Chapter Eleven
Eli stretched and yawned on the long, leather sofa in Avery’s den, his feet propped up on a dusky brown, well-used leather ottoman.
He loved the buttery soft texture of the leather and the cool pattern stitched on top.
Avery told him it was called a mandala, and that he’d purchased the footrest in Eastern Europe almost two decades ago.
As Eli scanned the contract for the third time—after reading through the document defining the terms and activities for the second time—he was done.
Yup. Totally done. He tapped the pencil against his chin. Maybe done.
Despite Avery’s reassurance that a contract could be renegotiated at any time, he couldn’t stop worrying about whether he was making the right choices.
What if he discovered he wasn’t cut out for this after all?
What if he disappointed Avery? The pencil stilled against his lip as that familiar knot of anxiety twisted in his stomach.
The grandfather clock in the corner chimed softly, marking another quarter hour of his indecision.
Avery had left him alone to review everything at his own pace, disappearing into his study to handle some hotel business.
The gesture felt considerate, but it also meant he was trapped alone with his thoughts—never a particularly safe place to be.
He shifted on the sofa, the leather creaking softly beneath him.
The sound reminded him of how foreign all of this still felt.
Did he belong in such elegant surroundings?
Then there were the carefully negotiated terms, a successful, handsome man who wanted him in a way he’d never thought possible, being in a new city… A new life.
Back in LA, the most serious decision he’d faced was which classes to drop at community college. Now he was contemplating signing a document that would reshape the entire structure of his days.
The pencil slipped from his fingers and clattered to the hardwood floor.
As he bent to retrieve it, his eyes landed on a framed photograph on the side table.
A much younger Avery was posed with an equally younger Zane at what looked like the opening of a restaurant or hotel, both of them in expensive suits with champagne glasses raised.
The easy confidence in Avery’s smile made Eli’s stomach tighten.
How did someone become so sure about everything? So comfortable in their own skin?
Eli retrieved the pencil, then set the contract aside, rubbing his palms against his jeans.
The denim felt rough compared to the smooth leather beneath him.
His shoulders slumped. Maybe that was part of the problem.
He’d spent his whole life in rough denim when maybe he was meant for something softer, more refined.
Or maybe he was simply fooling himself, playing dress-up in someone else’s world.
He closed his eyes, then inhaled a deep breath through his nose, held it for a few seconds, then slowly exhaled.
Even though the day before had been more about them spending time together in bed, or engaging in long conversations about their past and their hopes for the future, the discussion occasionally veered to other topics.
Eli grunted. Primarily, his anxiety over pretty much everything. On the surface, he was capable of keeping up appearances, could hold a job and hang out with friends, and have a good time. Even Lenny didn’t know the whole story when it came to Eli’s never-ending fears.
Avery saw him. Not only that, Eli wanted to show Avery all his secrets, felt secure enough to reveal them. That was when Avery demonstrated to him the calming breaths for when his spiraling thoughts overtook him.
He’d also mentioned a friend of his and Zane’s who was a therapist. It turned out that their friend Marc was also a fellow Dom, so Eli would be able to discuss his feelings about kink without worry.
Eli wasn’t sure whether he was ready to do that yet.
He’d had a bad experience with a therapist in high school.
and he was already dealing with so many new people, it was a bit overwhelming.
Eli opened his eyes, newly determined to finish what was a pretty basic contract.
Even as a newbie, he understood that much.
The document didn’t include a long list of hardcore kink, or sharing or exhibitionism, or anything else he wasn’t the slightest bit interested in.
Everything had already been discussed in detail, and it was meant to help guide him, to outline the power exchange between them.
No problem.
He picked up the contract and pencil, flipped the page, then read through clause seven again.
The submissive agrees to maintain open and honest communication regarding physical and emotional well-being.
Simple words, but they made his stomach flutter.
However, this time, the reaction was one of excitement rather than anxiety.
Eli froze at the sound of Avery’s approaching footsteps, his gut clenching. Dammit. He hadn’t initialed one thing, never mind signing at the bottom. Avery appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame as if unsure whether to still give Eli some space.
“How are you getting on?”
