21. A Shocking Proposal
Chapter twenty-one
A Shocking Proposal
áINE
Disneyland.
I'm with my girls at Disneyland, something I thought we'd never be able to do after Kenneth Shaughnessy took over our lives almost six years ago.
No going out of the City, much less the state.
My heart so full it might burst, I grin at Kieran. He made this possible.
He jerks, like the delight on my face surprises him. "What?"
"Just happy." Despite everything. I am so happy to be having this moment with my daughters.
Joy vibrates with impatience beside me, because Main Street USA is right there and she wants to run down it and touch everything, but we're riding the horse drawn trolley because Kieran wanted to. None of us wanted to tell him no. Not even Joy.
Neeve is taking everything in, her usually serious gaze alight with curiosity. Even Sadie is all little-girl enthusiasm, no preteen cool evident.
Mom has her phone out taking photographs.
Ellie is suspiciously looking everywhere but at me.
She's been doing that since we got in line at the park entrance.
When I narrowed my eyes at her in the way I do to get her to fess up, she gave me her most innocent expression.
Which is her tell that she is absolutely up to something.
But what?
I already know her secrets, don't I? Is she still hiding stuff from me?
Kieran's hand finds the small of my back as the trolley slows.
All morning it's been there, like a compass needle finding north. He's very touchy-feely for a mobster who doesn't date. According to Ellie.
I got very little sleep last night because of that big, proprietary hand. I kept thinking about it on my body and not my back. When I finally did get to sleep, I woke up at two and then again at four a.m. from dreams that left me wet and sticky between my legs.
Both times, I had to talk myself out of sneaking out of our suite and knocking on his next door.
I did not get out of bed, not even to go pee because I didn't trust my self-control if I left the bedroom.
I am choosing to consider this a personal victory.
We disembark in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle, which Joy immediately identifies as the most important structure she has ever seen in her life.
I fully expect Kieran to steer us toward it, but his hand at my back guides me to the left, along a path that curves away from the crowd heading toward the Castle.
"Where are we going?" Joy asks.
"Snow White's Grotto," Kieran says, but offers no further explanation.
No surprise there.
There's a wishing well on the way into the grotto and the girls want to make a wish. Of course.
I don't have any coins on me. There were a few in the bottom of the purse I switched from, but I didn't transfer them to the new backpack style purse I got that matches the girls' Minnie Mouse luggage, not to mention the cute white sundress with bright red cherries all over it I'm wearing.
Naturally, Kieran is prepared for the wishing well and offers each girl a penny. Who even has pennies anymore? I bet he got them special just for this.
Or had one of his minions do it. But he thought of it.
This man.
If I don't fall for him before we get back to New York, it will only be because I'm lying to myself that it hasn't happened yet.
"Don't be telling anyone your wishes, or they won't come true," Dagda warns the girls.
With a look between me and Kieran, Sadie tosses her coin into the well and there's a small plop when it hits the water. Neeve closes her eyes when she makes her wish and Joy does too, going one further by squishing her face up in severe concentration.
As a mom, I can't help hoping that whatever their wishes are, they come true.
Tucked away like a secret garden, the small grotto is almost empty of park goers. A two-tiered waterfall built into the hillside splashes water merrily into the water below.
"It's Snow White," Neeve breathes, her gaze fixed on the white marble statue of the Disney princess at the top of the waterfall.
The Seven Dwarfs are there too, some on a stone bridge, others perched on a log across the water.
I sigh happily. "Very magical."
Snow White has always been my favorite Disney Princess. Not because she's supposed to be so beautiful, but because she didn't let her circumstances get her down and when she met the dwarfs, she made friends instead of running.
That always seemed plucky and courageous to me.
The scent of moss, ferns and flowers make it almost possible to believe we're in her forest right now.
Kieran's hand falls away from the small of my back and I notice the loss immediately.
There's the sound of shuffling behind me.
"Wha—" Joy starts to ask, but Sadie shushes her. "Shhh. Just watch."
Watch what? Has the Snow White character actor come into the grotto? But why would Sadie hush her sister for that?
I turn to see and stop dead in my tracks.
Kieran is down on one knee, a powder blue ring box in the center of his outstretched hand.
My brain goes completely, utterly blank.
"You're strong and capable," he says, his dark gaze trapping mine so I couldn't look away if I wanted to. "But I don't want you going it alone anymore."
