Chapter 31 Calder
Calder
The silence that follows Roman’s words is absolute.
It stretches for seconds that feel like hours, thick and suffocating as smoke. I can feel Saint’s hand locked around mine under the table, her pulse racing against my palm. I can feel my brothers’ eyes on me, their shock and confusion and betrayal bleeding into the air like poison.
And I feel nothing.
Not fear. Not panic. Not the hot rush of adrenaline that usually comes when everything goes to hell. Just a strange, cold calm settling over me like fresh snow.
Because the worst has happened. The secret is out. Roman knows.
And now I’m free.
Free from the weight of the lies. Free from the constant vigilance, the paranoia, the exhausting work of keeping every plate spinning.
Free from the illusion that I might survive this intact.
I’m going to die tonight. Maybe not in the next five minutes, maybe not even in the next hour.
But Roman will kill me for this betrayal.
That’s not a question. It’s a fact, as certain as the mountains outside these windows and as inevitable as winter.
The only thing that matters now is making sure Saint walks out of here alive.
I reach for my wineglass with my free hand, bringing it to my lips. The red liquid tastes like copper and oak. I swallow slowly, deliberately, then set the glass down with a soft clink.
“So.” My voice comes out steady. Almost conversational. “How long have you known?”
Roman’s cold smile widens. He settles back in his chair at the head of the table, looking pleased with himself. Like a cat that’s finally cornered the mouse and wants to savor the moment before the kill.
“Does it matter?”
“Curious, is all.”
“Long enough.” He picks up his own glass and swirls the wine. “Did you really think you could coordinate with federal agents without me finding out? That you could plant recording devices, have secret meetings, pass information, and I wouldn’t notice?”
The wire burns against my chest. Still recording. Still transmitting. Reese is hearing all of this, wherever she is. Hearing Roman confirm everything. It’s not the way I planned it, but it’s something. Maybe enough.
“You’ve always underestimated me, Calder. All of you have.” Roman’s gaze sweeps the table, touching Sawyer, Kade, and Levi. “You think because I drink, because I delegate the dirty work, that I’m not paying attention. But I see everything. I always have.”
Sawyer sits frozen across the table, his analytical mind probably racing through scenarios, calculating odds and outcomes. His face is carefully blank, but I can see the tension in his shoulders, the white-knuckle grip he has on his fork.
Levi is on the other side of Saint, closer than I’d like. His easy charm has evaporated, replaced by something harder. Younger. The kid who used to follow me around, asking questions, wanting to be just like his big brother. That look in his eyes now feels like a knife between my ribs.
And Kade. Kade sits to Roman’s right, his jaw clenched so tight I can see the muscle jumping.
His hands are flat on the table, fingers spread wide like he’s physically restraining himself from reaching for his gun.
Of all my brothers, Kade’s always been the most loyal to Roman.
The most eager for his approval. The most willing to do whatever it takes to earn it.
Looking at him now, seeing the betrayal and rage warring in his expression, I know he’ll be the first one to pull the trigger when Roman gives the order.
“You want to know what I think?” Roman continues, taking a long drink from his glass.
The alcohol is already affecting him. I can hear it in the slight slur of his words, see it in the loose way he’s holding himself.
He’s been drinking since before we arrived, working himself up to this confrontation.
“I think you’ve gone soft. I think you let that little cunt between your legs scramble your brains until you forgot who you are. Forgot what this family stands for.”
Saint flinches beside me. I squeeze her hand, willing her to stay quiet. To not draw his attention any more than she already has.
“I haven’t forgotten anything.”
“No?” Roman leans forward, elbows on the table. “Then explain to me why you would betray your own blood. Why you would work with the FBI to destroy everything your grandfather built? Everything I’ve spent thirty years protecting and growing. Explain that to me, son.”
The word “son” drips with contempt.
I meet his eyes across the table. And we’re more alike than I’ve ever wanted to admit.
“You want an explanation?” I keep my voice level. Calm. “Fine. You terrorize this town. You run illegal operations that put innocent people at risk. There are any number of sins you should answer for.”
“Tradition,” Roman interrupts, “that has kept this family strong for four generations.”
“Tradition that’s turned us into monsters.”
