Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
Shae’s List of Life Goals
6. Write and perform my own music someday as me, not Bitchface Bella.
(Addendum: Share it with Griffin first because he’ll love it even if it’s crap.)
Shae
I probably never should have agreed to go on a date with Griffin, but having spent most of my life locked up in my father’s house and not allowed to go anywhere I wanted, the lure of an amusement park was too great for me to resist.
Needless to say, I missed out on experiencing many things. Too many, really.
In fact, I’ve never actually been on a date before.
That feels sort of pathetic at twenty-five, but I blame it entirely on my shitty family.
Wolf Boy has assured me numerous times that this is a friend-date with no romantic expectations. Although he’s also made it clear he’d be very receptive to any romantic overtures I might want to send his way.
Le sigh .
I don’t want to give Wolf Boy false hope by accepting this date when I know he wants so much more than I can give, no matter how he defines it. Taking advantage of his kindness feels wrong.
I expressed my concerns to him, but he brushed them off, telling me not to worry about such things right now. He does appear committed to building a friendship with me, and I promised myself I would at least work on giving him that.
It’s going to be a challenge, however, because the man is stupidly sexy and pings all my goddamn buttons. Most of them buttons I didn’t even know I had until I met Griffin McIntyre.
And therein lies the problem.
So far, I haven’t admitted to him that I’ve never been on a date before, let alone had sex with anyone.
It’s not as if I had a lot of opportunities when I was held captive. There were the few times I tried, not very effectively, to seduce some of my guards in the hopes of getting them to help me escape.
If I’d had full access to my powers, I might have been able to use my sirensong to hypnotize them, but the collar meant that was never an option. Margaret was always two steps ahead of me in any case and had seemingly hired goons who weren’t swayed by my ineffectual charms.
To be honest, once the collar was placed on me, I sort of lost my emerging libido too. The constant pain it sent through my body pretty much killed any sexual inclinations I might have had, and although the collar’s gone now, I still haven’t exactly gone back to normal. Yes, I find Wolf Boy attractive, but my cock has remained dormant even though Wolf Boy wakes up next to me with a massive erection every morning.
I wince.
Yeah, I guess I seriously owe him this “friend-date” for all the nightly cuddles and the blue balls.
When we arrive at Pacific Park, Griffin and I go ahead first. Dallas and Cal covertly shadow us and keep an eye out for any trouble. Thankfully, in such a large and busy public space, we’re unlikely to encounter any attempts to grab me right out in the open.
At least, I hope that’s the case.
Even though I’m a bit twitchy and regularly scanning my surroundings, I quickly find myself relaxing with the knowledge that Dallas and Cal are looking out for me. I’ve already started to realize that I am beginning to trust this motley crew, aka MEOW Squad.
They’re definitely quirky and weird, but they’re also all strangely likable.
Especially the stupidly sexy and adorable guy who asked me on this date .
I take a deep breath at that last word.
“We’re finally here,” Wolf Boy says, looking about two seconds away from exploding because of the excitement.
I’ve never known someone to be as full of life and enthusiasm as this guy.
It should annoy the bejesus out of me, but it doesn’t for some reason. Instead, it lightens an invisible weight I’ve been carrying inside and makes me want to experience even a fraction of that same optimism and excitement one day.
In all honesty, the most excitement I’ve experienced in the last fifteen years was making my escape from hell. But that adrenaline was probably also from the extreme fear due to the life-and-death stakes at play.
Trying to take the amusement park all in, I stare at the entrance on the pier. I hate to admit it, but Wolf Boy chose well. With the ocean backdrop and the scent of the sea in the air, I feel at ease here.
Given that today’s a weekday, the place’s probably much less busy than it would be on a weekend. Wolf Boy purchases our tickets and hands me mine with a ridiculously cute grin, popping that damn dimple at me again.
“Let’s have all the fun today.” He’s beaming so brightly that he’s more blinding than the colorful signs and lights for all the attractions.
My lips twitch and I’m surprised when I favor him with a faint smile. “You’ll have to show me the ropes. I’ve never done this before.”
With all the giddy enthusiasm of a little kid, Griffin takes hold of my hand and drags me around the park. We hop from ride to ride, doing the roller coaster first and then moving on to several of the thrill rides.
While I enjoy them all immensely, I strangely find myself studying Wolf Boy and his reactions more often than not.
His pure-hearted, open enjoyment of everything he does is captivating. He has a zest for life that I long for.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to be alive and free, but there are parts of me that are still numb, maybe even dead forever. It’s like I’ve lost emotional phantom limbs that I don’t remember.
I long to feel as deeply as Wolf Boy does.
Dr. Greenwater keeps reminding me that I need to give myself time—time to process and time to reconnect with parts of myself that shut down to survive. Now that I’m free, it’s hard though. For so long, I didn’t have even the faintest hope of anything for myself. I don’t think my mind was able to think farther than trying to escape my circumstances. But now that I’ve done that, I need to envision what comes next for me.
