Chapter 40
Ipush open the door and walk in to find Carlo already standing nearby, expression tense.
“Oh my God,” he says, moving forward with his hands up, like he’s ready to study the cuts on my face.
I give him a quick shake of my head before walking past him. Cortez enters behind me.
“What happened?” Carlo questions when he sees the scratches on his dad’s face and his torn sleeve.
I take off my jacket and remove my holster before pulling my shirt over my head. I have specks of blood that don’t belong to me on my clothing, because I was standing too close to the first guy when I shot him.
“Everything’s fine,” Cortez answers, taking off his suit jacket and unbuttoning his shirt.
“That’s not what I asked,” Carlo retorts. “Clearly something happened.”
“We got surprised,” I tell him.
“Uh huh. By?”
I glance at Cortez but he’s still trying to get his shirt off.
“Someone was waiting for us at one of the meeting spots. They shot through the window. Your dad got grazed and we both got glass in the face.”
“Jesus,” he breathes.
“Nope. Don’t think he was there, Son,” Cortez says, flinging his shirt onto the couch.
I watch Carlo’s expression morph into one of annoyance before walking to his dad and inspecting the wound on his arm.
“You have anything here?” he asks me. “First-aid kit? Band-Aid?”
“Yeah. One sec.”
I walk into my bathroom and grab the kit I bought after I had to have Carlo stitch me up in the rectory.
He meets my gaze when I hand it to him.
“This is a lot bigger than I expected.”
I smirk at him. “I had an incident a while ago. Thought it would be smart to always be prepared.”
His lips twitch slightly. “Hope you have one in your car.”
“I do.”
He opens it up and takes out an antiseptic wipe and some butterfly bandages, and while he helps his dad, I go to my bathroom and wash my face. The cuts are superficial and don’t require anything but to be cleaned.
When I get back to the living room, he’s already done patching his dad up.
“So, what’s the plan?” he’s asking Cortez.
“We were going to do it at the wedding reception this weekend, but now with two of their people dead, they’re going to—”
“You killed them?” he asks, looking past his dad and at me.
I nod once.
“Oftentimes, there’s not a choice in this game, Son.”
“No, yeah,” he says, processing. “It makes sense. They shot at you.”
“Javier was the target,” Cortez adds.
Carlo’s eyes widen slightly, and once again, he’s looking at me. “You?”
“They want him out of the way for a better chance at me,” Cortez says. “They missed. It’s fine.”
“They might not always miss,” Carlo says.
“Which is why we have to move fast. They could be aware of my plans, and they’ll definitely be aware of the deaths of two of their guys. We can’t wait for the wedding.”
“It was Johnny who paid the guy to kill me,” I say.
“What?” Carlo exclaims.
“Yeah, he’s a real piece of shit,” Cortez says. “I’m gonna use the bathroom, but then we need to go.”
“Okay,” I reply.
As soon as the bathroom door closes, Carlo walks toward me, inspecting my face.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I hold his chin between my thumb and forefinger. “I’m fine.” After a quick kiss on his lips, I step back to put space between us.
“I’m not gonna lie and pretend I’m not afraid about what’s going to happen,” he says.
“Do you think I’m never afraid?”
“You don’t seem like you are.”
“I suppose it’s because it doesn’t make a difference. I have to do what I have to do regardless of the outcome.”
“You’re not afraid of dying?”
“I’m afraid of dying slowly. Painfully. If it’s quick, then I’m not even going to be aware.”
He shakes his head like he doesn’t understand. “You don’t think about what you’re leaving behind?”
“What am I leaving?” I question. “I told you. I don’t have any family. I don’t have friends. Death is only sad for those left behind, but I have nobody to leave behind.”
“Nobody’s dying,” Cortez says as he enters the room. “Well, none of us. Now let’s go ensure that’s the case. We have some planning to do.”
It takes a few seconds for Carlo to snap out of whatever daze he was caught in. “Okay. I’m ready.”
A little over an hour later, we’re at a safe house in the coastal town of Marblehead with everyone Cortez has on his side in this war. Not only are the capos here, but so are the soldiers.
