Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
Shae’s List of Life Goals
9. Go to college and find a career I love.
(Addendum: Maybe stay and become a working member of MEOW Squad. If they’ll have me.)
Shae
As my private journal knows, I’ve been wanting to lock lips with Griffin for a while now. Quite possibly from the first moment we met. There’s something about him that’s infinitely kissable.
His obvious eagerness for this boosts my self-confidence. I don’t exactly have a lot of experience in this department, but I’m going to brazen through and go for it. Even if I suck, I know Griffin won’t say anything negative.
He’s too fucking sweet for that. It’s one of the reasons I’m so willing to try these kinds of things with him.
I’m pretty much a novice when it comes to all things physically intimate. However, although I wasn’t allowed access to the Internet during my captivity, I had a tablet with ebooks my tutors would download for me over the years. One in particular helped me secretly download a metric ton of gay romances during my teenage years. I’d read and re-read my favorites many times.
So, while I’d never had sex, I’ve cultivated an active imagination, to say the least!
When I was a teen, I had a normal and active libido, and I discovered the relief self-pleasure can bring. But the constant pain and discomfort of the collar I was later forced to wear took away my physical desires. Now, even though I’ve been free of the hellish device for two weeks, my cock hasn’t so much as twitched.
But I still have this growing desire to be closer to Griffin. Surely kissing is something I can try without my anxiety making me lose it.
He’s watching me with such a hopeful expression, his amber eyes damn near sparkling.
“Put your hands behind your back,” I order in a rather imperious tone.
Griffin immediately obeys and I get a little thrill at his willingness to let me be in charge. I’ve spent too much of my life powerless and without control or agency. I’m just relieved and pleased that Griffin appears to be totally on board with it. His trust in me, and mine in him, is something precious that I want to nurture and grow.
“Good boy,” I tell him again, and his tail swishes with obvious delight.
A realization strikes me like a bolt of lightning.
Of fucking course Griffin has a praise kink. After what he told me about his background and his status as a failure in his family, no wonder he thrives on such approval.
Well, I fully intend to praise him in all the ways.
I lean in closer, bringing our faces scant inches away from each other. His warm breath brushes against my skin and I notice when it hitches as I lick my lips.
Griffin whines faintly and I love the needy sound.
“That’s right, Wolf Boy. You’re being so good for me, so patient.” My voice comes out low and sultry in a way I didn’t know it could.
It makes Griffin shudder all over and when I glance down, I can see the obvious erection straining against his pants. Knowing I can turn him on so easily makes me think I might have some superpowers of my own—and I like it.
Reaching my hand up between us, I stroke his tan cheek, my fingertips trailing lightly against the strong line of his jaw, and he moans.
“Shae,” he whimpers.
My fingers brush gently over his lips and Griffin starts to tremble all over, which gives me another rush and fills me with even more confidence. Then, I decide to indulge in something I’ve wanted to do even more than kiss Griffin.
I lift my hand up to his big, beautiful, fluffy ears and begin to rub them.
“Ahhhhh!”
“Do you like that?” Again, my voice is deep and sultry. It’s as if I’ve accessed a part of myself I didn’t know existed.
“So good,” Griffin gasps between pants.
I continue to fondle them. “Sensitive, huh?”
He presses his head into my hand as if begging for more. “Only when you rub them.”
I grin. “Well, isn’t that interesting.”
As I massage them, he keeps making canine noises of pleasure in the back of his throat. I suppose some people might find that weird, but it’s just a part of Griffin and his Wolfkin nature. The sounds he makes, along with so many other facets of his personality, continue to get cuter and more precious to me with every passing day.
When I finally let go of his ears, he’s wide-eyed and trembling, his pupils dilated with pleasure and the front of his pants now has a noticeable wet spot.
I lick my lips again. “You’ve been so well-behaved for me, Griffin. Thank you. As a reward, I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?”
He nods so fast I’m worried he might get whiplash.
I chuckle. “Good boy.”
With a steady hand, I take hold of his chin, keeping him firmly in place as I lean in and press my lips against his for the first time.
The moment we kiss I have to bite back a gasp because it ignites a magical resonance that passes between us. The overwhelming sensation breaks down an inner barrier I’d been holding on to.
Ah, so this is what it means to have a fated mate.
I’m starting to understand what Griffin and my grandmother have been talking about. An overwhelming need to get closer to this man consumes me. I want to explore his mouth and taste him at my leisure.
