Chapter 61
Aoi
I don’t remember how long I spent in this tiny room waiting for Jason to arrive and take me to Visha.
He dragged me back into the same room he trapped me in earlier, but this time he made sure to lock the door behind him.
The lights are dimmed and flickering. The covers of the single bed are a bland shade of white that make me wonder how long they have been here.
I can’t stand sitting on it and instead stay on the dusty ground in the corner of the room.
There’s no clock on the wall, so I have no other choice than to wait in this cage until the tiger comes to eat its prey.
Hell, I’ll go insane if I don’t do something.
I get up and rummage through the furniture, searching for a way out. The sound of the door unlocking makes my heart leap in my chest and plummet into the abyss of disappointment as Jason walks in.
“Did you rest, my dear?”
“As if I could relax right now.”
He walks deeper into the room, gazing at me standing an inch from the edge of the bed. The door closes behind him and I swallow heavily. The area seems to have shrunk with his poisonous presence crowding it.
“I know you’re dispirited right now, but believe me, I’m doing this for your happiness.”
“My happiness? Don’t make me laugh.”
I have to calm down, but it’s so hard when all I can think of is to punch his perfectly smug face. I should’ve blasted a bullet through his skull when I had the chance, but I can’t become a murderer.
I can’t be like him.
I refuse to become a monster.
Jason changed so much over the past years, or maybe I just never knew him. Maybe he was always such a monstrosity, and I was just deluding myself.
No, I know he’s always been a twisted bastard. I stupidly thought he would change, but I was wrong.
“I really love you, Aoi. Even though you don’t believe me,” he murmurs. “Everything I’ve ever done was in your interest. To keep you safe and content by my side.”
He doesn’t know what love truly is.
What he calls love is a creepy obsession with control. He wants an exotic bird he can put in a cage and admire without fearing its escape. He hopes I will be his obedient puppy on a leash with no needs other than catering to him.
Obsession is not devotion.
Ownership is not protection.
It’s not my responsibility to rebuild something I didn’t break. But I can use it to my advantage and pave the way for peace and forgiveness.
Since he’s just a sociopath with a fucked-up idea of love, maybe he’ll fall for it if I pretend to reciprocate his affection. It’s a risky gamble, and it likely won’t work, but it could appease him enough to trick him into lowering his guard.
I want to puke at the softness of my tone when I answer him, “I believe you.”
Jason’s eyes widen and suddenly he flashes a gentle smile. He takes a couple steps toward me and stops at my feet. “You do?”
I instinctively want to run to the door and leave this nightmare behind, but instead, I sit down on the edge of the bed. Jason’s intimidating height looms over me, forcing me to look up at him.
“Yes.”
“I don’t think so,” he purrs, pushing me back onto the blanket. He caresses my cheek gently and plays with a strand of my hair. “You’ve never been a good liar.”
“I’m not lying,” I grit out.
“I know you hate me, but I could never hate you, Aoi.”
The way he utters my name makes me sick, but I shove it down and smile instead. It takes all the strength in my body to cup his cheek without gagging. “I can’t hate you no matter how much I wish I could.”
I suppose it’s not entirely a lie. I despise him now for what he did to me–to those I love. But I can’t help loving the man who took root in my soil. He raised me and took care of for me for so long.
I find it hard to forget our past so easily.
I can’t hate the memory of who we were when I was still ignorant. But those memories are tainted with blood, because greed was stronger than love, more important than family.
I feel him soften under my touch as if he’s slowly taking in my words. “You’re your father’s son, undoubtedly.”
“Why are you saying that?”
He smiles at me, his hazel eyes dark with desire. “Your face, your body, and even your laugh. It’s all your father’s.”
“You…hated my mom.” I watch his lips twitch faintly. “But you cared for Dad and Maia, didn’t you? They were your family after all, were they not?”
“Your father was everything to me,” he says quietly. “I had him all for myself before Meredith showed up.”
“You hated her because she…took him from you?”
His brows draw together, and he strokes my cheek with his thumb. “What do you want to know, my dear?”
“Did you love him,” I mutter, “like you love me?”
Did you obsess over my father like you do with me?
“It was different,” he says, smiling hollowly. “He was something else to me. I’m not using you to replace him if that’s what you’re wondering. Your father never loved me in any way other than as a brother. He wanted her.”
“But you wanted him,” I say, and bite the inside of my cheek.
He wanted my dad, but my mom got to him first. Is that why he hated her so much? Is that why he settled for me?
“I want you, Aoi.”
“You killed her because she got in your way twice,” I whisper more to myself than to him.
He strokes my cheek and lets his fingers drift down to my lips. “My love for you is the only reason I got rid of her.”
Liar.
I know what he wants from me, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. My entire being recoils from the thought of his hands on me. The warmth I once chased is now a new fear latched onto my mind.
I want to run away, run as fast as my legs allow and never look back. But my mind drifts back to Visha. He’s somewhere in the warehouse, and I have to get him out of here.
So, I slide my arms around Jason’s neck. “Did you come here to confess your love, or will you prove yourself to me?”
He lowers his body onto mine, chuckling darkly as he does. The pressure of his weight on me was once so comforting, but now it’s terrifying.
I tremble against him and try to suppress it with all my might but fail miserably.
He presses soft kisses down my throat and smiles against my skin. “You’re scared of me.” Then he gets off me and sits on the edge of the bed, turning his back to me. “I can’t say it doesn’t bother me.”
“No,” I force myself to reach for his hand and place it on my chest. “I’m not. Don’t turn away from me when I need comfort.”
“What do you take me for, Aoi?”
Once upon a time, he was my torch in a dark cave. Yesterday, he was still my uncle and the man I once loved with my entire being. Today, he’s the monster plaguing my darkest nightmares.
If he had confessed his deed years ago, I would have forgiven him. The na?ve teenager he once had wrapped around his finger would have forgiven anything he did.
That boy is dead.
“A flawed man,” I reply after a long pause. “You made a mistake and now you’re paying for it.”
The hand still lingering on my hammering chest moves up to my nape. The next instant, he traps me in his embrace, cradling my defenseless body like I’m his most precious possession.
I hate him above anything, yet I helplessly wish to believe that his feelings for me were once real. There’s nothing normal about his feelings for me because it’s purely and simply pedophilia. He’s disgusting and should die painfully for what he did to the people around him.
I still don’t understand his obsession with my father and how it shifted to me. I doubt he’d tell me even if I asked him to, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
He doesn’t love me. His obsession began with another and will end with me. A feeling that tarnishes the soul of the receiver shouldn’t exist.
“I need time to forgive,” I admit. “I can’t understand why you did what you did, but one day I might be able to accept it.”
The worst is that it may be true.
But I will never forgive him. The only one who deserves forgiveness is myself for all the punishments I inflicted on myself over the years while I was under his spell.