Chapter 1
Icouldn’t get up, and usually that was normal after a ‘session’. But I hadn’t been in the white room, I hadn’t been strapped to the bed, poked, prodded, turned inside out.
I’d been en route, walking like a good little girl between the masked guards.
Good girls got to walk, you see.
Bad girls got sedated, or beaten.
I’d learned to be good quickly.
So why was I lying in a heaping pile of pain?
Why was the air filled with smoke and the coppery tang of blood?
I could feel the thud of boots on the floor, and the muffled, incoherent sound of voices. So many voices. Too many for the facility. I’d only ever had two guards, one man in a white coat and another…another with a voice and a touch that was soft and cruel. What did he look like again? I couldn’t remember.
I hurt all over now…was it because of him? Or was it something new?
I tried to move my arm and white hot agony shot up my body. My throat was raw as I let out a pained yelp. Then I saw my skin. Usually it was ghostly pale and freckled after so long without the sun. But now, it was coated in red. My brain knew that it was too much. If this were my blood, I would be dead. My eyes opened and burned from the brightness of the light and the smoke, but I saw why my left side was covered in blood. I was laying on two men I didn’t recognize, their bodies twisted unnaturally, the only one with a face had his eyes open in shocked horror.
I whimpered as I slid my body off the corpses and tried to curl into a ball, be as small as possible, nonthreatening. If any guards survived, maybe this time they wouldn’t bring their sticks down on my body. As I did, my body scraped along glass, and bits of wall, cutting into me but I bit down on the cry that sought release. If I could be as quiet as possible, maybe they’d think I was dead. Maybe I’d go out in one of those black bags they took my only friend, S-8, out in. Maybe, I could be free.
“Free,” I croaked out and regretted it instantly.
The word cut me deeper than any debris, a foolish hope that I thought I’d let wither long ago. How did it still survive inside of me?
The voices were getting louder but no clearer. A crunch was added to the thud of boots now, and I felt the shifting of the broken bits of the room around me as someone approached.
Still…calm…don’t fight…don’t speak…keep your eyes closed and just take it.
A gloved hand touched my cheek and it took everything in me not to flinch.
“This one’s alive,” said a voice that was still muffled.
My ears must’ve been damaged…that’s not usual for my powers. What if this wasn’t me after all?
What that could indicate was too terrible to let myself register. Because if just the word ‘free’ made me ache down to my soul, the thought that someone had finally come to rescue me was even worse.
I’d lived with the constant expectation of seeing him when I’d first arrived. It had been what made me fight, what made me endure all the beatings and starvation. Until I’d finally accepted that he wasn’t coming. No one was coming. This was my life, and if I wanted to survive, I had to play the game until I could save myself.
Oddly, in spite of the deprivations, the spaces that had no room to walk or move sometimes, the way I’d been locked up, sedated, starved, my muscles hadn’t atrophied, or weakened. I didn’t know why, but I was even stronger than I’d been before, for all the good it did me.
“Let me through!”
I squeezed my eyes closed, recognizing that voice even with the distortion my ears were creating.
No…he’s not here, it’s just another hallucination…please don’t let me see him. He’ll just go away again and I’ll be alone.
I went to that dark corner of my mind, so peaceful and distant. I wasn’t a prisoner. I wasn’t an experiment.
I was nothing there.
And I liked it.
So when his voice wrapped around me, warm and familiar, I could withstand the coming disappointment that he wasn’t real. And when strong arms that I still sometimes dreamed about slipped under my battered body and lifted me with gentleness belied by his giant stature, I let myself go limp with the blissful numbness.
My mind would not be refused in its ill-advised imaginings, so I would let it take me away to the brittle fantasy of safety. Whatever happened, I was simply too weak to resist it all. And if I had caused this, I wouldn’t be alive much longer anyway. So really, what was the harm of dying in this fantasy?
I swayed with the movement of being carried, the hard plains of his body pressed tight to mine, a heartbeat rapid and strong against my ear. I fell into that sound, grabbed ahold of it and made it my entire world. When I felt my body begin to lower, and that sound grew faint, I whimpered, dug my fingers into his chest until I found purchase on something softer than the vest he wore.
“No,” my voice was rough from lack of use, other than screaming. “No.”
“You have to lay her down, we’ll take good—”
“She doesn’t want me to,” his voice, rough, firm, emotionless to some.
But not to me.
I could always hear and see him under that gruff exterior he wore.
“Darius…”
His breath caught, a small sound that I know I was the only one to hear.
“Yes, it’s me,” he whispered against my temple. “I found you and I’ll keep you safe. I-I swear it.”
My chest cracked and stupid tears leaked from under my closed eyes.