“We were always monsters, Calder. I just taught you how to survive being one.”
“You taught me how to be you.” The admission comes out harder than I intend.
“You beat it into me. Drilled it so deep it became reflex instead of thought. And I let you. I followed your orders. I did terrible things because you told me to, because I thought that’s what loyalty means. What being a Bishop means.”
“And now?” Roman’s voice drops to something dangerous. Something cold. “Now you’ve decided to throw all that away? To hand me over to the feds because your little wife made you feel something?”
“Now, I’ve decided that I’m not willing to let you destroy what’s left of this family. I’m not willing to watch my brothers become you. Watch them lose themselves the way I almost did.” I pause. “This isn’t about betraying the family, Roman. It’s about saving it.”
“Saving it.” He laughs, the sound ugly and raw. “You think the FBI gives a fuck about saving this family? They’ll tear us apart. Take everything. Put us all in cages. Is that what you want?”
“I want you gone.”
The words hang in the air like gunsmoke.
Roman goes very still. For a moment, the only sound is the grandfather clock in the corner, marking time in steady, relentless beats.
“You want me gone,” he repeats slowly.
“Yes.”
“And what about your brothers? Did you think about them when you made your deal with the feds?” He gestures around the table. “Did you think about how this would affect them? Their futures? Their lives?”
“They had no idea.” I’ve been preparing for this moment, knowing I’d need to protect them when everything came crashing down. “None of them knew what I was doing. It was all me. Just me.”
“Bullshit.” Roman slams his hand on the table, making the dishes jump. Making Saint jump. “You expect me to believe you coordinated something this elaborate without any help? That you’re smart enough to pull this off alone?”
“Believe what you want. But it’s the truth. Sawyer didn’t know. Kade didn’t know. Levi didn’t know. This was my decision. My plan. My betrayal.”
I can feel my brothers’ eyes on me. Can feel the questions they’re not asking.
The confusion and hurt and anger all tangled together.
But I keep my focus on Roman. Keep my expression neutral.
Keep my voice steady. Sawyer is smart enough to stay quiet.
To recognize what I’m doing and play along. Levi too.
But Kade…
“That’s impossible,” Kade says, his voice tight. “You don’t have the technical knowledge to set up surveillance. To coordinate with federal agents. To plan something like this without—”
“Without what?” I cut him off, my gaze shifting to him. “Without your help? Is that what you were going to say?”
His jaw clenches. “I’m saying you’re not smart enough to do this alone.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, brother.”
“This is bullshit.” Kade pushes back from the table, his chair scraping against the hardwood. “You’re lying to protect someone. Or multiple people, and I want to know who.”
“Sit down,” Roman orders.
Kade doesn’t move. “Dad, he’s obviously covering for—”
“I said sit down.”
The command in Roman’s voice is absolute. Kade hesitates, his hands curling into fists, then slowly sinks back into his chair. But the rage is still there, simmering just below the surface. Waiting for permission to explode.
Roman takes another long drink from his glass. Drains it. Reaches for the bottle of whiskey beside his plate and pours himself three fingers' worth. The alcohol glugs into the glass, the sound obscenely loud in the tense silence.
“You know what I think?” Roman says, his words slurring heavily.
“I think my boys are all too soft. Too weak. None of you would have the balls to do what Calder’s claiming he did alone.
” He takes a drink, then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You want to know why I know that? Because I’ve watched all of you.
Studied you. Waited for one of you to show some spine, some ambition, some killer instinct that wasn’t beaten into you. ”
He points at Sawyer. “You. Always in your head. Always calculating. Never willing to get your hands dirty unless necessary.”
Sawyer’s expression doesn’t change, but I can see his breathing quicken. See the slight tremor in his fingers as they grip the table edge.
Roman’s finger swings to Levi. “And you. The baby. All charm and smiles and no substance. You think riding bulls makes you tough? Makes you a man? You’re playing cowboy while real men do real work.”
Levi’s face flushes red, but he holds Roman’s gaze. Doesn’t look away. Doesn’t apologize for existing.
Then Roman’s attention lands on Kade, and something shifts in his expression. Something cruel. “And you.”
Kade straightens in his chair. “What about me?”
“You’re the worst of them all.”