I was reluctant to start doing the journaling that Dr. Greenwater recommended, but I quickly found I enjoy it more than I expected. Just putting down my thoughts and feelings on the page each day has been cathartic. My writings regularly alternate between rage, sorrow, confusion, and recently, burgeoning hope.
For today, I’ve given myself a pep talk to focus on living in the moment and enjoying myself in the here and now. Honestly, I think it would be hard for anyone not to enjoy themselves while spending time with Griffin. He’s so exuberant and lively, you can’t help but get sucked into his orbit.
Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself as I willfully try to ignore the fated-mates stuff—even though it gets harder by the day.
Let’s not go there. Today is just about today.
A little after noon, we decide to take a lunch break, and true to his word, Griffin gets us corn dogs and cotton candy.
I manage to eat one corn dog in the time it takes him to scarf down three. In the short while that I’ve known them, I’ve realized both Wolf Boy and Dallas have very hearty appetites.
Flashing me a sheepish grin, Griffin rubs his belly. “That hit the spot, and I still have room for nachos later!”
I can’t help it. I sputter out a laugh. “Is your stomach a bottomless pit?”
“Pretty much,” he admits, tail wagging happily. “Most animal-kin species tend to have robust, voracious appetites.” He waggles his blond eyebrows at me. “That goes for more than just food.”
It’s utterly ridiculous how he can look so cute while delivering cheesy sexual innuendos.
It shouldn’t work on me at all, but it does—far more than I will ever deign to admit to him.
Instead, I roll my eyes. “Maybe I should change your nickname to Horn Dog.”
He snorts. “The Horn Dog who digs corn dogs.”
I snicker and take a bite of the blue fluffy cotton candy on a stick that he hands me. The sugary sweetness melts on my tongue and I can’t hold back a moan. I’ve always enjoyed sweet things, but after my mother died, I rarely had the opportunity to indulge. I didn’t have access to the kitchen, and all my meals were prepared for me according to Margaret’s specifications. Food control was just one of many forms of the systematic abuse, as my therapist has informed me.
I continue wolfing— heh —down the cotton candy, my eyes closed as I savor what feels like the indulgence of a lifetime. Something warm and, dare I say, happy swells in my chest. In this moment, with the sun shining on me, the water lapping against the pier, and the tang of sea salt in the air, I’m lighter and more carefree than I can ever remember being.
If only I could bottle this feeling and experience it again whenever I wanted.
When I finally flutter my eyes open, I find I’ve eaten the entire thing. I’m also confronted with Griffin’s hot amber gaze. He stares at my mouth, breathing heavily, a hungry gleam in his eyes.
I feel my cheeks warm in response. “Uh, sorry about that,” I mutter. “I’ve never had cotton candy before.”
Wolf Boy swallows convulsively several times and shifts awkwardly where he stands. I glance down and immediately back up after I notice the obvious tent in his pants.
No. I refuse to think about the fact that the way I ate cotton candy was apparently so sexy it gave him a raging boner.
“I wasn’t allowed to have sweets while I was under Margaret’s control,” I admit, trying to defuse the awkwardness building between us.
Griffin clears his throat. “Well then, we’ll just have to make up for lost time and introduce you to all the tasty sweets out there. After all, there’s a whole boatload of magical treats just waiting for you to stick them in your mouth!”
I gape at him and his face turns red.
“My bad. That was not an intentional sexual innuendo.”
I can’t help it—I guffaw. “You’re kind of a goofball, aren’t you?”
His tail flaps from side to side. “I’ve been called that a time or two.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
We wander through the park a little bit more, and every now and again, I spot Cal or Dallas nearby keeping an eye on things. Their presence puts me at ease. Both of them are forces to be reckoned with.
Granted, I haven’t seen Dallas in action, but with his sheer size and big-ass muscles, I feel completely confident that he can take on any of the goons that Margaret might have looking for me without breaking a sweat.
We make our way over to the bumper cars, where it’s just me and Griffin on the track, and an epic battle for the title of Bumper King begins. Before I even realize it, we’re screaming and laughing as we try to give one another whiplash from our collisions. When our time is up, we get out of our cars on shaky legs and cling to one another, still laughing.
“I totally won!” I declare.
His ears flick and he grins. “Did not. It was definitely a tie.”
I poke him in the side and he shies away with a giggle.
“Ticklish, huh?”
He backs up. “The look in your eyes is freaking me out. Don’t come near me with those deadly fingers!”
I snort out another laugh.
Griffin’s expression turns radiant. “I love to hear you laugh. Your smile is beautiful.”
My breath catches.
He’s right. I’m smiling . I knew about the laughter, but…
I cross my arms over my chest. “Well, I’m having a good time. Uh… thank you.”
His tail starts wagging superfast. “You’re welcome.”
Eventually, Wolf Boy leads me inside the Playland Arcade and my eyes go wide.
“These kinds of things still exist?” I ask in wonder.
“Yep. What should we play first?”
This time, I’m the one to grab his hand and drag him through the arcade from one machine to the next.
After a solid two hours of heated competition, I’m starting to feel a little beat, so we collect our tickets and go to trade them in for prizes. Griffin shyly gives me all of his and says, “You can have mine.”