Oh, how often I’d dreamed of those words as he kissed me, as he saved me, as he carried me away. A princess released from the tower by her faithful knight.
But I would always awaken, and the dragons would tear at my flesh, bruise me, leave me isolated in my pain.
And he never came.
This time would be no different. I’d wake up and be alone again.
Except…
There was never this warmth…never this heartbeat.
“I’m staying,” he said to someone, holding me tighter. “I’ll ride in the back of the car or ambulance or whatever you want. But if you want me to leave her, you’ll have to kill me.”
“No,” I fisted the fabric in my hand tighter, tried to curl around this blessed hallucination. “No…leave him…please.”
My ears rang and in the distance someone was talking. Then something was closing, and a rumble vibrated around me.
A car…we’re moving…
I dared then to open my eyes. My vision was fuzzy and unfocused. Everything was dark now, except for lights that flared for a moment and then faded.
Street lights…
And my eyes finally found the source of the warm, hard body cradling me like a treasure.
He seemed older than my memories. Eyes ringed with dark circles, and his cheeks sunken, like he hadn’t been eating enough. The broken tusk I’d loved to kid him about was even shorter now, barely coming out of his mouth, while the other one stood out a mere inch, in stark contrast to the dark green of his skin, marked with more scars than I remembered. The hard set of his full lips was so familiar, that I didn’t realize I’d been reaching up until my finger came into view. I brushed against his bottom lip, the one I’d always wanted to nibble on. HIs eyes snagged on mine, the only thing soft about him in this moment.
“You found me.”
His lips trembled under my touch but he didn’t speak. Instead, his response was to hold me tighter and bury his face in the top of my head, hiding whatever emotion I’d managed to draw out.
It was with the memory of his soft lips against my fingertips that I drifted off into oblivion.
“I’ll see you soon, Nina…my goddess. Remember…you’re mine.”
That voice was all I remembered as I swam toward consciousness. The closer I came to waking up, the less I remembered what the owner of the voice looked like, the less specific his tone or accent.
By the time I was fully conscious, the voice was a distant, fuzzy thing that I wasn’t even completely sure I hadn’t made up.
I had no idea how long I’d been out, but that was really nothing new.
What was different was that I wasn’t in pain.
Well, not much anyway.
Usually after a ‘treatment’ I woke up feeling as if someone had put me through a wood chipper. Everything from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes would burn. However long I’d been in that place, I had somehow gotten used to it. So waking up with aches everywhere, with my arm throbbing and my head heavy with discomfort, that was nothing.
Damn near like waking up in a spa.
I cracked my eyes just enough to take in my surroundings.
I had vague memories of whenever the last time I’d been awake but I couldn’t trust them. I’d hallucinated far too many times to trust anything I saw or felt. And even those things that I did remember weren’t much. There were giant holes in my mind where knowledge should be, gaps the size of a canyon, and while I knew my mind had erased those things for a very good reason, I needed to know what they were. Needed to know that pain so that I could channel it into getting the one thing I had promised myself every single day I’d been in that hell: vengeance.
I couldn’t really see anything between how little I’d opened my eye and how fuzzy my vision still was. So I forced myself to listen past the aching in my head instead. I’d honed my hearing these past few months…years…however long it had been. Time really hadn’t been something I could keep track of.
There was the beeping of machines; that, I was familiar with.
Murmured voices, also familiar, though the tone was incorrect. There was always one who had a harsh tone, like he had damage to his vocal cords. And then there had been a deep voice, rich baritone, smooth and inquisitive. He’d been the one I was most afraid of, the ‘treatments’ had always been worse when he’d been evaluating me.
These voices were feminine, however. Soft and clinical to be sure, but not frightening in the least.
There was also a quiet whirring, like ventilation or heaters mixed with an electrical whine that I didn’t recognize at all.
I focused on my body next, taking stock of myself.
Pain? Check, but not bad.
Fingers all working?
I wiggled one or two, hoping no one saw.
Yep, working.
I could feel all my appendages, that was good.
I was laying on a soft surface, another thing that was different.
I was also warm which indicated that whoever had me now was concerned with my comfort.
Maybe…maybe I wasn’t imagining it?
“I think she’s waking up,” said one of the voices.
The heart monitor beeped faster and I tried in vain to calm my pulse.
There was no use pretending, I’d learned that a long time ago. Wherever I was, they would know that I was conscious and it was best to find out what the situation was so I could plan on how to survive it.
So I opened my eyes, little by little, and winced at the bright lights.
“Lower lights by half,” said a different voice, older and feminine, authoritative. “Try opening your eyes now,” she said to me, more softly.
I did, and the though the room was much darker, it still took some adjusting for me to open them completely. My vision went in and out of focus for a moment before settling on a blond older woman at the foot of my bed. She wore a tight smile, a green sleeveless blouse and a black pencil skirt.