Avery’s voice carried the gentle tone he used when offering his reassurance, but even so, heat crept up Eli’s neck.
“I’m doing a final readthrough, then I think I’ll be ready to sign.” The words came out more unsure than he’d intended. Eli cleared his throat and sucked in a bigger breath. “Just want to make sure I understand everything.”
Avery’s lips curved into the barest hint of a smile. “Of course. Take all the time you need, sweetheart. Remember, if you’re not ready right now, we can save it for another day.”
He pushed off from the doorframe and crossed the room to the leather armchair positioned at an angle to the sofa. The chair creaked softly as he settled into it, close enough that Eli could touch him. But not nearly close enough.
“I don’t want to sign the contract another day.”
Eli blinked several times, the truth of how much he wanted to be Avery’s official boy finally sinking in. When he caught Avery’s gaze, he drew his eyebrows together, confused by his crestfallen expression.
Avery pressed his lips together, nodding. “Of course. I respect that.” He gave Eli a forlorn smile. “I might’ve gotten my hopes up, but that’s on me, sweetheart. What I told you yesterday still holds true. I want you in my life no matter what.”
Eli ran what he’d said to Avery through his mind but still couldn’t connect the dots between his words and Avery’s response to them. “What?”
Avery reached over and clasped Eli’s hand. “I’m saying it’s okay if you’ve decided against signing a contract with me. We can confine our kink relationship to the bedroom. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
Eli laid the contract aside, then climbed onto a startled Avery’s lap.
“I think we need to go over clause seven again. Maybe we should add that Sir needs to communicate his emotional well-being to the sub as well. And I wasn’t saying I don’t want to sign the contract at all.
I meant I didn’t want to wait for another day. I want to sign right now.”
Avery sighed, wrapping an arm around Eli’s waist and encouraging Eli to rest his head on Avery’s chest.
“Forgive a rusty full-time Dom his insecurities?”
Eli groaned. “I’m not expecting perfection. Especially since you’re a thousand times better than any guy I’ve ever met.”
Avery pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Ditto.” He gave Eli a hug.
“Then we’ll go over it together one more time.
Ask me any questions, even if you’ve already asked them.
” Avery pulled back, peering down at him.
“I don’t want to celebrate with champagne in case we do a scene later, but what about going out for ice cream sundaes instead? ”
Eli barked out a laugh. “That’s awesome. I love ice cream and can’t stand champagne.”
“Then it’s a date.”
Avery lowered his head until their lips met in a tender kiss. Eli sank into the embrace, a delicious warmth spreading through him as Avery cupped the back of his neck. The simple touch anchored him, made the swirling thoughts in his head quiet for a moment.
When they pulled apart, Avery’s eyes radiated affection. “Let’s review everything together, okay?”
Eli nodded and retrieved the contract from where he’d set it aside.
For the next half hour, they went through each item methodically, Avery explaining nuances Eli hadn’t considered and Eli asking questions that had been plaguing him.
With each initialed section, the knot in Eli’s stomach loosened a little more.
“And this part about checking in weekly?” Eli tapped the paragraph with his pencil. “Is that like a formal thing, or just talking?”
“Think of it as dedicated time for us. Not a formal report, but a chance to speak openly about what’s working and what isn’t.” Avery smiled, brushing some hair back from Eli’s forehead. “Sometimes in the day-to-day, things get missed.”
Eli nodded, finding comfort in the structure.
“Makes sense.” He turned the page to the section marked ‘discipline’.
“Okay, once more for the guy in the back, who also happens to be me. Discipline is different than punishment, because it…” Eli frowned.
He thought he had a good way of keeping the subtleties straight, but his brain had flatlined.
“Wait. I know. Because discipline is about maintaining structure, which contributes to my calm. Whereas punishment is a consequence of breaking the rules we’ve agreed on.
” He looked up with a grin. “Is that right?”
Avery’s eyes crinkled, his features bright. “Excellent description. I doubt I could’ve said it better.”
“Ppphh.” Eli arched his eyebrows. “I seem to remember it was you who explained everything to me.”
“Are you questioning your Sir already?”
Eli’s grin grew wider. “If I answer yes, do I get a spanking?”