a steady walk beside him. “God, you’re impossible.”
“I’m curious about something, though.”
He nods and keeps his eyes on the sidewalk as we stroll. “Tell me.”
“Do you not want a relationship with me or is it just in general?”
His head shoots up, and I see the different waves of emotions dancing in his eyes, whispering truths he has decided to veil from the rest of the world. I don’t bother repeating my question and instead I wait until he’s ready to answer me.
If it ends up taking the whole night, it will have been worth it.
He exhales and observes a child walking with his mother, smiling wistfully.
“Relationships require certain sacrifices. You need to put yourself on the front line and be ready to get your heart ripped apart for having dared to trust someone. I don’t entirely believe that love even exists.
If it does, I haven’t experienced it yet.
And if what I’ve experienced is love, then I don’t want it. ”
So someone broke his heart? Who the fuck was it? The report Linda sent me didn’t mention a single long term lover, though. I don’t get who it could possibly be, but I’ll make sure to patch up the lovely heart they broke.
“I did think it couldn’t be because you don’t like me.”
He snorts and nudges my side, laughing until his cheeks are the same shade of pink as the dress of the lady in Jean-Honoré Fragonard’s painting Les Hasards heureux de l’escarpolette.
I want to take a bite out of his cheeks and see if they taste like strawberry shortcake. With how sweet he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually tasted like a pastry.
“Of course it’s not that,” he says after recomposing himself. “I do like you, Andrew. That’s the problem. I shouldn’t be attracted to you.”
I frown and stop us in our tracks. “Tell me why.”
“I already planned out the rest of my life and in none of my calculations did I leave space for love. It’s too late for that.”
“Too late for you to fall in love again?” I stagger back and release his arm. “Excuse me, but I seriously don’t understand. It’s never too late to meet the love of your life.”
I found you after eight years of searching.
He steps toward me and cups my cheek. “The wheel has already begun spinning, Andrew. You can’t stop it even if you try. I already told you, I don’t want a relationship. Love isn’t for everyone.”
***
The drive back to his hotel is done in a comfortable silence with merely the sound of the radio playing in the background. I park in front of the building, and for a long minute we sit quietly, staring at each other but no one dares to break the trance.
I wonder what’s going on in that complex mind of his, but I’m scared he’ll decide to head out if I utter a word.
“If I asked you to stay, would you?”
Aoi blinks slowly until a soft smile appears on his lips and he opens the car door. “Thank you for tonight. It was fun.” He steps out but before closing the door he bends down and says, “Ask me again next time.”
The door slams shut behind him, and I watch him walk away as my heart does somersaults in my ribcage. My head hits the steering wheel, and I squeal like a mad man.
I can’t believe he said that. So, he wants to see me again? Fuck, I’m way too excited now.
He’s got me wrapped around his finger.
Scratch that.
I’ll obey his every wish if he looks at me like that again.