This is his plan? A proposal at Disneyland?
But it doesn't feel like a plan to hoodwink my family. That look on his face. His words. It all feels real.
Too real.
Mom makes a sound to my left.
"Please say yes," Neeve pleads from my right, like she's making another wish.
"Kieran…" My voice is weak. Too thin for a fake proposal.
Only it's not fake, is it?
We might not have the past relationship we're pretending we do, but we are getting married.
"I want to be the man you rely on. The one who you know will keep you and our family safe."
"That's a lot of words," I husk out.
Especially since we're not physically connected with his libido engaged. My gaze flicks down to check. I can't help myself.
Oh, lord. There's a bulge. His kneeling position would hide it from everyone else, but I see it. Thinking of being my husband is turning him on. Maybe it's just the sex. He does like my curves and he's made no secret of the fact he wants to touch them again.
"When those boys went after Sadie, I wanted to be her dad. I wanted the right to protect her." His jaw tightens fractionally. "I wanted to call Neeve my daughter in that classroom yesterday."
The girls have all moved closer so they're standing beside Kieran, like they're supporting him, just willing me to say yes.
"I need to be your husband."
Every word is true. I know it. The reality behind them isn't candlelight and roses. It's mob politics, a dead husband's betrayal and a twelve-year-old girl in a school locker room. It is not, by any reasonable definition, romantic.
Tell that to my silly, squishy, completely unmanageable heart, though. Because it hears I need to be your husband and just melts.
"Okay," I say.
Kieran's brow lifts, the barest fraction.
"Yes," I clarify, offering my left hand. "The answer is yes."
He takes it and slides a dazzling platinum engagement ring on my finger, with a central round diamond that is at least five carats. The clusters of tiny diamonds on either side of it sparkle just as brilliantly as the center stone.
Kieran lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my finger right below the ring. "Mine."
His. Oh, my gosh. I soak my panties. His. Yes, screams my inner hussy. And my heart? Reminds me that he's mine. Or as near as.
He rises in one fluid movement, pulling me into his big body and lifting me right off my feet so he can kiss me. I lose myself in the feeling of his lips against mine for several seconds.
Lifting his head, he whispers, "Soon, baby girl. Soon."
Baby girl again. Pardon me while I swoon.
He slowly lowers me down his body, my skirt catching a little on his slacks and Sadie jumps forward to yank it down. When my feet touch the ground, I turn to see how my girls are reacting to what just happened.
They're all grinning. Joy, who's vibrating at a frequency only dogs can hear, detonates. "You're getting married?!"
If this was a text, there would be about thirty exclamation points, mind blown, and question mark emojis after her question.
"Yes." I nod hard, my throat tight with inexplicable tears.
"Does that mean you're our dad now?" Joy demands of Kieran.
"Working on it," he says.
"Yes," Neeve says at the same time and then, my quiet girl throws her arms around Kieran's middle and hugs him. "You can be my dad."
"Thank you, petal." He rests his hand on her hair.
Joy joins in the hug and yells at full volume, "You can be my daddy too!"
Sadie stays where she is, her arms folded across her chest, watching her sisters with Kieran. When she sees me looking, she scrubs quickly at her cheek with the back of her hand.
"I'm happy," she says defensively.
I nod. "I'm glad." Then I reach for my preteen and hug her tight. "It's okay to have lots of feels about this, right? You remember your dad better than your little sisters. Do you want to talk about it?"
Sadie hugs me back. "Is it okay if I want Kieran to be my dad too? Would daddy be mad?"
Daddy. Troy. Would he be mad that I'm moving on? Probably. He thought my world should begin and end with him and the girls. Would he be angry his daughters are calling another man dad? Yes.
Does what he would have felt matter? No.
He's dead because he betrayed the mob he'd sworn his allegiance to. He left me and our girls to fend for ourselves.
For the first time I don't feel any anger over that, but it doesn't make that truth any less real.
So, I say what should be true, not what might have been. "No. Your daddy loved you girls. He wanted the best for you."
Those two things are absolutely true. That Troy defined what was best for them differently than I did is not the point.
"Kieran is strong," Sadie says, against my shoulder.
"He is."
"He'll protect us."
And right now, after what happened to her, Sadie needs that knowledge more than anything.
"He will," I promise her. "So will I." I'll never stop watching out for my girls. No matter what I have to do to keep them safe.