Chapter 17 Saint #3
He’s gone before I can argue, the front door slamming behind him hard enough to rattle the windows.
I stand in the empty kitchen, holding the now cold coffee, while trying to figure out what just happened.
It felt like we were having a moment, like something was building there and then…
the rug got pulled out from underneath us.
I put my mug on the counter and walk back into the living room.
The house is beautiful. The type I would love to have and could see myself raising a family in, if the circumstances were different.
It’s such a stupid thought to have, to even consider having children or a future with Calder.
There is no future. How could I possibly be thinking about any of these things?
About a future with a man like him? There is no future for us.
Not with his father in the picture. Not when this home feels like a prison, and this marriage a sham.
I can’t fix what’s broken here. I can’t pray away the bad.
I collapse against the couch, all the thoughts pushing down on me at once. That’s when I crack, when the tears come, sliding down my cheeks, leaving warm tracks behind. I couldn’t stop them from falling if I tried.
At some point, I pass out from exhaustion, and when I wake up, it’s to the front door opening.
I sit up fast enough to make myself dizzy.
Dammit. The last thing I should be doing is sleeping.
I get up and walk into the kitchen to see who is here, only to find Calder leaning against the wall.
He looks worse than when he left. His face is pale, and beads of sweat cling to his brow.
His arm is cradling his rib, and I don’t even have to ask if he’s okay.
I can see the creases of pain etched into his handsome face.
“What’s going on? Did something happen?”
“Yes, something happened, but it’s going to be okay. It’s all been taken care of, for now.” He moves toward the counter. “I need to make myself something to eat and then take a shower.”
Confusion bleeds into worry, and I walk toward him. “What do you mean it’s taken care of? What happened?”
He doesn’t speak, and I think maybe he isn’t going to tell me, but then he looks at me with a look of anguish in his eyes. “Word got back to my father that your dad’s been talking. Asking about us around town.”
“Okay? There’s nothing wrong with asking questions.”
Calder gives me a look that says seriously? “In a town run by a criminal family, the last thing you want to do is go around sniffing and asking questions. That’s a good way to get a bullet in the head.”
“Please tell me you didn’t hurt him?” I reach for Calder without thinking and grip his forearm. He briefly looks down at my hand before looking back up at me, his gaze a little warmer than it was seconds ago.
“I didn’t hurt him, and I won’t, but that doesn’t mean my father won’t get someone else to do it. I can only do so much. If your father refuses to listen to me or my brothers, then it’s out of my hands.”
The thought of my father dying, of someone hurting him because of me… I would never forgive myself.
“I need to see him. I can tell him to stop. Tell him everything is okay.”
Calder nods. “That might help. He’s more likely to listen to you anyway, but it might be better to wait till the bruise on your face heals.”
“Oh yeah.” I let go of his arm and frown. I had forgotten about the bruise. If my father sees me now, that will only raise more alarms.
An ache forms in my chest at the loss of contact, and I don’t understand why. Yes, I’m attracted to Calder, but I shouldn’t crave his touch, his warmth, his presence.
“There’s more,” he whispers. “Emma Porter’s getting involved. She’s started making moves. Hired an investigator. Sawyer thinks she’s trying to build a criminal case against us.”
My heart thunders inside my chest. “I don’t understand. In what way?”
“She wants to try to prove I forced you into this. That you didn’t choose to marry me because you love me.”
“What are you going to do?”
He shrugs. “Nothing right now. We’re going to continue watching her, and you and I will continue playing our parts, making everyone believe we’re happily married and happily in love.” His jaw tightens. “And if that doesn’t work, then we make the problem disappear.”
Make the problem disappear?
It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. Acceptance or death. Anyone who asks questions, tries to fight back, ends up in a shallow grave. I can’t accept that. I won’t. Except you will, a tiny voice says in the back of my mind.
“I’ve done my part, and I will continue to try to make others believe us, but I refuse to be responsible for someone else’s death. I won’t carry that weight, Calder. I can’t.”
Calder looks at me, sadness filling his eyes.
“I know, and I would never expect you to do that. If I have to be the monster, if I have to do something that makes you hate me for the rest of my life, to ensure you’re safe and protected, then I will gladly do that.
But we aren’t at that point yet, so for now, we’re going to continue doing what we’re doing.
If problems persist, we will see what happens. ”
Knots twist in my stomach, and I don’t know what to say.
Don’t know if I should scream and cry or feel grateful that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to protect me.
I’m caught between good and bad, between lust and hate, between right and wrong.
And with every day that passes, with every lie that slips from my lips, a little bit more of the girl I used to be disappears, and something tells me that by the time this is all over, the person I used to be will cease to exist.