Sinner Chapter 11
Christ, I was about to jump out of my skin.
As we cleaned up after dinner, took our showers, and then crawled into bed, my anxiety grew.
I kept imagining if Anastasia was disgusted by my kink history.
Even if I never asked her to do that with me, she might not be able to handle that I’d ever done it.
And I wouldn’t play with someone other than her, even if sex wasn’t involved.
It was weird. I’d performed shibari for purely artistic purposes yet never had sex with several women, and it wasn’t a big deal—no hesitancy or weirdness on my side.
But I couldn’t imagine doing it with someone other than Anastasia, and then going home to her.
It would feel like cheating to me. I hadn’t expected that.
“Reign, you’re scaring me. What is it that’s got you zoning out? Please don’t tell me you have a wife or that you have ten kids by various women. Or do you want to bring other women or men into the bedroom with us?”
I blinked at her in shock. Anastasia sat in the bed and turned to face me. I had my back leaning against the headboard. I pushed up and grabbed her hands. They were fidgeting with the comforter.
“Jaanu, shit, don’t say or think those. I have no wife or kids.
I’ve always been careful on the kid side of things.
And I’ve never met anyone I wanted as my wife…
until you. I sure as fuck don’t want to have other women or men in our bed with us.
The thought of touching another woman makes me sick.
The idea of other men touching you makes me murderous. No, that shit won’t ever happen.”
I noted that some of the tension in her body eased. Not wanting her to be eaten up inside by more such thoughts, I dove in.
“I’m not asking you to give me names or full details on the guys who came before me. Nor will I do the same to you. But I believe we should first know the generalities. Then we can go into more. Would you like me to start?”
After a brief pause, Anastasia shook her head.
“No, I think I need to start. First, I have to say I know you’re more experienced than I am.
Despite evidence to the contrary, I don’t sleep with guys after only knowing them for a few days or weeks.
You’re different. I’ve had a few boyfriends over the years, despite knowing my family thinks a woman should be a virgin when she marries.
It’s her husband’s right to have experience so he can guide her during sex. Talk about archaic.
“None of them ever got to the stage where I willingly introduced them to my family. Two ended up running into my family by accident while we were out together. It was awkward as hell. Anyway, I feel that I have a normal sexual appetite. I’ve never seen myself as a prude, but I might be fooling myself.
I mentioned the other men and women because, for me, those kinds of things wouldn’t be comfortable.
Do I care if others do it? No, I don’t. They’re allowed to decide what works for them in their relationships.
“There are things I’ve read about or heard of that I admit I’ve been curious about.
I’ve never had the opportunity to delve into those more.
I believe I’m someone who listens and learns, then decides whether something is for me.
I want my partner to be happy with me and not to be afraid to suggest new things. I hope that makes sense.”
She stopped after saying that. I took over the conversation.
“It does. Okay, here goes. Yes, I’ve had several sexual partners.
Some were casual sexual partners. My last girlfriend was five years ago.
We had several things not working for us, but the refusal to even discuss my interests or desires was a big part of what broke us up.
After we were through, I spent a lot of time exploring things that intrigued me.
“I’m not telling you this to scare you or to make you believe I expect everything to be what I want and to hell with whether you even want to try it.
That’s no way to build a stable, loving relationship.
I hope that you’ll listen to what I say and be willing to try some of it.
But before we do that, tell me what you need from me. ”
“I won’t lie. You’re making me feel anxious. What if you want and need things that I can’t give you? Does that mean we’re through? We should’ve discussed this first, it seems.”
Her voice was small, and her face had paled.
“No! Fuck, I’m messing this up. Don’t do that. You tell me what your needs are. What you’re curious about and would like to explore.”
It took several beats for her to answer me.
“I have this need to make my partner feel as much excitement and satisfaction as I do. Past guys have seemed to be fine with them always dictating what we do in bed, and they decide if we have missionary sex or if I get on top. A few wanted no foreplay and went straight to it. And I don’t necessarily disagree with that at times, but I like variety, too.