The gentle brush of my lips against his turns into something more intense. I experiment by nipping gently at his bottom lip, which makes him shiver all over. Encouraged by that response, I suck lightly on it and he moans, creating a vibration that echoes inside me.
Of its own accord, my tongue darts out and flicks against his top lip almost playfully. Right away, he opens for me with a sigh and I delve inside.
The sensation is a little bit strange at first as our tongues tangle together, trying to find a rhythm. It can only be described as wet and awkward—yet I can’t get enough of it.
Of him.
When I start to lightly suck on his tongue, I draw delicious whimpers out of him that please me greatly.
I didn’t know I had this side to me, but I’m grateful that Griffin wants me to explore it with him.
Before long, our kissing has him writhing with need, and he starts to gasp and rock his hips forward, his hard erection rubbing against my hip.
I pull back and stare at him. His cheeks are flushed and his lips are swollen and wet from our kissing. Those stunning amber eyes of his are bright with desire and need.
I did that.
Fucking hell, but I love it.
“Oh, Goddess,” Griff whispers before his eyes widen in alarm. He jumps up off the bed, races into the bathroom, and slams the door behind him.
I stare after him in bewilderment, not entirely sure what’s happening. That is, until I hear a long, loud moan of pleasure from behind the door, and I realize he went in there to take care of himself.
For a second, I’m shocked. Then I grin with satisfaction. Knowing I can nearly get Griffin off with just some passionate kissing is a heady feeling.
My moment of empowerment is brought up sharp by the sad fact that my own cock has not risen to the occasion. It remains soft and dormant in my pants. Once again, I have a nagging fear that I might never be able to function normally in that department ever again. Maybe spending so many years in that collar has fucked over my libido for good?
While I lie there stewing in my own anxiety, which rather puts a damper on my fantastic first-kiss experience, I hear the bathroom door click. When it opens and Griffin comes out again, a sheepish look on his handsome face, I forget my worries.
He runs a hand through his hair self-consciously. “Uh, sorry about that. I got a little too excited and didn’t want to take care of myself in front of you in case that made you uncomfortable.” He shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, looking unsure if he should rejoin me on the bed or not.
I pat the mattress beside me, making his tail wag and a bright smile blossom on his face.
He dives onto the bed and curls his body around mine.
“That was some A-plus kissing, babe,” he murmurs in my ear.
I can’t help feeling smug. “Glad you liked it.”
He arches a golden eyebrow. “I liked it so much I nearly came in my pants. I think that should tell you everything you need to know.”
I can’t hold back a laugh, and something strange and fluttery rises up in my chest.
Happy , I admit to myself. I’m happy .
“I’m glad it felt so good for you. I really enjoyed it too, but I didn’t…” I trail off, my gaze turning to my lap and my mood taking a nosedive again.
Griffin seems to understand what I’m not saying. “You didn’t get hard?” I shake my head.
He takes my hand and pets it gently. “That’s okay. I tend to be a little excitable when it comes to you.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I voice the fear I haven’t wanted to admit to anyone. “I think there might be something permanently wrong with me.”
I flail when he quickly yanks me into his arms and squeezes me in a tight embrace. “There is nothing wrong with you.” His words are fierce and his eyes burn with the fire of conviction. “You’re perfect just as you are. Your body simply isn’t ready for more in terms of physical intimacy yet and that’s completely fine. There’s no rush.”
Griffin is so kind and understanding, and I appreciate that, but the whole situation bothers me. In fact, it makes me really fucking pissed off.
That’s when I acknowledge it’s not okay with me. I want to be able to try everything with him.
“You don’t get it. I’d love to do those kinds of physical things. I’m twenty-five and I’ve never gotten laid. Never had a blow job. Fuck, I’ve never even had a hand job!”
Griffin reaches out and brushes the furrowed line of irritation between my brows. “Makes sense based on your previous circumstances.”
I pull away from him slightly and cross my arms. “That was my first kiss just now too,” I grumble.
Griffin’s cheeks turn bright red. “Wow. You’re a natural though.”
My chest swells with sudden pride, and I preen. “I have good instincts and I’m a fast learner.”
Griffin sighs dreamily. “I’m so lucky! The coin was right.”
Ah, yes. The Magic 8-Coin, as Griff likes to call it. I was incredibly dubious when he first told me about it, but I must admit, the thing does tend to have an uncanny knack for getting things correct.
He beams at me. “Thank you for letting me share your first kiss with you. It was amazing.”
Pleased with myself, I nod. “I’m amazed at my own innate talents. But, ahem, you were quite a good kisser as well.”
