Chapter 27
At the breakfast table, Javier told me the plan was to stay here for a while. There’s no definitive timeline. Dad’s given Johnny false information about his whereabouts to see if he passes it on to anyone else.
Dad’s also set to have meetings with a couple of the other bosses, and for those encounters, Javier is going with him.
I guess my dad is hoping to gain favor with a few important people using certain business deals, in the hope to get more information about what’s going on behind his back.
In the meantime, I’m stuck in a house in the middle of the forest. We have TV and we have our phones, and even though I never went out much before, knowing that I can’t leave is going to bother me.
As I’m cleaning my plate, I say, “I have food that’s gonna go bad in my fridge.”
“Then don’t eat it when you get back.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t go back to throw it out? Or my trash? I should’ve brought some books with me.”
“I’m sure there’s a bible in one of these rooms.”
“I doubt it. It’s not a hotel, and that’s not what I meant. I don’t have any form of entertainment here.”
“You’re not going back there,” he says with finality. “We don’t know what could be waiting for you.”
“You think Johnny is trying to get me killed? Why would he do that? What would my death do for him?”
“It’s probably less about you and more to do with your dad.”
“It still doesn't make sense. I don’t think he’s the one who gave me up.”
Javier looks at me from the kitchen table. “Johnny didn’t send me to your house to pick you up.”
“What do you mean? You said you were my ride.”
“Which was true, but my orders came from Cortez. Johnny had someone else coming to pick you up. That call was overheard by someone your dad trusts, and the information was passed on. Your dad was already suspicious of Johnny, so he had me get you before the other guy got there.
“Johnny didn’t have orders to get you picked up and taken anywhere. Those were his own orders. Now why would he do that? Why wouldn’t he talk to Cortez?”
“So you’re saying the guy Johnny was gonna have to pick me up was actually going to kill me?”
“The phone call that was overheard between Johnny and whoever he has working for him, also included the location where you were to be taken. It was one of the safehouses we have. He likely was going to use you as ransom to get Cortez over there.”
I shake my head. “I still don’t understand why.”
Javier shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. In this life, it could be anything and nothing at all. Maybe he wants to be boss. Maybe he felt disrespected by your father. Maybe he’s in debt to someone and the way to save his own life is to do a job someone else wants done.”
We fall into silence while I lean against the counter, trying to make sense of my dad’s best friend of thirty plus years turning on him and pulling me into the crossfire.
“You think you could do this?” Javier asks. His tone doesn’t hold judgment. Just curiosity.
I meet his gaze. “No.”
“That’s probably the best answer. Overconfidence usually leads to mistakes, and mistakes are deadly.”
“Inexperience could be deadly too.”
He nods. “Would you rather go back to the church?”
I hesitate for several seconds. “I don’t know.”
“Probably something to think about.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
He stands from the table and makes his way upstairs while I stay in place, thinking about what I should do if I survive this ordeal.
I didn’t want to become a priest, but it hasn’t been bad, job wise.
I don’t believe in all the teachings of the church.
I don’t think I’m a sinner for being gay.
I don’t want to be celibate the rest of my life, but I know the job.
I know the people, and I like them. I enjoy feeling like I’m helping others.
However, I do often feel hypocritical when I preach about asking for forgiveness and holding yourself accountable.
I’m well aware of all the terrible things my dad has done, and there’s probably plenty more I don’t know about.
Anyone who believes in heaven would know my father wouldn’t be welcome.
And yet, I’ll never hold him accountable.
I’ll never tell anyone what he does. Am I capable of preaching the word of God if I can also be okay with murder at the hands of someone I love? Or someone I’m sleeping with?
I’ve had two different lives in the same lifetime.
I grew up aware of my dad’s doings and dealings.
I knew he was involved in criminal activity, but it was normal to me.
You grow up accustomed to the world you’re brought up in.
When Dad told me I’d be going to seminary school, I was devastated.
I wanted to be just like him. I was already starting the journey before I got caught with another guy.
But in my adult life, I’ve stayed away from all of that.
I’ve studied the Bible and God’s word. I’ve been told that everything I’ve ever known and been was wrong and a sin.
I’m aware that I have one foot in the light and one in the dark.
I could go either direction and know enough to grow and thrive in each.
I just have to choose.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I walk toward the living room, ready to settle in for a day of TV watching, but Javier’s footsteps get my attention. I look up toward the loft area where he struts across wearing only his boxer briefs.
He’s the embodiment of sin. His body is carved into muscular perfection.
Not body-builder massive in size, but very much in shape.
To add to his physique are the eye-catching tattoos that cover his skin.
And though I try not to stare, the front of his boxer briefs leave little to the imagination.
Luckily, or perhaps, unluckily for me, I know what he’s working with already.
If I didn’t know and was just catching a glimpse of him in his underwear, there would be no question that he’s quite endowed.
When my eyes finally travel back upward, he sends me a wink, already watching me.
He keeps moving, heading toward the bathroom where I hear the shower turn on.
The temptation to sin and take another step into the dark is getting stronger. Sure, I already had sex once, but I could leave it at that and go back to St. Joseph's. I could re-dedicate my life to God and never do it again.
Memories of last night flash through my head. His body. His cock. His cum on my stomach, and his tongue in my ass. The grunts and moans he made, and the way he made me feel.
My dick twitches in my pants, waking up as I continue to relive that moment.
I could go back to abstaining.
Or I could have a little fun.