As he recounts what happened to us in that alleyway, he alerts them that the Bonettis are likely more aware of our plans than we’d want them to be.
From my spot near the front of the house where I can keep an eye on any incoming traffic, my gaze continues to find Carlo.
He stands amongst the group of men who’ve known each other for years, but doesn’t allow himself to be pushed out.
He talks strategy with his father, he agrees with one of the capos while disagreeing with another one’s plans.
He’s smart and conscientious. He thinks over things in a way some of the others don’t—with his moral goodness front and center.
It may not make sense for someone to be morally good while planning a war, but I think he’s starting to realize that this has to be done.
Being a target will make you understand it’s kill or be killed, and while he’s not taking into consideration the lives of the people we all know need to go, he wants to ensure all of us on this end remain unharmed.
I study him in his gray slacks, white cable knit Polo, and titanium round glasses, and I can’t help the grin that forms on my lips. He looks nothing like these other guys. He looks like a college professor in a room full of gangsters.
As I’m staring at him, his eyes find mine. Our gazes lock onto each other, and though it’s not for long, something passes between us that makes my heart gallop. Something in his expression reminds me of the look he had at my place earlier.
Realization hits me like a bolt of lightning.
He’s afraid. Not just for himself. Not even only for his father.
He’s worried about me. I told him I had nobody to leave behind, and an expression washed over his face that I didn’t understand at the time.
I told him I wasn’t leaving anyone behind if I died, but it’s clear he’s been thinking that he’ll be left behind.
He’s over here with his father, drawing up a plan for a war that he knows will have us on the frontline.
I can’t imagine how he feels knowing what he’s helping plan could very well end in the deaths of his dad, me, or both of us.
His dad doesn’t want him there when it happens, so he’ll be safe, but he’ll be going out of his mind not knowing what’s happening, or if anyone will come back to him.
I’m important enough to him for him to worry about, and I’ve never felt like more than an employee. Bodyguard. Killer.
I need to talk to him.
Luckily, they break apart a few minutes later, and I find that I was so stuck in my own head that I didn’t pay enough attention to the plan. Cortez will fill me in later, but that’s not even my concern right now. Where can I talk to Carlo without it looking suspicious?
“Javier.”
I snap out of my daze and find Cortez calling me over.
“All good?” I ask.
“Yeah. We’ll go over a few things later once there’s less people here.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“This is set for tomorrow. Carlo needs to be put up in a hotel somewhere. I don’t want anyone to know where that is. Get him far if you can.”
“He’s gonna put up a fight.”
“Yeah, well, he needs to steer clear of this. If everything goes wrong, and we all die, then the family ends up in the hands of Johnny by default, and we don’t have time to take care of him first.”
“But the other guys know what’s up with him.”
“It would take time to find someone to take the lead if all of us end up dead. Carlo needs to remain alive.”
I nod again. “I’ll talk to him.”
“Go ahead,” he says. “Let him know there can be no other way.”
“You wanna be involved in this conversation?”
He shakes his head. “He definitely won’t wanna hear it from me.”
“All right.”
I glance around but don’t see him in the living room, so I make my way to the kitchen, following voices and hoping to find him.
When I don’t see him there, I travel through the small hall and hit the stairs. There’s two bedrooms and a bathroom up there. I imagine he wanted alone time to reflect, but I have to interrupt.
I find him standing at the window that faces the back of the house, staring at birds flying from trees.
“Hey.”
He turns around quickly, his expression changing from tense to relief when he sees me. “Hey.”
I push the door behind me to drown out the voices and walk closer to him. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he says, going back to looking out the window. “I’ve known it was coming, but it’s a strange feeling knowing it all goes down tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
I move in front of him, perching my ass on the wide window sill. “I was wrong earlier.”
He looks down at me, brows knit into a furrow. “What do you mean?”
“I do have someone I’d leave behind.”
I can’t explain what thoughts go through his head, but as I watch him, his body sags, like a weight was lifted from his shoulders and he can finally relax. The skin between his brows smooth out and his eyelids seem to droop slightly, like sadness is tugging on them.
He pinches the bridge of his nose in a similar fashion as his father does, but unlike Cortez, he doesn’t shy away from showing any emotion.