He pulls me closer, waggling his eyebrows. “Practice makes perfect.”
I snort.
He makes a ridiculous kissy face at me and I bust out laughing.
“There’s that smile I wanted to see again,” Griffin says. “As for the other stuff, you just need to give yourself time. That’s what Dr Greenwater told you, isn’t it?”
I reluctantly nod.
He looks into my eyes. “You don’t need to push yourself so hard. We have all the time in the world. And one day, when you’re ready, I hope that we can share some of that kind of pleasure with one another. Until then, I’m more than happy to make out with you to your heart’s content.” He flashes a cheeky grin that pops that deadly dimple of his. “I just may have to get up every now and again and go take care of myself in the bathroom. But you should view that as a compliment more than anything else.”
I bury my face in his chest, ridiculously touched by his words and feeling awkward as fuck about it.
“What if I can’t ever get hard or I’m never ready for sex? Can we even be fated mates if I can’t function sexually, no matter how much I might wish to? Would that even be fair to either of us?”
Great way to blurt out one of your biggest fears, Shae. Real fucking smooth.
Griffin stills but his expression never wavers. “Then we focus on other ways to be intimate and loving partners. Sex isn’t the only way to achieve that.”
“But—”
He presses his index finger over my lips. “I’ve told you before, you’re it for me, Shae. You’re my fated mate. So long as I can be with you, I’ll be happy. And we’ll find ways for you to be happy and fulfilled too, even if sex isn’t an option. I promise.”
What did I do to deserve such an amazing person?
“Do you think this Spirit-Healer Coral mentioned might be able to help me?” I mumble as I press my face into his shirt.
He runs his fingers through my hair again. “I’m not sure. It’s up to you if you want to visit them or not.”
Determination fills me. “I think I want to. I’m willing to try anything that might be able to help me live my life to the fullest and the way I want to.”
I know Griffin said there was no rush and that these things take time, but how much time do he and I realistically have?
All I know is that until I figure out some things with me, I can’t properly answer Griffin when it comes to our mate bond.
Later, when we reconvene with Coral and Anemone, I decide to approach this matter head-on with them.
“I’m glad you’ve chosen to talk about this with us,” Coral says as she sips from a glass of iced tea. “You’re wise to hold off on making a decision about the mate bond until you have seen the Spirit-Healer.”
I clutch Griffin’s hand tightly from where he sits beside me on a love seat. “And you really think she can help me?”
“I do. In fact, being here on the island is therapeutic in many ways. Your magic is reconnecting with the power that resides here, and that is an important first step. I would also recommend undergoing the rituals of purification and healing for those among our kind.”
I stare at her. “You have rituals for these things?”
She inclines her head gracefully. “We do.”
Anemone speaks up. “It is a two-day ritual. First, there is the purification rite. You climb a sacred hill to the island’s holy hot spring, where you immerse yourself in its cleansing waters.”
“Oh, my God, like a Japanese onsen?” I’m not an anime nerd for nothing.
Also, sign me the fuck up. I’ve always wanted to try bathing in a hot spring.
Anemone grins. “Exactly. Then you spend the night at the temple by the hot spring.”
“Would he need to stay there alone?” Griffin asks, a note of worry in his voice.
My grandmother smiles. “I’m afraid so. In fact, Shae would have to spend the full two days of the ritual alone, save for his time with the Spirit-Healer. But there’s nothing to fear, young Wolfkin. He’ll be perfectly safe. The island protects its own.”
“Why do people stay at the temple alone overnight?” I ask.
“Like the hot spring, the temple is also a focused site of magical energy. While the hot spring purifies your body prior to meeting the Spirit-Healer, a night spent in the temple purifies your mind in preparation for that meeting.” Coral regards me with a mysterious look on her face and then adds, “Many who stay there have powerful dreams or visions of their future.”
Whoa. There’s maybe a bit more to all of this than I anticipated, but it doesn’t sound like anything I can’t handle.
“Right. So, what happens after my temple stay?”
“Our Spirit-Healer joins you at the temple in the morning to begin a private ceremony between you and her that will take most of the day.”
My eyes widen. “That long?”
“Healing the spirit and mind takes time. However, time operates differently when we retreat to our inner spiritual plane, and that is where the healer will take you during your meeting with her. By the time you awaken, it may feel as if a much longer time has passed.”
This all sounds very woo-woo and out there, but I’m game to try it.
“Uh, so how exactly are we going to get to this inner spiritual plane?”