When I try to object, he firmly refuses. “I want you to have them. Please, accept them.”
I just can’t say no. Especially when he busts out those puppy-dog eyes Cal warned me about.
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?”
He starts whistling, pretending he can’t hear me.
Eventually, I take the tickets and cash them in for a super cute little stuffed sea otter. I don’t care that it’s a children’s toy; after all, I sort of missed out on a lot of that stuff as a kid. Right then and there, I decide I’m going to indulge in what makes me happy, regardless of whether it’s for kids or adults.
After we leave the arcade, we head out to an empty spot on the pier and lean against the rail, looking out at the ocean and the stunning early evening sunset.
“I can’t believe we’ve spent a whole day here,” I murmur in amazement.
“We were having so much fun we didn’t pay attention to the time.” Griffin smirks. “That’s how you know it was a good date.”
I dart a wary glance at him. “Thank you for taking me on this date.” I swallow. “Uh… I’d actually never been on one before today, even a friend one.”
His tail freezes and shock’s written all over his face.
I scowl and look away. “Don’t get all weird on me, Wolf Boy.”
His expression softens. “I suppose you wouldn’t have had any opportunities for that. I’m sorry for being an insensitive jerk.”
I sigh and gaze out over the water, feeling alternating waves of sadness and frustration coursing through me. “It’s okay. I missed out on a lot of things. Too many, really.”
“You did,” he agrees somberly. “But I promise you, I’ll help you make up for it.” He perks up. “We’re gonna do all kinds of stuff that you always wanted to but never had a chance to try.” Bouncing around on his toes, he adds, “Why don’t we work on making a list of all of the things you want to do, and we can start checking them off together?”
I’m torn. What he’s suggesting sounds amazing, and a huge part of me wants to jump on it right away. Spending time with Griffin is more fun than I ever thought it would be. But I also don’t want to take advantage of him. He’s too kind and generous for his own good.
I straighten and give him my full attention. “Griffin, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t know if I feel comfortable taking advantage of your feelings in this way.”
He tilts his head to the side in obvious confusion. “What do you mean?”
Gah! He’s going to make me spell it out, huh?
“I mean, I don’t think I can ever give you what you want. The whole, you know, fated-mates thing. I don’t trust it and I don’t want to be tied to someone in a way I can’t escape. I’ve spent too much of my life trapped by others.”
His ears droop and his amber eyes fill with sorrow. “I understand why you feel this way and why you might think a fated-mate relationship and all that comes with it could be scary. But the bond can be a beautiful and empowering thing too. A fated mate means having someone who will always support you, someone you can rely on completely. When done right, it’s a bond of mutual support and love that is unwavering.” He shakes his head sadly. “Your father was an idiot for rejecting the precious gift your mother offered him. But I want you to remember, Shae, that you’re not him. Make your own choices in life. Don’t let him and his actions make them for you.”
His words resonate deep within me, and I can’t breathe for a moment. While I don’t want to admit it, he’s right. That doesn’t really change my view—I’m still scared shitless. But maybe, just maybe, I can work toward learning more about fated mates and all it would entail before I make any final decisions.
“I’ll think about what you’ve said.”
Griffin grins at me. “Good. I’ll wait as long as it takes to convince you that I’ll treasure you and uplift you forever. I’ll show you the truth of what fated mates can be, even if it takes the rest of my life. I won’t mind because if I can be with you at your side, I’ll still be happy even if you won’t accept our bond.”
I swallow back an unexpected lump in my throat. It still feels like I’m taking advantage of him, but I do intend to build a friendship with this kindhearted man, at the very least.
“Now, come on. Let’s go home.” Griffin wraps an arm around my shoulders after giving me enough time to move away if I want to.
In fact, I find I really like it. I’ve become used to his touch and part of me craves it now. Dr. Greenwater has assured me this is normal since I spent so many years not receiving any kind of affectionate touch after my mother died.
My body is desperately trying to make up for it now. At the same time, however, it seems to be Griffin’s touch that I crave most every day. While I’m getting more comfortable with casual touches from the rest of the folks at the compound, it’s Griffin that I’m most at ease with.
Dr. Greenwater finally asked me if this perhaps is because we are indeed fated mates, and that was a tough question to answer. My immediate knee-jerk reaction had been to deny it. After all, Griffin also has strong empathic powers that help calm and soothe me whenever he’s near, which could possibly explain why I’m so comfortable with him. But the more time I spend with Griffin, the harder it becomes to deny that there’s a more powerful, deeper connection between us than just that.
Yet my mind constantly tries to warn me of all the catastrophic ways that could go wrong.
When we’re ready to leave, Dallas and Cal rejoin us at the park entrance and we all climb into the SUV to head back to the compound. During the drive, I lean my head against the window and stare blindly at the passing scenery. With no easy answers about me and Griffin, I turn my mind to other concerns. After all, I have bigger and more immediate things to worry about right now, including a visit from my maternal grandmother of the Silverstorm siren sept tomorrow.