Chapter 50
As soon as we walk into his house, I begin to remove my shoes and jacket, leaving myself in a pair of black jeans and a black tank. Carlo turns and looks at me, a grin tugging on his lips.
“Impatient?”
“It’s been a month. Of course I’m impatient. I’m gonna use your bathroom and then I’ll meet you in the room.”
Carlo laughs. “Okay.”
I wasn’t thinking about sex when I was in the hospital, too focused on the pain in my arm and chest. I’ve been out a week now, and spending every day with Carlo, so the desire has come roaring back.
I’m not a hundred percent, but I feel the best I have in a while, and if he makes me wait any longer I might lose it.
After I use the bathroom, I take time to clean up and get myself as prepared as possible.
I keep on my boxers and tank top, then make my way into his bedroom.
He’s removed the crucifix that hung over the bed, and replaced it with a landscape picture.
I didn’t question him when I first noticed it, and I won’t now.
I can only assume he felt uncomfortable having it up.
I’m disappointed when I don’t see him in bed, naked, waiting for me, but he quickly changes my mood when he strolls in, wearing only his boxer-briefs.
“I used the other bathroom to freshen up.”
My eyes take in his flawless body, free of scars left by knives or bullets. He’s ink-free, lean and toned, his broad shoulders and small waist giving him the appearance of a swimmer.
I step forward, but he stops me. “Lie down.”
I cock my head. “Carlo, don’t piss me off. If you tell me we’re just going to sleep, I swear to—”
His brow lifts and he moves closer. “Just lie down.”
Begrudgingly, I do what he says, getting on top of the covers and lying on my back. He slowly makes his way over, resting on his arm as he sidles up next to me. He traces his finger over the curve of my jaw, clasping my chin between his fingers before planting a kiss on my mouth.
“We haven’t had much time to talk,” he starts.
“Carlo,” I grumble.
He smiles and kisses me again. Damn him.
“A lot has happened,” he continues. “This transition has been and will continue to be tough for me. I straddle the line of thinking I can do it and feeling woefully unprepared. I want this, I do, but I want you with me.”
“I’ll be there,” I tell him. “Always. I owe you—”
“No,” he says, cutting me off. “I don’t want you there because you feel like you owe me something. I don’t want you at my side because of what happened to my dad and your need to fulfill a duty you think you failed at before.”
“It’s not that,” I say. “It’s hard. I do feel…
” I shake my head, running a hand over my face.
“I feel awful. Guilty. Responsible, even. I hate myself for not preventing that, and I never want anything to happen to you. I want to protect you and keep you safe, but not just because I want a second chance to prove myself. I want you safe because…” I stare into his eyes, and feel a quite different dose of fear. “I don’t want to be without you.”
They weren’t the words that first came to mind, but I suppose I am afraid of something—being vulnerable and then getting rejected.
“I trust you, Javi,” he says. “My dad said you were the only man he trusted, and I know why. What happened hasn’t altered my trust in you.
It was a devastating and awful situation.
You literally put your body between me and a bullet, and you attempted the same with my dad.
You are not a failure. You’re brave and fearless. ”
I shake my head. “I thought I was. Maybe I was before, but now…now I’m afraid of losing you, too.”
“Dad wanted us to take care of each other. Do you remember hearing that? He knew about us, Javi.”
My brows dip, my memory hazy. “He knew?”
“He found out when we were at his safe house. He must’ve overheard our conversation when we were in the room. He never acted differently around you?”
I shake my head. “No. But I think I remember him saying to take care of you.”
“He said we’d take care of each other. That he hoped I found happiness.”
I run a hand over my face. “I hate that we didn’t get to talk to him about it.”
“The fact that he didn’t blow up means something.”
I nod. “I think you’ll be a great leader.”
He smiles. “And if I’m not, I have you to convince people that I am.”
“Convince with my gun or…”
Carlo laughs. “I love you.”
He stops short, his laughter coming to an end as his eyes widen.
He didn’t mean to say it. They’re three tiny words.
Only eight letters. But together, they hold so much weight and meaning.
That they fell from his tongue so easily means the thought’s been there.
Right? It’s been in his head and it came out naturally.
My heart thumps in my chest, because the thought’s been in my head too.
I’ve never known this feeling. It scares me in a way I’ve never experienced.
I didn’t want to say it because I was afraid I was in over my head.
I’ve been worried this wouldn’t work out after his father died.
I’ve talked myself out of believing it to even be true, because how could it be? But it is.
“I love you, too,” I say back.
I watch the relief pour over him, his eyes softening and shoulders dropping. His lips pull into a smile, growing wider and wider.
“Is this weird?” he asks, a small amount of laughter breaking into the question.
“Probably. But weird is good.”
He leans in and kisses me. “I didn’t expect this to happen.”
I kiss him again. “I knew you’d fall for my charm at some point.”
Carlo rolls his eyes. “Yes, your vulgarity and violent nature.”
“Hey, you like it. Who should really be judged here?”
“I do like it,” he says, leaning in to kiss my neck. “I like a lot about you.”
“Mm,” I moan, tilting my head to the side to give him more access. “Did we already revert back to like?”
Carlo removes his underwear before pulling mine down. I lift my hips and he drags them down my legs and tosses them away.
“Let me show you just how much I love every part of you.”
“Better.”
