Chapter 1 #2
I even detected a small tone of pleading woven in. It was something I wouldn’t have noticed before —the minuscule variations in pitch and inflection when people spoke. It was distracting at the best of times, and these were definitely not good times.
How could they be when my recently learned knowledge that the supernatural world existed nearly got me killed? Actually, no. Fuck that. It did get me killed, but I didn’t want to think about why that was no longer true. My only thoughts were on what I had to do to get out of here.
“I’m worried about you, Rani,” Eryn pushed, with a thread of desperation. “I’ve tried to give you time, space, but—”
“I didn’t ask for any of that,” I hissed, keeping my back to her.
I distracted myself by gathering my shower supplies, but who was I kidding? I didn’t want to face the pain caused when my barbs landed. It was the truth, though, and I couldn’t stop my misery from spilling out in the shape of poisoned-tipped arrows.
“I didn’t ask for you to stay here instead of the safe, comfortable apartment you share with your boyfriend. I didn’t ask for the smothering shadows you guys have turned into or the never-ending looks of pity you throw my way when you think I’m not looking.”
My shower caddie was filled with more than I planned to use, but my hands shook too much to keep them still.
That persistent rage I couldn’t shake literally vibrated in the very center of me.
It took everything I had to keep it inside—to suppress its noxious smoke that leaked from my eyes, my nose, my ears.
Bits of it escaped despite how hard I pulled on its leash.
“I distinctly remember only asking for you and Kai to help me with my make-up tests so I could finish this semester and go the fuck home.”
With a thick, fluffy towel clutched in my fist, I stomped to the door, but froze with it open only a crack.
I blew out a breath and forced as much anger out with it as I could.
My forehead hit the wood with a thunk, and my shoulders dropped.
Those tiny shifts in tone? I felt them even in the unspoken words.
Which meant Eryn’s sharp inhale told me all I needed to know about how deeply my words had truly struck.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, still not looking at her. “I’m just tired.”
The truth, but bound in so many secrets, it was nearly a lie.
I opened the door just enough to squeeze through and sought solace in a hot shower.
What I really needed was a deep, steaming bubble bath, but I could barely tolerate the feel of water on my head from the shitty pressure of old university plumbing.
With the lukewarm spray facing as far from me as I could make it, I surveyed the supplies in my caddie.
Jasmine, vanilla, cherry blossom—the stricture around my chest eased when I saw no triggering scents.
I tossed them all during my last fear-fueled meltdown, but with so many bottles, there was always a chance one could have been missed.
Nothing like Sea Breeze Kiss body wash to send me spiraling before my last final.
I was almost out of here. One last test, one more mandatory sorority function, and I was gone.
I wanted my childhood bed, my mother’s summer breakfasts, and the never-ending fields of wheat and corn as far as the eye could see.
No bodies of water for miles. No supernatural beings—unless you counted the town cryptid, a spectered cow that opened gates to free its fellow livestock—and no strangers. I knew every face back home. The quiet farmers weren’t djinn or vampires or witches. They weren’t… whatever I was now.
Maybe a landlocked summer would make it all go away. Maybe a dusty, dry three months under the scorching sun would erase this sheen my skin adopted despite me tossing all my body glitter. My hair would return to its natural red, and my eyes wouldn’t churn with storm clouds.
Eryn said I was imagining things, that I still looked the same, but I’d caught them staring.
More than once. Damn, Ezra could look at nothing else when I was in the room.
I shook my head, like the action would ban him from my thoughts.
I’d gotten really good at avoidance lately.
Lathering an apple-scented shampoo into my hair, I scrubbed until my scalp stung and then swiftly ducked my head under the spray.
When my heart skipped and my breathing grew strained, I tossed myself against the wall. The cool tile grounded me as I felt around for the conditioner. One more time. One more round. Holding my breath again, I forced myself back under. If only the water pressure didn’t suck, I’d be done in seconds.
Like an answered curse, the pipes sputtered, shook, and water rained down on me with the strength of a fire hose.
My shout was muffled under the deluge. Water forced its way into my mouth, and I swore my lungs shriveled, like that could keep it out.
Throwing myself from the stall, I blindly grabbed for my towel and backed into a corner, not believing what I saw.
Every shower in the bathroom was on and jetting more water than they'd seen since the ancient pipes were installed. My gut twisted, and a distinct pull tried to get me to put myself back under that downpour. I spun away and stared hard at the fogged mirror. This wasn’t real.
But the timeworn glass didn’t lie for me.
Instead, it showed me more truth than I was ready to face.
I shone.
I’d always been a natural redhead, but now the fiery strands glimmered. My skin looked like I’d bedazzled myself with a million tiny crystals, and my eyes glowed with life despite the deep, purple circles trying to drag them down.
“Holy shit.”
The sink faucets took that moment to make themselves known, and the force of their spray was enough to saturate the front of my towel. The cool droplets landed on my chest and shoulders, rejuvenating me even as fear locked my legs and rooted me in the middle of my own storm.
It was moments like this that wouldn’t let me forget.
Even when I was wide awake and could control my own thoughts, the truth found a way to slap me in the face.
It wanted acknowledgment. It wanted acceptance.
Two things I refused to give in to. But maybe…
alone in the bathroom, with undeniable proof literally right in front of me… I could allow a small concession.
I could think the word I’d been avoiding more than any other.
It was at the top of my banned list for what it did to my psyche.
