Chapter 54
Aoi
The forest’s shadows make me shudder.
I thought I might end up changing my mind on the way, but I guess not. I’ve known my entire life that this is how it would end, and I feel a type of anticipation as I hike through the woods, and a vast lake welcomes me.
It’s beautiful and eerily quiet. The crickets are chirping, and the fresh May breeze blows through my hair as I step on the stone shore.
A soft buzzing in my pocket startles me and I pull out my phone to find missed calls from Visha, Amira, Elena, and Sally. I don’t understand why they care so much. I’m doing them a favor. Why can’t they just let it go?
I open Visha’s texts and read through them.
VISHA
Please Aoi come back.
VISHA
You don’t want to do this.
VISHA
Please, come back home.
Home?
I’ve long forgotten what that means.
I crouch down and place the phone on the ground as a few tears roll down my cheeks. The freezing water submerges my feet and shins as I step into the lake, shivering at the sensation of the cold in my limbs.
I waddle toward the horizon until the water reaches my neck, and I look up at the moon smiling crookedly at me. “Mom, Dad, Maia, if you can see me, I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve been stronger but I’m not. I never was.”
Fear slowly turns into peace as the cold water stiffens my limbs, and I begin struggling to swim. My breathing gets shallower, and I dip under the water, gasping for air as my face pierces the surface.
I thought drowning would be quick and feel as if I were floating in my mother’s womb, but I was dead wrong.
As time spreads out, I swallow more water and choke, jerking in the water to stay afloat but I’m so tired. I can’t keep swimming with the frost digging into my flesh and paralyzing me.
Dread and horror finally take a hold of me as my instincts fight to survive - to live.
Just let it happen. It’s what you’ve always wanted. It’ll be over soon. Don’t fight it.
I jerk as water wrenches its way into my lungs and burns its way through until tears spring to my eyes and I cough, gasp, and cry.
I’m scared. It hurts.
I want to go home.
Images of everyone I’ve ever cared about flash through my mind. Laughter, screams, and cries echo against the walls of my subconscious. I reach for the sky and glimpse at the stars as they melt into the sparkly water, crying with me.
Honey eyes take form under the moonlight and that’s when it hits me.
Regret. Guilt.
I made a mistake.
Visha’s smile, his yearning touches as he kissed my scar and promised to cherish me until the end of times are all I can think of as spots fill my vision and my lungs clog with water.
It submerges me, wrapping around my limbs like tentacles and dragging me deeper and deeper to the bottom of the lake. Shaping the lake into a coffin for my sorrows.
Bubbles rise to the surface as something violently yanks at my waist and I feel the thread of my sanity slip out of my hand.