He pushes my tank top up a little higher, but doesn’t attempt to remove it. The action would probably hurt too much anyway, so I’m appreciative of that.
He kisses my stomach, moving lower and lower while his hands gently curve around my hips. Teasing me, he bypasses my erection, choosing to kiss and lick my inner thighs before barely brushing his fingers over my shaft.
“Carlo,” I groan.
His lips replace his touch, leaving soft pecks along my shaft before his tongue swirls around my head.
“Yes,” I hiss, closing my eyes.
The warmth of his mouth envelops me when he wraps his lips around my tip, taking me across his tongue.
I squeeze the blanket in my fists as my hips lift, seeking to reach the back of his throat with my cock.
Carlo moans at my greediness, taking me deep, his hand and mouth following each other as he moves up and down.
He grunts and groans, the blowjob turning wet and sloppy, just the way I like it. He gags slightly, then strokes as his tongue flickers along the underside of my head.
“It’s too good,” I tell him. “It’s been too long.”
He pulls away slowly, then gets off the bed and goes to the dresser to grab some lube. While he sits between my legs, he coats his fingers with the liquid and reaches behind himself, sliding a finger or two inside his hole.
His eyes flutter closed, and I watch as he strokes himself with one hand, while prepping himself with the other. This image alone is enough to send me over the edge, so I don’t dare touch myself.
After a while, he grabs the lube and coats my cock, moving up to my waist where he straddles my hips and slowly guides me inside of him.
“I’ve been waiting for this,” he says in a husky tone, biting down on his lip as I slip a little deeper.
I reach for his waist with my uninjured arm, squeezing the flesh. “Me too.”
“God, you feel good,” he says, rotating his hips once he’s fully seated.
“You’re so fucking sexy.”
His tongue swipes across his bottom lip as he rocks his hips back and forth, further proving just how sexy he is. The way his muscles dance with each movement he makes has my cock growing even harder.
He takes his dick in his hand, stroking while bouncing up and down on mine. He switches up the rhythm, digging his knees into the bed when he wants to take me deep, grinding down on me.
“Fuck, you’re so big. So deep,” he says, voice like gravel.
“I love the way you take it,” I reply, squeezing his thigh. “Such a greedy boy.”
His head drops back as he moans. “Yes.”
I reach up and grab his throat, bringing him lower. “You missed this, didn’t you?”
His eyes fly open as he puts his hands on either side of me, keeping himself from rubbing against my chest, his head nodding frantically.
I squeeze tighter before moving my hand up to his jaw and putting my thumb against his bottom lip.
Carlo sucks it into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it as he begins to move his hips again.
“There you go,” I say. “Take it. Use me.”
He moans, his movements quickening. When he releases my thumb from his mouth, he brings my hand back to his throat.
“Fuck,” I groan, squeezing the sides of his neck.
His skin turns red, and his hand goes to his shaft, moving up and down as he rides me. His muscles flex, and his breathing changes, and I know he’s close to coming.
“Javi,” he moans. “Oh God, Javi. So good. So…good.”
“Come for me,” I demand. “Let me see that mess, baby.”
“I’m so close.” His voice is almost a whisper.
I squeeze his throat before gripping his jaw. He releases a sinful noise that lets me know just how much he likes it. Without much thought, I remove my hand and then let it smack against his cheek. Not too hard, but enough to garner a gasp.
His eyes open and meet mine, pupils completely blown. “Yes, yes,” he chants, hips rocking faster.
He loves it.
I do it again, just a little harder this time. “Come for me, Carlo.”
“Ah, ah,” he moans. “I’m coming. I’m coming.”
His release shoots from his cock, landing on my stomach in ribbons. His breathless whimpers stoke the fire that’s already burning inside me.
I grip his waist in one hand, squeezing his thigh with the other.
I lift my hips to go deeper, and feel a slight twinge of pain in my chest as my muscles flex.
I ignore it, focusing more on the pleasure I feel being deep inside him.
I watch as he continues to slowly stroke himself, the cum dripping from his fingers as he mewls and shakes.
“I’m gonna come,” I tell him.
“Yes,” he cries. “Fill me up.”
“Oh fuck.”
I thrust deep, a month of built-up desire and yearning culminating into the most intense orgasm I’ve felt in a long time. My cock twitches and throbs, and Carlo moves up and down as I roar into the room.
“Oh yes. Oh fuck yes, it feels so good,” he says.
“Baby.” My voice cracks, disrupted by a full-body shiver.
“Mmm.”
Carlo slowly lifts up, getting off me and stretching alongside me with a sigh.
He kisses my shoulder. “I love you.”
I turn my head to look at him. “I love you.”
“Let’s lay here for a few minutes, then get in the shower. I’ll help clean you up.”
“Sounds good.”
We lie together, his leg slung over mine, our fingers intertwined as they rest on my stomach, and at this moment, I’ve never been happier.
It overshadows the grief and anger that have taken up residence in my heart lately, and I’m grateful to have him pull me out of those feelings for a reprieve, and hope that I do the same for him.
“We can tell people,” I say. “When you talk to everyone, you can let them know we’re together. I don’t want there to ever be a time where I have to hide how I feel about you.”
He shifts, lifting up to look at me. “You sure?”
“About you I am.”
His smile sends warmth through me, and I know it’s the right plan. Regardless of how it goes down, I won’t regret this.