“Welcome back, Nina,” she said.
I licked my lips, my mouth dry and frowned at her.
“Can we get her some water please?” the woman asked.
“Where…?” I croaked out.
“You’re safe,” she answered. “My name is Angelica, and you’re at a private room at a Secret Archive facility in Seattle.”
I turned my head slowly, the pain flaring with the movement, but I had to find out if he was here or if I’d imagined it.
Angelica brought a cup with a straw to my dry lips and I sipped slowly at the cool water. It was heavenly as it flowed down my parched throat.
“Slowly, don’t take too much at once.”
I nodded as she pulled it away.
“You’ve been here for three days,” she said. “And you’re recovering very quickly from your injuries and malnourishment.”
I had vague memories of hunger, so that made sense. I also felt like I should have a broken hand, but both were working just fine. Maybe that was a while ago? I had a sense that I’d endured a hell of a lot, but I couldn’t remember any of it.
Except…except right before they’d come for me…darkness…cold…
My muscles should still be weak, I should be feeling the effects of what I’d gone through. And while I did feel discomfort, the only lasting damage seemed to be whatever PTSD I was going to have as a result. I could feel strength returning to my muscles by the second. I was stronger than I should’ve been after all that, IV nutrients or not.
“You’ve been through a lot,” Angelica said, her voice soft, maternal. “And we’re here to help you, to find out what happened. Would you like some food? It won’t be a lot, just some broth, a little starch.”
“Yes.”
She gave me a gentle smile and the smell of chicken broth hit me a moment later.
I expected one of the nurses, or whatever the hell they were, to come and help me sit up, but Angelica was the one who raised the head of the bed and put support pillows behind me. She adjusted the tray so that it sat close to me. I brought a shaky hand up to take the spoon, and carefully sipped broth from the bowl. It was thin and not salty enough, but I’d never tasted anything so damn good.
“Slow,” Angelica reminded me.
I drank two bowls of it and then had a handful of crackers before I stopped and drank a cup full of water. My head felt better after that and I was able to think more clearly. The room I was in resembled a high end hospital room but had no windows. There was a mirror that took up half the wall on my left and I knew that it was a two-way mirror. I’d seen enough of those where I’d been kept to know. My skin itched as I stared at it wondering who was observing me on the other side.
“He’s waiting to see you,” Angelica said.
My heart beat skipped and I whipped my head back to her.
“He…he was real?”
She gave a sad smile and nodded.
I swallowed, thinking of the last time I’d seen him before my life became an endless sequence of pain. He’d been fighting with me about boundaries, how I was pushing them, how he had to maintain professional distance. If I had the energy, I’d probably blush recalling how much I’d been hoping he’d kiss me. And then the doors exploded, and I was tossed to the side as Darius’ body was riddled with bullets.
“I thought…he died,” I whispered, mostly to myself.
“He almost did.”
My eyes slid to hers and the affectionate smile on her face made a feral beast of jealousy awaken in me. She was closer to his age than I was, and she didn’t have all the baggage that I likely did now. She was sophisticated, obviously educated and powerful.
Calm down. You don’t know her story, who she is or if they know each other beyond work.
I looked back to the mirror and I could feel his eyes on me. I had always told myself that Darius had to be alive, that I would know if he’d perished that day. But as time passed in an endless march of fear and torment, he never came to get me, and I had started to accept that he was gone.
And then he was there, holding me, saving me like he’d always done.
But what does he see now? Does he see a victim?
The thought burned through me and I clenched my fingers in disgust. I didn’t want to be a damsel in distress, always being saved by him and nothing else. I’d been so sure that I was enough for him, that all I had to do was show him how good we could be together. I knew there was no starting at the same place, but was there enough of the person I used to be to try? It was going to be so hard to find that bright woman I’d been before the lab and the needles, and the…
What happened…the glowing thing…the voices…?
I tried to grab hold of whatever memory was attempting to surface, and then blinding pain slammed into me. I saw bright spots and my chest felt too tight.
I needed to breath but I couldn’t draw enough air into my lungs.
What’s happening to me?
“Nina?” Angelica’s voice was tense.
The beeping of the machines picked up and there was a loud ringing in my ears.
“You’re having a panic attack,” Angelica said. “Look at me.”
I did and then away again. The ringing was too much, I wanted to make it stop.
“Make it…stop!”
“Look at my face, my eyes,” she ordered. “Breathe with me, Nina.”
Suddenly the lights to my right sparked and exploded, and alarms began going off.
Was that from me?
The hair on my arms stood up and dark veins appeared on my skin.
“What…is…happening…?” I gasped out.
