Chapter 51
Visha
My shaky hands settle on the door handle.
But I can’t open it.
Theres nothing but the truth out in the world now.
Proof of what I am, what I did.
I’m a liar. A fraud. I hurt him when I promised I never would. I shattered what we had. Destroyed the future we were beginning to build.
But he was right.
What future was I trying to build when it was based on a lie? How could I expect him to understand? To forgive my mistake? He’s right to hate me. I would hate myself, too. I already do.
But I can’t bear the weight of his hatred. Not when he looked at me like I was a parasite he’d rather see burn.
“You shouldn't be here, Visha,” Bellami says from behind me.
I glance at him over my shoulder. “I thought you were inside.”
“I stepped out for a second. What brings you here? You should be resting.”
Resting?
I don’t deserve it.
“Yeah, well I’m here now. Might as well be useful.”
He steps into his office and holds the door open for me. “There’s something I need to tell you.” He exhales sharply. “Close the door and take a seat.”
“What’s wrong? You’re freaking me out.”
I oblige and hesitantly slump into the armchair near his desk. Bellami settles down in his usual seat and crosses his hands over his chest.
“Eight years ago, I didn’t bring you home with me by my own means only,” he says. “You had disappeared from the face of the earth and no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find you. But then I got a call from a man who knew exactly where you were, and he offered me a deal.”
I lean forward, sensing what he’s getting at. “What deal?”
“He would only tell me your whereabouts if I agreed to make sure you and Aoi never met again. He threatened to harm you if I couldn’t separate you from Aoi.
I agreed to his deal because all I cared about was to find my little brother.
The idea that such a nutjob was around you was too much to handle, so I forced you home by any means.
I know what I did to you is unforgivable, but he wanted to hurt you if I failed to uphold my end of the bargain.
And you vehemently refused to let go of Aoi.
I had no other choice.” He grunts, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Of course, that was before I realized how important he really was to you, but I could only think about finally being reunited with my little brother. Nothing else mattered, and I don’t regret what I did. ”
“Why are you telling me this? To make me hate you less? What’s the point of telling me now?”
“Because you know who struck that deal with me.”
I glare at him until my fingers twitch, and I jerk out of the chair. “Jason.”
He nods. “I’m sure you must have suspected it at some point, but I couldn’t tell you anything then, or I’m sure you would’ve tried to leave the country to find Aoi.”
“Damn right I would have!” I stalk around the room. “But at that time, I thought I was being crazy for suspecting that psycho of having led you to Seattle. Fuck, Aoi needs to know!”
My legs grow a mind of their own and haul me toward the door, but Bellami’s authoritative voice stops me in my tracks. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To tell him what really happened. Jason is dangerous and fucked up, and he needs to know it.”
“As if he doesn’t already,” he says, standing up and walking toward me. “Aoi has been dealing with that man his entire life. He knows what kind of person his uncle is, and he has already cut him off not that long ago. At least according to my reports.”
“But-”
“He’s not even talking to you anymore.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Aoi needs time to digest the recent events. You barging in with that information about your shared past will only make things worse. He might not even believe you. Leave that out for the time being. We’ll figure it out later.”
“Then what do I do?” I ask, sensing the familiar sting behind my eyes, and my throat constricting. “I’m so lost. He won’t talk to me and refuses to answer my texts and calls. His friends won’t let me near him either.”
“Take it easy,” he says. “He needs time, and you have to get your shit together before you do anything stupid. He doesn’t want to see you and you have to respect that.”
“What if Jason tries something?” I shoot back. “He’s a constant threat. Stalking and obsessing over Aoi like a fucking psycho. We can’t just leave him without surveillance.”
“I’ll take care of this.” He grabs his phone and types something in before focusing back on me. “You need to relax. Hang out with Scott. She’ll help distract your thoughts.”
“I can’t just hang out with Liv and wait for Aoi to forgive me,” I snap. “How can you ask that of me? I can’t just do nothing while the man I love is suffering because of me, and his crazy abuser is running around freely!”
“Enough already.” He heaves harshly and pierces me with his unshakable gaze. “Do as I say. I promise I’ll take matters into my hands and guarantee he’ll be fine.”
My chest rises and sinks with each heavy breath, my heart hammering furiously. “You promised. Don’t fuck this up or else-”
“Je te promets que je gère la situation donc calme toi et va te détendre avec ta pote, d’accord?7”
I nod slowly. “Je vais essayer mais je garantie pas de ne pas péter un plomb au bout de quelques jours sans nouvelles de lui.8”
Bellami chuckles and gestures toward the door. “Maintenant dégage de mon bureaux ou je te jette dehors. J’ai du boulot à finir avant de rentrer auprès de ma femme.9”
“T’as le sens des priorités toi,10” I mock.
“Get out you brat,” he says, throwing a pencil at me but missing.
I grab the door and use it to shield me. “Your aim sucks!”
“Casse toi!11”
Snickering, I rush out of the company building and dial Liv’s number.
She doesn’t answer on the first few rings, so I do what any normal best friend would do.
I spam her with calls until she answers because her job is to be my best friend, and best friends answer the phone even if they’re having explosive diarrhea.
“What the fuck is your problem?” she snaps the second she picks up the seventh call. “Is your ass on fire?”
“I would already be dead if I had to wait for you to answer your damn phone,” I grumble. “Whatever, can I come over? Or can you come over? I need to tell you something and it can’t wait.”
“It’s about Aoi, isn’t it?” she asks, her tone softening. “I miss Ao anyway, so I’ll come over in a bit.”
“Thanks. You’re the best.”
“Indeed, I am.”
“You’re so full of yourself, too.”
She gasps in feigned indignation. “I was about to bring a bottle of vodka but since you wanna be a jerk, guess I won’t.”
“Wait a second, you alcoholic,” I laugh. “When’s the last time you drank?”
“Does it matter? You sounded like you needed a drink, so as the best bestie in the world, I was gonna get wasted with you. Count that as my good deed for the day.”
“Leave that damn bottle where you found it and bring your ass to my place,” I order. “I’m serious, Liv. I don’t want to see you drink.”
She groans loudly into the phone. “Fine. You’re such a buzzkill.”
“Shut up and just come over.”
“Okay, okay,” she says and hangs up.
Even with all of the shit I have on my plate, I can’t help but worry about Liv’s alcoholic tendencies. I’ve tried telling her on countless occasions that she needs help regarding her problem, but she insists that she ‘doesn’t have a problem’.
I beg to differ. She drinks too much, and I’m concerned she may not be able to stop whenever she wants to. She claims otherwise but I don’t believe her.
***
“I figured he wouldn’t take it well, but this is just…gosh I’m sorry, Vi.” She stares at me, lips shut tightly and fingers twitching as though she wants to take my hand but knows better.
I let my head slump against her shoulder, ants crawling on the spot where we touch. “I don’t know what to do. I know he needs time, and I don’t blame him if he never wants to see me again but,” my voice breaks, “I need him.”
She sniffles and I raise my head to notice tears in her eyes. “Sorry Visha, but if it’s not too painful for you, can I hug you? I feel like that’s something you may need but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Liv…” I look down at her hand and slowly thread my fingers with hers. “A hug is a bit much. I don’t think I’m ready yet but you’re right, it’s something I need right now.”
She squeezes my hand and nods. “I’m here.”
“Keep holding my hand,” I mutter, leaning my head back on her shoulder and counting the tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I will,” she assures, giving my hand a soft squeeze.
My phone buzzes against my leg. I throw a look at the screen through blurry eyes and swallow the lump in my throat.