14. Maddie #2
“I mean...” I wave my wine glass at him.
“He didn’t die. He’s just not my boss anymore.
I got fired because I told him to stop yelling at one of the other assistants.
It was…” It hits me, maybe for the first time, how silly that whole thing was.
Why would I have wanted to work there, anyway?
I’d have come to that conclusion sooner or later, and I’d have had to find another job.
“It was just not a good situation. But I worked so hard to get the job in the first place that it felt like a total disaster.”
“Anyone would be upset about that.”
“That’s not all.” I let out a sigh and a frown deepens in my expression. “My cousin called on the way home with more bad news.”
Graham stays quiet and patient.
“She’s struggled with student loans for a long time.
I love her so much, and I’ve always done all I can to help her, but when my ex left, I couldn’t help and it really screwed her over.
She can’t afford it on her own and I told her I’d be there for her.
I promised her because I thought…well because I didn’t know my fiancé was cheating on me.
I thought that if I could get a job, I’d be in a position to make things easier.
But she called yesterday, just after I’d been let go, and I snapped at her.
I told her to figure it out for herself. ”
“I’m sure, given time...she can’t blame you for that.”
“Well, she also told me that my aunt is sick.” This is the part that feels the worst to talk, or think, about.
“I called her today. Complications from cancer treatment. I spent the night texting her and then my aunt. It’s treatable but…
they can’t afford it. She can’t get the medicine she needs because she has so much medical debt already, and insurance is a nightmare, and… ”
He looks across the table at me, nothing but concern in his face.
My first thought it that I hope he doesn’t think I’m lying.
That I’m trying to use him. “I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you.
This isn’t…” Tears blur my eyes at the thought of him thinking I would lie to him.
That I would use him for money. “This is exactly why I couldn’t…
” I start to say and his chair groans against the floor as he pushes it out to come to me.
He sits closer, his arm around me and telling me it’s all right.
All the while I’m falling to rubbish all over again.
“I know I couldn’t have fixed all of it, but yesterday, it felt like I couldn’t fix anything. And I wanted to. That’s why I was so upset. Then, when you came to my apartment, I was...”
Graham presses his lips together, like he’s stopping himself from interrupting.
“I was ashamed,” I finally manage. “I was ashamed to let you see me like that. Because in the beginning of all this, I felt like our deal was giving me a little control over my life.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? And I was ashamed because I already feel like I’m using you.”
“How could you possibly be using me?” he asks.
“For the money…like degrading myself for?—”
“Do you find being with me degrading?” he cuts me off to ask.
My face gets twice as hot. “No. I don’t. I liked what we did together, and even more than that, I liked spending time with you. Your friends…I was so happy to meet your friends. That meant a lot to me.”
“But?”
“But when I got fired, all I could think is that you’re going to think less of me. That…” I can’t even get the words out because they all scream in my head telling me to shut up and that I’m making it worse. And that I’m going to lose him.
“I don’t want you to think I’m coming to you because I’m desperate and need money.”
Graham’s quiet for a minute, looking down at his plate. Then he looks back up at me.
“What I spend my money on is my choice. And if I want to give it all to you, that is for me to concern myself with, not you.”
“It doesn’t change that I was scared you’d think a certain way or that…” It takes me a minute to find my voice. “I thought I was losing you, too. I just thought that you wouldn’t want to keep doing that when it was clear I didn’t have another option and that I was hard on money.”
“Did you have another option when we started?” He asks in his logical sensical way.
“No,” I say slowly. “But my feelings weren’t as complicated.”
He nods as if he understands, and my heart pounds.
“Okay.” Graham takes out his phone. “First off, I’m going to take care of these problems.”
“Which problems?” I feel sick. I don’t want him to think for one second that I only want his money.
“All of them.”
“Graham, I don't want your?—”
“I would like it if you would allow me to do what makes me happy, my little temptress.” He holds my gaze and then gives me an asymmetrical smile. “Let me do this simply because I want to.”
“I want you because I want you,” I tell him and hope he believes it.
“And I want you because I want you,” he responds, and I do believe it. I believe him. This time when tears prick they’re for a different reason, but I push the emotions down.
“And as for your job?—”
“You can’t get me my job back.”
“You don’t want that job back,” he says simply, and he’s right. “But if you want to search for one, I will help however I can. And if you don’t want one and want to go back to charity work, I will help however I can there as well.”
“You’re too good to me,” I whisper and there’s a voice so loud begging me to tell him that I love him. That this is more to me than what we said it was.
“I’m fixing it,” he says, steel in his eyes. “Tell me about the loan companies. Do you have the information, or is there someone I need to call to get it?”
“I…I have all the information. I’ve been helping Kenzie with these for years.” I manage to get up out of my seat and get my phone, then scroll through my inbox until I’ve found the ones with the account numbers.
Graham is still seated next to me and he sees.
He takes his own phone out rather than taking mine.
He doesn’t dial the number of the service department at the student loan servicer.
He calls the president of the company, at home, after business hours.
He tells me to eat, kissing my forehead before disappearing into the back office.
How could I possibly eat? I push the food around on the plate praying, all the while hoping, I can text my cousin that she doesn’t have to worry any longer.
She only moved out there because I convinced her to follow her dreams. I set her up for failure like I did myself.
If Graham can fix this, I will owe him more than just a blow job or anal.
Kenzie’s loans are gone in less than twenty minutes, vanished into thin air.
Then he moves on to my aunt’s medical bills. That takes closer to thirty minutes, because some of the bills have gone into collections.
Those are gone before I can finish my glass of wine. I’m practically dizzy with disbelief. I know he’s wealthy. Wealthier than my ex and wealthier than most. But I didn’t realize just how much money he had.
I can’t stop thanking him and I don’t even know how to tell Kenzie or my aunt.
“I told you this would be easy for me to do and that I wanted to do it.”
Finally, Graham puts his phone face down on the table, and I put mine down, too. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I’ve been worrying about my cousin for so long that I can’t remember what it’s like not to worry about her.
“Graham, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”
“I’m not asking you to,” he tells me, and my gaze drops to my plate. I’m grateful but I also feel so inadequate.
“I wish there was something I could do,” I finally manage.
“I will settle for you telling me that you will spend this week with me in this apartment and you will keep me company.”
“For just this week?”
“For this week, in my penthouse. Not going to your apartment,” he adds as if that stipulation would make the deal somehow harder to accept.
“Just be with you…for the week?” I ask him.
“Just be with me,” he answers, and I take a steadying inhale.
“I would stay with you regardless.”
“And I would pay those bills regardless as well. So we can call it even.”
My bottom lip drops slightly and I remind myself that this is real life. That this man I have fallen for is better than any dream. He is more than any picture-perfect catalog man I could have sold my soul to Satan for.
“You know you’re my hero don’t you?” I whisper, my fingers playing with the stem of the glass.
“You don’t know how happy that makes me to hear. Madelyn, I am fairly certain I...”
My shoulders straighten at his hesitation, “You what?”
“That I…have caught feelings for you.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I whisper not because I don’t, but because I don’t believe he’s saying it. Is he says he loves me?
“Yes, you do.” His face has never looked so open. “It was never just sex for me. I don’t care about your rent money. I don’t care about any problem you could ever have with money. I don’t care how much you need, or how much you want.”
He pauses, and my heart beats faster. “What do you care about, then?”
“I care about being with you,” he says. “So be with me. Stay with me. That’s all I want.”
“Do you love me, Graham?” I ask him cautiously, my heart beating wildly.
“I think I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you, my little temptress.”
The world moves slower as if something perfect has just slipped into place and all I can do is look him in the eyes and tell him the truth. “I love you too.”