Worse than ocean . Worse than drowning .
I took another look at the flooded bathroom and how I stood radiant in the center of it all, and finally let that one word slip through.
Siren.
The trail between the dorms and library was bathed in sunlight, and the heat drained what little energy I’d managed to scrounge after my doomed shower.
Now my head pounded with the beginning signs of a migraine.
They were a daily occurrence, another gift left behind, and it wore me the fuck out. I was so, so tired.
I felt myself slipping away. How much of me would be left once the nightmares were finished ravaging my mind?
There was a constant tug in my stomach, like a lasso around my waist, ready to drag me back into the water, kicking and screaming.
Just when I thought I had a handle on things, I’d have a panic attack in the shower or find myself curled in a ball in the center of my dorm because I’d felt Eryn do a little magick. How was I supposed to heal?
I reached my destination a little while ago, but my mind wasn’t in the right state to take a test. The cool wood felt nice against my heated head, but the pulse behind my right eye became a steady pressure around my skull despite it.
What I wouldn’t give for a quick dip in the sea, my body weightless and rocked by gentle waves.
The peace of those thoughts was ruined by the fear that followed—a dark shadow blotting out the happy memories I once had of my favorite place in the world.
I felt that otherness in me responding, either to my longing or the dark thoughts it spawned, but I held my breath until it passed and hoped I didn’t inadvertently flood the basement.
The door I leaned against opened, and I fell forward, my arms spinning in panic at my sides. My face was on a one-way collision course with the floor before a set of hands reached out and caught me around my waist.
“I’ve never seen anyone quite so excited to take their final before,” Holden teased. “Ready to throw yourself on the altar of cellular processes, are you?”
His nerdy attempt at a joke made me laugh, and I stumbled away from my TA in an attempt to straighten. Still unsteady, I wobbled, forcing him to reach out once more and grab me by my upper arms.
“Just ready to get everything over with,” I chuckled. “Thanks for the save.”
When he didn’t let go, I looked up and met his bespeckled gaze. Poor guy. He was kind and a little shy, but he’d never been nervous around me before. His wide smile was frozen and a tad forced, like his mouth didn’t know how else to move.
“Are you okay?” The corner of my own smile slipped when he still didn’t reply.
He appeared a bit dazed, and when I tried to pull away, his grip on my arms tightened until his fingertips bloomed white. Ouch .
“Holden!” I barked, and it jerked him out of whatever trance held him so strongly.
“Sorry! Sorry.” He ushered me into a seat and moved to quickly shut the door.
I watched him frantically search for the test on a few shelves and wondered what had him so frazzled.
With mousy brown hair and a thin frame, he was a little too gentle to be my type, and I’d never once given him the idea that I’d be interested.
I liked my men more wild and mouthy, able to call me out on my shit but take it too when I wasn’t in the mood to compromise.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked again once he finally found the test and set it on the desk between us.
He wouldn’t look me in the eye, but he at least seemed a bit calmer.
“I really should be asking you that,” he replied, sliding the packet across until it met my fingers. “Were you close with your cousin?”
I frowned. “My cousin?”
“The one you lost…”
Oh. My cousin. The reason I tragically missed the last week of classes and subsequently all my finals. Right. I wanted to laugh, but I was too afraid it would come out frantic or unhinged. My lack of a quick response prompted even more of Holden’s sympathy, and he moved to place his hand over mine.
“If you want, I could just let you go and mark your test as passed,” he offered, with a slow glide of his thumb over my skin.
My head snapped up. He was willing to meet my gaze again, and I half expected a grimy leer as he propositioned me, but his eyes were unfocused.
The dark pupils were dilated behind his glasses as his eyes dropped to watch his finger move along the side of my wrist. I yanked my arm back and held it to my chest.
“I appreciate the offer, but I’d rather take the test.”
No way in hell was I accepting. I wasn’t even sure where it came from; he’d always been nothing but respectful in our encounters. He sat watching me, hand still resting where mine had been only moments before.
I cleared my throat. “Can I borrow a pencil?”
“Are you sure?” My response confused him, like he couldn’t believe I’d give up a free grade.
Yes, I was fucking sure. Why was he acting so odd?
If he hadn’t responded and started digging for that pencil, I’d say he was hypnotized.
With wide eyes and jerking movements, he put the yellow stick of wood between us and shook his head.
A little animation returned to his face as he rubbed his eyes.
“Take as much time as you need.”
Thankfully, that wouldn’t be very long. As the previous TA for this class, Kai was instrumental in helping me prepare these past few days, and I wasn’t entirely convinced he didn’t just feed me all the answers in some twisted absolution of guilt.
Whatever. It came in handy now. I refused to be here a second longer than necessary.
Holden was harmless, but strange things happened to people around me lately, and I was learning to trust my instincts.
He stared at me the entire time. I felt his gaze swooping over the skin my tank top left exposed. On my hair and my fingers as they wrote out the short answers to the final few questions. This was the creepiest crush I’d ever had the displeasure of being on the receiving end of.
Our skin touched one more time as he leaned over to collect my test. And I think… Did he just sniff me? I stumbled to my feet and blindly reached for the door handle behind me. There was no way I was taking my eyes off this guy.
“W-would… Do you think you’d…”
I got the door open and ran into the hall before he could complete his question. The absolute wrongness of the whole situation followed me all the way to the edge of campus and the next shit show I was forced to participate in. The Kappa Summer Bash.