His hand falls to his side before slipping into his pocket, and he looks at me in a way I’ve never experienced.
There’s too much emotion there and I can’t decipher any of it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize earlier. For a long time, it’s only been me. I respect Cortez, and he’s the closest thing to family I’ve had since my dad died, but I’m still his employee. If I died, I’m sure he’d be upset, but he’d find someone else to do what I do.
“I’ve been worried about you dying and having to face your father after the fact.
I’ve been concerned about what his death would do to you, because if either one of you dies, I’d feel like I was to blame.
I can’t imagine not having your dad around, and honestly, I don’t want to know what that would feel like.
I’ll admit that in the beginning, I was watching out for you for the sake of Cortez, but now…
now I want to keep you safe because I can’t imagine being without you. ”
He glances behind his shoulder before stepping forward and running his hand through my hair.
“I don’t want to lose either of you. My relationship with my dad is not the best, but if he dies, I don’t get the opportunity to even try to make it better.
If you…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, like he can’t bring himself to even think it.
“Then I don’t know what I’d do. You’ve changed my world. ”
I grin. “Probably not for the best.”
His hand curves around the back of my head. “It’s been scary. I’ve been terrified for more reasons than one, but I’ve also never been happier. I feel free with you. Only you have made me feel that way.”
I reach up and grab his hand, holding it in mine. “I want you to have the opportunity to fix the relationship with your dad, but I…and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want the opportunity to have one with you.”
His lips form a small grin. “Coming from Mr. I Don’t Date…that’s something.”
I playfully roll my eyes. “You should feel special.”
He squeezes my hand, smiling wider. “I do.”
I stand up and wrap an arm around his waist, bringing us close together. “I also think you should know something. It might help with your dad.”
“What’s that?”
“He and I were talking, and while I know you’ve thought he disowned you for being gay, and kept you from his life out of hatred, I think maybe that’s not the case.”
Carlo pulls away, moving to the other side of the window. “What do you mean? Are you defending him to me?”
“Listen,” I say, holding my hands up. “He said he would do whatever he could to protect you, even if it meant pushing you away.”
Carlo shakes his head, brows furrowed. “How does that help?”
“You know your dad. He’s not about to be vulnerable.
What I got from what he said was that he’s been worried about you.
He pushed you into the priesthood to keep you from being able to be seen with another man.
I’m not saying that’s right or logical. In his head, though, he was keeping you from being hurt.
Not just by people in the mafia, but in life.
He didn’t want to see you become a victim.
He was angry, not at you, at the idea of you being hurt. ”
Carlo shakes his head. “I don’t…that’s not—”
“I’m not saying he did everything the right way. I know I don’t know all the details, but I believe there was maybe a little more care and concern on his end than you thought. He wants to keep you safe, but he doesn’t know how to express that in a way that doesn’t come off hostile.”
“I would never let myself be a victim.”
I smile. “I know. I told him that.”
“You did?”
I nod. “All that to say, I hope you have the time to figure things out.”
“We’ll see.”
I step forward and grab his hands. “Also.”
“Oh no.”
“I have to take you and put you up in a hotel somewhere. He wants you far away.”
He cocks his head then exhales. “Do I have a choice?”
“Mmm, not really. I want you safe, too.”
“So, I’d have to go against you and my dad in order to be involved.”
“Right.”
“Well, I’m going to be directly involved in the Johnny thing.”
“Yes, but I’ll be with you.”
“Maybe you should take me to the hotel now…so we have some time.”
I grin and step forward, putting my hands on his ass as I nuzzle into his neck. “Yes, I still have to punish you for doubting my abilities. You see how I came back, mostly unscathed.”
“Mm,” he murmurs, hands going to my back. “Yes, I’m sorry I doubted you.”
I step back and study him. “You look so prim and proper today.” He glances down at his clothes. “Like a good boy who doesn’t get into any trouble.”
He bites into his bottom lip and the action makes me want to pounce on him right here and now.
“I am a good boy.”
A growl rumbles in my throat. “I want to dirty you up.”
“Then let’s get out of here.”
“Deal.”