“As part of the ritual, you both undergo a form of mesmerism, akin to hypnosis, to help you dive deep within,” Anemone explains, and Coral nods in agreement.
I regard them both. “How much can a healing session like this help me?”
A tinge of sadness fills Coral’s eyes. “I cannot say for sure, as the ritual has different effects for each subject. What I can say, based on our recorded histories and from the few sirens I know who have undergone spiritual healing in the past, is that it will dramatically dull the pain of your memories, making them feel less recent and raw.”
I sit there, momentarily stunned, and a flicker of very real hope sparks within me.
Griffin breathes out in wonder. “That’s amazing. Someone with such powers could do so much to help others in need. We rescue a lot of Otherkind who would benefit from something like this.”
Coral smiles at him sadly. “Our Spirit-Healer wishes she could do just that, but unfortunately, her powers are limited to the sirens of Silverstorm Island. We do not know why the magic works this way, but it has always been the case for Spirit-Healers in our sept.”
Griffin’s ears and tail droop with disappointment.
I reach up and pet his head, and he brightens instantly. “I understand. What’s most important is that she can help Shae.”
“Exactly,” Coral says.
My mind fills with questions. “If she can only help people from our bloodline, how often are the Spirit-Healer’s services needed? Forgive me for being a little suspicious, but life seems pretty safe and idyllic here.”
“Ah, I see where you’re coming from. You’re right, the Spirit-Healer is not profoundly busy in her duties. However, she often assists those who have lost a loved one and are struggling with grief. She also helps those who are dying come to terms with the end of their lives.”
“Whoa. Like a death doula?” Griffin asks.
Anemone nods. “Very similar, yes.”
“Not all members of the sept stay on the island. Many leave to see more of the world, but not all of their experiences are good or happy ones,” Coral adds. “Sometimes members of the sept leave the island for months, years, or even decades before coming back. Some of them seek mental and spiritual healing when they return.”
“Trust us when we say her powers are potent and true,” Anemone says.
“This is a gift we wish to give to you, my child, as recompense for our failure to protect you when you needed us most.” Coral’s expression is full of sorrow, but her eyes are firm and steady as she keeps her gaze on me. “Please let us arrange this healing for you.”
I inhale deeply and let out a long, slow breath, before turning to Griffin. “What do you think? Should we check in with the coin?”
His eyes sparkle. “What a brilliant idea!” He pulls the strange golden coin from his pocket. “Lucky coin, should Shae undergo this healing ritual?”
The coin glows softly in Griff’s palm for a second before fresh writing appears underneath the dragon on one side. “All signs point to yes.”
“Magic 8-Coin for the win,” Griffin crows triumphantly.
I have to admit, the coin hasn’t steered us wrong yet.
“I’m willing to try it, but if I start freaking out, I need to be allowed to end the ritual,” I tell Coral and Anemone.
“Of course,” Coral agrees immediately. “There’s also one final ceremony we would like you to undergo before you leave the island.”
“There’s more?” Griffin asks in amazement.
My sentiments exactly. All of this is overwhelming enough.
“You missed your coming-of-age ceremony, which is when most sirens gain full access to and learn about the powers they have inherited. We would like to have that for you now.”
I frown at her. “I have sirensong, just like all of you.”
Granted, I haven’t really tried using it since Margaret’s collar was removed.
Coral shakes her head. “No, my child, your full power has not yet been activated. It requires a ritual performed here on the island for you to come into
your true full powers. The little bit of sirensong you can use is a faint shadow of your actual abilities.”
“Not everyone’s sirensong has the same capabilities,” Anemone adds. “The ceremony will make clear what your unique and precious gifts are.”
Griffin’s practically bouncing on the sofa cushion next to me. “This is so exciting!” He turns glittering eyes that could rival any anime character at me. “I can’t wait to see what awesome powers you have. I know they’re going to be amazing, just like the rest of you.”
His vote of confidence warms something deep inside me that feels strangely sticky and saccharine-sweet.
Fuck.
Not too long ago, I would have hated this. I would have wanted to crush this emotion before it could grow inside me.
But now, I want to hold on and protect it.
Am I going to turn into some lovey-dovey fool with his head in the clouds, like Griffin? Maybe. Well, probably not that bad. But I’m starting to not mind the idea so much.
Also, if my true sirensong powers can make me go full-on Super Saiyan like Goku in Dragon Ball Z , then I’m raring to find out because I have a few revenge fantasies in mind for my evil family.