That includes positions. Adding spice through toys, new positions, or even dressing up sounds fun.
However, the couple of men I suggested those to had been completely turned off by the idea.
I often found myself unfulfilled and sneaking off to finish myself off. ”
Her cheeks were flushed as she stopped speaking.
“I want to be clear. I want you in every position we can twist ourselves into without permanently hurting ourselves. As for toys, porn movies, dirty talk, cosplay, and more are all on the table with me, baby. I love foreplay. And if you need more than I’m giving you, tell me,” I told her.
“That sounds good to me. So, what else are you interested in? Are there specifics you haven’t mentioned?” Anastasia asked.
I took a deep breath, then went for it.
“What do you know about kink? Or the BDSM lifestyle? Anything?”
I watched her eyes widen, and surprise, edged with what I thought might be wonderment, overtook her face. I waited for her to answer.
“I, uhm, well, I have no firsthand knowledge. I’ve heard things from several sources.
I’ve read about it in some of the books I’ve read.
I know it’s very extensive and that BDSM is really a subgroup under the kink umbrella.
Kink is a sexual act that others consider to be unconventional, non-traditional sexual behavior or interests.
BDSM focuses on power dynamics, which include things such as bondage, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism, hence the acronym BDSM.
After that, it would be simpler to ask me about specific things. ”
I was impressed and relieved she had that much knowledge. It confirmed her curiosity at least.
“Very good, you know more than a lot of people do. Just to add to what you said, kinks are specific sexual acts and fetishes where there is no power dynamic. When it comes to BDSM, the power is a consensual exchange with structured roles. I asked because I have interests and have participated in not just kink acts but in BDSM. Now, before you freak and think I want to cut, burn, or do things of that nature, those aren’t what interest me.
However, if everyone involved agrees to those acts, then I don’t judge.
I’m not into age play where one of us is treated like a child. ”
“What are some things you are interested in?” she asked.
“I like impact play like spanking. I don’t mind role-playing or dressing up if that’s something you’re into. My main area is bondage, but a particular kind. It’s called shibari. Have you heard of it?”
A gasp left her. “Yes, I’ve heard the term. Isn't that where you tie someone up using rope in different colors and intricate patterns?”
“It is. It started as a Japanese samurai’s martial art.
They used it to quickly restrain their prisoners.
Another term is Kinbaku. It became a part of the BDSM culture in the nineties.
It focuses on artistically displaying your partner’s body, one that’s aesthetically pleasing as well as demonstrating sexual power.
“The body is manipulated into so many positions. One has to be careful when laying the rope over skin, muscles, and organs. You can cause damage if you don’t know what you’re doing.
That’s why so many rope models or bunnies do it nude or in barely any clothes.
The master needs to be able to see where they are placing the rope and to monitor skin color and temperature over time.
If someone shows changes in those or complains of numbness or pain, they need to be released immediately.
Some practitioners include aspects of other BDSM acts, such as erotic humiliation.
“I discovered I love the artistry of it. I was fortunate to find a master who taught me what I needed to know to keep my partners safe. It doesn’t always involve sex for me.
Many people never understand that it can be straight-up erotic artistry for some of us.
However, I won’t lie and say it never ended in sex. ”
When I paused to let what I said sink in, Anastasia moved. She lay back on the bed, her head on her pillow, the blanket pulled over her. Shit, I was freaking her out. I went to reassure her again, but she spoke first.
“Where exactly do you do this? At your home? Theirs? Or a club?”
“I’ve never gone to anyone’s house other than when I was a student of Master Hitch. He had a studio set up in his home, in addition to at a club. As for my place, I’ve never practiced shibari there. I kept that at a club. It was too personal to have anyone in my home.”
“Where is this club? What is it called?” Her voice was quieter.
“Sia, I think we should stop. This topic is clearly making you uncomfortable. I should’ve thought this through better.”
She sat up. “Don’t stop! I need to hear this, Reign. It’s clearly a big part of you. I want to know. Tell me.”
“Fine, but if it gets to be too much, tell me.”
“I will.”