Chapter 10 Waiting Game
Sitting on a stool at the large kitchen island, Cecil’s head rested on his arms while he stared at Sin’s back. He had stared at it a lot over the past week. The man’s back was pretty much seared into his memory.
“So…what are you making?” Cecil asked.
The kitchen in the House of Always Lost—as Cecil had dubbed it—was enormous. There were two ten-burner stoves, three large fridges, two freezers, and cabinets and drawers everywhere. It was insane, and really looked like the kitchen of a large restaurant or a banquet hall.
Currently, Sin, with his sleeves rolled up and a black apron on, was at the counter, cutting a lot of green stuff. There were multiple large pots on the stove.
“Beef stew and homemade Ricotta Bread,” Sin informed him.
“Ah…”
The man peered over his shoulder. “Is there something you need, Cecil?”
“Not really…just bored.”
“Why don’t you go to the rec room and play some games?” Sin suggested.
Yeah, like hell he would do that. Cecil had heard enough stories to last him thousands of years. While he was starting to get used to Benji and Roth, the others terrified him in ways he had never thought possible. Cecil wasn’t sure if they were trying to make him feel welcome or chase him away.
For Sin to actually suggest that he subject himself to them meant Cecil was probably bothering him. Figures the man he felt most comfortable around would find him annoying.
With a smirk, Cecil asked, “Am I bothering you?”
“What?” Sin’s eyes widened slightly. “No, of course not. You are welcome to stay and watch.”
His fake smile slid away and he eyed Sin, searching for any hint that would show the lie that his words were. Because that is what they had to be—a lie. Sin was painfully polite, so there was no way the man would be able to tell Cecil to get the fuck out.
It was only a matter of time before things went to shit. To him, it was a waiting game. Cecil was waiting for the weird happy family act to fall apart. It couldn’t be real. Despite the horrifying things that came out of some of their mouths, they were too nice. Too friendly. It had to be a lie.
Knowing this, and holding onto it as truth, was becoming difficult. Cecil found he had to keep reminding himself to not believe them. Reminding himself of all the times people had let him down.
It was made even harder by the fact that Sin just did it for him. Why the hell that was, Cecil didn’t know.
The man was so weird, with his properness, and refusal to swear, not to mention Sin’s irritating habit of smiling at him like he was just the cutest damn thing. Sin shouldn’t return his glares with a smile! It was so demoralizing.
Not that it wasn’t a nice smile, it was, but still irritating. And damn his eyebrows! They were so…so perfect.
Ugh, Cecil needed to get a grip on himself.
He couldn’t risk getting close to any of them.
And if he didn’t watch himself, that is what would happen.
They would bury a place for themselves in his heart, and Cecil couldn’t let that happen.
Because if he did, they would have the power to hurt him.
He wouldn’t give them that. Cecil refused to give anyone that much control over him.
Trusting led to emotions that could easily consume him. And when, not if, that trust was broken, those all-consuming emotions that had seemed to bring light to his life would drag him down into darkness.
But the thing with him was, Cecil already knew what the darkness would bring.
He knew what would happen if he let it happen.
Cecil knew what would come. He knew that the dark thoughts, the destructive thoughts, would come out of the deep recesses of his mind where they lived and grew.
And then Cecil would fall. The only thing he didn’t know was how far and if he would ever get back up.
Considering how bad it had been the last time, Cecil wasn’t confident he would.
If he gave his trust to Sin, or Benji or Roth…or any of the other idiots that lived there, it would end in nothing but pain for him. So Cecil wouldn’t trust them.
“Cecil,” Sin called softly.
Cecil blinked—he had zoned out. Which meant he had been blankly staring and possibly frowning, as Sin currently was.
“Yah?” he asked.
“Are you all right?” Sin’s words were hesitant but concerned.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He lied like an expert.
Sin was still frowning. Cecil was pretty sure the man could tell when he lied. Which sucked the big one because lying was pretty much his only talent.
“Would you like to help? I can teach you the recipe, if you wish.”
Cecil burst out laughing. “You’re joking, right?”
“I was being serious.” Sin rolled his eyes.
“You know, rolling your eyes is not a very sophisticated thing to do. Super childish.”
“Is it?” Sin asked innocently.
