Chapter 17
Ispin my head around, heart in my throat as Javier steps inside.
I didn’t lock the door when he left because I was too focused on coming here to do this, and of course I didn’t think he’d come back in.
“I knew you were a liar,” he says, his tone making it clear he’s enjoying my humiliation. “I asked you about this.” He walks over to me and plucks the scourge from my hand. “You said you didn’t practice self-flagellation.”
I’m too stunned and embarrassed to say anything. I simply watch him as he plays with the leather strips.
“Are you doing this to keep from touching yourself?” he asks, gently dragging the tails across my shoulders.
My body shivers, and I go to stand up.
“No, no,” he says, pushing me back down. “You need this. You need punishment for these sinful thoughts, don’t you?”
“Please,” I beg. “Don’t.”
“Hmm. Let’s just stop at please. It sounds so much better.” He sits on the mattress in front of me and threads his fingers through my hair, pulling my head up so I can look at him. “Were you thinking about me?”
I don’t answer. I just keep staring at him. His jaw is set tight, but his eyes showcase the lustful thoughts he’s having. My gaze travels down to see the scourge gripped tightly in his hand and laid across his lap. I swallow, licking my lips before I close my eyes.
“You praying?” he questions, letting his fingers trail down my scalp before he removes his hand from my head. “Think he’ll listen to you while you’re here with me?”
My eyes fly open and I see him lean back on one hand, his jacket opening slightly and revealing a gun in a shoulder holster.
His dark eyes zone in on me and I can’t read his expression.
“Lean forward,” he commands.
“Wh-what?”
He sits up and taps the space between his legs. “Put your head here. You can pray if that helps.”
I know I’m a grown man with my own autonomy. I know I could get up and go to the bathroom. I could put my foot down and demand he leave. I’m not as meek as he might think, but for some reason, I want to listen to him.
Perhaps it’s the years of drought. The pent-up desire.
I tell myself he has a gun. He’s dangerous. He could kill me, and that’s why I’ll do what he wants. But there’s a part of me, and it may be wrong, but there is a small part of my brain that doesn’t think he’ll actually do anything to me.
I meet his eyes again and he gives a single nod. “It’s okay.”
Slowly, I bend my neck until my forehead touches the mattress. He shifts and I can feel his thighs on either side of my head.
“Ready?” he asks.
I take a breath and then feel the leather strips strike my back.
I suck in a breath, squeezing my eyes closed even tighter. He does it again without warning, and I hiss, my body jolting.
His fingers run through my hair and I almost nuzzle into the touch. Then he hits me again.
My hands move to his calves, squeezing the muscles.
“You still turned on?” he questions. I lift my head and peer up at him, ready to say I’m okay now, but his lips quirk on one side, and I guess he sees the answer in my eyes. “Oh, you definitely are,” he says, pushing my head to the mattress.
He spreads the licks across my back, hitting each shoulder blade, my spine, and even catching part of my ribs. When he moves, his next strike hits even lower, the tips of the leather reaching for the top off my ass.
I make a noise in my throat as I move upward, my head touching his crotch.
Once again, he shifts, and this time I feel his leg slip between mine. I suck in a breath as his shin brushes against my balls.
He doesn’t say anything about the change in position, but when the leather hits my skin again, I move upward and realize what he’s done. He’s given me friction. My cock rubs against his leg every time I jolt forward.
He hits me again, and the sting of the whip is the last thing on my mind. My erection is not going to go away now. The pain of the lashings is now being overridden when I grind against him.
A tiny voice in the back of my head tells me to get up and run, but that voice fades when his hand strokes the side of my face before cradling my cheek. His fingers find my chin and guide me up a little higher, placing my head on his thigh.
Now I’m staring at the wall to my right, my face pressed against him, and extremely close to his most intimate area.
“Have you had thoughts about this?” he asks, gently stroking my hair.
I nod.
“About me doing this to you?”
“Just once.”
“I don’t think it’s punishment then. Maybe I shouldn’t continue if I’m only giving into your fantasies.”
“No.” My body moves of its own accord, grinding against his leg, but I manage to stop myself. “It is a punishment.”
“I think it’s a kink,” he says, running his fingers across the welts on my shoulder.
My body breaks into a shiver and even just that movement gives me a tiny bit of pleasure as I’m pressed so tightly against him.
“Pray.”
“What?” I’m not thinking about praying at a time like this, though it’s probably what I should be doing instead.
“If you need punishment for your filthy thoughts and fantasies, shouldn't you be praying to your god for strength? Pray.”
“Will you…continue?” I ask.
He waits a few seconds. “We’ll see.”
I lower my head. “Heavenly Father. I ask for your strength to face today’s challenges.”
Javier strikes my back and I moan.
“I know that in my weakness—”
He hits me again and my cock grinds against his shin once more.
“Uh…in my weakness, You are my strength.”
Another hit has me gripping his leg in my hands, forcing him as close to me as possible.
“Help me to rely on You. Ahh!” I cry out when the leather meets my skin and I jolt forward. “And…ah, trust that You will…oh God.” I swallow, my hips moving faster than Javier’s strikes are coming.
“Keep going,” he says.
I don’t pause to acknowledge that I’m humping his leg like a feral animal, I just keep going.
He hits me again, the sting getting stronger and stronger on my tender flesh. “I meant to keep praying.”
“Oh God.”
“Something like that,” he says, humor in his tone.
“Uh. Trust that You will provide…oh God, oh, oh…provide everything. Oh please,” I moan. “Provide everything I need. Yes. Oh. Yes.”
I turn my head and sink my teeth into his thigh as my body shakes with my release. I’m left panting and grunting as the warm, thick liquid drips down the inside of my pants.
As I suck in shuddering breaths, he gently strokes my head, and clarity starts to seep in.
What did I just do?
How can I face him?
I keep my face buried in his lap as he continues to brush through my hair with his fingers. After a minute, he moves to the side and puts my head on the mattress. I make sure to face the other way and keep my eyes closed.
He crouches down next to me, his hand gently caressing my back while his breath ghosts over my neck.
“Looks like I provided you with everything you need. What does that make me?”
I don’t bother answering, but a few seconds later, I hear his footsteps retreat and eventually the front door closes.