Angelica’s hands captured my face and she forced me to look into her eyes. A ring on her left hand glowed and suddenly a warmth suffused me, like very, very good drugs.
I was floating, the ringing had stopped and I no longer wanted to stab my fingers into my ears.
“You are safe,” her voice was echoey and soothing. “You are warm and safe and I want you to breathe.”
“Yes…breathe.”
“That’s right. Breathe, Nina.”
It was much more shallow than hers, and it seemed to take forever until I could breathe with the ease she did. The heart monitor calmed slowly and by the time I wasn’t feeling like I was about die, tears were streaming down my face.
“You’re safe,” Angelica whispered to me as her hands fell from my face.
I nodded, my limbs wonderfully heavy with relaxation not the fatigue of torment.
Movement caught my eye and I started to cry all over again when I saw him.
In the doorway stood a seven and half foot, three hundred and fifty pound Orc with a broken tusk and scars on his dark green face and neck. His head looked freshly shaved, and his white button up strained around his bulging arms except where he’d rolled up the sleeves to show off his muscled and tattooed forearms. The dark dress pants he’d always worn were tight across tree trunk sized thighs. He had two guns strapped into a black shoulder holster, along with a large knife sheathed to his belt. If it wasn’t for the worry lighting up his dark red eyes, I’d think he was furious. But it was always his eyes that betrayed his true feelings, it was how I knew what he was thinking; he hardly ever showed anything but stoic reserve.
“Darius,” I sobbed, wanting so badly to reach for him. “You…you’re alive.”
“Yes,” his voice rasped, eyes taking me in.
I’d seen this many times before when he’d saved me from close calls or aggressive men in clubs. He was looking for wounds, for anything wrong with me. And there was something wrong, but I knew he wouldn’t see it like this. I’d been changed inside, I could feel it, even if I had no idea what had happened exactly.
Slowly, as if he were afraid I’d disappear into thin air, Darius moved toward me. Instead of sitting in the chair that was placed near the bed, Darius knelt and took my hand in his. Callouses scratched my fingers but I didn’t care. He was warm and real and I was so happy I started to cry.
“Hi,” I said, unable to find anything to say.
He snorted.
“Hi back.”
“You’ve been here the whole time?”
He nodded.
“Thank you,” I whispered, squeezing his huge hand.
He squeezed it back and for just a moment I thought he leaned forward, like he wanted to…
No, that’s crazy. I may have wanted that way back when, but Darius had always made it clear that he was a professional. He’s just worried about me, probably looking closer at…something.
I gave him a tight smile, wanting to reassure him that I was alright, that I was still me, even if I wasn’t sure that was completely true anymore.
Darius stood up and glanced at Angelica.
“What happened?”
“She had a panic attack,” Angelica said, as if it were no big deal. “She’s fine. She just needs some rest.”
Darius gave her a short nod and pulled the chair closer to the bed.
“You heard her,” he said to me, his gruff tone so familiar that I wanted to cry again.
“Yes, sir,” I said with a salute.
He shook his head with a smirk.
“Still a brat, I see.”
“Some things can’t even be beaten out of someone.”
I’d meant it as a joke; I’d said it lightly, as if it were nothing, but the mood in the room tightened around me, and all eyes locked onto me with pity and concern.
Darius’ eyes were different, however. There was concern, but there was also fury. If the men responsible weren’t already dead, Darius was going to find them and make them pay in painful ways.
And I was glad.
“Tough room,” I said with a strained chuckle. “Can I get an extra blanket? Something a little…heavy? I like— “
Darius was on his feet and across the room pulling something out of a cabinet. It was light pink and I could tell it was extremely soft. When he laid it across my legs, I let out a long sigh of contentment.
It was a weighted blanket, like the one I used to sleep with every night.
I stared up at him, speechless at his thoughtfulness, though I shouldn’t have been. Darius was the most observant person I’d ever met, he knew that my blanket had been an item that had brought me security, calming my racing mind so I could drift off.
“Thank you,” I whispered, pulling it up over my torso.
Darius grunted in response and pulled a book off the table nearby.
“Well, it looks like you’re in good hands,” Angelica said with a smile. “We’ll leave you to get some rest.”
I nodded at her and cuddled under the blanket. It only took seconds for my eyes to drift closed and I swear I felt soft fingers brush against my cheek and temple. I nuzzled them and smiled.
“Darius,” I whispered sleepily.
“I’m here, go to sleep, Nina.”
For the first time in so long, I knew I was safe. How much I’d underappreciated that sensation! And it was all centered around the Orc I’d been in love with for years, who had saved me like I’d always known he would and who was now standing guard over me once again.
“Good night, Darius,” I whispered, and drifted off into