“Yes, it is. You’ll ruin your reputation of being some perfectly put together, hoity-toity gentleman,” Cecil teased, but winced once the words were out and wished he could take them back.
For one, Cecil shouldn’t be teasing anyone here, and for another, his words had been a bit unfair. While the gentleman part fit, Sin was not snobbish. At least, he wasn’t as far as Cecil could tell.
Instead of reacting with anger, Sin gave him one of his irritating smiles of niceness and stated, “A reputation is useless, and only matters to those who do not know or care about you.”
Cecil’s lips pursed, no doubt thinking over what Sin had said. While he was pleased that Cecil had felt comfortable enough to tease him, he had noticed the young man wincing afterward.
Finding the right way to approach him was proving to be a difficult task. Sin’s words never seemed to bring the comfort that he intended them to. He was unfortunately at a loss.
One minute, Cecil appeared to be opening up, and the next, he reverted back to the quiet, suspicious boy in the hospital bed. The lies of his smiles were followed by the lies that fell from his lips.
Lying or not, Cecil was beautiful. Each day, the ground beneath Sin became more uneven. Never had he wished to deny his own thoughts so much. But he couldn’t deny them, as they were not going away.
Because when Cecil was himself, and all the nonsense faded away along with the lies, he was just breathtaking. It did not matter whether it was in anger, or if his words were full of snark, he was a remarkable sight.
Cecil’s bright, glowing teal eyes, sparkling with mischief, brought nothing but anticipation of what would happen next.
Sin would admit that he found it rather odd that he looked forward to finding out what trouble the young man had caused.
It was a rush, and it ignited a spark of life in him, one that he hadn’t known existed.
What truly worried Sin, what made him, in a way, fear Cecil was that when the young man smiled—a smile that was as bright as the sun—Sin could only stare and return it.
His laughs were like chimes. But with how bright his smiles were, his laughter was surprisingly soft. At times, only a bare whisper, like he was afraid others would hear—afraid to draw attention to himself.
All of it was troubling. Sin had always accepted and embraced his feelings for others. But this made him uncomfortable. It was wrong, the timing was wrong. And with how little time had passed, Sin could only assume it was an infatuation. Which, at his age, was embarrassing.
The situation was going awry in ways he had not expected.
And Sin was not sure how to get back on the right path.
He should have been focused on helping the young man.
Cecil was young and had been abused, he did not need an old…
older man pursuing him. Which Sin wouldn’t do, because feelings aside, his actions were something he could control.
What he needed to do was be more careful with what he said—how he came across. And ignore a few incidents. Such as the scent of arousal that at times drifted up from Cecil. No matter how much it set his blood on fire and made his fangs ache and lengthen.
Not wishing to venture there, Sin shook the thought away and tried to focus on what to do next. Those times were most likely the result of Cecil’s youth anyway—hormones and such.
Sin wanted Cecil to trust him. But he was unclear on how to accomplish that.
Pressure at the back of his mind had him stiffening up. A dark shadow near the edge of his thoughts pressed forward, trying to use his moment of frustration to escape.
Maybe telling Cecil about it could be a way to bond. Sin doubted Cecil had felt like he belonged much in his short life. Maybe knowing that they shared that feeling would bring them closer.
No…he had no interest in revisiting or sharing that time of his life. The revelation wouldn’t likely build trust anyway.
Having been so lost in his thoughts, Sin was not surprised when an awkward silence greeted him when he was finally free of them. Cecil was eying him quietly, studying him.
Sighing, Sin stopped chopping celery, pulled out a stool from underneath the island, and sat down.
“Cecil, in my position, I do what I think is right. My reputation does not matter to me. What others think of me will not deter me from my duties. While my actions, the way I carry myself, may seem to many like a show, it is who I am.” Sin chuckled, but he had the passing thought that maybe it was all a show.
“I apologize, it seems I have fallen into a lecture.”
Cecil snorted and sat up. “I’m pretty sure you’re always in lecture mode. Or, at least, that part of you is always close to the surface.”
“I wish I could deny that, but you may be right. I do find it fascinating that so many lately are interested in protecting something I care little about.”
“Who else got up in your business?”
Sin was a bit perplexed by Cecil’s question. “I do not know if I have ever heard such a phrase directed my way.”
“So…who was it? Not that I really care, I’m just curious,” Cecil assured him.